My Escapades

Expectations vs Reality

2012-02-07T10:43:00.000-08:00

There is a scene in the movie 500 Days of Summer where they do a split screen of the guy's expectations vs what really happened. It's a sad scene, his expectations were awesome and the reality of what happened was... not so much.
I just came home from a cruise and I had the exact opposite situation.
The night before the cruise I was talking to my parents, and I was, less than enthused about the cruise. Stupid you may think, a cruise is a cruise, but never-the-less I almost didn't even want to go.
I flew out on Saturday morning and from that moment on, my expectations were blown out of the water with how awesome the reality was.
I flew out with one of my best friends, and we met up with some guys who were nice enough to let us stay at their hotel instead of the airport floor which we had planned to sleep on, (we got in at midnight).
As soon as we got there, and started meeting the people in our group it just got better and better.
Day one, St Johns, by way of St Thomas. Laying out on the beach, snorkeling and playing ultimate frisbee. Awesome. That night karaoke party, never have I had so much fun dancing (interpretive which was beautifully hilarious) and singing with my friends. At one point, Kelly and I were singing Goodbye Earl and went out into the audience and most of our crew came out and danced with us, it was SO MUCH FUN!
Day 2, day at sea, not much to report. Also formal night, I do so love seein guys all gussied up. Every night we would rotate who we ate dinner with, which I loved because I got to meet so many people that I otherwise may not have.
Day 3, Barbados. This day a good friend and I rented a scooter and rode around the island a little bit, looking for Crane's beach. We found it at it was beautiful. We hung out there, laid out, he went body boarding and then we rode the scooter back. We both got sufficiently and uneavenly burned but it was awesome.
Day 4, St Lucia. This day most of us took different routes but all ended up at this natural mud bath, it was cool to take a tour around the island, I got to hold a boa constrictor, which in the picture looks like I was scared, but nah.. I was good.
Day 5, St Kitts. Some people took scooters to Cockelshell beach, others took a tour to a "rain forest" I put that in quotes, because when I think of a rain forest I don't imagine paved walkways, but whatevs. Then we went to the same beach, played some volleyball, some took wave-runners, threw a football around, it was awesome.
Day 6, St Maarten. This day was kind of up for grabs, some people went on a shark dive, some people got scooters, some people went to a beach. I didn't know what I was going to do. One of the guys on the dive said, "You should just come with us and see if they will let you just wait on the boat while we dive." So I decided to do that, but as it turns out, I couldn't go with them on the boat, so I ended up hanging out alone on this beach for about 2 and a half hours. Which honestly was pretty great. I took a nap under some palm trees. Listened to some good music. I had a grand, relaxing, albeit lonely day.
The nights were spent, dancing, singing, playing games and eating ice cream.
On Carnival cruises they do what is called the Carnival Legends show. On this show people on the cruise audition, during karaoke, to impersonate different "legends". And the last night of the cruise that is the main show. They had 9 legends to impersonate, and people from our single's group did 7 of them. Including, Ricky Marten, Frank Sinatra, Britney Spears (me), Aretha Franklin, Garth Brooks, Elvis Presley and Gloria Estefan.
During the show one of the dancers told me that was the best legends show she'd ever seen, with the loudest audience. It was so fun to be a part of that with so many new friends.
Sunday we got back to Puerto Rico and Kelly and our other roommate Marianne and I decided to go skydiving which was amazing, a definite highlight.
We went back to a hotel and met up with everyone to watch the superbowl and have one last night together. By that point I had so many new people in my life who I can see myself being close to forever. There are already plans of reuniting, future trips and plans to see each other.
In addition to all that, there were prank wars, there were "cruise crushes" there were deep conversations, there were games, there was so much laughter I think I am knocking on the door of a six pack. Numbers have been exchanged and relationships have been forged (as in created, not faked).
People ask me how it was and I can't even find the words. I told a friend that I feel like I was gone forever and he said, "That's how much you lived" and he's right. I couldn't have planned a better week, and I didn't even explain some of the best parts of it.
It was a Dear Diary trip, and it has been documented.
Those expectations had NOTHIN on what reality gave me.

There's Something About A Best Friend

2012-01-23T14:28:00.000-08:00

I was thinking today about my best friends, the things that have made them my best friends and the stories we have.

What lead me to this initial thought was I was thinking about this thing that happened to me once that was SOOO funny, I thought about retelling it, but I thought, "if I tell someone else that story, they won't think it's nearly as funny." but then I was all, "unless I were to tell Lauren Kirton".

Lauren is the kind of best friend who if I tell her a story I think is funny, she will laugh just as hard as I did when it happened. Case and point: I retold a story to my family that made me laugh super hard followed by saying, "oh man when he told me I was laughing so hard." To which my sweet brother Dane said, "So I'm guessing he told it better than you did?" When I told Lauren the same story, she laughed SO hard, about as awkwardly hard as I did when it was originally told to me. I honestly remember thinking in that moment, "She is such a good friend"

Another sign of a good best friend is being able to understand each other in odd circumstances. Another Lauren example is we would lip things to each other. There would be situations where we wouldn't want people to know what we were saying or would be too far apart from each other to discuss something, but something important that needed to be said would come up and we would lip it to each other. We were perfect lip readers, with only each other. If anyone else would try to lip something to me, I'd say "what?" the appropriate 3 times before finally nodding and smiling in acknowledgement though I still have no idea what was being lipped.

I remember when I lived in Hawaii with my best friend Bree, we would usually be getting ready for bed at the same time, she would try to talk to me whilst brushing her teeth, which is disgusting, I would just look at her with this dead look on my face, because no, I could not understand a word. HOWEVER, if I was also brushing my teeth, we could carry on a conversation just fine. Another reason she is my best friend is she wouldn't let me be miserable alone. While we lived there, I worked at McDonalds and I hated that job more than just about anything. As soon as I put on the uniform my whole demeanor would change. I had to be to work at 7:30 so I would leave the house at 7AM. Bree would wake up early just to be able to watch me put my visor on and watch the blood drain from my face, some might think she took joy in this, but I know it was because she didn't want me to be alone in that... right Bree? Right?

Another sign is being able to read each other. I was watching a movie with a guy best friend, and a kissing scene came up and I saw his hand twitch, without missing a beat I said, "Were you just going to cover my eyes like I'm a child?" His response, "Don't.... know what I'm going to do before I do it." and then we laughed, for a good while.

I think one of the most important qualities in a best friend is knowing when you need them. My friend Kelly is a prime example. We have both been through our share of drama in the recent past and basically take turns having crappy days. One day I was particularly low, it was late at night probably around midnight and all I did was mention that it was a bad day and her response was, "I'm on my way. Ice cream or cookie dough?" She came over with cookie dough and let me cry until she finally went back home around 2 am.

I am a lucky girl in the friend department. I know that and pray in gratitude for that every night. I have had a lot of quality friends, who I don't know where I'd be without them.
So for thinking I'm funny, for getting me, for laughing with me, for consoling me, this one's for you!

Dreams

2012-01-19T07:19:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a friend this morning about how dreaming about someone can totally change your thinking of them.
This has happened to me a few times.
I have been known to have some pretty vivid dreams, some of which have actually come true, so when I dream about people I always wake up in the morning and wonder what will come from that.
I remember years ago I was friends with this guy, I had known him pretty much my whole life and never once did I view him in a romantic light. I know I was in my twenties because he was home from his mission, but one night I had a dream. It was short, there was no talking, but it left an impact. I dreamt that he was sitting on a couch and I was sitting down on the ground in front of him between his legs. We were watching a movie or something. All that happened was I was sitting there and I just rested my head on one of his legs. That was the whole dream. I woke up with this feeling of comfort. I woke up with a total crush.
Another time there was a guy in my ward that I literally never even thought about, we had never spoken, never interacted at all. One night I had a dream. This was another dream with no talking. We were walking down a boardwalk, he reached over and grabbed my hand. I held his hand and rested my head on his shoulder and we kept walking. Again... that was it. I woke up SO confused as to why this guy would pop into my dream. The next day I saw him at church and for the first time in the months that I had been in that ward he approached me and we talked. Blew my mind, then we had a linger longer and he found me there and we talked again. Total crush... again.
Nothing happened with either of these guys, both got married within a year of those dreams, but still they totally threw me.
Dreams are weird.

High School Reunion Planning

2012-01-17T11:09:00.000-08:00

10 years? Seriously? It's been TEN YEARS???
I remember graduation day, talking with Megan Russle saying, "Gosh it's crazy to think the next time I'll see you could be the 5 year reunion" 5 years seemed like SO LONG, 23 seemed so old.
The 5 year never happened, and now we're at 10!!!??? I'm nearly 28? What happened to the last 10 years?
High school wasn't exactly the high point of my life, but I've come a long way since then and am looking forward to my reunion to have the "Look at me now" moment.
Sunday night I hosted a planning meeting with some people from the glory days. A couple of which I hadn't seen since high school. One is in medical school, one is a mother of two.
In the beginning of the meeting we sat around reminiscing, I had mentioned how I sometimes think back on some of the things I did in high school, and the person I was, and I cringe, I was ridiculous. I must admit I was relieved to find that they all felt the same way (about themselves, not about me, that'd be unfortunate).
I was so proud of how far I've come, but as the evening went on I found myself thinking, "Other than dropping a person in size, what have I accomplished, what do I have to show for the last 10 years?"
Why is it that if you're not married and don't have children you automatically feel unaccomplished?
Here's what my last 10 years consisted of.
I went to Utah State for a year. I lived in hawaii with my best friend. I have traveled to, Canada, Kauai, Maui, Honduras, Belize, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Puerto Vallarta, Cabo, Malaysia. I have moved 14 different times. I have bunjee jumped off a bridge, I have skidived (dove?), I have scuba-dived (dove?)I have hiked Mt Timponogas twice, and plan to again this year. I have ran 5ks, 10ks, and a half marathon, and am training for my second half marathon. I have sang in a rock band, which won the battle of the bands at the University of Utah in 2005, I have sang opera, I have performed, with my current group Mountain Blue, all over Utah, in Denver, in Sacramento, on a cruise and soon to be Sundance Film Festival. I have sang the National Anthem for BYU, the Salt Lake bees multiple times, the Orem Owls, Real Salt Lake, and the Utah Jazz. I have started my own duo "Friends of Spencer" and written several songs, started my own website and have recorded several songs. I auditioned for American Idol (a lotta good that did me). I have failed at hundreds of things, but remain dedicated and will continue to. I have worked in food, collections, insurance and mortgages. I bought my first car, and paid it off on my own. I have learned how to take care of myself. I have changed my life physically, mentally and emotionally. I have had my heartbroken and broken hearts. I have loved. I have made friends over the last 10 years that have changed my life. I have held onto friendships that I had more than 10 years ago. I have had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I have learned that my family are my best friends, and have gained a relationship with them that I literally thank God for on a nightly basis. My faith in the gospel has grown immensely, I have remained faithful, I have made mistakes and I have learned from them. I have had some of the most profound and meaningful experiences that have formed the person I am today, and will be the foundation for the person I will be for the rest of my life. High school didn't define who I am, the last 10 years have.
I may not be married, I may not have kids, but I grew up in the last 10 years, and I am proud of who I became. Eat your heart out 10 year reunion!

Yet Another Sabbatical

2012-01-11T09:06:00.001-08:00

So about once a year (maybe more these days) I feel the need to take a break from dating.
This time, I realize that my heart is still hurting from a recent heartbreak, and instead of letting it heal I found myself diving into the dating scene, dating guys that were both really great, and really not so great just to kind of fill the void that has been left.
Great or not, no guy really had a chance, because all I was trying to do was replace the one I lost, which in turn, made me just compare every guy to him, and that's not good for anyone.
So after the last one I decided I need to just take a step back and let myself heal a little bit. I am a little afraid that being "alone" will just make me think more about the last guy, but I notice when I don't focus on dating it gives me a lot of time to focus on other aspects of my life that make me happy. Music, working out, improving at work, being a better member of the church. All these things make me so happy, and all these things help me improve and be the person I want to find.
I feel like lately I have kind of lost sight of what is really important.
I think it's hard as a female in my late twenties, there is so much pressure to get married and start a family, that sometimes that becomes my only focus. Yes, I obviously want those things, more than anything else in my life, but while I don't have them, there are other parts of my life that need attention.
My parents do a challenge every year, and this year the challenge was to improve something in four aspects of our lives; Spiritual, Educational, Physical, and Social. I have made my goals, and have been so excited about them. I think a lot about how to go about achieving my goals, and all of them are things I need to do monthly, so it's been good to be focusing on how and when I am going to pull them off.
There is a sense of freedom in not having to worry about dating, and I do worry about it. When I am dating I think about it all the time, when the next one will be, who the next one will be, how long we're going to date, is this someone I want to keep dating, if not how do I end it? Am I going to get hurt, are they going to get hurt. Is it moving too quickly, am I leading them on, do they mean what they are saying, are they as good as they seem? That is a lot of thinking, and it's nice to take a break from that.
Some people think that me taking a break is giving up. That's not it at all, marriage is still a priority to me, it is still what I want more than anything, but sometimes you lose track of what is important. I want to be the kind of person I want to find, and right now I am not that person. I want to be worthy of the kind of guy I have in mind to marry, and that is what I am focusing on right now.

Real Life Rom/Com Moment That Ultimately Resulted In Nothing

2011-12-28T11:56:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, I had a meeting with a talent agency. The meeting was scheduled for 4:00 so I left work early to be there. When I got there they were in the middle of a last minute casting call so we had to reschedule. I was meeting a former roommate of mine in Sandy at 5:45 so I had about an hour to kill.
I decided to stop off at Zupa's on 123rd in Draper, just to kind of sit and wait.
I was sitting there playing on my phone and these two guys walked in. One of them was, well let's just say, jaw dropping! I immediately glance down and notice he's not wearing a ring on that oh so important finger.
Right away the girl/lover of Rom/Com's starts imagining scenarios in which he'd see me sitting there alone playing on my phone, and would come over and talk to me. Or, he and his friend would notice that I was alone and come and say, "Do you mind company?". Or perhaps he'd come and ask for my number. Just so many different possibilities ran through my head as I gazed at him incessantly.
He orders his food and I think, "I'm sure he wouldn't come over, they probably just would assume I'm waiting for someone, plus who just walks up to a stranger anyway? Never-the-less, scenarios played out in my head of him coming over, us striking up conversation and our most certain wedding (were we to actually converse one with another).
He gets his food and he and his friend walk to the other end of the restaurant, which happened to be behind me.
I sat, playing on my phone, thinking, "Maybe when I get up and leave he'll see me and realize I'm there alone and won't want me to leave without at least getting my name." OK seriously, I was thinking all of these things. It was in that moment that I realize I would be an amazing chick-flick writer.
Still I sit. In the corner of my eye I see a little movement and I look up just as HE sits down at my booth. SERIOUSLY! I immediately turn bright red... smile from ear to ear, and say (amid insane laughter going on in my head)with way too much excitement, "HI!" He says, "Is your name Julia?" (the laughter in my head grows as does the deep shade of red on my face) I look at him stunned and say, "Yeah" all the while thinking, "Is this happening? Did THAT guy really just come to my booth? Is this real life?" He says, "My name is (fake name inserted here so as to protect his anonymity since I have so many readers) Jake" A vague recollection comes to mind as I say, "Jake Walters? (last name also fake, but didn't want to use something so over-done like Smith... or Doe)" he smiles and says, "Yeah!"
Then the puzzle comes together. Months prior one of the guys in my group said he wanted to set me up with a co-worker of his, one Jake Walters. He had added me on facebook and I had seen his pictures but he didn't look familiar AT ALL in all the time I stared at him while he was in line I never would have put the puzzle together. I ended up deleting him, just because nothing ever ended up happening.
After he sat down and he told me who he was, he said that when he first walked in he recognized me, but didn't place me until he had sat down and wanted to come introduce himself. I just said, "I'm so glad you did." and we had a brief friendly conversation and he went back to his friend.
I walked out of Zupas astonished that that even just happened, What are the odds? I'm in a place I never am, at a time I never would be there. I just happened to have this meeting that just happened to get over-looked. Clearly this was fate.
Anyway, I never really heard from him again. (This post is titled ... Ultimately resulted in nothing, so you can't be upset that this is how this is ending) I still think of that as one of the craziest things to happen, and a real life Rom/Com moment, in the movie with that scenario it would have just been the beginning of the rest of our lives together, but in real life it was just happenstance.

Chrismas Memories

2011-12-22T12:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas is entirely different these days than it was when I was a kid. It's sad that I don't go to bed at night with so much excitement that I can't sleep through the night. I'm excited for the days when I have my own little family and my kids are so excited about Christmas they can't sleep. Wondering what Santa is going to bring them.
I was thinking today about what Christmas used to be like.
I remember going to my Grandma and Grandpa Sanders' house on Christmas Eve and getting together with all my cousins. I remember that was the only day I'd be excited to leave Grandma's house because it meant I got to go to bed and wake up and have it be Christmas morning.
I remember, I'm pretty sure every year until my sister got married, sleeping in her room, in her bed on Christmas eve. I remember Nolan talking about how he was going to take a "double shot of nyquil" so he could fall asleep. I remember laying awake in bed wondering when it is no longer "too early". I remember walking into my siblings rooms and saying, "wake up... It's CHRISTMAS". I remember my dad lining all the kids up on the stairs youngest to oldest before he'd let us into the room with all the presents. I remember walking into the living room (or family room depending) and seeing all of "Santa's presents" and the stockings bulging, and only being able to see with whatever light the Christmas tree was giving off.
I remember watching the news Christmas Eve and having my dad talk about how there had been Santa sightings all over the world, and hearing him tell the story of when he saw Santa fly away one year.
I remember Christmas 1997, my dad insisted we open one present first. We opened it and it was a video camera, he wanted it opened first so he could video tape the rest of the morning. I remember him starting the video saying, "It's Christmas morning 1977" and we all laughed at him for some time.
I remember the year Nolan got Girbaud jeans and how excited he was that they weren't "just any jeans".
I remember having the smorgasbord every year. We'd open our presents and have breakfast, then we'd clean the house and around 2 or three both sides of the extended family would come over and we'd spend the day playing games, eating and just being together.
I miss being a kid on Christmas, but it's so fun to hear my siblings talk about how excited their kids get. I'm excited to be at my sister's house Christmas morning when the kids come down to see what Santa brought them. To relive that excitement that I felt as a kid, but watch them live it and make memories of their own. I look forward to the day when it will be my kids that can't sleep.
I'm grateful to have such an amazing family that has made my Christmas memories so wonderful.

Short one

2011-12-03T22:44:00.000-08:00

You know how when you're a baby (come on who doesn't remember being a baby) your dad would balance you on his hand, like unto when people balance an umbrella or bat or something to see how long it will stand.
Anyhoo, I remember hearing how my dad used to this with my sister and me. He said whenever he would balance Jennie on his hand she would stand stiff. She'd stand all straight and he could balance her.
Jennie grew up and was a cheerleader in high school and college. I would watch these guys hold her up and she'd stand so solidly on their hands. Obviously something that has been in her since she was a baby.
My dad used to do the same thing with me when I was a baby. I grew up to be a singer.

Nicknames

2011-11-28T16:42:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my best friend Bree I have gotten into the habit of giving guys nicknames. It's easier for a lot of reasons. One being maybe I don't want people knowing who I'm talking about. Maybe I know 8 different spencers and don't want to have to explain each time I talk about one, which one I'm talking about. Maybe I don't like the guy and he doesn't deserve me using his name. It's just easier.
So today in my busy-ness I decided to compile a list of the names that I could remember. Here ya go:

Fosters
Red
Kayak
Blue Shirt
Hasslehoff
Big A
The Linguist
The Professor
The Doctor
The Father
The Drool Master
The Comedian
Chester the Molester
O'donnell
Shots
The Creeper
The Gym Guy
The Child
The Snowshoeing guy
Muscle Man
The Captain
The Agressor
Mr Persistan
Kingpin
The Musician
Goober 9000
The Stalker
The Friend

I know there are more, those last three just came to me as I was writing. Nicknames are a great invention, makes talking about dudes so much easier.

Loved This

2011-11-17T09:36:00.000-08:00

As much as I hate to admit it... I looked at pinterest today. I have not/ will not (maybe) join, but I found this poem on there that I LOVED, so I'll share it.

The Knots Prayer:
Dear God,
Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots, the can nots and the do nots that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots, may nots, might nots that may find a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all, Dear God, I ask you to remove from my mind, my heart and my life all of the 'am nots' that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough.
Amen

Short and sweet.

Song Writing Journal

2011-11-16T07:50:00.000-08:00

I saw a post on my friends blog today and she was talking about her husband's song that he had just written. How he keeps notebooks all over the place that he jots lines in and what not.
Songwriting is such a personal thing, that's why I talk about it being so therapeutic. I write songs like I'm writing in my journal. A lot of my songs are sad because that is the emotion that I feel can consume you so much, and for me writing my feelings out helps me to let go of them.
Anyway... the thing that made me of this post is in my friend's blog, (hueandhum.com) she took a picture of a part of one of her husband's songs and it just made me think about what my songwriting notebook looks like.
When I write a song, it starts off by me writing down a bunch of different lines that the current situation makes me think of. I write down my feelings in a bunch of different ways to see what lines would best fit the melody we choose. As we start writing the lines they get condensed and snipped and crossed out and by the end of it I have a few pages of paper that just look a mess. I LOVE those pages of paper in my book. I love that notebook I love going back and seeing how we came to the final product, I like going back and seeing all the things I felt before we wrote the song.
About a year ago Jaycie and I were doing an open mic night. I left my notebook on the chair next to me to save a seat. My friend came and grabbed it and sat next to me and started looking through my notebook. My chest immediately tightened and I got really self-conscious. I realized him looking through that notebook was like him reaching the deepest parts of my soul. The things I have written in that book are some of the most personal feelings I have. I finally reached over and took it from him, I couldn't handle it anymore.
I love sharing my songs with people. I love the idea that people can relate. I hope that people can feel the emotion it took to write the song, because they are all based off something real.
Well I hope the seriousness/boringness of this blog doesn't turn anyone away. Sometimes I'm serious ok?
Adieu

Memoirs of a Youngest Child

2011-11-07T12:34:00.000-08:00

When I was in 3rd grade Jennie and I would be off-track at the same time. Both of our parents worked as did our cousin Michelle's parents. So when we would be out of school for those weeks we would either go to Michelle's house for the day, or she would come to ours.
Jennie and Michelle were both in 5th grade and I, as previously mentioned, was in 3rd, which meant if I wanted to play with them, I had to do what they said.
Nearly every day we would make lunch and then we would watch The Unsinkable Molly Brown "Belly up... Belly up to the bar boys, better loosen your belt. Only drink when you're all alone or with somebody else." I don't know how we never got sick of that movie, but somehow we didn't.
Every day lunch was a grand event. We would use cookie sheets as special trays. We would pretend that we were at this fancy restaurant which we named "Croutons" and for some reason the food and the service at this make-believe restaurant was always horrible, at least that is how we'd act it out, yet that was always "where we'd eat".
Jennie and Michelle would go all out preparing this meal that we would all eat together. I always wanted to help, but they wouldn't let me. So I just had to wait for them to get it all ready and then we'd all eat together.
Once the meal was over and the kitchen was destroyed and it was time to clean up Jennie and Michelle would say, "k Julia, you have to clean up since you didn't help cook."
Memoirs of a youngest child.

The Reason I Don't Ski.

2011-10-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

When I was in my youth my Aunt Candy and her family used to come every year for spring break and we would all go skiing. It was pretty much the only time I'd go so I never got very good at it.
Roughly 11 years ago it was that time again, and we decided to go to Snowbird. Typically we would go to Alta, but we had some snowboarders in our midst so we decided to go somewhere where they could join us. I was familiar with Alta... I knew the runs I liked and I knew what I could handle. Snowbird I didn't know.
My cousin Michelle is an avid snowboarder and she would go to snowbird all the time, so I stuck with her and she would tell me what runs she thought I could handle.
In the early afternoon, the sun was blazing there was a crisp chill in the air I was getting into my skiing groove. Michelle wanted to do this slightly more difficult run and she wanted me to go with her (along with everyone else) I was nervous because I had never done it, so I asked her how the hills were... if they were really steep. She assured me they weren't bad.
So there I am skiing along... bits of snowy mist attaching to my sunwarmed face. It was the perfect day.
Then I turn a corner and see... a drop off... you could hardly call it a hill for how long and steep it was. Fear filled me to my very core. Usually there are "options" another way to go to miss the danger of that hill. I looked around but much to my chagrin saw nothing. Michelle was already at the hill. I says to her I says, "Uh Michelle, I thought you said there weren't any steep hills." To which she replied, "Well I knew you wouldn't come otherwise." Oh... cool, yeah that's fair... thanks for that.
I was seriously terrified. I just looked down this hill thinking how I could possibly do this and come away unscathed. It looked bleak.
So as kind of a joke I was like, "Well I'll just sit on my butt and slide down..." So I sit down, but not on the snow... on my skis, fully intending on not actually sliding down on my butt, but then I started to slide. Because of how I was positioned I couldn't stand back up and stop myself. I started picking up speed rather rapidly, and panic set in. I had absolutely no control over my speed, my direction, and stopping was not an option at this point.
I continued to pick up speed and I knew if I didn't figure out a way to stop myself this could end very badly so I put my hand down on the right side to slow me down. Apparently my speed was too much for this and all it did was shoot my body from the sitting position to the rolling-down-the-hill-as-a-human-snowball position easily comparable to what we've all seen numerous times in cartoons.
So there I am tumbling down the hill with one thing on my mind "Please don't make me break Michelle's sunglasses." Apparently you don't think too clearly when you are near death.
I tumble and flip and flail for what seemed like forever, then finally I come to a stop. About an inch of snow on my face. Nary a ski, pole, beanie nor glove remaining near my body... it was a "garage sale" the likes of which no one had ever seen before, I'm sure. Again first thought, "the sunglasses are still in tact... thank heaven" I look up the hill to see where all of my ski-belongings ended up. When my glance made it to the top of the hill all I see is dear family, laughing to the point of no control. Some keeled over, some laying down, some pointing.
I haven't been skiing since.

Flashback Friday "Where's my arm?"

2011-10-07T14:12:00.000-07:00

OK some of you may have heard this story before, but it's a classic so you're gonna have to deal with it. (Or just stop reading because I really have no control over that, but don't stop reading k?)
So a buncha years ago my parents, sister and I were all driving to Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri. It was a LONG drive. We took the van and Jennie and I each had a bench to ourselves. We would pretty much eat, fall asleep until we ate again, and then sleep some more (Gross, no wonder I was a rolly poly).
At one point in the drive I was in the back seat and Jennie was in the middle seat. She had fallen asleep on her back with her right arm up behind her head (I hope you can get the imagery because that's essential) With her arm that way (you may need to do this yourself so you can see what she would have seen) she couldn't see it.
Anyway so there I am, watching her sleep like a creeper (I really don't know why I was watching her, but I was for some reason) and she starts to stir. She opens her eyes and I see her looking around for a second... then tired eyes turn to panic. She looks at me with fear (and a little bit of anger) and says, "Julia! WHERE IS MY ARM???" In her barely awake state of delirium she literally thought it was gone, and not only that, that I had done something with it.
I grabbed her arm from behind her head and lifted it in front of her face and let go... it was COMPLETELY DEAD and it just plopped down on top of her. To this day I don't think she and I have ever laughed that hard. Her arm had completely fallen asleep behind her head and when she woke up she couldn't feel it or see it, and actually thought it was gone.
This is one of my favorites stories. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I do, because if you didn't you need to work on your sense of humor, cuz it's funny crap!

Older Brothers

2011-10-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

Who needs older brothers when you have MY older brothers for a father or an uncle?
I went to St George for Labor Day weekend this year. When I go there I stay with my brother Nolan his wife Treo and their two cute kids. Their house fits their family, but when I visit I sleep in the living room, which is fine I could sleep anywhere and not be bothered (even though this is an early to rise family, and I'm... not so much an early to rise...r).
During my last visit, my first night there Nolan grabbed a sleeping pad and was going to put the sheets on it, but Jaylee, his oldest daughter (3) was playing on the pad and didn't want to get off. So Nolan took the fitted sheet and put it over her and the sleeping pad. We sat back, smiled and watched the struggle as she tossed and turned under the sheet to try to free herself. She was having fun, but I turned to Nolan and said, "You see? These are the things she's going to remember when she's older and tells people why she's claustrophobic." and we laughed as Nolan said, "Seriously, I'd be FREAKING OUT if that were me."
I had realized this before, but I blame my claustrophobia, as well as my sister's on our brothers doing crap like that to us, and now they pass that on to their children. Being an "older brother" doesn't stop once the title changes to father. Maybe it's simply being a dude.
My next example comes from reading my sister's blog. She posted pictures from when my brother Justin went to visit and play with the kids. He had taken this headband or some sort of stretchy something. Took Leila's arms behind her back and put the stretchy something around them, so she couldn't bring them forward. Then sat back and laughed as she tried to free herself. She's ONE! Then Jace, her older brother, saw this and wanted to have his arms trapped. So Justin did the same thing to him. Jace is 6 now, and it didn't take long before he realized he was in fact trapped and just started crying to get free. Just as, I'm sure, his mother would have reacted if she realized her arms were trapped.
Seeing these things made me think back on all the times my brothers have done these things to me. Watching Justin sit over Jennie, with one hand hold both of her hands above her head, and with the other tickle her. This got so bad that if Justin would just approach her even pretending to do it, she would immediately burst into tears.
I also think of the times when they would take the bar from the bench press, they would put the BIGGEST weights on it, and as many as they could, then they would lay us down and put the bar over our necks. It was high enough that it wouldn't touch our necks, but low enough that we couldn't slide under it, and heavy enough that we couldn't lift it, and then they would turn the lights off and leave the room.
You may have laughed at that. It's funny, sure. BUT PEOPLE big brothers doing stuff like this causes SERIOUS issues later on. Claustrophobia is a real, terrifying thing. My aunt Robin has it thanks to her brothers (my dad included) I have it thanks to my brothers. My nieces and nephews will have it, even if they don't have older brothers because they have dads and uncles.
Boys are mean!

Benjamin Button-itis

2011-09-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

I've noticed in my life that the older I get the younger people think I am. (Not a bad deal) My whole life people always thought I was older (sometimes much MUCH older) than I actually was. These are a few examples, some are pretty extreme and will seem untrue, but I tell you now, everything you are about to read is 100% true.
Age 12 I was at Academy for Girls (EFY but for the younger ages) we went to an old folk's home and I was helping and elderly lady make a hanger for her doorknob, and she said to me something along the lines of, "Things are so difficult once you get to my age, it's so nice to have you young people come and help... how old are you? 20? 30?" This is where it all started.
When I was 16 I sang at my cousin Shad's wedding. My cousin Marissa was there with her daughters. Her daughter Kierra was 6 months old. I LOVED holding her all the time. At the wedding Kierra was sleeping in my arms and this lady came up to me, and said how beautiful she was, followed by, "That is such a bonding time for mother and child, when they sleep in your arms." I didn't want to embarrass her so I just said, "Yeah..."
Next example: When I was 17, a senior in high school. I was taking a class called Elementary tutoring. I was planning on being a teacher and in this class I would go to an Elementary school and basically was an aid in the 2nd grade class. Toward the end of the school year they were doing a talent show. At this point I had bonded with the kids and they really wanted me to go. So I went and sat amongst the parents. One lady turned to me and said, "Which one is yours?" I just looked at her in shock and said, "I'm 17! I'm the aid for this class." Really lady did I look old enough to have an 8 year old?
That same year(this is where it starts to get crazy) My sister was cheering for the University of Utah. I drove her to her practice in the morning and they had some sort of orientation so I stayed to watch. At the end of the practice Jennie came up to me. Keep in mind she was 19 at the time, and again, I was 17. We talked for a bit and then she walked away, and this older lady came up to me and said, "Are you the mom?" SERIOUSLY!!!! I looked at her in SUCH disgust and said, "I'm her YOUNGER sister!!!" to which she replied. "Well that's nice." I was pretty upset... I get that I look older than I am, but old enough to have a 19 year old daughter???
A few years later I was talking to an RS president in my single's ward. She asked me how old I was and I said, "21" she was shocked and said, "Really I thought you were my age." I remember being totally appalled at that as she was 27 (I think about that all the time now as I am now 27... do 21 year olds still think 27 is SO OLD???).
A couple years later. I was at work and it was my birthday. This guy who came into my office somewhat regularly said, "So how old are you... 24... 25?" I said, "Oh I'm 23.." Smile turned to shock on his face. "Oh... I was kidding... I thought you were... older." It was then that I realized he was trying to be flattering by obviously guessing way younger than he thought I actually was.
And finally. The story to end all. When I was 21 my sister and I were at a restaurant. I was holding her 6 month old son Jace. A lady (obviously old and senile) came to us and said how cute he was and asked who the mother was. I pointed at Jennie and just smiled. Then she looked at me and said, "And you're the grandma?" Right away, Jennie nearly choked on her laughter. I just looked at her and said, "No"
As I said though, the older I get the younger people think I am now. Someone guessed yesterday that I was 20-21, according to these stories the last time I would have looked that age would have been like 10. I have some ideas as to why, but the drastic-ousity of the guesses still surprise me.

Family Dynamics

2011-09-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

Over the years through meetings lots of different families I have noticed something. Every family as something that they bond over. Something that when they get together for dinner or whatever, helps them to connect with each other. For some of my friends that would be, intelligent conversation, whether it be politics, current events, what have you. Other friends it's who is the best at whatever, taking turns telling stories of grandeur and one upping each other. For my family it's making each other laugh. Who can get to the joke first? Who can make fun of the person the fastest? Every time we get together we spend the majority of the evening laughing SO HARD!
Some of the things that make us laugh the hardest is when someone tells what should be a funny story that doesn't translate like they should and someone else calling them out on it. Personal example. I heard this hilarious story, when I heard it I laughed so hard for so long it got pretty awkward as the person I was with just sat there waiting patiently for me to stop. I can tell a good story so at a family dinner I re-told it. I didn't get the laugh I was wanting, so as my laugh faded out I said, "Oh man I laughed so hard when _____ told me." Without skipping a beat my brother Dane says, "So he told it better than you then?" And the family roared with laughter.
Another thing that gets us going is the person who keeps a joke going one step longer than it should. We can take a word or a saying or a joke and spin it into so many different jokes after each one laughing just as hard as the first, but there is a time limit on this. HEAVEN FORBID you be the person that tells the joke that crosses that time line and turns the focus on you and your idiocy, starting a new round of joking.
We are a family that likes to use ridiculous words for sport, such as, "progrum" "'twixt" "unbeknownst" (which as of yesterday led to "beknownst" and "knownst". However we are grammar sticklers (more in the form of speaking, not typing) I remember one night we were talking about words that drive us crazy like "irregardless". My brother Justin said, "I know it's like the word 'always'. 'Always' isn't a word... it's 'Alway...' (this is the point that he realized he wasn't thinking of the word "always" he was thinking of the word "anyways". We all had a hay-day with that one.
One thing that sucks when it happens to you, but is awesome when you do it is stealing someone's joke. There was one time we were sitting around the table telling stories as we always end up doing and through the boisterous conversation I said something that was HILARIOUS, but due to the volume no one but my brother Dane heard it. Realizing his opportunity, he didn't laugh at my awesome joke either, if he had he wouldn't be able to use it. Instead he waited a second and when it had quieted down he repeated it verbatim. The table went wild with his hilarity. Through everyone's laughter and my dismay, he looks over at me and quietly said, "You see what I did there?" Totally getting the credit for my joke. (Same thing happened to me last night but the joke stealer didn't hear me say it, just also said it a little later but got more laughs... I turned to my brother-in-law who heard me say it the first time and said, "I guess it's funnier coming from Jennie")
I love this about my family, and when it comes to dating one of the first things I look for is someone who I feel could keep up. It actually is a deal breaker. Years ago there was a guy I was TOTALLY interested in. Like big time crush. He was also a guy that if arranged marriages were something going on these days, my parents would pick him out in a heart beat. BUT we were all sitting around the table one day and I just imagined what it would be like if he were there, and I knew in that moment he would not fit in. He wouldn't be able to join in, he may be offended even. In that moment the crush was completely wiped out.
I love my family dynamic. I love that we have so much fun together. It's what keeps us getting together on a monthly basis if not more. We LOVE to hang out with each other. There is never a dull moment. Last night I was driving home from dinner and I was just thinking about different things that were said, and I couldn't help but chuckle as I drove.
I lucked out in the family department.

"Types"

2011-09-01T10:52:00.001-07:00

So most people have a "type". That particular look they always seem to like. That particular genre of person they prefer to date. All "types" are different and I like to think that most people don't HAVE to date within that type, but just find themself doing that more often than not.
This is fine, it's normal, it's common. Me? I don't have a physical type. If you were to line up the guys I have dated/been interested in, they range like CRAZY as far as physical appearance goes, but as far as personality goes they are all pretty similar. I am a personality snob, and if the guy has it I am typically attracted to it right away, a lot of times regardless of how "hot" they may be.
Ok that is not really the point. The point is, I know I don't fit into every guy's "type" that's fine. BUT don't hit on me, then tell me I'm not your type, then continue to hit on me.
Yes there is a story behind this...
A few years ago I was trying out a new ward with my friend Katie. We were at ward prayer and this kid came up to us and talked to us for a while flirting pretty heavily with both of us. Side note: Katie has brown hair, I am blonde and he had red hair. He goes on to tell us his rating system. This is how the conversation went from there.
Dude-I base girls on a 1-10 scale based on hair color. Red heads are either 1-3 range or 8-10 range. They are either really unfortunate looking or really hot. Blondes range from about 4-9 it's not often you meet one that is really unattractive, but they'll never be a 10 in my book (HA remember how I'm blonde and he just said that to me?) Brunettes can span the scale from 1-10.
Me- did you really just say blondes can never be a 10? You do realize you're saying this to a blonde right?
Dude- Well I mean you could be up to a 9...
Me- But I'll never be a 10 to you. Why would I ever go out with someone who I knew would never see me as a 10 when I knew that I could find someone else who would?
Dude-well a lot of girls are never actually 10's so being a 9 is still really good. Plus you could always dye your hair.
Me- Or I could just find the guy who would think I'm a 10 as I am.

Ok here's the thing. I am sure a lot of guys would agree with him. Some guys are brunette guys, some guys prefer blondes. That is fine, BUT DON'T TELL THE GIRL THAT if she's not the one you prefer! ESPECIALLY if you are wanting to ask her out. I knew he was more interested in my friend but it was pretty clear he was the kind of guy that would just take what he could get, so he was being just as flirty with both of us to see who, if either, which ended up being neither, would bite. Idiot.
As mentioned before this was a few years ago, and I don't see him often, but I have seen him a couple of times over the years and every time he tries to be all flirty again. Sorry dude you didn't have much of a chance to begin with and you nailed that door shut yourself.
Man... some guys have no tact.

Clumsy = Not Hot

2011-08-26T15:22:00.000-07:00

As I laid at the bottom of my stairs after my most recent falling incident I thought to myself, "That's a shame no one saw that because I'm sure that was a sight to see."
Here's the thing. Tripping isn't attractive, clumsiness isn't attractive. It's funny as all get out, sure, but not attractive and I trip ALL THE TIME.
Here are some doosies, for your imaginative pleasure.
Going to the movies with my friend Liz, a common occurance about a year ago. The theatre was nearly empty. As we walked in between these two dudes who were conversing amongst themselves, and I mean right as we walked in between them, my heel caught the cuff of my pants. I do a little hop and squeal my shoe breaks free and I continue walking, Liz of course was stopped dead in her tracks, just laughing away, as were the two dudes.
Another time I am on a date, we walk out of his place and I am walking in front down concrete stairs. My heel gets caught in the cuff of my pants (again, same pants) and again hop and squeal (much more terrifying whilst walking down concrete stairs) and I'm good and continue on as I hear him say, "Holy **** that scared the crap outta me."
Another time, I am in my friend's kitchen sitting around the table with about 4 people. I get up to get a drink and heel in cuff (I think there is a lesson to be learned here, I'm still trying to figure it out)This time the hop and squeal wasn't successful. I hop, but my heel stays planted in my cuff, I begin to fall, my knee slams into the cupboards and I hit the floor. Tripping is bad enough, tripping and falling... humiliating.
Then what sent me into this thought. At my workout class this week the dude would not let up on our quads, they hurt so bad all week long. Last night I was walking down the stairs to my bedroom. On the right side there is a handle and a wall, on the left side there is nothing. I'm walking down and I have about 3-4 steps left and my right leg decides to give out. I, of course, reach to the left to save myself, but there is nothing there. So I tumble. Just tumble away down the remaining stairs. Carpeted, luckily. It was terrifying, my body was moving in ways I didn't know I could move, it's amazing what the body can do when trying to save itself. I may have pulled an ab in the process.
I know that fall was not attractive. I am a clumsy person. I trip all the time. I always squeal when I trip. Could this,in a small way attribute to my marital status?
Thoughts from a single 27 year old.

The New Kid

2011-08-16T13:34:00.000-07:00

Ok so I have moved. I'm in my new place, and I was afraid it was going to be hard but it was better than I expected. This I have talked about.
Here is the thing. In the beginning everything was great, I had made this whole change, I was meeting tons of new people, everything was new. It/I was a novelty.
The novelty has worn off.
The thing about me is I am a sarcastic person. Not everyone likes/gets sarcasm. I have learned this throughout my life by being seen as mean or initimidating. So many people have told me that when they first met me they were intimidated by me, or even afraid of me. Also add the fact that my stance of choice is arms folded, AND the fact that I'm shy. I get it, I understand the first impression I make.
That being said, it takes me a long time for me to be comfortable enough to come out of my shell.
So back to being the new kid. I have been really open to meeting new people lately, I've had to, I've thrown myself into a completely new place where I know no one. Luckily I have been invited to a lot of BBQ's and parties and such, and I go, but I stand there quietly... arms folded talking only when spoken to. WHAT? That is not me! I am not that girl. I am a hoot! I am the girl telling stories and making people laugh with my tales of clumsiness and blondocity, often using some sort of accent.
Right now I feel trapped. I go to activities and want to talk to people, want to tell jokes, want to be comfortable enough to just talk to anyone, but I can't. How does one overcome this?
Prime example. At my place of employ for the first 10 months I worked here, no one knew me. People thought I was super quiet, with no personality. People were afraid of me. I did my job in silence. Then I switched departments and met a girl who is super outgoing and crazy and she pulled me out of my shell. That's also around the time I started this blog. People heard about it and started reading it (it used to be a really funny blog, if you haven't read from the beginning I recommend you do that) and I found out my now friend asked another girl, "Did you know that she's funny?" Now I'm known in the office for being silly, crazy, funny... I'm known to not be the quiet girl I was. That took me 10 MONTHS!
I do not want to be where I'm at for the next 10 months not knowing anyone. Not being myself. Plus I'm only under contract for 6 months, so it's possible that the entire time I live here I'll be stuck? No! I refuse.
I am getting more comfortable, and I am meeting new people, but I'm still not totally being myself, I'm still being shy. I need to knock that off. I need to learn how to not be shy anymore. There's gotta be some self-help books out there on that right? I'll do some research.
To summarize, I hate being the new kid.

Starting Over

2011-08-02T10:12:00.000-07:00

So it's been a week and a half since I moved and it has been a GREAT week and a half.
I think once I made the decision to move I knew it needed to happen as soon as possible. Things where I was just started to get worse and worse, and not necessarily because anything was changing, but because I KNEW I needed to leave. I was ready to leave and I couldn't wait to start over. Starting over has always been something that terrified me, but in this case I was so excited at what lied ahead for me.
I started going to my new ward a few weeks before I moved, and the first Sunday there it just felt right. The month of July was a long one. I was ready.
I moved Saturday the 23rd and since then things have just been really good. I've been really happy, in a way that I haven't been in a long time. I didn't realize till I left how stagnate I was feeling, and now it's like I have so many opportunities that I didn't have before.
I thought before I moved that it would take a few months for me to be happy with the move, for me to feel like I understood why I did what I did, but that feeling came immediately. I was immediately happier. A huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I knew for 100% certainty that I made the right decision and that feels good.
The people I have met and the things I have done since I moved haven't even really been in relation to where I live, but I have been more open to meeting new people, I have had more confidence to meet new people. I am taking opportunities to be in situations where I don't know anyone SO I can meet new people and already it has been so fun. I love my new ward, I think my roommates are going to be great. I love my house. Like I said other things have been happening that aren't even in relation to the move. Music is picking up like crazy.
When you do something you know you are supposed to do, even if it's scary and hard, you will be blessed. I am so grateful to know that I did what I did because I was guided to do so, of that I have no doubt. NO DOUBT! And because I did what I was supposed to do, I am being blessed.
The reasons I had a hard time leaving are because of the people I left, but the people that mean the most to me are still very much a part of my life, and the people I left that are gone, well clearly it was good to clean house.
Starting over this time around has been grand!

Ode to the roomies...

2011-07-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

So I am moving this Saturday. I moved into the house I live now in February of 2009. I moved into a house of 5 girls, none of which I knew, one of which I'd be sharing a room with. That is an intimidating thing. Girls can be drama. Girls can be difficult to get along with. But these girls are different.
After living there only a week I was going to be having surgery and I was having a really bad day. My new roommates, seeing this, decided to gather me up and we all went to Belgian Waffle. I wasn't allowed to eat past midnight so we went at about 10 PM. That was the first night I bonded with those girls and it was that night that I knew I made the right decision moving into that house. Since then we have become so close and each year in March we'll go back to Belgian Waffle late at night. We call it Roommate Belgian Waffle night and we make goals for the next year. Something I look forward to each year.
Then that May our landlord threatened to not open our pool (not very seriously methinks) so we decided to throw a "Save the Pool" party. We invited a bunch of people over saying, "If you want to use our pool this summer you better donate to the fund to open it." That night we all wore these hot pink mardigras beeds so everyone would know who "the roommates" were. We all wore them differently, bracelet style, necklace style what have you and we all were stained where we wore the necklaces. I still have mine hanging in my rearview mirror in my car. One particular roommate, who I refer to as Roommate and have since that day, and I use the term "roommate beads" as a term of comradery. Those roommate beads are significant and not everyone has them... Pretty sure we raised about $60 that night and pretty sure none of us really have any idea what happened to that money, it just vanished little by little until it was gone.
That fall we were all hanging out in the house on 09-09-09 and decided at about 9:00 that we needed to have a one minute long party. So at 9:09 we all celebrated New Year's Eve style, we had margaritas and hit pots and pans and cheered for one minute and then it was back to normal life. We decided to continue that tradition on 10-10-10 at 10:10 only last year we invited friends, had fireworks and all that jazz. Another tradition I look forward to continuing... at least for the next two years.
After living in a house with 5 other girls for a while, people starting referring to us simply as "The Roommates", for example, "What are you doing tonight?" "Oh I heard there was a 10-10-10 party at the roommates house"
I have loved living in this house. Roommates have come and gone, but one thing I have noticed is that the people who have moved in after me have had the same feeling of, "I needed to move here" Moving into the house was one of the best decisions I've made, and moving out will be one of the hardest.
Things I'm going to miss.
Melissa talking in her sleep- some of my funniest and most terrifying moments in the house are a result of that.
Dani- Just Dani, her stories, her falling, her laugh resonating through the house, the sound of crashing that follows her wherever she goes. The precautions we need to take to protect her... i.e. putting an "X" of masking tape on the screen door so she won't walk into it... again.
The carpet in the living room that sounds like a diaper when you walk on it because someone didn't take the plastic off before they laid it.
Being able to have pinatas in the house.
The couches of all varieties.
The skouch
All gathering in the upstairs bathroom just talking as we all get ready to go out to our different activities.
Scaring ourselves so bad we all have to sleep together in the living room.
Doing handstands with Melissa and Kristen (Roommate) in the living room.
The balcony off my bedroom where the wood is so rotten it's terrifying to walk on, I will miss sleeping on it.
The pool.
How many friends we get because of the pool ;)
Scaring Amy every time I come down the stairs because for some reason she can't hear me coming.
Falling asleep to Melissa watching whatever CW show she is addicted to at the moment.
Sitting on the floor in Kristen's room as she crafts a new decoration for her bedroom while discussing our dating stories.
Our stinky fridge that no matter how many times it's cleaned always smells like death, I really will miss that.
All gathering in the kitchen and just gabbing and inevitably getting scared when someone walks up to the sliding glass door.
I am going to miss this house and my roomies. If I didn't know for certain I was doing the right thing, I don't think I could leave it.

Half Marathon...

2011-07-20T07:40:00.001-07:00

So I have run a few races in my day. Maxing out at 3.1 miles. Those I have to train for. When I train for those I run a mile and a half or two miles and that is hard for me. I like to sign up for races to keep me motivated and keep me training and in shape, but one thing I have learned of myself is signing up for a race does not mean I will train for it, but I will run it anyway and want to die.
Truth be told, I hate running. I want to love it. I want to be one of those people that goes running every day. That can just run for miles and feel ok. I actually dream about it. I dream about running and not being tired. Strange?
When I'm awake though, I dread it.
I did the dirty dash 5k in June and it was really hard for me. Granted I was sick, but I'm pretty sure I used that as more of an excuse to how poorly I did than it actually was. After that race the friends I ran with asked if I wanted to sign up for the 10k in Sept. AIN'T NO WAY! I had no desire. I hear friends doing ragnar, no desire. I hear people training for marathons and half marathons, FER SHER no desire. Running just wasn't my cup 'o tea.
Last week my sister emailed me, as she does on a pretty regular basis, and told me she was thinking about doing a half marathon in October and wanted to know if I would like to do it with her. She had been training for a couple of weeks and said I could catch up relatively quickly. Something perked in me. Some sort of desire. There was more fear and deep down I felt like I could talk to her about it, but I wouldn't actually do it. I could talk all positively, but when it came down to register for it I wouldn't do it. So I started talking about it. Looking into it. She emailed me her training schedule, and in order to be on track with her I was going to have to run 4 miles on Saturday. HA 4 miles, if someone were to ask me to run a 5k I wouldn't do it, knowing I wasn't capable. So I figured I'd shoot for two and work my way up.
I went to the gym on Saturday for my first day of training. After about a mile I was feeling really good. I knew I could do two but would shoot for 3. After 2 miles I still felt really good... shockingly. To the point that I had a giddy little grin on my face. I was going to do three, maybe shoot for 4. How great would it be if I was already on pace with Jennie. If I ran 4 it would be further than I had ever run before. I hit 3 miles, nothing is stopping me now. At about 3.5 miles my right ankle started to hurt a bit, but I'm stubborn, I knew I wouldn't let that stop me. I had to get to 4 at this point. I was a little worried that I would injure myself on day one of training, but I had to finish. I was preparing in my mind getting a bag of ice for my ankle when I went home and having it be all swollen. 3.75 Now it was getting hard. 3.76 "Really just one hundredth of a mile" 3.77 "This is taking forever." I watched every hundredth of a mile for the last quarter mile, but I finished. 4 miles, 46 minutes even and I was just floating. My ankle was fine. I was all kinds of embarrassingly sweaty (note to self don't wear a tank top that will show the boob sweat) but I was feeling so good. I ran 4 miles on day one. I can TOTALLY run 13 after 3 months of training. Turns out, running is VERY psychological I was talking myself out of running before. NOW I'm excited for the half. I registered on Monday, did my second day of training 3 miles, felt like a breeze (ish not totally breezy but easier than it has ever been before).
Jennie and I talk on each day of training and discuss our pace and everything, having her run this with me is going to really help me, and I am so excited to do this together.
We are going to own this race.

A Change in the Wind

2011-07-05T08:20:00.001-07:00

So about two weeks ago my friends had an apartment warming party. I walked in and my friend was giving me the tour of her new digs and I found myself itching...
It has been a while since I have moved anywhere. From the time I was 18 until I was 25 I had moved 14 times. I would just get bored and move from place to place all the time, I lived in Logan, Sandy, Hawaii, Sandy, Riverton, Midvale, Sandy, Provo, Bountiful, Daybreak, Sandy, Murray, Sandy, and then finally to the house I live in now, again in Sandy (but not my parent's house).
When I moved the last time I told myself I would not move out of this house until I got married, sure that that would be happening in the next year! It HAD to.
In the time that I lived in this house I would still get the itch to change things up, but I would just change wards. It was easily done I lived in the boundaries of both a student ward and a single's ward. I went to the student ward for a year, then it got split so I became part of a new ward, and then I got bored there and went to the single's ward.
Well they have changed things now so that you either go to the single's ward you live in the boundaries of, or the home ward you live in the boundaries of. So my need to change things up has been made quite a bit more difficult.
When I went to the apartment warming I knew I needed to mix things up. The thing is, it's not just an "itch" I get, it's a feeling of knowing that I have gotten what I can get out of my current situation and I won't get anymore. Once I realize that I feel really stuck and I know I need to change things up as soon as possible if I want to continue progressing. The only way I can do that now is if I move.
The thing is, I live in a house with girls I love. I live in a nice neighborhood, in a nice house, with really cheap rent and a pool. This is not a situation I would easily want to leave. The thought of not living with my roommates anymore breaks my heart a little bit, and I just have to lean on the hope that in the last 2 and a half years we have built genuine friendships that will not easily fade away.
(I'm realizing this is going to be a long post because I keep thinking of things that I don't want to forget in this story)
About a month ago, this girl added me as a friend on Facebook. At first I didn't know who she was, and then I remembered meeting her like a year and a half ago at a game night. I didn't know what prompted her to add me after meeting only once or twice a LONG time ago, but I accepted. About three weeks later I posted that I was looking for a place to live in Salt Lake, and she sent me an email with a listing. I went and looked on Friday and I knew I really liked that place. As soon as I knew that IF I was really going to move this was the place it would be to, I got really sad at the thought of leaving my current roommates, but only because it was becoming more real, not because I felt like it wasn't right. If anything it felt more right and the realization was kind of a hard one to face. I told the landlord yes, knowing it would be a week before I could sign anything. I still wasn't 100% but I didn't want them to give the room away.
Friday night my dad called me to talk about my decision. I told him what I felt, that it would be hard but I knew I needed a change and this felt right, that the only thing holding me back was the fear of the unknown. That I didn't know anyone there and that would be hard, but I need to meet new people and the only way to do that is to immerse myself in a new crowd. I was scared and it was a big decision, then my dad said, "Well I know enough to know you're praying about it, so trust whatever decision you make, I've learned that I can trust your decisions." That statement alone meant the world to me. To know my father trusts me completely. To know that I should be able to trust my decisions like he does. I know I am going about making this decision the right way, and I also know that I have been guided a lot in my life to where I, more often than not, know when the decision is mine alone or when it is inspired. In that moment I knew my decision was inspired and it was made.
I still decided to fast about it on Sunday, and though it was a really hard day and not the way I was expecting my answer, by the time I went to bed that night I knew my time in Sandy was done and I needed to move on.
There is a lot I will miss with this move, but there is a lot I am looking forward to, and a lot of doors this will open. I have been to the new ward and I am excited at the new opportunities I will have. It won't be an easy move, but I think it will be good for me and I welcome the change.
I am grateful for inspiration. Inspiration I am given and inspiration in my behalf. I don't doubt that girl was inspired to "add me" on facebook right at the time I would be looking for a new place. I have since talked to her about it and I can tell she knows that it was inspiration too. I am grateful for that, to know I am watched and looked out for. Makes me feel like I'm heading in the right direction, and that is a good feeling.

Aunt Candy July 8, 1954 - June 29, 2011

2011-06-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

My dear Aunt Candy passed away this morning, and all I can think of is the talk my father gave at his mother's funeral 7 years ago. I hope he doesn't mind, but I am going to quote some of his talk, paraphrased a bit.
"Longfellow described our departure from life in this way, 'The grave is but a covered bridge leading from light to light through a brief darkness.' Of the metaphors for death that I have heard, that of a bridge is as good as any.
"On this side of the bridge, on Thursday morning, word went from mouth to ear among Candy's family and friends, 'Did you hear? Candy is gone.' Just so, on the other side, word quickly passed from spirit to spirit among the many friends and family there, 'Did you hear? Candy is coming."
My dad wrote this poem when my maternal grandmother died, Candy's mom. I have saved a copy of it and love it.
Setting Sail
A tall ship is sailing today with the tide,
Her bow is set to the sea.
A Crowd goes down to the pier to watch,
Among them, my father and me.
Her lines are cast from their moorings
at the sound of the captain's cry.
Her gangplank is pulled from the loading dock,
and her banner is raised to the sky.
We watch as the breeze fills her canvas.
We see mainmast and anchor and keel.
The crew is manning the rigging,
and the master is at the wheel.
She grows small as she sails far away to the east,
where the sun meets the ocean at dawn.
And when her great sails can no longer be seen
I say to my father, "She's gone."
"Gone where?" asks my father as he kneels by my side.
"She's not gone but to you and me.
The horizon was not that great ship's goal,
Nor the ocean her destiny.
"That ship is bound for a distant shore
Where others like you and me
Are waiting to welcome her back again
from her voyage across the sea.
"And when they see her white sails arise
from the waves in the west, far away,
They'll shout, 'Here she comes,' and run to the pier
and salute as she enters the bay.
"No son, her sails are still filled with the wind.
She's at mainmast and anchor and keel.
The crew is still manning the rigging,
and the master is still at the wheel."

Loved ones are left here with the memory of a great woman, to which no one can be compared, but loved ones are on the other side welcoming you home and I'm so grateful to have that knowledge. To know that you are there, you are home.
I love you Aunt Candy.

"He's Really Picky..."

2011-06-24T13:03:00.001-07:00

Ok so this is something I have heard quite a bit recently, not just in regards to me but my friends and others. People say this like it's a negative thing, like people are being too harsh, or too judgemental, or whatever. Here are my thoughts on being "picky".
I am picky too, and the older I get and the more I date, the more picky I become. As I go through my dating life, get my heart broken, break hearts, what have you I have learned a lot about what I actually want, what I won't put up with, what I'll settle for. That is being picky, and I feel like in this most important decision I'll probably ever make I SHOULD be picky.
There are plenty of guys that I have gone out with that are great guys, have so much going for them, but they're not for me for whatever reason, I am being picky and that's ok.
As all girls do, I have throughout my life, made a list of the things I want in my future husband. My list now is entirely different than it was when I was a teenager or even in my early 20's, and it's a lot more detailed, but one thing I have noticed is they are more qualities of a man, and hardly physical. There are a lot of things I am willing to overlook and there are things I won't do without.
I am going to be picky and I hope whoever chooses me is picky. I want to know that I am what they want, not what they are willing to settle for. I don't want to end up with someone that I am so happy about but feel like they settled for me. I want to know that they WERE picky, and I fit the mold of what they want.
Also something to keep in mind, guys not being interested shouldn't be that big of a deal. I wish I wouldn't take it so personally, but the fact of the matter is, there have been a lot of guys that I am not interested in, but it doesn't mean I don't respect them, or think they will be great husbands or anything, there was just "something missing", which is LEGITIMATE! That feeling is real, it happens and I daresay there is nothing you can do about it.
So girls, if someone says to you, "Well he is just being too picky." It really doesn't matter the real meaning is, he's just not interested in you. For whatever reason he's not feeling it, and you don't want to be with someone who is not feeling it, I know I don't. I want to be with someone who can't wait to see me again. Who thinks about me when we're not together. Who feels LUCKY to be dating me. One thing on my long list of wants, is to be with someone who wants to be with me. So BE PICKY!

Belated Father's Day Blog

2011-06-20T07:35:00.000-07:00

Ok so I have the greatest father in the whole wide world. Of that I am certain. I have a very close relationship with my Poppa and I love that. I tell him just about everything, he knows about every guy I go out with, what happens when we go out, what we talk about, how he hurt me (as per usual) and what not. The "how he hurt me" talks are always a little hard on him I can tell, he never really knows what to say and often asks me, "Have you talked to your sister about that?" but just talking to him always gives me comfort.
One of my very favorite memories is from when I was a little girl. I would always be sent to bed, and my dad would be down in the basement watching TV. He always laid the same way, on his side with his legs bent in a way that would leave this little nook behind his legs just my size. There would be nights I would have a bad dream or just couldn't sleep, and I'd come downstairs with my pink blanket and I'd climb into the little nook behind his legs and watch TV with him. If my mom would come down, I'd hurry and cover myself with my blanket and my dad would act like he didn't know where I was so I wouldn't have to go back to bed. Obviously the blanket was a dead give away, but my mom would play along, I'd often fall asleep there and wake up in the morning tucked cozily in my bed.
As mentioned before I talk to my dad about everything. I think what started that was when I was 11 my dad was called to be bishop of my ward. So when I was in Young Women's once a year I would have a Bishop's interview. With my dad it was often sitting on the front porch, or in the living room, but it would just be a conversation between father and daughter, he'd ask what was going on in my life and we'd just talk. I grew accustomed to that and once he was released I still found myself telling him all of what was going on in my life. I LOVE those conversations.
He is my strength. I grew up always hearing about what an example his father is to him. How he wishes he could be the spiritual beacon that his father is. He would be happy if he "was half the man his father is" and every time I would hear him say something like that I would think, "That's how I see you." I see my father as the spiritual leader I hope my husband will be. The kind of Father I hope to have for my children. The kind of husband I could only wish for. Every guy will be compared to my father, and so far NO guy has measured up. My dad raised the bar pretty high.
The thing I love the most is how much my Poppa loves my mom. They moved to Malaysia in March of 2009 and since then it seems their love has grown so much. For the first time in their 36 year marriage they only had each other to rely on, and they have grown so close it's amazing to see. My mom will go out of town and I can just tell they ache to be apart from each other. That is the kind of relationship I pray for.
Finally, the clincher. There is one statement my siblings and I have heard time and time again from him. This one statement has us coming home when we know we've done something wrong. Tells us we can talk to our father about anything and know he will always be there for us. Let's us know that no matter what happens to us or because of us we always have our parents and our family. I heard it every time I got in trouble, every time I felt ashamed, every time I felt I let him down, and that statement is, "There is nothing you could ever do that would make me stop loving you." That statement has given me so much comfort throughout my life and I know that it's true.
I love you Poppa!!! Happy Father's Day.

Birthday Blog For My Brother

2011-06-15T07:52:00.000-07:00

Today is my brother Dane's birthday and I was thinking about stories I could tell about him... This will be random I'm sure, but these are just some things that came to my mind.
When I was a little girl my dad used to tell my sister and I stories when he would tuck us in. He called these stories Goosie-Gapas. He had a gift for telling these stories, and the only other person who was capable of telling a story worthy of being called a Goosie-Gapa was Dane.
I LOVED these stories so much. They were always about two little princesses named Jennie and Julia, and we would go on these adventures that would always have doors to go through, one door would have a fire breathing dragon guarding gold and silver and the other would be some sort of castle or dungeon or something equally exciting.
I remember several occasions where Dane would have a chore he needed to do. He'd say, "Julia, if you empty the dishwasher for me I'll tell you a Goosie-Gapa tonight." Of course I would jump at the opportunity. I would finish emptying the dishwasher and be so excited for Dane to tuck me in, and then he'd come to me and say, "I asked mom if I could tell you a story and she said it was too late and that I need to go to bed... sorry." I fell for this a number of times.
I remember another time Dane ran away from home. I was so scared and worried that he'd never come home. Dane is 6 years older than me, and I have no idea how old I was at the time, but I was so scared. I remember crying and praying before I went to bed that he would come home. Later that night I remember waking up to Dane being beside my bed telling me everything was ok, that he was home and I didn't need to be scared anymore. I don't know if he remembers that, but I will never forget how happy I was to see him, and how comforted he made me feel.
Now as adults, Dane and I are really close. Our personalities are so similar, we find all the same things funny, and REALLY funny. We tease each other relentlessly and always laugh so hard together. I talk to him about all my dating woes, but more importantly he asks. He wants to know, and cares about what's going on.
Since my parents have been gone in Malaysia he has been my priesthood leader. He has been my example, and I have used him for priesthood blessings. Also an experience I will never forget.
I am so lucky to have the family I have. To have the relationships with my siblings that I have.
Dane I love you and I hope you have an amazing birthday.

Juvenile "Delinquents"

2011-06-13T07:30:00.001-07:00

Last night I had the opportunity, with my group, to go sing for a group of kids that are in a correctional facility. We were asked about a month or so ago, and I was looking forward to it, but didn't really know what to expect.
We were asked to do a fireside, but mainly non-denominational. The music that we sing in my group is Southern Gospel, Bluegrass A Cappella. The man in charge told me we can sing about Jesus and God, but not to talk about being LDS.
When we got there it was just a group of girls, they all wore the same thing, khaki pants and green shirts, or green sweatshirts. They were all mainly Hispanic and they were ordered here and there to help set up chairs and move furniture to make room for our sound equipment. They asked permission for things like going to the bathroom, or even looking in the mirror. They sat patiently waiting for us to get set up and for the boys to arrive. I couldn't help but wonder what their lives were like. Steve (the branch president) said they were all there for committing some sort of crime, nothing like murder or anything, but theft and stuff. He said they all come from horrible home lives, broken families, single parent families, what have you.
I didn't know how to talk to them, I didn't know what to say, so I found myself standing in the back until it was our time.
Only about 7 boys came, the rest weren't able to because of "bad behaviour".
We went up and sang our first song with no introduction. They were so excited. When we finished the first song one of the boys says, "You guys are like the temptations, but with a girl." A girl raised her hand and when we called on her she points to me and says, "You have a really good voice." Then we sang another song. They loved it, they were getting so into it. After every couple of songs they would ask us questions about our weird harmonica (also known as a pitch pipe) how we met, if we have trained, where we were from. They were so interested in us.
It was probably one of my favorite shows with the group. We had fun up there, we interacted with them, we laughed, by the end of the show we were friends with these kids and I just wanted to stay there. After the concert we talked with some of the kids, and a couple of the girls sang for us. They had beautiful voices and my heart just melted as they sang. I wanted to stay with them, I wanted to teach them. To tell them that they should stick with it, and all that they were capable of. I wanted better for them.
The boys left and I wanted to hug all of them. They were SO sweet, so respectful and so kind. The girls wanted to keep talking, and asking what kind of music I liked, what was my favorite to sing, how long I have been singing. I just sat there thinking, I need to work with these kids. They need people who love them and believe in them. I want to be one of those people.
I left a different person than I started. I felt bad that I hid in the back before, not knowing how to talk to them, I was intimidated by them. These sweet kids. I didn't even give them a chance. How many people do that to them on a daily basis? Is that why they are where they are, because people like me see them and turn the other direction? I don't want to be that person anymore.
What a humbling experience. One I'm sure I will never forget.

The Best Moment of My Life.

2011-06-09T12:34:00.000-07:00

This story is a favorite of mine to tell. This is what I describe as the defining moment of my life.
I am a singer. It's who I am, it's what I do. It took a lot of years to get to the point where I could confidently stand in front of people and sing and feel like I could do that without error.
I started lessons when I was 11 and for years and years I had no confidence, I didn't know how to pick songs for my voice, I didn't know how to sing. I loved it, but I didn't know what I was doing and it wasn't good. I had a lot of performances that I left in tears, a LOT of performances I will never forget the embarrassment. Auditions gone awry.
I would watch the girls that got the lead roles in the musicals with so much envy. I would listen to soloists and long to be able to sing like that. I remember how it feels to just wish so much that I could do that. But I wasn't good enough and I knew that. I auditioned for EVERYTHING but there was always someone better. Someone who would outshine me, and then I would watch them do what I wanted to do so badly and know the better person was chosen. I remember sitting in audiences for talent shows that I didn't make and just ache knowing how badly I wanted to be up on that stage (much like how I feel now when I watch American Idol or The Voice auditions)
My senior year of high school I auditioned for the senior talent show. I had auditioned for 11 different things in my high school career and never made anything. The musicals were over, the choirs were over, this was it. This was my last chance to sing in high school, my last chance for people to learn that I could sing, at this point I had more confidence, I knew I could sing if someone would give me a chance. I sang God Help the Outcast. What a perfect choice. I didn't actually think I would make it, I had nothing in my past to make me think it would happen, but I remember that day walking into the cafeteria and Meg Damron running up to me to tell me I made it. The list wasn't posted yet, but she was there when they chose the people who made it, and I made the list. I couldn't believe it and I was automatically nervous.
I didn't have anything extraordinary to set me apart. I did not stand out. I think people knew who I was, but how do you not after 6 years of school together. I was incredibly self-conscious and this could either be really good for me, or destroy me all together.
The day of the performance came. I don't remember much else from the show, but I remember what I was wearing, I remember my sister doing my make-up, I remember doing my hair, I remember picking out the clothes I would wear. Everything that morning had to do with the fact that I was about to stand in front of about 2500 people and sing. My first real performance.
I remember standing back stage as Terry Sachs did stand up comedy for his talent. I remember the SBO's sitting on a couch announcing who would be next as part of the skit. I remember them saying I sang like an angel and wanting to throw up. They called my name and I walked out on the stage. The lights were blinding, but I could see my sister and parents in the front row with my voice teacher. I remember the red light of the video camera my sister was holding. I remember hearing my friend Nick Pyles screaming "Julia you're my hero" and I remember hearing the music start.
I started to sing, and it went silent.
I felt good, I was singing well. All I could think was, "Please don't swallow mid word" I couldn't get a big enough breath, I could feel my knees shaking. I finish the song, "... The poor and unlucky, the weak and the odd. I thought we all were, the children of God." Silence, for what seemed like forever. Then screaming. Deafening applause. The lights dim and I look out at the crowd I see the bewilderment of the crowd, the shock on their faces as they rise to their feet shouting... for me. Before I know it I am standing in front of a full house of my peers giving me a standing ovation. If I wasn't so completely in shock and so so nervous I would have been sobbing. Even thinking of it now I am overwhelmed at how that felt. My sister was crying, my parents were crying. For what seemed like the first time, I was seen. That was the moment I decided I needed to be a singer. I knew I had to do that for the rest of my life.
No performance since then has matched how that one felt. I have sang to bigger crowds I have sang better, but that is what I think I will always look back on as the best show I have ever been a part of. I will never forget the little details of that day. I'll never forget the kids coming up to me in the hall and telling me they had no idea I could sing. I'll never forget what it felt like to be seen, for the first time, to have people know who I was. It's been almost 10 years since that happened and I will never forget the tiny details of that day.
Whatever happens in my music career, it will always be due to that performance. My defining moment.

Music Therapy/Song Ammo

2011-06-06T09:27:00.001-07:00

I have to say, there is something about writing songs that is so therapeutic. I love writing songs and I feel like the songs that I have been writing with my friend Jaycie, are pretty dang good, and have been really well received.
One issue I have is that a lot of my songs are being compared to Taylor Swift. It makes sense, we write really similarly. We both tend to write about dudes. Making fun of them, pining after them, wanting to be in love with them, what have you. I guess I shouldn't complain, she is incredibly popular and is making lots of money, so bring it on. I just hope the people that compare me to her actually like her and her music.
Anyway I digress.
Being in my late 20's and being single makes for a lot of dating stories, (as if that isn't painfully obvious in this blog) I am a girl who needs to talk about things. Needs to tell stories and needs to write things out. I write in a journal on a regular basis, I also write in a notebook, mainly things that I don't need to be read by anyone else and don't necessarily want to remember, I write the blog, and now I write songs.
I think songwriting is the most therapeutic, and I think it's because I can turn what was a painful situation into a joke. I can take something that broke my heart and turn it into a beautiful melody. I can send my questions out into the world without having to actually put myself out there. And I've learned that people relate to me and what I've gone through, I sing my songs and people tell me they've been there, they understand. Not only that but it's amazing to learn that MY songs help other people get through their own heartaches.
On a less serious note, I think one of my favorite parts of songwriting is the "song ammo" part. I get mistreated by a guy and I turn the situation into a song that calls him out on his crap. I have a few songs like that, and I daresay they are my favorite.
I just wrote one recently called Prince Charming. Basically it talks about how much I hate charmers. I hate the guys that tell you what they think you want to hear, instead of what they actually feel. The guys that are SO FREAKING OVER THE TOP with their compliments and everything just to get out of you what they want and then leave you in the dust wondering what in the world just happened. I am a confident girl, but I know I'm not the most beautiful girl that any guy has ever seen, I know I am not the perfect girl, so don't tell me that, I don't believe it, therefore it's not really a compliment.
Anyway I was pretty frustrated about that until I wrote this song. I wrote it, and it makes me laugh and I love to sing it, and each time I do, I care less and less about the guy/guys it's about.
I did date a guy once who knew I wrote music and a blog about dating, and he asked that he never be turned into a song. That is a valid request, and I haven't turned him into a song, but I can't promise that to all guys. So all I ask is guys, if you don't want a song to be written about you in a negative light, then don't be jerks. :)
Until next time... Adieu!

Flashback Friday

2011-06-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

I am the youngest of 5 children. 3 older brothers and an older sister, in that order. There is 7.5 years from oldest to youngest so we are all pretty close. (Though that wasn't always the case)
I love having three older brothers, but one thing I have learned about being a baby sister is that brothers are creative. They think up ways to torture their siblings that, I'm almost certain, sisters wouldn't think of.
When I was young both of my parents worked and my oldest brother Justin was left in charge a lot. The brother who would grab my toes and pull on them until they popped. The brother who would flick the bottom of my feet so hard that to this day leaving my feet exposed is a bit of a fear. The brother who would pin our (mine and Jennie's) arms with one hand and tickle us with the other to the point that if he would even go near Jennie and pretend that he was going to do that she would burst into tears, and I'm pretty sure that is why she is claustrophobic to this day. Yes that brother was who was left in charge. Smart thinking folks.
One winter day Justin came up with a plan, a challenge among the siblings. The challenge was you were supposed to run around the front yard as fast as you could, run around the van, and then run into the backyard. Passing through the gate was the finish line. We were to go oldest to youngest, and Justin was going to time us.
Side note- We used to have a jungle jim in our back yard with a big, wide, white slide. We had taken the jungle jim apart and kept the pieces of it under the deck. -End Side note.
I waited my turn patiently as my older siblings took their turns racing. I had my plan all worked out, and I was going to win. I see Jennie disappear beyond the gate and I wait for them to tell me to go. As soon as they say, I run as fast as my little legs can carry me, I'm sure I'm making good time. I am nearing the finish line so I take all the energy I can muster to BOOK IT into the backyard. As soon as my foot crosses the finish line I somehow lose all control of my body. My legs go FLYING forward and I go hurling onto my back. Completely disoriented I look into the loving faces of all four of my older siblings just LAUGHING hysterically.
Little did I know, Justin had taken the remains of the big, wide, white slide and placed it on the ground right beyond the fence and covered it in snow making it invisible and deathly slippery.
At least all of my siblings had at least one person they got to watch endure the agony after they did. Not me. I just got laughed at. Justin was the real victor, got to watch all four of his younger siblings slip and fall in I'm sure was a glorious fashion, if they looked anything like I did. Ah the joys of being an older sibling.

'Nother most embarrassing moment.

2011-05-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

Ok so clearly this blog is written proof that my life is full of one embarrassing moment after another. This entry will satisfy that as well as go back to my "roots" in telling a dating story.
Last night (yes that recent) I went on a date. Twas a good date I had a really good time. Dinner at Texas Roadhouse (my favorite place) then watched a movie. We really got along and hit it off pretty quickly. It was a really good night... considering!
There we were at dinner. I was eating a salad and Dude was patiently waiting for his meal. I had just taken a bite of salad and he asked me a question. I hurriedly swallow my food in preparation to speak. I go to open my mouth and my brain says to me, "Julia, take note, you are not ready to speak yet. Control what is happening in your mouth before you say anything." I think to myself, "Pssh!" and go on to answer the question. I open my mouth and drool goes ahead and dribbles down my face. Yes he was looking. HOW DO YOU RECOVER FROM THAT??? I just immediately go bright red and cover my face as I wipe the slobber from my chin. I started laughing so hard as I say to him, "I promise I don't regularly drool in normal adult conversation." He just laughed and went ahead and told the couple that we were doubling with.
Later on in the evening if I would think about it I would just start laughing and go bright red all over again. He said, "Wow, I've never had a girl literally drool over me before".
This is not a story that will easily die. This is not a story that will be forgotten by either party, whether or not we date for a long time this story will be told and retold, and I know for 100% certainty that if we were to wed, that story will probably be told at the wedding. Best part is, my life is full of stories like this.

Starcrossed

2011-05-16T07:30:00.001-07:00

Ok so this story is too crazy not to share, and it drives me crazy.
On Saturday I went to lunch with some girlfriends. We met at Subway (one I've never been to before) I wasn't eating I just wanted to get together with them so I was just meeting them there to chat.
I was sitting there hearing tales of the jungle from my best friend Lauren (who just did a two week backpacking trip in Indonesia and was telling me all about it, and I will tell you this now, I will NEVER EVER do that). We were sitting at a table waiting for our friend Jami to show up. While waiting this guy walks in who I immediately whip around to lip to Lauren, "WOW he is CUTE!!!" She, wide-eyed, just nodded in agreement (she's married, it wouldn't be appropriate to do much more, she was in full support of my staring at him).
So we sat there waiting for Jami, and he was ordering his sandwich while I just stared. Jami arrived and I couldn't take it anymore, so we all got up to order our food. As mentioned before, I wasn't eating anything so I just got in line with them. As we got in line Lauren says, "I'm not even going to talk to you" and started talking to Jami, leaving me in line to fend for myself, I didn't dare say anything so I just sat there in silence until I heard Lauren get to a point in her story about biffing it skiing where she said, "I got up just hoping someone would be laughing." I said, "Oh I totally would have laughed." Sterling (which the girls and I named him later) turns to me and says, "That's what friends are for right?" I said, (with a large smile and slight giddy tone) "Oh I'm totally that friend." As he went back to paying for his food. I turn to Lauren and whisper, "It is in this moment that I wish I were bold enough to say, 'I don't want to sound like a brazen hussy or anything, but do you have a girlfriend?'" (A line which Lauren used once before with much success) Her eyes got wide and serious and tight lipped she said to me, "DO! IT!" I giggled like a school girl and said, all squeaky like "I can't".
I thought for the next several seconds as he paid for his food and walked out the door, "Just talk to him, just invite him to sit with you guys, give him your number DO SOMETHING!!!" He walked out the door and I walked to our table which was right by the door. I tell Lauren I blew it and I turn around to look back at him and notice he was turned around looking at me. We both whipped around and Lauren yells "He TOTALLY just turned around to look at you!!!" I look back again, and AGAIN he was looking back at me, from that moment on I didn't stop looking at him, and was sending some serious telepathic messages to COME BACK!!! He walked to his car and again looked at me. I could see him standing at his car, and I swear I could HEAR him thinking, "Just go back, would I look stupid, what would I say?" He looks at me over his car and then sits down. He is in his car for a while before he turns it on, and then as he drives past we again look at each other. Then he was gone. The store was in a panic. I hear Lauren yell to the poor employee, "IS THAT GUY A REGULAR? WHO IS HE? WHAT'S HIS NAME???" the kid gave us little info, but some. He did know the guy a bit but not his name. I spent the rest of the lunch thinking of the movie Serendipity, and how mad I was that I didn't say anything. That I'd never see him again and he most likely is my eternal companion and I blew it. Granted he is the dude and should have COME BACK, but I wish I would have said something. The rest of the day, every red SUV I saw I would see if it was him.
Subway guy... randomly run into me again and lets wed immediately.

McDonald's uniform and a bicycle...

2011-05-13T15:06:00.000-07:00

Yes, yet another story from my life as a McDonald's employee.
As mentioned before the commute to work was about a 30 minute walk. During my employ there my roommate got a bike and would let me take it to the office once in a while.
When I rode the bike I took a different route because Kam Highway doesn't offer much in the way of bike lanes. This new route included a jaunt passed this guy's house who I had a rather large crush on. We called him Red.
One day I was riding the bike home with the visor around my wrist and the handle bar, because I refused to wear it outside of the office. Ok I'm going to draw you a little mental picture, I have never told this story without actually drawing it out so I don't know how this is going to work, but humor me. Ok in Red's driveway the corner where the driveway meets the sidewalk, the grass was not level with this corner, it was about 4 or 5 inches down.
So I'm minding my own business riding the bike home and I approach Red's house. He has a big giant window in the front of the house and as I'm approaching I could see that he was in the living room right by the window watching TV. I ride the bike off the road to get onto the sidewalk in front of his house. Well I took the turn a little too short and my tire went right onto the grass in that little corner I "drew up" before, effectively wedging my tire in that corner, making me come to an abrupt stop gutting me a little bit with the handle bars. Then before I have the chance to step off the bike it just falls, with me on it. Ride, wedge, abrupt painful halt, slow fall to the ground trying frantically to get my feet and hands loose to save myself to no avail as my hand is now attached to the handlebar by the dang visor, chubby girl... McDonald's uniform, guy I have a crush on standing in the window watching. Pretty much summarizes my misery. I get up COMPLETELY humiliated and act as though I don't know he's looking through the window, pick up the bike, and walk it out of sight.
I get home and Bree is just waiting there to hear what happened in my cursed uniform today. She laughed, RILL hard. Red never mentioned it, which I appreciate an embarrassing fall like that, you don't want to be acknowledged, so thankfully he and I both acted as though it never happened.
I think it's important that you know I worked at McDonald's for a total of 3 weeks, all these stories, and the many more that I have all happened in 3 WEEKS!!! I'm telling you that aloha golden arches shirt was cursed.

6th Grade Acrobatics

2011-05-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

This story is one that brings much humor, and much embarrassment added with much empathy pain.
When I was in 6th grade my best friend was Melissa-Ann. Nearly every day at recess we would go and play on the monkey bars. At Granite Elementary our playground had these monkey bars that were like a big upside down U. They weren't as tall as the regular monkey bars, they were probably like 8 feet high.
One fateful day Melissa-Ann and I were playing on said monkey bars and I decided to hang from my knees like any normal child would do. As I was hanging Melissa-Ann decided that would be a good time to go ahead and tickle my knee. If you know me, you know that my knees are probably the most ticklish part of my body, and nearly any contact with them will cause me to flail. She tickled, I flailed and the next thing I know I am hanging from one leg.
Unable to regain any kind of control I start screaming, fearing for my life. I look down to see the rocky rubble beneath me which is sure to be a welcomed landing mat for my face. I look up at Melissa-Ann and scream for her to grab my hand and help me up. That was the moment she thought would be a good time to go ahead and tickle my other knee. To this day I don't understand what she was thinking. I can only assume her body had been taken over in that moment and was destined to destroy me. The rest actually happened in slow motion. I, of course, flail yet again which sends me off the monkey bars. I hit the ground with my chest and chin as my legs come up behind me and my feet hit the ground in front of my face. I SAW my feet hit the ground in front of me as my body was completely bent in a circle, in no sort of direction a body should ever bend. Once my feet hit the ground, like a spring my body flips back into a normal position and I am now laying on my stomach in the rocks. I get up to my knees with no ounce of air left in my body. I try and try to take a breath but am unable to for what seems like several minutes but was probably a few seconds. The next thing I knew I was waking up with classmates and a teacher standing above me. Now that I think about it, I don't remember seeing Melissa-Ann in that crowd.
I, with the assistance of a couple of friends, walk to the nurses office, where my neighbor was called to come and pick me up, and I spent the rest of the school day at her house. When my parents got home from work I went back home and got right in bed, as my back was in total distress. Pretty sure I didn't walk normally for a few days, and pretty sure after that mine and Melissa-Ann's friendship was never the same. In fact, I haven't seen her in about 15 years. Good riddance eh?

King Kamehameha

2011-05-09T07:23:00.000-07:00

If anyone has ever lived on or been to Oahu before this name should ring some sort of bell. Kam highway (short for Kamehameha) is the main highway on the island and goes all the way around.
When I lived in Hawaii this was the highway I took on my 30 minute walk to McDonald's, my place of employ. Imagine if you will, a rather robust girl walking along the main highway, wearing her golden arches aloha shirt, holding a visor (I didn't wear it unless I was in the building... didn't want it to be too obvious where I worked [as if the golden arches on my sleeve weren't enough]) That image in and of itself is enough to make anyone tilt there head and tisk in sorrow.
One day while I was at work, Oahu decided to have one of the worst rain storms they had seen in years and years. Portions of the highway were completely flooded and destroyed. It was bad. Remember that picture in your head of the girl, now picture that, but walking in HORRIBLE rain. Yes, that was me. I was that sad image.
I was walking home from work, drenched from head to toe, soaked to the very bone. A bus driving by, seeing this image, pulled over. The driver turns to me and says, "Can I give you a ride home?" Honestly I was embarrassed to even be acknowledged so I said, "No, I'm fine." "Are you sure?" he replied giving me a look like I was crazy. I just looked at him and said, "Really, I'm only like 10 minutes away, I'm fine to walk, I don't want to get the bus all wet just for a short ride." He says again, "Are you sure? It's free." At this point I just wanted to be left alone in my misery, I didn't want any more attention so I said (with a little bit of attitude), "I'm FINE, really, I've already been walking for 20 minutes in this rain, I can walk the rest of the way, I'm not going to get any wetter." It was in that exact moment that I tripped and face planted into a puddle. Seriously. I stood up with little to no pride left in my person. I, begrudgingly, look over at the bus driver who then says, "You sure?" I just looked ahead, kept walking and said, "Just go."
Remember that image of the girl, now picture her walking in the rain with her entire front covered in mud. Yes, I was that image.

I have stories to tell

2011-05-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ok so as my dating life is somewhat in shambles these days, perhaps it's time to turn this into a regular blog. (Don't stop reading) I have funny stories from my life, they may not all be about dating, but I can't thing of anything funny to talk about in dating anymore, so now it's time for all to hear the joke that is my life.
The idea for this is my friend Jessi is doing "Flashback Friday" on her blog and posting a memory each Friday, I choose to follow suit.
This first story is one that if you know me personally you have probably heard. It's probably the best story I have in my repertoire so why not start with the best and have the rest be downhill from here. I like that plan!
Ok so roughly 7 years ago I lived in Hawaii with my best friend Bree. I was 19 when we moved there, and didn't have a job, wasn't going to school and had no money, but hey I lived on the beach so who cared right? After about a month of being there I decided I should probably make some money. The only place that would hire me, not being a student (so I couldn't work on campus) and only living there for 4 months (with one month down already)was the good old Golden Arches... That's right I am a former McDonald's employee.
I hated that job just as soon as I started it. I hated the stupid aloha shirt with the golden arches on the sleeve, I hated the stupid visor that I had to wear. Bree loved it. I had to be to work at 7:30 in the morning and Bree would wake up those mornings with just enough time to see me put the visor on, because as soon as I did my whole demeanor would change.
Well in my loathing for the job, I always had a bad attitude at work. My boss one day asked me if I would refill the hot fudge for the hot fudge sundaes. I went into the back as I passed Natalie, a girl who was from like Colorado or something but decided she had a super strong Island accent, which for some reason meant she couldn't say her H's or the first part of my name. She always called me Lia! "Ey, Lia... trow me an ashbrown." (That is a line I would hear numerous times a day when people would order hashbrowns, I wanted to do much more than "trow" one to her!) As I passed her holding the Hot fudge she goes, "Oh Lia, you found it, I couldn't find it anywhere." I just rolled my eyes as I said, "It was right on the cabinet where it always is." I went and refilled the hot fudge and went about my business.
About 20 minutes later and roughly 6 or 7 sold Sundaes my boss says, "Julia did you refill the hot fudge" I, thinking she's giving me attitude, say, "Yeah... like 20 minutes ago!" She looked at me, with a hint of a smirk on her face. Looked at the hot fudge dispencer, and back at me and says, "This is teriyake sauce."
That's right folks, those 6 or 7 hot fudge sundaes that were sold since I refilled it, were in fact teriyake sundaes. Let me just tell you now, I did not skimp on the hot fudge. I was generous with it. I want you to imagine if you will, getting a delicious sundae, you are so excited to eat it, you get just the right ice cream to hot fudge ratio, you delicately place the spoon in your mouth, and have to spend the next several seconds holding it in your mouth as you are thinking, "What are these flavors I'm tasting? What is this atrocity I have placed on my tongue? Dare I swallow?"
At that moment I remember the poor lady who came back, the single person who came to complain. She says, "Your hot fudge sundaes taste terrible." I, hating my job and everyone who would come in contact with me while at said job replied, "Sorry..." and offer no help.
In the McDonald's in Laie there is a glass wall with doors separating the sitting area from where you order. I had just barely sold one to a gentleman who was just beyond the doors. Within seconds of my boss informing me of my tragic mistake I look over at him, as (I swear to you time slowed down) he inspects his sundae, (he didn't hear her tell me what I'd done) he looks at it, and then at me. I sheepishly look down as I beckon him to come back in. He walks in and just says, "What. Is. This?" Not being able to meet his gaze I say, "Can I get you something else? A strawberry sundae perhaps???" all he says again is, "What! IS! THIS?" I look down (probably tracing the ground with my toes, hands behind my back like a child) and say, "It's teriyake sauce..." He didn't want anything else from me.
Later that day, hours later, and old man comes in and orders a senior coffee. I go to get it for him as he says, "You can hold the teriyake sauce." Apparently word had spread...

My Sister

2011-03-01T09:14:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about this post for a while, it's not dating related, so if that is all you read this for, deal with it.
I am the youngest of 5 children. I have three older brothers and an older sister, in that order. I love having three big brothers and I LOVE having a sister that is close to me in age.
When Jennie and I were little everyone thought we were twins, that may have something to do with the fact that my mom always dressed us alike and that Jennie has always been tiny and I have always been, well, bigger than her. We were always in little singing groups and dance groups as little girls. Jennie was always more coordinated than I was, especially at gymnastics. We started at the same time but by the time I quit because I sucked and hated it, I was in level two and I think she was in level 6. Jennie was always naturally better at everything, and I always wanted to be just like her.
Jennie and I have a strange relationship, we are very close and have this way of turning weird when we are together, we laugh about the dumbest things, but we laugh hard. I remember her telling me that when she and her husband Brock were dating he told her at one point, "You're different when you're with Julia, you get weird." I have to admit, that made me proud, and though since she has been married we don't have that opportunity as much I have noticed when we do get together that weirdness comes out. We find ourselves laughing at funny pronunciations of words and lisps and from time to time other people. I remember one day sitting in the kitchen in our parents house, my mom was on the phone planning out the program for her ward calling, my mom calls it a "progrum" and when she was on that phone call every time she would say it Jennie and I would look at each other and say, "progrum" and then laugh, I'm not kidding it probably happened like ten times then all of the sudden my mom said, "AM I saying it WRONG?" and we just bust up laughing so hard. Same thing when my dad would say things like "Sundee, or Fridee" Jennie just turns to me and said,"I don't think he knows there are A's in those words."
Though, I will admit, it was hard at times growing up with a sister as beautiful as her, I was always so proud to call her my sister. Proud to be "Little Sanders". It was easily done when I had a sister who loved me so much. All she ever cared about was that I was happy. If I was happy she was happy. She was protective of me all growing up and even though she was tiny she always had my back.
She has always been so supportive of me, she is the reason I started taking singing lessons in the first place and since I have been pursuing a career in that field she has always been my biggest fan, comes to every game I sing the anthem for, comes to as many shows she can, and I always appreciate it so much.
She was always willing to listen to my dating drama, and drama it was and is. Though it seems I went through the same situation time after time she would always give me advice and talk me through the situation and help me see that it was always the dang dudes that made things hard, I was just the victim ;). She helps me maintain some sort of control when I start to freak out when I date a guy, as I always do. She supports me in being annoyed with them and gets annoyed with me, and then will be so happy for me if things are going well. Even if I go back and forth with a guy, she will do the same thing, just always supports me, when I know her main concern is that I end up with a guy who makes me happy and sees what she has always seen in me.
I think the thing that sticks out the most is how beautiful she always made me feel. She always saw something in me that no one else did. When I started to lose weight I don't even think she noticed that I was getting thinner she just noticed that I was getting happier and that is what made her happy.
I have always held her on a pedestal and if anyone ever says anything about us acting alike or looking alike secretly (maybe not so secretly) it makes me so happy because that is what I have been working toward my whole life, to be more like Jennie. I loved that just like when we were little sometimes people think we are twins, I can think of no greater compliment. I love when people say, "Oh I can totally tell you are sisters" or "that must be your sister you look just like each other" again I take that as a huge compliment.
So to Jennie, here's to, "Garbeej, Foleej, Sauseej..." Here's to "Doorknobs!" Here's to, "Theeya Thuckerth" here's to pedicures, and Sweet Tomatoes, here's to Hawaii when Nix was 7 weeks old, here's to you making me pass out TWICE and laughing as I was convulsing, here's to you backing into my car and pulling your bumper off, here's to sharing a bed even when we didn't share a room, here's to Malaysia and all the good times we are bound to have there, and here's to the years of stories we have in front of us. I love you!

Sense of humor snob...

2011-02-07T13:29:00.001-08:00

When I am asked what I look for most in a guy pretty much the first thing I say is a good sense of humor. People hear this and think, "Oh sure, that's what they all say." I can see why some would be annoyed by that statement, thinking it's some sort of cop-out, "everyone wants that". I am a different breed.
I am a girl who was raised in a hilarious family. I believe every family has their thing. For some families it's intelligent discussion, other families it's competition at who can be the best at everything, other families it's simply just being together. My family's thing is humor. We can sit around the table for hours and just laugh. In my family it's whoever can get to the joke fastest wins. Or in some situations stealing others jokes knowing they are hilarious and claiming them as your own. I remember one time sitting around the table, and everyone is laughing hysterically at something, I made a hilarious comment but due to the boisterous laughter no one, with the exception of my brother Dane, heard me. A couple seconds later when everyone had calmed down Dane repeated verbatim what I had said and received all the laughter as his own, then he slyly looked at me and quietly says, "See what I did there?". I did see, and I'm still upset by this thievery, however he did what he had to do and I appreciate his delivery.
That is how we roll. That is how I grew up, so naturally I look for someone who could join in. I go on dates and if the guy can really make me laugh he has a better chance of getting a second date (if he wants one that is). The thing is, it's not just any sense of humor (and here is where the admittance of me being crazy begins). Most senses of humor can actually turn me off. If you have to quote other comedians to be funny, quoting movies or anything that's not really just your humor, it's not for me. Awkward humor... not for me. Not actually being funny but thinking you are... painful! The sense of humor I go for, is the unexpected joke. The dry witty humor that catches you off guard. Intelligent humor, stuff that makes you think and then laugh. Love it.
This has become a problem in my dating career. I used to go into work after a date and my friend would ask me how it went and if I said anything along the lines of, "Meh, it was alright" she'd come back with, "Let me guess, 'he wasn't funny enough', 'he wasn't the right kind of funny', 'he didn't think you were funny' " I realized then this is a common occurrence.
I recently had a dream that I went on a first date with a guy, after he called me and broke up with me via voicemail saying, "You just aren't as funny as I was hoping. You are a pretty girl, but you're not funny and it turns out that is pretty important to me." I was pissed because, yes I am funny! I knew right away I dreamt that because that is something I would do. That is my issue. Not too long after that I actually went on a first date and when I was telling my roommate about it I verbatim said those exact things.
Recently I was wondering if I am putting too much weight on that as a dating requirement. That it's not really necessary. Then I thought, Heck no. It exists I have been around that humor and I need it in my life. I need to be with a guy that can keep me laughing and that I can make laugh. Laughter is an important part of life I think. It just makes things better. So when I say that is what I look for in a guy, you better believe I'm looking hard for it and won't settle without it.

What I've Been Missing

2011-01-28T07:50:00.000-08:00

So I am a girl that goes on a lot of first dates. As previously mentioned I dislike first dates which means the majority of my dating life has not been that much fun.
I got to a point last fall where I decided I was fine being single. In fact I really liked it. I could imagine my life 20 years down the road as a single woman, living in my own condo, traveling the world singing. Perhaps taking my nieces and nephews with me on tour and what have you, and honestly I thought I could be really happy that way. The only issue was being in your mid-twenties single kinda sucks, there is a lot of pressure on you, everyone that you are close to is trying to get married and going through the same things as you, and it's not that great, if I could just get past that point I would be fine.
The thing is, I had never really dated anyone for longer than like a month, and I dind't know what I was missing. When you don't know what you are missing you don't know that you actually want it. I didn't, I thought I was fine.
Fast forward to me dating someone for a couple of months. We never got serious, but we dated for a couple of months, and in that time I had someone who was good to me, who called me almost every day just to talk, who wasn't afraid to be affectionate with me in public, who would make an effort to be with me. Who I could introduce to my family, and someone to be excited about.
When it ended things were totally fine between us, honestly if it had to end, it couldn't have been better. We had a really good conversation, and honestly I still have a ton of respect for him, and hopefully down the line we can become good friends. Never-the-less it ended, and I didn't want it to.
Since then I find myself longing for that kind of companionship again. To again feel that comfortable with someone, to have one person that I am excited about. Excited to hear from, and hold my hand and kiss me at the end of the night. I miss it. I miss having that. I miss moving forward and wondering when the next step will be taken. I miss having someone to talk about, and have people know who I am talking about. I know that it's not necessarily him that I miss, just the feelings he gave me. I now know what I'm missing, and I know I wouldn't be happy in a life without that.
Knowing what you are missing is totally bittersweet. It hurts to not have it anymore, but I'm so glad I had it at all, to know that that is really what I want. I know it won't be forever, I know I will have it again probably sooner than I think and I also know that whenever I do get it again it will probably be even better, but right now I miss it. It's worth missing.

First Dates

2011-01-25T08:17:00.001-08:00

I hate them, but they are necessary.
Here is one thing about me, I don't consider myself a very picky person (in some aspects, there are definitely things I can't do without), however I know full well that a first date will not win me over. I think there have been two first dates in the history of my dating career where I got home and actually wanted to go out with the guy again. Most often I get home and think, "I had fun, if he asks me out again I'll go, but if not whatever" Those two times that I came home and really wanted to hear from them were really nice, though nothing came from them (ain't that always the way).
The thing about first dates is, no one is ever themselves, you ask all the same questions, you spend the entire night trying to decide if this is someone you are going to get along with, if this is someone you are going to start dating, if this is someone who, if not interested, will get the hint or if you are going to have to have "the talk". You spend the entire night talking about your boring job, your hobbies, your schooling, your family, where you live, where you grew up, how many kids are in your family, where you fit in, do you have any nieces or nephews, do you have a big family, does your family live close, are you close to your family, do you live at home, how long have you lived on your own, do you live in a house or an apartment, do you have roommates, do you get along with said roommates? All the while trying to sound interested in the things that are being said, these are not interesting topics.
There are things that happen on first dates that don't happen always, but if they don't happen on the first date it's a "bad sign". Opening the door for instance. Yes I think it is gentlemanly to open the door, but I'm not going to sit in the car and wait for you to come around and open the door, that's ridiculous, also if I am ahead of you and get to the door first, I will open it, I don't need the guy to hurry and run in front of me to get it first, if you are behind me and I get to the door first, it's ok if I grab it, you just grab it from behind and hold it open as I walk through.
I believe first dates shouldn't be too long. I have been on a couple marathon first dates that were ok, but they ended up being marathons because we just kept wanting to hang out. Don't plan for a whole day, that is too much. The first date is just to get to know each other a little more and see if you want to go out again, the second date is the one that is more telling, where there is more physical contact, maybe a hand on a leg, maybe some cuddling, MAYBE a kiss.
Ending a first date. How I hate the door step scene, wondering what the other person is thinking, wondering if they are going to go in for the kill, wondering if they are going to mention going out again. Wondering if this is the last time you will ever see them. As far as I am concerned the guy should not expect a kiss on the first date. Even if I do like them, I want to anticipate something. I want something to be anxious about, and kissing on the first date takes away a lot of that intrigue. It also starts things off on the wrong foot I think. If I like the guy, I would like to feel like he cares about me, being with me, getting to know me, if I kiss too early I end up wondering if that is all the guy is in it for, whether or not that is the case.
Long story short, first dates are awkward, they always will be, and I have a feeling I will go on a lot more first dates before I'm done. If nothing else, it will give me lots to write about...

Meeting the Family

2011-01-25T07:20:00.000-08:00

I am not a girl who easily brings guys home to meet the family. Mainly because there haven't really been any guys that I wanted to meet the family, or guys that wanted to meet my family.
There have been a couple of times though, and they left an impact.
I realize that meeting a girl's parents can be pretty intense, especially the youngest daughter of two employees of the FBI, that can be pretty intimidating. Also knowing that I am incredibly close to my parents can add to the pressure.
I talk to my parents about everything, they know about every guy in my life. I tell them the good the bad and the ugly so when a guy comes to meet them, they know all about them already. This is not something I want conveyed when the guys meet my parents for the first time.
I remember years ago a guy was going to be coming over to my house, this wasn't even a guy I was dating, just a friend who I actually happened to fancy. I was so nervous about him coming over because I did NOT want him freaking out. I went to my dad and said, "Ok dad he is coming over, when you meet him I don't want to hear any of this 'Dave (made up name to avoid any embarrassment) it's nice to finally meet you' or 'So this is Dave, I've heard so much about you' as far as you are concerned you have never even heard about him" my dad agreed and when "Dave" showed up he totally played it cool, "Dave is it? Nice to meet you" about 30 seconds later my mom comes walking over BIG grin on her face and says, "So this is Dave... I've heard so much about you it's nice to finally meet you." I just put my hand over my face and shook my head as I thought, "I totally talked to the wrong parent!"
There have been a couple other times when I brought a guy home, once was at a family dinner, we went out to dinner and then a movie, my mom wanted us to sit right in the middle of everyone so they could interview this guy and find out every little detail of his life. I refused, we sat on the end, much to my mother's chagrin. Meeting the parents is one thing, meeting the whole family is something else. I know how each person is going to react. My dad, the protector, is going to ask the questions about his stability. Where did he go to school, what did he graduate in, what is he doing for work, did he serve a mission and where? Trying to see if he is going to be able to support me and take care of me. My mom is going to ask the questions about his life, where he grew up, ask about his family what have you. My oldest brother Justin typically asks similar questions as my dad. My next brother Dane will do what he can to embarrass me, whatever that entails. My brother Nolan doesn't really care about the guy and probably wouldn't care too much until we are planning on getting married, my sister just wants to make sure he'll fit with me and make me happy and that we have fun together and that he treats me well.
I love my family, I think they are the greatest, and honestly it takes a lot for me to be able to want to bring a guy home, to feel like a guy deserves that, which is another reason why it doesn't happen often. I think it will always be an intimidating thing both for me and the guy, but it is also a priviledge.

"The Scent"

2010-11-30T09:50:00.000-08:00

Up until recently I was on something of a dry spell when it comes to dating, hence the lack of blog posts. I was fine with that, I was actually quite content in my singleness. I had gotten to a point where honestly the thought of dating was repugnant. I was so tired of the whole scene. I realized that it seemed as though every single person was in the same situation, just at different points.
All the girls (including myself) liked a guy, who liked them back, but didn't want to commit to them. They liked to have their "back burner girls". On the same note, the guys I knew all had girls that they were dating but no one that they were totally interested in. No one that they wanted to date seriously, which in their defense isn't a bad thing, it's really frustrating to be dating people but not have anyone that you want to commit to, I've been there too.
I had absolutely no appetite for dating, and honestly I was fine with that. I could see myself in 20 years living in my own condo, traveling the world singing and being a motivational speaker. I imagined myself taking my nieces and nephews on tour with me while they were on their summer breaks, I could just see it, and it looked good, I just had to get past this point in my life being single and then I would be fine.
Then something changed...
I told myself I was not going to go on any pity dates. I was not going to be the one to make all the effort because guys are too cowardly to do it themselves, I decided that I was going on sabbatical (again) but this time, I would only come out of it if a guy that I could see myself dating were actually to make the effort and ask me on a date. Not ask me to hang out, not invite me to a party, but ask me on a date. That may not seem like a big deal, but to all you marrieds out there this is so rare these days.
Then someone did and all of the sudden guys are coming out of the woodwork. Some guys that have been around all along, and some that haven't. I have never understood this, but it seems like as soon as I am interested in someone, and there may be potential, the guys that I had given up on come around, and all of the sudden I have all the opportunities that I hadn't had before.
According to my best-friend-in-law, this is called "The Scent". Guys can smell another guy on me, and all of the sudden what was once their back burner may be taken away from them, and they don't want this, so they put on the charm.
Right now I have "The Scent" and it's driving other alpha males to do things they wouldn't normally do. The good thing is, I know they wouldn't normally do it, I know if I didn't have "The Scent" nothing would be different. One thing about being a somewhat older single (now don't freak out, I'm not saying I'm old I know I'm young and "have plenty of time" blah blah blah, but in the community that I live being an almost 27 year old single girl does put me at the older end of the spectrum)is that I know the game pretty well, and at this point I think I can tell when people are genuine and not. I have the scent of someone willing to make an effort, when the guys that are now smelling it weren't.
The Scent. Works better than perfume.

What happened to the days...

2010-10-28T10:22:00.001-07:00

Ok so about two weeks ago I went to a bon fire with some friends. I got to talking to a guy there for a while and we got along pretty well. He got my number before he left and we talked about going climbing together. The following week he called me to ask me out on a date.
To all the older generation this sounds pretty typical, (outside of the texting). Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl on a date. Seems pretty simple. NAY!!! This happens so infrequently these days, the new system is. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy tries to be in places girl might be, social gatherings and what not, boy flirts with other girls to make girl jealous, girl flirts with boy, boy gets scared and backs off, girl then moves on to other guys, boy gets jealous, boy flirts with girl, girl starts to like boy, boy freaks out and runs away.
This is why dating sucks. It is so hard to get anywhere with anyone. This guy asking me out was so refreshing. It was so easy. We're not getting married, we're not "committing" to each other. We just had a good conversation and want to get to know each other more. Is that so frightening?

How To Make a Good First Impression

2010-10-01T18:17:00.000-07:00

HAHA You must not know me well if you actually thought I could write a blog on that topic. I NEED HELP!!!
I have mentioned before my "Angry Eyes". The scowl that is so naturally placed on my face at almost all times. It's really causing some issues in my dating life...
It's interesting how that little scowl can define the person that you are, but so differently depending on appearance.
When I was younger I was "slightly" more "robust" than I am now, add that to a scowl, and you are a scary individual, frightening all those from small children to adults. Everyone that really knew me loved me because I was sweet as can be, and just a riot if you wanna know the truth. However, those that didn't know me, and weren't around me much didn't take the time to get to know me because, well I don't know if I would have approached a large scowly faced person and expect pleasantries. So for all I know there are people who I crossed paths with all those many years who got that impression of me, and I never had the chance to correct it. That honestly bothers me, but there's not much I can do about it.
Now as a less robust adult still with the scowl I seem to give off the impression that I am a snot. A stuck up intimidating girl who doesn't really care. I don't know which is worse.
The thing is I know what I need to do to change that "first impression" but they are habits that are very hard to break. AKA not scowling, not standing with my arms folded, being less sarcastic... what have you.
I will tell you what though, I have had enough of people telling me, "You totally look like a snot right now. When I first met you I thought you were a total(insert offensive term here). I was really intimidated by you when I first met you. I'm sure guys find you really intimidating." That last one is the kicker, and the reason for the blog post.
I have been told time and time again that I am the type of girl that comes across really intimidating. For good reasons and bad. Good: I have a good job, I take care of myself, I am talented (in some areas)... BAD: My natural look of death, my posture, my sarcasm.
There are some seriously ridiculous judgements that have been made on me because of the way I look. 1) I wear heels nearly every day, that does not make me high maintenance. Heels are cute and they do wonders for the legs, I have good legs, why wouldn't I wear heels? Plus I can walk in them, not all girls can, so instead of seeing someone who spends too much money on something like that and must be high maintenance because of it, you should think of me as caring about her appearance, and talented. 2)I have very blond hair. I'm not sorry that my natural hair color is blond, just because it is, doesn't mean that I am a ditz, unintelligent, flighty, or flaky, yet that is how it is perceived a lot of the time. 3) I scowl. I have no explanation for that, just get over it because I don't know how to stop. 4)I get pedicures. Another thing that has made me seem high maintenance. Ok seriously guys? I am doing you a favor with this one. No dude wants a girl with rough, cracky feet and yellow toenails. I don't have those things. You're welcome.
So to all the guys,(who most certainly won't read this blog or be affected by it's profound truths therefore wanting to take me from this life of dating and make me theirs) this is what you are missing out on by believing that false first impression.
I am a girl who cares deeply for the people in her life and would do almost anything to make them happy. I am a girl who loves to play sports and be outside, try new things, and be taught new things. I love to laugh, and to make people laugh, and I daresay I am dang good at that. I love pushing myself and achieving new goals. I am determined and dedicated and a very hard worker. I am someone who is not afraid of a challenge. I am in LOVE with the gospel of Jesus Christ and try to do all I can to show that in my daily life. I have worked hard my whole life and because of that have a great job that I excel in. If there is something I am passionate about I pursue it, until I am successful in it. I am someone who lived a very hard life full of pain and heartache, but was determined enough to change that and did, and now am determined to help people like I was and change their lives as well. I have been blessed to have SO MANY amazing friends and that is because I want to be friends with everyone. That is me, in a nutshell.
If only a first impression could show that to people. I wonder how things could be different.

I'm an introvert... Good to know.

2010-08-13T07:19:00.000-07:00

So my dad recently sent out an email that fits me as though I wrote it myself. So I thought I'd just copy and paste it for all to enjoy.

I am an Introvert, and this email explains what that means. :)

Dear Family and Friends,

I just read an article that was very enlightening about an aspect of my personality (and that of many of my friends, though not enough of them). I'll admit that I was shy as a child and teenager, was often cowed by bolder, brasher kids and nearly all adults. I think I grew out of that at some point, probably during my mission. I no longer feared talking to people I didn't know. I still don't like to very much but I fight through it. You see, I am....... an introvert.

I know, many of you are gasping and saying, "No way, not you!" (Just kidding) This fact is probably not a revelation to you and it's not to me either. I have been aware of this ever since I knew what the word meant. When I was a young man, people, nearly always extroverts, would tell me I didn't smile enough, or that I was too quiet, or occasionally had to repeat a question or something they said because I didn't respond the first time. I consider myself a pretty happy guy but people often see me scowling and think I'm mad at something or someone. I have had people tell me at various times in my life that when they first met me they thought of me as: too serious, rude, stuck-up, aloof or arrogant. You know who you are, and yes you did. I have never made friends quickly, but the ones I have are generally friends for life. Sorry guys, you're stuck with me.

You extroverts are perhaps saying, "Yeah, poor guy, too bad about that introvert thing, but I guess everybody has flaws in their character." You can't help it, you're extoverts, and by definition you think that everyone else should be too. Not only should they be, but they really, really want to be. You don't understand us.

The article I read is entitled "Caring for Your Introvert." It is written by an avowed introvert named Johathan Rauch.

Here are a few excerpts:

"I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts."

"Science has learned through brain scans that introverts process information differently from other people."

"Introverts are...not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say, "Hell is other people at breakfast."

"Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves..... In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge." Note to you extroverts: "This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication."

Introverts motto: "I'm okay, and you're okay - in small doses."

How many people are introverts? "About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population." (Nearly every true genius in history has been an introvert.)

While it is very easy for introverts to understand extroverts, the reverse is not true. "Extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways."

"Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome."

"As often as I have tried to explain [this fact] to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping."

(This is one of my favorites)
"Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts."

"Introverts tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking."

"The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98%-content-free talk, we wonder if [they] even bother to listen to themselves."

"[I look forward to the day when] it will not be impolite to say, 'I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."

And finally:

How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.
Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
Third, don't say anything else, either.

I expect that this article resonates with some of you (about 25-50% I would guess). If it does, consider yourselves blessed. Chances are, you're an introvert too.

With love,

Scott Sanders

Starting Anew

2010-07-16T10:20:00.000-07:00

There have been a few times in my life recently where I felt like I got to start over. One was January 1st of this year, I just had the best feeling about 2010 and was so excited to get started. Have everything ahead of me. I felt like the end of 2009 was shutting a door on parts of my life that would be gone forever, and 2010 I could be whatever I wanted to be, and do whatever I wanted to do. 2010 was going to be my year!
So far it has been a great year, musically everything is happening right according to plan. I have performed in Denver, California, and on a cruise. I have sang the National Anthem for the Salt Lake Bees, and the Orem Owlz (twice). I started writing and recording my own songs, and have finished three of my own so far with great responses. I have plans to record on a CD next month that will be put my name on the map in the LDS industry. I don't think there has been a week this year that I didn't sing for something. I remember thinking when I first started singing that my goal wasn't to become famous, or to be rich, my goal was to have singing be a part of my every day life, and I am there. I have made it! NOW my goal is to be rich and famous ;).
I work at a job that for the first time in my life, everything is great. I love the job, I love the people I work with, I make enough money to support myself and my goals. It is a wonderful thing to go into work each day and enjoy being there. I spend the majority of the day laughing and having a good time. I feel like I am good at my job, and for the first time feel like that is being noticed and acknowledged. I feel like an asset. I know that especially these days, a job like this is hard to come by, I am lucky to have a job at all, let alone one I love so much.
I have a family that on a regular basis make me wonder what I ever did to be so lucky. Parents that support me and love me unconditionally, that would do anything for me and my happiness, and really for everyone. I have siblings who look out for me and though a lot of their time is spent teasing me (and each other) they are some of the funniest people in my life, and when we are together we just laugh the whole time. I have a family to brag about, and I do.
I have amazing friends. I have been so lucky in my life to have several very close friends. Each year, due to my friends getting married, I feel like I have to make an entirely new group of friends so that I can have single people in my life, and each year I do. Not only do I make new friends, but I make BEST friends. People that influence my life, and have such a huge impact on me. People that I don't know what I would do without.
This year is no different. I have felt for a while that it was time for a transition. Another point in my life where I felt like I needed to start anew. I have been making transitions in my life and the people I have met have been amazing. I have met people as recently as in the last month, who I feel really close to, that I bonded with almost immediately. I have made friends just since the beginning of the year, who quite literally I spend all my free time with. People who have influenced my life in ways that I desperately needed to be influenced.
Looking back on all the years and all the people in my life that mean so much to me, how they were placed there, why they were placed there when they were, tells me that nothing is coincidence. I have been put through the ringer a lot in my life, but I have always had someone to go to. Someone to make it better, someone to make it worth it. I am so lucky that way.
I once had a cousin tell me that he has never had a best friend. He has a lot of friends but no one that he could say he was really close to. I have several, and make more every year. I know I couldn't have gotten to where I am today without them. In that part of my life, I have always been lucky, when everything else seemed bleak I always had a best friend.
This post didn't end the way I had anticipated. I planned on just talking about starting over, but I realized that when I start over, I am always dependant on my friends to help me and support me. I realize not everyone has friends like that, and I just felt like I should let them know how grateful I am, and that it doesn't go unrecognized.
Thanks to all my best friends(related and not) for getting me to where I am.

Domestication

2010-07-09T13:15:00.001-07:00

What I am about to say, I say knowing I am putting myself at risk of any guy reading this and wanting nothing to do with me ;)
I am NOT domestic. I am not a clean freak, I can't cook, I can't sew, the thought of doing my daughter's hair makes me feel so bad for them, because until they learn how to do it themselves they are going to have some sad school pictures and what not. I'm not very crafty, I don't like shopping (unless it's for shoes) I don't know the first thing when it comes to decorating. I am a sad excuse for a woman. I know the error of my ways, and I am trying to do what I can to fix those things (except for sewing I couldn't really care less if I ever learn that skill.)
I am trying to cook more, I have the burn scars to prove it.
When I was little I used to watch my dad cook and I remember thinking it was so cool that he would just come up with things, he would just throw things together and it would come out delicious (with some exceptions, carrot candy Dad? Really?) I remember he let me play with some ingredients, I got a pot, filled it with water, and I think I made some concoction of water, peanut butter, some sort of green herb, salt and pepper and ketchup. Sounds yummy right, I also remember a time my mom was cooking onions and had to run somewhere and asked me to keep an eye on them, I told her I didn't know what to do, and she said, "Just keep an eye on them" So I did, I kept an eye on them, and I watched them burn. When she came back she was pretty upset, all I said was, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know when they were done or how to know if they were done, so I figured if they caught on fire I would stop it, but other than that it was a lost cause. I know what you are thinking, "You were a child at play, you didn't know what you were doing". I worry that whatever I would try to cook now would be a similar disaster.
I have had a couple successes at cooking, I once made dinner for a double date, we had chicken and rice, salad, these delicious appetizers and chocolate banana cream pie, all of which I made and I remember feeling like such a woman. When my date got there I wanted to don an apron and come to the door holding a broom or something. I know I COULD cook, I just don't, I am a very busy girl and honestly don't have the time, nor do I have a reason to really.
I blame part of this on being the youngest child. My sister had a little sister to practice hairstyles on, to practice hair cuts on, to practice make-up and what not. I had no such little sister. One time I tried to do Jennie's hair, she had braided my hair for girl's camp, and asked me to try to braid hers. After about 2 hours I finished and it looked horrible, so we had to take all the braids out, and I'm pretty sure that was the last time I was even able to practice on Jennie, I don't blame her.
My plan for my daughters is to live close to Jennie, and she can do their hair for school pictures, and dances, and church, and dates, and girl's camp, and school, and life really. I don't think she will mind ;). I will also depend on her to take them school shopping and tell them how to dress and what's cute.
When it comes to sewing, I just don't even try. I recently had a guy tell me his shoe broke in a place and asked if I could sew it back together, I wanted to laugh in his face a little bit. If a button pops off, it's staying off. If the pants or skirts are too long, I buy taller shoes. If I lose weight and the clothes are too big for me, they get tossed. I don't even attempt.
I'm hoping that some of these things will just come naturally with the title of wife/mother. I don't think that is an unreasonable hope.
I'm taking steps here and there, but I think the road to domestication is a long one, and a rocky one, and I wear heels and trip a lot so this should be interesting.

Who Knew?

2010-07-08T08:20:00.000-07:00

Ok so for at least the last 6 years I have had such a problem with the fact that guys only want to be my friend. Many of my blog posts talk about that.
The other day I was talking to a friend of mine and I had an interesting realization.

I am the type of girl who has always had a guy best friend. I love it, they are good to talk to and get dating advice. They are fun to hang out with and play sports with. I also love being the girl in their life that they can tell anything to. The girl in their life that other girls envy because of our friendship. The problem was, I was also interested in these guys, and if I had my way we would probably be dating.
Recently I met a guy who in the beginning everything was great, it had "friendship" written all over it from the time we met. I was interested in him, but my interest got to a certain point that it could either grow if he did something or fade entirely if he didn't, but I really wanted to be his friend. We had a connection in a way that I didn't have with a lot of people. From the beginning I had him pegged as my next "best friend". The problem is, for what seemed like the first time, he didn't seem too interested in me being his best friend. This I am not used to.
It started to drive me crazy. I am used to guys wanting to spend so much time with me, not because they were interested in me, but because they just liked to be with me, as friends. Something that bothered me for so long, but then when a guy didn't react that way, THAT bothered me even more.
I realized something that made me feel like a total hypocrit. I prefer being friends. WHAT? The thing I have been so mad about for like 6 years, I actually prefer?
I realized that if these guys don't want to date me, I still want to be their friend. I want to still be that person that they tell everything to. I like being there for people, I like feeling needed, and it really bothers me to feel like he doesn't need me. Who knew I would feel this way? I did not see this coming.

Fine line between sweet and creepy.

2010-06-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of times in my dating history where I feel like I am a creep magnet. They just have a way of finding me. They call me all the time, they show up places where they know I will be, they facebook stalk me, and it just creeps me out. Then I realized, there is a fine line between creepy and sweet, and that line is me actually liking them.
If I was interested in the guy, and he was calling me all the time, I would be flattered. If he was showing up places because he knew I would be there, I would be excited, and if he was facebook stalking me, I would be happy about it.
That hardly seems fair, but let's be honest, since when is dating about being fair?

Forced Sabbatical

2010-06-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

There have been times in my dating history where I would get so fed up with the whole of it, that I just needed a break.
There are aspects of my life that sometimes take a back seat to dating, when really right now, they may be the things that I need to focus on.
In the past if things would get frustrating with dating, and I wanted to take a break I would think to myself, "Ok what are the things that I have control over, and how can I improve them?"
I have noticed in those periods of time where I am not putting my focus on dating things seem to go really well, and honestly those times don't last long. I never say "I'm not going to date anyone" I just say, "I'm going to take a break unless someone comes around that is worth me getting back into the game." Someone always ends up coming around, but for that brief period of time, I feel like I have control over my life, and that is a good feeling.
Lately, things with dating have been fine. There are guys that I am interested in, but nothing seems to really be happening, and some "resources" have been exhausted. I'm not totally frustrated with dating, but I am not dating anyone, and the guys that I am interested in aren't exactly stepping up to the plate. So that, once again, gets me thinking, "What do I have control over in my life that I need to work on?"
I titled this post "Forced Sabbatical" because the other times in my life where I took a break, it was out of frustration, and I just didn't want to date. This time I'm not frustrated, I'm just not dating anyone.
Though I would obviously prefer to be in a relationship, I like these periods in my life, because there are obviously reasons I haven't found "The One" and I am willing to do what it is I need to do before that happens. There are a lot of goals that I am working on such as singing and what not, that are a lot easier to accomplish since I am single, and I know for certain, that one reason I am single today is so I could have gone as far as I have. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if I were to have married earlier in life.
It's good to feel like I have some control over my life. I feel like for a long time, I was letting the guys in my life have too much of the control. It's good to feel like I have that back.

Legit Friends

2010-06-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

Throughout my life, mainly in dating, I have heard that guys never want to be just friends with girls. If they are spending time with you, it's because they want to be more than friends...
Be that as it may, that does not apply in my life.
My whole life I have always been the girl with mainly guy friends. Growing up there weren't many girls my age in church, but a lot of guys so we all hung out. I am used to being around guys, and honestly I prefer it. Growing up that way is one thing, being in your mid-twenties and still being "friends" is something else.
I am a girl guys like to be friends with. I always have been. Guys are comfortable around me, I am low drama, low maintenance, I like playing sports and being active, and guys like that, BUT that doesn't mean that "friends" is what I am going for. If I am spending a lot of time with a guy I'm following the rule mentioned above, it's probably because I am interested in him. I don't understand how guys can just be friends. I don't get it. I don't get how they can spend so much time, and alone time with a girl, and not have any other intentions. It seems like a waste of time to me.
I have a lot of great guy friends that came because I was interested in them, and they wanted to be my friend. They were legitimately my friend. They care about me, and want to spend time with me, and talk to me all the time, but they were never romantically interested in me. On the one hand, I am glad that though they weren't interested they were still my friend, because I gained a lot from their friendship, but I don't get it.
The thing is, it must be something I am doing. It's not easy, I waste time being interested in guys thinking they wouldn't spend so much time with me if they weren't interested, but then find out down the road that they really were just friends. What am I doing and can I/do I want to change it?
I like the person I am, I like that I make them comfortable, and that they can have fun with me. I like that I am low drama, and low maintenance. I like that I am not the "typical girl" but is that why I am always the friend? If so, do I really want to change that about myself? Become the girl I can't stand?
The thing is, I am not one to fight. I will not fight over a guy, especially if I feel my competition is not worth fighting with. I have seen girls who seem to have little respect for themselves, just hand themselves over to these guys, and the guys go for it. They like knowing that they could have them if they wanted, they say they like the challenge, they say they like a girl who puts up a little bit of a fight, but that doesn't mean that they won't first take all the girls that throw themselves at them before choosing the girl that is putting up a little bit of a fight. That's not the guy I want. I want a guy who sees me first, and comes to me because he sees something in me.
I digress. I don't like playing the game. I don't like the whole, "if you like him don't be available" rule. If I like a guy, and I want to see him, I will make the effort to see him. I won't necessarily do all the work, but I will plant seeds so they will, thinking if they do the work, and they do make the effort it's because they are interested, but I soon find out, and have found out every time, that it's because they are my friend. Every time, friend. Hang out all the time, ALL THE TIME see each other consistently, friend.
I will never turn away those friendships, but I am 26, how many more friends am I going to have? What do I need to do differently, and can I do it?

Texting, it's a dangerous road.

2010-05-31T08:50:00.000-07:00

Alright, this story begins about 3 months ago. Reader's digest version is, I had gone out with a guy, and was given the "Let's be friends" line. At the time, it was humorous to me, because I had been told that so many times. It was becoming the theme of my life.
I got together with my friend, and songwriting partner Jaycie Voorhies, and was telling her about it, and I thought, "I need to write a song about this, it just keeps happening". So we wrote the song "Just Friends". We laughed the whole time we were writing it, knowing that pretty much all single people would be able to relate to this story, because at one point or another we have all been through it.
Since then, I have become pretty good friends with said line giver, and have been singing the song at a lot of venues, and always thought, "If he hears this song, would he know he was sort of the muse behind it?" I didn't really want him to know, as I felt it didn't really apply to him.
Saturday Jaycie and I performed at an open mic night, which said line giver would be attending. I realized on the way there that I would be singing that song, and was afraid he would pick up on some similarities.
After our set I went down and talked to him and he didn't really say anything, just that he really enjoyed our set.
After the show my roommate Melissa and I went to his house and were hanging out with him and his roommate, and he started talking about the songs and he said, "One made me think... 'Gosh I hope I don't ever say that to a girl'" I smiled and looked at Melissa thinking, "He knows". I went into the kitchen to send her a text that said, "Um yeah, he knows it's about him" and then I sent the text TO HIM!!!!
As soon as I hit send, I saw his name and audibly started freaking out!!! I ran around in the kitchen not knowing what to do. I ran into the living room where we were hanging out and just thought, "How could I possible stop what is about to happen from happening?" All I could do was muster out the words, "Can I have your phone?" Right then, as though in slow motion, I see him reach into his pocket, at the notification of receipt of a text. I wanted to DIE! I just thought, "There is nothing I can do at this point." I was mortified. I was laughing so hard, just because I didn't know what else I could do. Everyone knew before he read the text what had just happened. All he said as he was opening it was, "This is gonna be awkward" Melissa was dying because she just knew what the content of the text would be. I was banging my fists against the wall thinking, "There is no way this just happened to me."
He read the text, and laughed, showed it to his roommate who laughed. I just said, "This is easily my most embarrassing moment." Melissa followed with, "Even I am embarrassed" To which said line giver said, "Raise of hands, who's not embarrassed here?"
The thing is I have sent inadvertant text messages before, but the receiver was never in the same room as me!!! It was horrible!!!
At one point I just said, through humiliation, "One day... we'll look back on this... and laugh." He said, "yeah, it'll be a while."
As the night went on, every once in a while I would replay the scenario and go red and start laughing again. I just could not believe I did that. Luckily by the end of the night, things were normal, and though, I am sure, we were all still thinking about it, we acted as though we weren't.
So there you have it folks. My most embarrassing moment

Going Fishing

2010-05-27T08:23:00.001-07:00

I am posting this one mainly for the ladies. My friend Jon Grover has a blog, and I am going to copy and paste his latest post. I think girls need to read this. I think it perfectly explains a guy's point of view. Enjoy:

For all those girls that are throwing themselves at guys, here is a hint: We like a challenge!

Most men like to go fishing, Why? Because we like the challenge of the catch! If all the fish jumped into the boat it would not be very fun. However, if we have to fight to catch the fish and finally catch it, that is the fish we will be putting on our mantel.

Yes, I am comparing women to fish. Women please don’t get offended by this. I’m just trying to make the point that you need to give the guy a challenge when it comes to winning your heart. Don’t pull the fishing rod out of his hand, because we don’t like to try to catch a fish that is uncatchable. Give some slack and show them you are interested, he will start to reel you in. Then give him tug at the line so that he knows he needs to continue to work at this before he gets to enjoy the victory of the catch.

Good stuff Jon. Good stuff.

Flirting

2010-05-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

I consider myself to be a pretty artsy person. I am a singer, I love to draw and write and create things. There is one form of art that I am not proficient at, that is the art of flirting.
I believe it is an art form. Sometimes I watch people in amazement as they flirt, wishing I possessed those skills.
I am not a touchy person. Physical flirtation is near impossible for me. I once was interested in a guy, and I was talking to my friend Chris about what I needed to do to show that. He seemed interested but he was a very shy guy and would need to KNOW that I was not going to reject him... Chris told me that I needed to step up the physical flirtation. Touch his arm. That was his biggest advice. Touch his arm. I still don't understand this. I have heard this from several guys. What is it with the arm touch? I don't get it. I think it's just because it is universally known, if a girl touches your arm it's because she has been told that that is what you are supposed to do. So a guy gets the arm touch and knows it's intentional. Is that it? Is that the only reason, or is there some reaction that goes through a guy when his arm is touched by a female hand that sends some message to his brain that says, "You must date and marry this girl?" I digress... back to my point. It seems simple, so one day after church he and I were talking, for some time. We laughed, I smiled, I controlled my "angry eyes" (refer to previous post title "Angry Eyes" to understand this) but I could not get myself to touch his arm. The whole time I was thinking about it, "ok the next time he says something funny, just reach over and touch his arm, just slightly it's easy." I couldn't do it. We talked for a good twenty minutes and nothing. Chris had been watching the whole time, and he was appalled. I just can't do it, I feel like I'm trying too hard, or that it's obvious that I have no idea what I'm doing. There was one day I was talking to him, after church again, and he said something teasing me, so I grabbed his tie and pushed him a little. This was brilliant to me, I told Chris about it, so proud of myself, and he said that wouldn't work. What??? That's what ties are for! He said, the arm touch is much more effective. I got a second opinion on that one, because it seems to me the tie would be way more effective, but both dudes said the same thing. I don't get it. So anyway I suck at physical flirtation.
I am pretty good at flirting via text AKA the written word. I am a pretty witty person, especially if I have a little extra time to organize my thoughts, and prepare the most hilarious of things to say. Text messaging is great for me, that is when I am on my game. I am much better at flirting via text aka text message, than on the actual phone, so I prefer texting. Also you don't have to worry about them not responding well, in person that is awkward, whereas if they just don't text back you can tell yourself it's because they are busy or something, not that they think you are stupid.
I am also really good at flirting when I am not interested, which sucks. I do enjoy flirting, and if I feel like there is nothing at stake, then I am great at it. How lame is that? I can flirt like the best of them if I don't want anything to come from it.
I don't like being flirted with, just to flirt. That plays all sortsa games with my mind. I was talking to a guy recently, and we were flirting pretty heavily. It was thick! We talked for a good 20 minutes and the whole time it was clear there was something there. It was practically tangible. When the conversation was over and we said goodbye, I thought to myself, "Oh something is about to happen there." I turned to my friend and said, "He and I TOTALLY just had a moment." Then what happened you might ask? Nothing. That's right, not a dang thing. I haven't even heard from the guy since. That drives me nuts. Don't flirt like that unless you intend on following through.
Flirting, when it's good, it's really good, and I love it, I just need to learn how to control it. I think it comes down to confidence, flirting because you know you have something they want. I'm getting there.
I am fascinated watching people flirt. Watching how people react to being flirted with. I need to up my game. Practice makes perfect, I'm on it!

How the Marrieds help the Singles

2010-05-12T11:50:00.001-07:00

As mentioned in previous entries, I am 26 years old. Most of the people in my life these days are married. It is one thing to get dating advice from people who are single and know what you are going through, and can relate, it is something else to get dating advice from married people. I feel as though they have forgotten how bad it sucks sometimes. Even the recently married don't know what to say. I don't mean to sound upset by any means, it's still nice to get tips and help from people who love you and obviously did something right, but I'm beginning to hear the same thing over and over, and these tips don't help.
I have compiled a list of frequently used tips I have been given from people that are married, or in a successful relationship. Enjoy.

-"One day it will all be worth it" Um Chyeah, it better be, I don't want to finally get married and think, "Man I would stay single forever rather than be with this guy."

-"It'll come when you least expect it." How does one expect things less? I am 26 years old, I'm not exactly expecting it, so how do I expect it less so it can happen?

-"It'll come when you stop looking for it." Well I'm screwed.

-"Oh man, I remember going through that, I'm so glad I'm not dating anymore." Oh good, I'm so glad my life stories make you SO happy to not be dating.

-"You can do better" Well that's good to hear, now all the pain from being rejected/dumped is gone, good to know I was settling.

-"I never liked him anyway." Really? So now I will never know if you like the guy I'm dating for real or if you're just faking it. Awesome.

-"Every relationship will be a failure until it's not." True. That's promising, and not depressing at all.

Married people. I love you, and am happy for you, congratulations on being out of this. I appreciate that you want to help me, and make me feel better, just try to not use these lines.
-With Love

A "Gem"

2010-05-05T17:08:00.000-07:00

Ok so I have done the post about bad lines, this post is dedicated to one good line. Probably the best line ever used on me. It was given via instant message, and couldn't have been delivered any other way. I don't mention the names of dudes in this blog, so I will keep this one anonymous as well.
Well played my friend, well played.
Preface- prior to the line we were talking about nick-names, as we both could only think of negative ones for each other.

Me- Why don't you just stick to calling me Jules?
Him- I prefer Jewels
Him- Proverbs 3:15

I don't have the scriptures memorized so at this point I looked it up. It says, "She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared to her."

Me- (thinking "Holy Crap that was awesome")
Him- Who knew you could use the bible to flirt?

That one will go down in the books for sure! Guys, try to be original like this, because I'm still a little floored by it. It was creative, flattering, and freaking impressive!

I realize this is a short entry, but really, need I say more?

Dating Advice

2010-05-04T12:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, To start this post I am about to sound a little vain, but I have to just say, that when it comes to giving dating advice, I am pretty awesome. I have advised many, and most of my friends on their relationships. I love that they all come to me, and I love that I feel like I am helping them. Sometimes I surprise myself at the advice I give, and how sound it is.
I take great pride in the fact that I can talk people through their relationships. Sometimes it's hard and trying, and it weighs on me to feel like I am the person holding these people up in the hard times, as that is typically when someone goes to someone for advice, but I love being the confidant. I love talking to people and helping them through what could be a very significant time in their lives.
That being said, when it comes to my own dating life, I am a complete dunce. I will be in a scenario, and for some reason all logical thinking goes racing out the window and the stupidity of the decisions I end up making rival that of crashing your car into a stationary pole or something, which I have also done so it's a fair comparison.
Say I am interested in a guy, but not much has happened yet, he seems interested but hasn't asked me out. The advice I would give, is to just be laid back. If he seems interested he will do something about it, don't be afraid to flirt, but let him make the move, it's his job to make the effort, and if he wants to go out with you he will make it happen.
I may think that, but that thought is fleeting and the next thing I know I have texted him, and facebook stalked him, and probably bore my soul to him effectively scaring him beyond control, and can look forward to the day where I see him with his wife, who knows about me, only because I'm the freak that terrified him to his very core.
I don't like not knowing where things lie in a relationship. I don't like waiting to see if he will do something. I have been "friends" with guys where I waited and waited for them to do something, and nothing ever happened and that is stupid. So now I don't wait anymore. If I spend time with a guy consistently, but it's not progressing, I get to a point where I need to know what's going on, and a conversation WILL be had, which is also stupid. In this situation my advice would be, don't shut the door on the situation, but don't hold on to it either. Date other people, give other people a chance, and if they end up asking you out, great, if not you have other people knocking at the door and other opportunities to pursue, nothing lost. There is no need to have some huge conversation, if he's not interested that will just be painful, and if he is he will do something about it. However, what I do is put us both in an awkward situation and tell them how I feel to see where they are at. My thought process being, if they are interseted great we can get going, if not, better I know now and move on, no point in waiting/hoping for something that will never happen. The problem with this is, it puts WAY too much pressure on a situation that doesn't need it. It puts the guy in an awkward place and makes me look like a moron, which isn't my favorite thing. Also it takes any control I may have had and murders it. Now the guy knows, they don't need to fight for me. They don't need to make any effort, I'm already interested, so the battle is won, and from my experience, even if they were interested that interest will dwindle now because there is no mystery.
See, I know what I should do, and I know what I will actually do. I know that what I will actually do I will regret, but I still do it, because I have no self-control. It's quite the debochle.
It may sound like I have this all figured out, that I know the error of my ways, and that I can move on and never look back on these sad sad dating years. To that I say PSSSSH! It'll happen again and again, but at least there will be many more blog entries to look forward to.

Confession, 3 years in the making

2010-04-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

This is a dating blog, that was my goal in the beginning. This post relates to something I think about with every guy I am interested and each date I go on. This post is extremely personal, and something I NEVER thought I would openly admit to, but it's time.
A lot of the people that will read this didn't know me three years ago. They think the person they know now is the person I have always been. Well, it's not the person I have always been. I am more myself today than ever, but this is not who I always was.
When I was about 12 or 13 I started to gain weight. I think it was mostly puberty related, but none-the-less. All throughout junior high and high school I struggled with it. I tried every diet and exercise routine KNOWN TO MAN, but wasn't able to stick to anything.
I always loved playing sports, but it was hard for me, and embarrassing so I wouldn't. I wasn't as active as I wanted to be, because I physically wasn't able to be. I am not going to go into detail on the depression that caused, because that is not who I was really, and it is NOT who I am today.
When I was 22 I walked into the kitchen where my mom was sitting at the counter reading the paper. She was reading an article on Gastric-Band surgery. She read me a little about it, I didn't know much, and she said, "If this is something you would be interested in, your dad and I will help you." Immediately I knew it was something I would be interested in, so I started doing research on it.
The way gastric-band works, is the put a band on your stomach at the top of it, they can tighten it or loosen it whenever you want, but it's permanent. I could have it expanded all the way, so it would be as though it wasn't there, that way if I were to get pregnant the baby would get enough nutrients, I could also have it tightened again, say after pregnancy, if I were to gain more weight, and it would help me lose the weight again, it's like forced portion control.
This wasn't an easy decision to make, because in a lot of ways, I didn't feel supported in it. I felt like I was cheating. I had people, guys, tell me I was taking the easy way out, that I was being lazy, and selfish to make my parents do something like this for me. That if I had any kind of will-power I would just do it myself. That was when I decided I would never tell any guy EVER what I was doing.
I did a full year of research, I went to seminars, I went to doctors, I talked to people who had had it done. I knew/know everything there is to know about this surgery. I also knew that it wouldn't make me "skinny" all the people I talked to weren't thin, but they were smallER, skinniER, healthiER. All I wanted was a jump start.
My goal was to have this surgery to help me get to a point where I could do it on my own. I didn't want to be dependant on it forever, I just wanted to feel "normal".
On June 18, 2007 I had the surgery. I spoke with the nurses and asked what I could expect as far as results. I had read that the average person that has this surgery would lose up to 50% of their excess body weight in the first year, and up to 70% the year after that. I wanted to lose it all. I asked the nurse if that was realistic at all. She told me, it was realistic, but very rare, and that I shouldn't plan on that, that I should just work hard and follow the rules and maybe I could be above average. That was all I needed to hear. It was possible.
When you first have the surgery the band is loosened all the way, you are supposed to go in every 2 weeks for the first 6 months and gradually get it tightened, and then once a month to complete the year, and then just as needed.
My goal was to lose weight to a certain point, and then have it expanded all the way, and do the rest on my own.
I went in every two weeks until October 2007, that was the last time I had "a fill" I continued to lose weight. The following April I was going to Hawaii with my parents. They say to get it loosened before you travel, so I did, not all the way, but some, and I never got it tightened again. By June 18, 2008 I had lost 100% of the excess body weight. I lost it all the first year.
I was becoming the person I had always wanted to be, but was never able to be. I was participating in sports all the time, runnin, hiking, not only was I doing them, but I wasn't half bad either.
By August of 08, I had decided it was time to get it loosened all the way, and do the rest on my own. When I went in to get it loosened the nurse talked to me like I was going to fail, she said, "People like us don't lose weight the normal way, you can't keep it off without the band. I'm only telling you this because WHEN you gain weight and come back to get it tightened, I don't want you to feel like a failure." She didn't know me. I knew how it worked, these people that had this surgery were completely dependant on it. If they were to get it loosened they would gain the weight back in a heart beat, because they didn't follow the rules, they didn't exercise or eat healthy food, and that was not going to be me. I didn't want to live with the fear that I couldn't do it on my own, I was stronger than that, and I would prove her wrong.
Since August of 08, I have continued to lose weight, and body fat%, I have competed in races, I have hiked Mt Timpanogos, I rock-climb, I am able to do all these things that for 23 years of my life I wasn't capable of doing. I LOVE doing them too, which is why I know this is who I am meant to be. This is who I always was, just wasn't able to be. Total I have lost over 90 pounds, and 80 of that was in the first year.
I love to challenge myself, I love to improve myself. I am now at a lower weight than I have ever been in my life, I am at a lower body fat % than most girls my age.
That being said, it is something I have been completely insecure about, every time I would go out with a guy, I'd fear ever getting to the point where I would one day have to tell him, thinking he wouldn't want me anymore, that no guy would be able to see the work I have done, and just think of the person I was and fear that I would become that again. I would be terrified that anyone would find a picture of me from before, and completely judge me for who I used to be.
Yes, I used to be that way, and in a lot of ways I am grateful. It has made me the person I am today. It was hard, and painful, and the worst time of my life, but that part of my life is over. I am who I am today, and this is who I will always be.
Take me or leave me, if you don't want me because of who I was in the past, I can do better than you. If you hear this story and it makes you question who I am, then you don't really know me, and I would probably be fine without you in my life.
This is the best thing I have ever done. I have beaten the odds. It has been two years since I had it loosened all the way, and I am in far better shape than I was then. I proved them wrong. I proved everyone wrong.
I wanted to write this post, because this is something I should be proud of, not ashamed of, and I am proud.

Summer Dating

2010-04-29T08:57:00.000-07:00

Summer dating, oh how I love thee!
I consider myself to be a pretty simple girl, not too hard to please, which is why any potential suitors should be pretty excited about summer.
I think summer is the easiest time to date. It is so easy to plan activities and dates that are cheap, and so fun.
There are so many options, hiking, bonfires, going to a park, going on a walk, playing sports, teaching sports, going to a driving range, going golfing, hot tubbing, and the list goes on and on. Movies are even better in the summer time. It gets me so excited just writing about it.
I went on a date last summer that was a perfect summer date. It was close to the 4th of July, and around that time Taylorsville has "Taylorsville days" The guy picked me up we drove to a park ate snow-cones while we would pick out people in the park and try to guess their life story. Then there was a free concert by an orchestra and then we watched fireworks. It was so nice outside and we just laid on a blanket on the grass and enjoyed. SEE! Summer dating is awesome, that probably cost him a total of $4 and I was perfectly happy.
I think in the summer people can really shine, you can do something so simple and make it so much fun. Winter makes it so hard to date, and typically more expensive because you have to do indoor activities for the most part. Summer is the best! I am a kid at heart and love to just play. Water fights, water parks, camping, boating, slack-lining, rock climbing, swimming, biking... and it's all right around the corner.
Summer dating, oh how I love thee.

Over-Analyzing

2010-04-23T11:19:00.000-07:00

I know for a fact that everyone has this problem, but I fear that I do it to a more extreme level than anyone else.
It goes both ways too, if I feel like a guy is interested in me, even if I like them too, I start to analyze their feelings and every move they make. Like if they ask me to hang out, I start to think, "Ok so do they just want to hang out, or is this a date? If this is a date are they thinking that something is going to happen tonight? If something does happen tonight, are they going to think we are in a legit relationship? If they do think we are in a legit relationship do I need to say something? If I don't say anything are they going to propose to me?"
It's so bad, because I need to take things slowly, and most people probably feel the same way, but for some reason I feel like they can't or won't. I think, if I go out with these people, does that mean I can't go out with anyone else? If they were to find out I was dating other people would they be hurt? Even though I know they are most likely going out with other people too.
My mind races, and it occupies WAY too much of my thoughts.
On the other end, if I am interested in a guy, but I don't know how he feels, it's even worse. I know what you're thinking, "How could it possibly get worse? From the previous statements you are already a complete psycho. You shouldn't admit to anything else, because if you do, I won't be able to speak with you for I will have had a complete loss of respect." and yet, I continue.
When I am interested in a guy and I don't know how he feels, everything he says and does could mean 187 different things, and I go through them all in extreme detail.
For instance, say I like a guy and he calls me and says, "Hey a group of us are going to a movie tonight if you're interested." This is my thought process, "I want to go, because I like him, but is he asking me on a date, or just inviting me as part of the group? If it is just a group thing are there going to be other girls there that I am going to have to watch him flirt with? Is he inviting me just to be nice, or does he really want me there? If I go, am I going to look desperate? Maybe I shouldn't go to show him, I don't need to be there, therefore making it look like I have other options that are more appealing, maybe then he would try a little harder and be more interested, but if I don't go is he going to think I am not interested and then not do anything in the future?" I'm not kidding that is pretty typical if not exact.
I don't know why I do this, but it's so annoying because it doesn't need to be that challenging. It should just be, if he didn't want me to be there he wouldn't invite me. No matter the extent to how badly he wants me there or not, he is inviting me and if I want to go I should go!
I also analyze my own actions, and what the other person would analyze about what I am doing. That is probably the most ridiculous thing ever. I analyze something to death, then I finally make a decision, then I think about what the person would think about the decision I make, which makes me re-analyze my decision.
People, I know. I KNOW! But how do I stop? How do I go from over-analyzing queen to a normal human being?
I would like to take this time to apologize to all the people I vocally over-analyze to. You are gems for listening to me, and I promise you, it's not over. ;)

Skeptic or Realist

2010-04-16T08:36:00.000-07:00

Ok so I just returned from a 5 day LDS single's cruise, and it left me with some opinions that I am not sure how I feel about.
The reason for me going on this cruise is, I am in a singing group, and we were asked to perform for the people going on the cruise. I have never been on a single's cruise before so I thought this would be a really good opportunity to meet new people.
I have never been great at meeting new people, there was a time in my life when I HATED meeting new people. I have a hard time talking to people I don't know, and being myself. For some reason, on this cruise, that didn't apply to me anymore.
I went with my singing group, which is three other guys. That meant I was basically on my own. I was going to be sharing a room with three girls, who I had never met before, and I'm not going to lie, I was pretty worried about how this was going to end up.
I had intentions when going, not that I was going to meet "the one" but I certainly hoped that I would meet some viable options. Exchange numbers here and there, but I didn't expect anything more than that.
I did notice though, that there were some people on that cruise on a mission. They were dedicated on meeting their Eternal Companion on this cruise.
It was funny to watch the people that did get paired up. This is where the title of the post comes into play.
I met a lot of guys on this cruise, and honestly I would like to hang out with all of them, I had a lot of fun and like to make new friends. I was not about to single myself out to one person. I was not going on a cruise to be attached the whole time. I would see people that did that and just think about what they could have missed out on doing, who they could have missed out on meeting.
I find it hard to believe that those people that paired off are really going to have a lasting relationship when the cruise is over, so what was the point? Why do that to your vacation? I wouldn't want to look back having mainly hung out with one person, and then nothing ever came from it.
I met a lot of people who I really hope to see a lot. The girls I roomed with were awesome we hit it off right off the bat, and I would love to keep hanging out with them. I met a lot of guys I want to be friends with. That being said, I didn't come home expecting things to stay as they were on the cruise.
It was really nice to escape reality, to go on this cruise alone and meet an entirely new group of people, to make a group of friends that I did everything with, but I knew the whole time it would come to an end. That no matter how much we said we were going to hang out, it would eventually fade, and I am sure we will keep in contact, but we all had lives to come home to.
So am I just being realistic in thinking those relationships were just good memories? Or am I just too skeptical in thinking there isn't any point in expecting anything to come from them.
I realized that I do this in real life too. (The cruise was not real life) I find myself asking "what's the point?" I meet new people, and make new friends, and the skeptic inside me says "Don't get attached". How do I stop that? And is it skepticism?
I like the people I met, and I hope to maintain a relationship with all of them, but I find myself with my gloves up. Skeptic or Realist?

Cheap Dates.

2010-04-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

I don't know who decided that making the date super expensive was necessary for the girl to have a good time.
I think I am a pretty low maintenance girl. It doesn't take a ton to please me. When it comes to dates, simple is better, and in my experience has turned out to be the most fun. That being said, I still want there to be some sort of plan, but it doesn't have to be extraordinary.
One of the best dates I went on was with the guy that called me semi-attractive (granted it didn't go anywhere beyond the first date, but still it was a pretty awesome date.) He came and picked me up and took me back to his house. He made me breakfast for dinner. Points- 1, Made me dinner, I do love a man that can cook (mainly because I don't, but I'm working on it) 2- Breakfast for dinner, not typical and I LOVE IT! 3- I liked this idea because we could get to know each other while he was cooking, he would give me jobs to do, like cutting the oranges, setting the table, what have you. 4, Cooking a meal together is a great idea. I don't really like to go out to eat, so this was perfect for me. We ate dinner, it was quiet, delicious, and fun.
After dinner he pulled out a Shrek puzzle. I was going to be going on a cruise, and I had mentioned to him the night we met that my friend and I were going to bring a puzzle with us on the cruise, and how excited I was. Points- 4, he listened to what I said and took note for our date. 5, not only did he buy a puzzle, but he had a plan.
We decided that since it was only like 100 pieces it would be pretty easy to do, it was for ages 5 and up I think, so we decided to time ourselves and see how quickly we could do it. So we put the puzzle together and talked and really started to get to know each other. Points- 6, coming up with an activity that you can have fun with, while getting to know each other. 7, for some reason I like doing kid activities on dates. (future reference in case I go out with any guys that read this blg, I think building a fort would be a lot of fun).
The puzzle ended up taking us like an hour to do, which was sad given the fact that we were both mid-20's and it was for 5 year olds, but we had a good time. Laughed a lot, and talked a lot, it was a great date activity.
After the puzzle we just kind of sat talked and listened to music. Then he took me home, and never called me again ;). Sure it didn't go anywhere, and I was totally fine with that, but I will always remember that as being one of the best dates.
Another date I went on, (with another guy who I didn't really ever see again) Was in the fall. We went to a corn maze, which had two sections, fun, and haunted. We did both. Points 1, doing corn mazes are fun, because it is just you two, gives you a lot of time to talk. 2, haunted corn mazes are fun because if there is any interest there it gives you the chance to be all cozy. I told him before we went out that if the corn maze was haunted I would get grabby, I am a pansy and that's how I roll. When we had the choice of corn maze and he said he wanted to do the haunted one, I figured he was ok with me holding on to him. After the corn maze we went and got hot chocolate at 7-11. Points- 3, hot chocolate makes me feel cozy, it was nice after a chilly corn maze. Then we decided to go to his house and carve a pumpkin. Points-4, Awesome idea, I got to see his creative side. 5, he didn't make me clean the guts, which was good for him because it wouldn't have been beneficial for either one of us, if I started gagging. 6, gave us time to talk more and get to know each other.
After we carved the pumpkin we decided to watch a scary movie. Points-7, I love fall activities and we pretty much nailed them all in this one date. 8, I felt like he was having a really good time because he kept coming up with new things to do. 9, he chose a scary movie which showed me he was ok with me being grabby again.
After the movie he drove me home.
This date didn't even include a meal, and I was totally fine with that. This one also will go down in history as one of the best dates ever, if not THE best date. AND it was a blind date. (Well done Scotcho!) Granted nothing happened with him either, but he was a great guy, and I think we had a really good time together. If we didn't, the date wouldn't have been 7 hours long. He easily could have taken me home after the corn maze.
These are two dates which I don't think broke the bank for these guys, but they were awesome. I love those, because I think they are far more creative than dinner and a movie. Not that I am bagging on that, I like dinner, I love movies, but if you can be creative like that. Awesome. Summer is super easy too. You can go up the canyon and have a fire, you can play sports outside, you can go for walks, you can go for hikes. I am so looking forward to summer dating :)
So guys, get the creative juices flowing, and you don't have to spend a ton to make the girl happy. :)

The Power Lies With Who Cares Less...

2010-04-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

I hate how true this statement is. When it comes to dating, this is pretty much the dater's motto.
It is so annoying that you can not be interested in someone, not care if you don't hang out with them or do, but then as soon as you find out that THEY don't care, all of the sudden you're annoyed. You didn't care, but now that they don't care, you care that they don't care. It's such a ridiculous cycle.
It's happened to me many times.
I remember years ago, there was a guy who was interested in me, I thought he was great, but I just wasn't romantically interested. We went on a couple of dates and I think he just got the vibe that I wasn't feeling it. So he stopped trying. Then one night I saw him with another girl, in our ward. He had his arm around her, and jealousy filled me to my very soul. I wanted his arm to be around me. Though I knew full well if it was, I wouldn't want it to be.
It wasn't that I wanted him, but I wanted him to keep wanting me. It's that attention that we all love.
Knowing that I have been in that situation, I shouldn't be so upset when guys do that to me, but I can't help it.
Another time, I was going to hang out with a guy who I was interested in but wasn't really giving me the interest I was hoping for. He had invited me to this party, and honestly I didn't want to go, but knew that if I didn't go I would have wondered what would have happened. So I made my roommate come with me. My whole plan was to be indifferent. I wasn't going for him, I was going to meet other people. I was going to make new friends, I wasn't going to talk to him, unless he talked to me first. And that is exactly what I did, and it worked like a charm. That night. He was flirty and touchy, and cuddly, but only that night. Once he had my attention again he stopped all his advances.
That part of dating is very misleading, and it makes it really hard to read people, and how they really feel.
Guys always say that trying to understand girls is impossible, girls say the same thing about guys. People, we are all playing the same game, and from what I can see, we are using the same playbook.
So it all comes down to this. If the guy was interested he would do something about it. If he's not doing anything about it, he's not interested. Girls can flirt and let the guys know (subtly) that they are interested, but it is the guy's job to take the step, and if they're not taking it, they don't want to.
I wish that was easy to remember, because it is REALLY easy to make excuses for them, truth is, it's rare that there is actually an excuse, other than, "He's just not that into you."

Shoes: For or Against?

2010-04-03T11:18:00.000-07:00

I have been told once that there are a few topics that girls talk about that force guys to mentally fall asleep. Shopping, make-up and "ponies" to name a few. It has been said that the only thing that can bring a guy out of the mental coma, is the mention of something like, sports, or guns, or perhaps Eva Longoria.
One topic to which guys daze are shoes. I have a deep love for them, and own many a pair. I like the way they make my legs look, I like the way they make my feet look. I think high-heels are very flattering.
I always thought girls bought shoes like this, to please the men-folk. To make ourselves more attractive for them, but recent experience makes me question that theory.
I have a good friend who when I first met him would always comment on my shoes. Calling them snazzy and sassy and the like. Then when we became better friends I wore a pair of heels around him, and he said, "You know guys hate shoes like that right?" What? The same guy who I thought loved them, would compliment me on them, and then turn away in disgust at my choice of footwear? I felt betrayed. He told me that to him, shoes like that made the girl come across as high maintenance, and that is NOT the kind of girl he wanted. He loves when girls where flats, LOVES a girl in a hoody, and about passes out if a girl looks good in a beanie.
I understand that not all men want those same qualities, but since then I have always wondered. Are guys turned off by my shoes? Have I been wrong this whole time? Are the men that I am trying to attract turning in the opposite direction because of what I am using to attract them? (Granted I have other qualities, attributes, and features that I would hope help in the attraction process, I don't simply rely on my shoes to do the work. I don't walk up to a guy that I am interested in and hold up my shoes, I'm just sayin.)
So this leads me to my question. Do guys, or do they not like high-heels?
Are girls wearing heels to impress the dudes, or to impress each other? We buy them, and show them off to our friends. We notice other girl's shoes. We talk about shoes to each other. Are we only trying to impress each other?
In my opinion I think that is a big factor in the shoe buying process. BUT, I also think they still make my legs look good, which is appealing to the opposite sex. I have some good calves, heels definitely help accentuate those. They are one body part I am proud of, so I wear the heels.
That being said, I know they aren't practical. I know in winter wearing high heels is asking to slip and fall in what can only be a devestatingly embarrassing fashion. I know that they hurt, and after a day of wearing heels and being on my feet I would be in so much pain that my walking for the next day or so would be like that of an 80 year old woman, who was drunk, and rode a horse for hours and hours. I know that if I was wearing heels, and was to be chased by a murderer I would have next to no hope and be killed almost immediately. I realize all this, yet, I wear them, almost daily, and I must say I rock them!
I like to think that my friend is in the minority of guys. That most guys actually do like heels, because I know full well, I am not going to stop wearing them, and I am not going to stop buying them.
I also would like to point out that I am not a high maintenance girl. I am not a huge fan of shopping. I love rock climbing and camping and hiking and playing sports and trying new things, and getting dirty, and being active. I don't mind getting my hair wet when I swim. I don't wear new make-up to the gym, I don't look cute at the gym at all. I do however own over 30 pairs of shoes. That, gentlemen, does not define me.
I realize that all the guys that may have been led to this blog, are probably unconscious right now, so I will end by saying one thing. Eva Longoria.

Bad Lines Used On Me

2010-03-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

Ok so I was thinking tonight of all the lines that have been use on me, and sadly the majority are compliments laced with a slap in the face. These four are probably the worst ones, and really the only ones worth posting. Let's dive in shall we.

(This guy I had been talking to for a while, I'm not going to put the whole line, just the clincher)
Smooth dude at a party- "You're semi-attractive"
Ok what? You never tell a girl that. NEVER. I don't understand at all how that was meant to be complimentary, but he did end up taking me out, and I did go, smart of me I know. One good thing that came out of it was I told his roommate what he said, to which he replied, "Oh well, if your roommates are as 'semi-attractive' as you, you should bring them around." Maybe I should have gone out with his roommate instead.

This one was at a church activity. A guy I didn't know that well, but he knew my roommates. He was leaving with my roommates and was walking past me...
Awkward Dude- "Hey it was really good to see you tonight."
Me- "Yeah it was good to see you too"
Awkward Dude- "You're like eye candy for me"
Me- "....." (That means I was speachless looking at him completely dumbfounded with my mouth open, feeling totally awkward, not knowing what I could possibly say after a comment like that)

Worst date idea. There was a guy I met at Utah State who also had the last name of Sanders. From the time we met until the last time I saw him, he would introduce me as his cousin, and call me cousin or just "Sanders". After a while of this we ran into each other at lunch.
Sanders- "Hey Cousin"
Me- "Hey"
Sanders- "So I was thinking we should go to dinner sometime"
Me- "Oh yeah?"
Sanders- "Yeah I have this geneology book, and I thought it would be cool if we looked through it to see if we're related down the line."
Ok... Did you just ask me on a date to find out if we're related? Pass!

And finally, this one is just hilarious.
Old creepy dude country dancing- "Is that your natural hair color"
Me- "Yeah it is, but I'm not one of the 'dumb blondes'."
OCDCD- "No, you look smart, you have a big head."
Me- "I have a big head?"
OCDCD-"No it's ok, I like it."
Nice, thanks buddy, let's date immediately!

I do have some others that I really should post, but there is a good chance they would get read by the line giver. They are doozies. Bad bad things that you should never say to a girl, but I think he genuinely thinks he was being complimentary. I have told them to my friends as they happened, and the reaction I got on each one was "...." (look above for translation). I don't understand guys. Some guys are just not smooth. I think someone should teach lessons. Some guys know what is and what is not ok to say, but some are just clueless, of course it seems to me that it's the clueless ones that are the most brave. They are the ones that put themselves out there. Why is that?

The Chase

2010-03-28T16:05:00.000-07:00

AKA the worst part of dating.
The rule is, people (and I say people because girls are just as guilty of this as guys are) don't want what's handed to them.
Though I hate this I am involved in this. My whole life I have had the problem that I can be totally interested in someone, but as soon as I think that they are interested in me, my interest completely goes away. Maybe I lose respect for them for being interested in me or something ;). Really I don't get it. As soon as they like me, I find all these flaws, that I CANNOT live with.
My friend Spencer once told me, when I was interested in a guy, that he was going to talk to him, and tell him that even if he did like me, not to show me that, then I would like him forever. I laughed about it, but sadly I knew it was true.
The problem with this is, I am chronically interested in guys that are not interested back.
I have had a few times where my interest didn't fade. Even when I thought my dating them was a possibility, I still liked them. So rather than losing them because I can't date them, I become their friend.
I have heard all throughout my life that guys do NOT want to be friends with girls. My life proves that theory wrong.
I am great at being the friend. That is my lot in life. I am always the friend. Guys are comfortable with me. I am a good listener and I am a good confidant. So even if the guy isn't romantically interested in me we are able to maintain a really good friendship. Honestly I am grateful for that. I would WAY rather have a meaningful friendship with these guys, than be all wounded and "heartbroken" which pain would only last a short amount of time, but in the end never see them again.
The problem is, I do become that friend. My romantic interest in them fades to a legitimate friendship and then they come around. Once I am no longer a viable option for them, they miss that attention, and try to get it back. The thing is, it's not real. I have been burned in the past thinking it was. If I do give in and accept what they are feeding me, then that appeal is gone. It's not me, it's the lack of attention that my interest was giving them.
I also have the "friends" where they don't want to date me, but they don't want anyone else to date me either. So nothing romantic happens between us, but they see me talking to another guy, and they step in, and joke with me, and banter with me in a way that shows the potential interest that there is obviously some history there and they back off. GRRR.
Dating can be so frustrating. How am I supposed to know what to do? The problem with being a girl is we just have to wait and see if the guys we like are going to "choose" us. If we go after them, we come across as desperate. If we don't go after them, we run the risk of them never noticing us. How is a girl supposed to get the guy she really wants?
Every time I am interested in a guy, and I am waiting for something to happen, my mom tells me how when she was interested in my dad she used to bake him treats, and make him dinner, and what not, and my dad will follow by saying that is why he chose my mom, among all the other ladies vying for his attention.
It does NOT work that way anymore. Today, that comes across as desperate. I mentioned it to my cousin Brian, and asked him what he would think if (when he was single) a girl were to come to his apartment unannounced with a plate of cookies, and he said, "I'd take the plate, thank her for the cookies and shut the door" Pretty much what I suspected. So I wait. Hope that the guys I like ask me out, and if not, that I will find new ones that will.
Ah dating, it's a wonderful ride.

How to get a girl to kiss you on the first date.

2010-03-26T17:05:00.001-07:00

Now I like to think I am not the type of girl that kisses on the first date. My thoughts, and my actions don't seem to interact sometimes. I like to think it though.
A number of months ago I had made plans to hang out with some friends of mine who happen to be a couple. The dude in the couple (who I will refer to as Guy A) asked if it was alright if his friend (who I will refer to as Guy B) came along. I had met Guy B before on a date that said couple had set me up on a few weeks prior. We met a group at a Real Salt Lake game, and he happened to be in the group, he happened to be the roommate of the guy I was on the date with, but that is neither here nor there. I asked them if this was a set up or if this was a hang out, they assured me it was just a hang out, which I was more comfortable with because then I could be myself. As I have mentioned in a previous post, I have a hard time being myself on dates, so going into it like we just all were hanging out together I wasn't bashful.
First we went to a soccer game that Guy A and Guy B were playing in. Then we decided to go see New Moon, which the guys were really excited about. It was pretty close to opening night so there was a pretty good line.
While we were waiting in line Guy A called my friend (for the sake of keeping anonymity and because at this point it only makes sense, we will call her Girl #1) Babe. Guy B turns to me and says, "Should I be calling you Babe?" I said, "Yeah you probably should." He said, "So are we just imitating them tonight?" I said, "Yeah I think that would be wise." So following Guy A's example he put his arm around me.
Once we were sitting in the movie Girl #1 started scratching Guy A's back. Guy B turned to me and said, "So... are we still imitating them er...?" So I flirtatiously rolled my eyes, and started scratching his back. Smooth.
Ok at one point in this movie, Bella is sitting in between Jacob, and some other dude in a movie theatre, both guys have their hands held out giving her the opportunity to hold them. At that same point my arm itched. Really it did. So I put it out to scratch it, and unintentionally did the same thing as the guys in the film. Guy B leans over and says, "Geeze you don't have to be so obvious." and we just laughed about it, but didn't hold hands.
After the movie we went back to Guy A's house and were sitting on the couch. Guy B and I were sitting rather close, it was a date at this point. We were getting along really well. Guy A leaned over and kissed Girl #1. Guy B then turns to be and says, "So... are we still imitating them er...?" I just laughed, but then Guy A says, "Guy B, I dare you to kiss her right now" (ok so he didn't say Guy B, but I gotta keep rolling with it) I just laughed and said, "What are we 12?" Then I notice Guy B is leaning in. I just laughed because I knew there was no way he was actually going to kiss me. He keeps leaning in... I start to think, "No I'm calling his bluff, he won't really kiss me, we don't even know each other". He keeps leaning in, by now he's real close so I started to laugh, and... Welcome to my teeth! That's right! He kissed my teeth! He pulled back and I just said, "That'ssss just awesome!" He followed with, "Guys her teeth taste so good." I was pretty embarrassed, they all just started teasing me for being a teeth kisser. He asked me if that's how I always kiss. I told him, I was calling his bluff, I didn't think there was any way he would actually kiss me. To which he said, "Clearly you don't know me that well. I don't bluff." I said, "Chyeah, clearly I've known you for about 5 hours."
For the rest of the night, I was being referred to as a teeth kisser. I couldn't go down like that. So I made sure to repair my reputation before we said goodbye. I couldn't, very well, allow people to go on thinking I was a teeth kisser. It was about reputation. I had to clear my name, and that I did.

Chester the Molester

2010-03-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

Ok this post is dedicated to the worst date I have ever been on, and if the church is true will ever go on.
About 2 years ago, my brother Dane told me there was a guy he worked with that he wanted to set me up with. He gave the guy my number, but I didn't hear from him for a couple of months. He finally texted me one day and we chatted via text for a while.
Here is one problem (among many) with that. Via text, you can be whoever you want to be. You can be charming and flirtatious and witty, because you don't know the other person, you don't know if, once you meet face to face, you will be interested in them or if they will be interested in you. You don't know that you may very well be talking to Satan...
So I did just that. The thing is, in all honesty I didn't expect him to be interested in me when we met face to face. Force of habit. I let him flirt with me, and what not, because I thought when the time came that we actually went out, it would all end, so it didn't matter. Oh the regret!
Ok the day comes, and I was terrified. I was nervous that he wouldn't like me. HA looking back, that thought makes me dryheave! I remember talking to my dad, and him telling me, "From what Dane said, this guy is pretty shy... if you are interested there is nothing wrong with giving him a little engouragement. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there a little."
So he gets to my house, I open the door, and I see standing before me, a guy who looked like he woke up put on a grungy grey shirt and jeans, rubbed his hair on the ground for a while, worked on his car, certainly didn't go to the gym, took another nap woke up and then came to pick me up.
As soon as I shut the door behind me, dude is HANDS ON! Rubbing my shoulders, playing with my hair holding my hands. REALLY? It's been all of 45 seconds! So we drive to the restaurant where we are having a conversation he is clearly not listening to. I had mentioned my roommate Katie maybe three times in a 10 minute period, and each time he would say, "Who is Katie?".
Then we are driving from the restaurant to the theatre and he asks me what kind of house I would buy if money were no object. I told him I wouldn't have a huge house, I would want one that fits my family comfortably, but there are things I would want with it, like a studio and a pool and what not. He replies, "I don't think that's true. You seem the type that would get the biggest house she could." Um excuse me? A) You don't know me at all, to be able to make that judgement call. B) This is a first date, even if I was lying, what does it matter? and C) Yuh HUH! I was irritated.
We get to the theatre, and are in the movie and he asks me flat out if I am going to kiss him. I just looked at him and flat out said, "No, I'm not going to kiss you" He then goes off on how I led him on, and how he should have just kissed me when he first opened the door. His rantings were interrupted when his phone rang, and he answered it. DURING THE MOVIE! When he got off his super important phone call he turns to me and says. "That was rude" I wanted to say "What answering your phone, in a movie? AND on a DATE?" but I refrained and just said, "What?" He said, "You totally led me on." I said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am not going to kiss you" Then he asks me why not. Oh gosh you want a reason really? Among the many other reasons, I told him "I am going through the temple in a month and a half, and I am not going to be kissing anyone while I am preparing" Which was true, and just so convenient. His response, "Are you lying to me?" Ok buddy, if I'm not lying that is about the best excuse one can give, and one that should not be questioned. If I AM lying take the HINT! I don't want to kiss you so much I am willing to lie about the temple just to not kiss you.
We spent the next two hours, with me explaining to him why I wouldn't kiss him, and him fighting it. Oh but not before he said, "If you won't kiss me, you will hold my hand" Grabs my hand, which to this day I am tempted to chop right off!
On the car ride home we are still arguing about kissing, at one point he said, "So you can't kiss anyone?" I said, "No" and he goes, "Well I can" as though he was just going to kiss me against my will. That was the last straw. So I said, with some force, "You know, it's the honorable thing to do, to hear what I am saying and respect it. I can't believe after all I have said you would even consider kissing me!" Then he shook his head, and I said, "Don't shake your head like I am the one being unreasonable, if anyone should be shaking their head in frustration it's ME!" So he takes me to the door gives me like 4 prolonged hugs and leaves. I got home threw my purse across the room, and at the risk of giving TMI went in the bathroom and threw up!
After he left I get a text message that said, "Don't for one second think that I am mad about what happened tonight." WHAT!!!??? I should be concerned about YOUR feelings? Are you INSANE? Needless to say I never responded.
The next day I went to tell Dane about the awesome date he set me up on. His response at the end of it all was. "You know, there is no way I could have known that he was going to behave that way, but at the same time I'm not totally surprised either." He told me that he wouldn't have been surprised if he was bet to kiss me. At least I have solace in knowing he lost that bet. Dane said, that before Chester the Molester and I went out he wanted to call off the whole thing, said he didn't have a good feeling about it. As calm as I could muster, I urged him to follow those feelings next time. He said, "I feel like I should make it up to you. There's another guy I work with..." That was all he was allowed to get out before I killed him. Ok so I didn't kill him, but he won't be setting me up on any more dates.
To this day I can't tell that story without shuddering.

Angry Eyes

2010-03-23T12:44:00.000-07:00

Among many wonderful traits that I have been blessed to have passed on to me from my father is a look of concentration commonly referred to as "angry eyes". It's not intentional. If I am concentrating, thinking, or just plain relaxed there is a natural scowl that is on my face. I don't know I'm doing it, but it doesn't look nice. If I happen to make eye contact with you, or even look in your direction whilst making said "angry eyes" it could scare any daylights you have, right out of you.
The problem with this is, I scare people. All the time. Most of the people that I am friends with today told me that when they first met me they were, intimidated by me, thought I was a snot, or flat out afraid of me. That is not something I am proud of.
Within the past year I have been thinking about that a lot, and making a valiant effort to be more smiley. It's surprisingly difficult.
I worry if I have turned away potential suitors because I have unintentionally given them a look of death. I wonder if guys are afraid to approach me or talk to me, thinking I think I am too good for them, or that I am just a frightening individual.
I have talked to some guys about this, to get their opinion. One being my landlord, he is a 32 year old single guy who was afraid of me for the first 4 or 5 months that I lived in this house. Never said anything to me, and I never said anything to him because I was shy... not because I wanted to kill him or anything. He said that one day he was outside working on our pool, and I came walking out wearing these tall red heels (which is not uncommon) and I gave him a look like, "what are you doing in my backyard?" I remember that day. It was sunny, I was on my way to my cousin Jessica's bridal shower. I walked through the backyard, saw him, didn't know him well so didn't say anything, just noticed that they were working on the pool. I mention it was sunny because that just adds to the scowl, I was squinting, in addition to scowling. I can imagine the fear that passed through his body.
People I am all of 5'4" I don't understand what is so frightening about me.
Anyway it really does bother me. I am a nice person. If you just talk to me I like pretty much most people. (Let's not kid ourselves, there are people that drive me insane)
I was talking to my friend Nate about this, telling him I was frustrated that guys wouldn't approach me because of this. He assured me that if these guys are "Men" that wouldn't be enough to scare them away. Said if he was interested in a girl he wouldn't be afraid to approach them. I told him he was a special breed. He does things right, asks girls on dates instead of just hanging out, isn't afraid to approach them, isn't intimidated if the girl is with other guys, he will make his presence known. More dudes could learn from him. He did make me feel better though.
So to summarize, I may be frightening on the outside, but I'm sweet as can be on the inside, unless you cross me :)
Don't judge a book by it's cover, or because it scowls at you, or because you think it's too good for you, or wears red high heels. Really you shouldn't judge books.

Getting Ready

2010-03-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

There is something to be said for the good dates. The ones that you get all excited for, that you spend the majority of the week planning outfits in your head, and lines to say and things that will make them laugh (that part may just be me). When I am excited for a date, it is the best.
I went on a date recently, and I can tell you I have never been so excited for a first date. The guy was really funny, and that is HUGE to me. This guy could genuinely make me laugh, he was super witty and honestly I was just so excited to get to know him more.
When the day came to go out I gave myself plenty of time to get ready. I am SO not the girl who makes the guy wait so I can finish getting ready and make the grand entrance. First dates are awkward enough without that.
I had a particular outfit I wanted to wear, and I put it in the first load of my laundry so it would be ready on time.
I proceeded to get ready and at about 6:30 (fifteen minutes before he was supposed to be arriving) I went to get them out. They were NOT dry, at all! I started freaking out. So I took everything else out and just put those clothes in there, hoping they would dry faster alone. I ran upstairs and was freaking out to my roommate. That was the chosen outfit, not only was it not dry, but I had no other options. Everything else was either in that drying load, not dry, or in the wash. I was hosed. My roommate asked me if I cleaned the lint trap as that could hold up drying. I realized I hadn't so I run downstairs and go to pull it out, and break the dang thing. By now it's 6:40, and he was going to be there any minute. I went running upstairs (I kid you not I am booking it around my house) and looked through my closet to see if there was ANYTHING else I could wear, no, there wasn't. I ran downstairs and look through the window to see if by chance he was there. As I do I hear a knock at the door. I literally screamed, and yelled at my roommate to get the door, as I ran into the laundry room. I check the clothes. They're not dry, but they weren't too bad. This was so not how I planned this date starting out. I grabbed the clothes from the dryer, and go running upstairs. As I fly past him I just yell, "I'M NOT READY!" I get to my room, and get changed into my somewhat damp jeans. I will tell you this, there are few things that are less comfortable than damp jeans.
So it wasn't exactly a perfect start, but it ended up being a really fun date, and if nothing else, all the running I did around the house before he got there helped me to burn the calories I consumed at dinner.

The Trouble With Guys.

2010-03-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

Ok so as far as being a single woman in the LDS community, I am getting up in years. I am 26 years old, the youngest child in my family, and the only single person in the world... or at least it feels that way sometimes ;).
Pickens are getting slim.
I have noticed with guys, there seems to be a pattern. There are the guys that a fresh off the mission, they have marriage on their mind, they are looking for their wife, but in my eyes seem really immature, have pretty much nothing established in their life and are borderline undateable, not to mention I feel so old around them. Then there are the 23-25 year old guys, who are really starting to get it together, if you can catch the guys in this age range it's perfect. They are getting to the point where they are ready to settle down, ready to have that kind of commitment and in their eyes are prepared, but they date 20 year olds. Older women to them are "left overs". If they don't happen to get married at this point, then they turn into the 26-30 year old guys, who are burned. They are afraid of commitment, they are pretty close to being in their careers, if they aren't already, and are now to the point where they are tired of trying for a wife, tired of "spending money on someone else's wife" and are in a dating "funk". They don't date anymore, but prefer to "hang out" and don't want to commit to anyone. After the age of 30 the guys are one of two extremes, they are either the guys who have it together, they are in their career, established, mature, and ready to settle down and start a family, Or, they are tools. The guys who are 30+ and single for a reason.
What is a 26 year old girl to do?
I have dated them all, and I know I would prefer the 26+ guys, but I think I'm reaching for the stars to get one that is normal and ready. I could date and have dated the younger guys, but there is some immaturity issues that I can't seem to get passed, I know they will grow up and out of that stage, but am I just supposed to date them while they bug me and wait? Or do I date a guy that maturity-wise is there, but just wants to "be friends" and hope that one day he will come around and actually want to date?
I want to stress that I know that not all guys fit into these categories. They're called husbands.
Ah the joys of dating.
The thing is, none of this really makes a difference, because even if I do happen to find a guy who is great and wants to date, there is something that goes off in my head, and I run the opposite direction. I have issues of my own...
So to summarize, guys of all ages have issues. The guys that I am interested in, aren't datable, but the guys that want to date me I am not interested in. The guys that I am interested in that want to date me scare me away for some unexplainable reason. All things considered, I should expect marriage at any point now. Should be easy.

Blind Dates

2010-03-20T00:00:00.001-07:00

Ok so for the first real post, I am going to give my feelings on blind dates.
In my day I have been on roughly forty-two thousand blind dates. (I typed that out because that number needs to be read with serious pronunciation) Out of those blind dates I would say 2, maybe three, were dates I enjoyed, and would have liked to see the guys again. Those are not good odds.
I have decided that when people set you up on blind dates, it tells you exactly what they think about you, and I have come home from many a blind date wondering why my dear friend is so mad at me as to set me up with such a wad. I once had a guy call me and tell me he wanted to set me up with a kid in one of his classes, when I asked him to tell me about him this was his explanation, be warned what you are about to read is not suitable, for anyone really. "Well he's kind of short, stalky, not super attractive. He doesn't have much of a sense of humor. He's not really outgoing, he kind of sticks to himself. He's not the life of the party, but he'll go..." Though I was flattered, I decided to pass. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Really people? Does anyone ANYONE think that was a good idea? Would anyone want to go out with ANYONE that met that description? First rule of setting people up, you tell the potential dates the GOOD qualities the person has, you are trying to sell them to each other. He didn't have one good thing to say.
After I called Lauren (my friend who was dating the gem that wanted to set me up) and relayed the story to her, and how completely offended I was, she called him and pretty much railed into him about having no tact. She later told me that he didn't actually know this kid. That he was just a kid in his class he thought was nice. Ok let it be known, being single is NOT my only prerequisite for a potential date.
I think the worst part of the actual date is when that doorbell rings and you are about to face your opponent. Ok, you can tell right away if someone is happy to see you, that is not something you can fake, I've tried. If you open the door and you get the "oh" expression, good luck. On the other hand you can open the door and get the sigh of relief, that's a good thing. I've had both, and have given both.
I know that if a guy isn't attracted to me physically, that's it, I can't be myself on a first meeting, it takes a while for me to actually be myself in any arena, let alone a blind date. It's a lot of pressure. The catch 22 is, that is only the scenario if I am attracted to the guy. If I'm not interested I can totally be myself, because I don't care if they call again. I don't care if I ever see them again. So I can make jokes and be funny and win them over, problem is... I don't want to.
I think I have gone on long enough about blind dates to give a good reason as to why I hate them. I still go on them, but I have rules now. The main ones being: Girls, I will only go out with a guy that you yourself would go out with, if you use the following sentences"well, I'm not attracted to him, but you might be" or "he's so great but, I just wasn't interested" or "He such a great guy, just not my type" I'll pass. Guys, set me up with guys that will make me think you have a high opinion of me. If I go out with a guy who has no personality, I'll think you think the same of me.
I should say that the odds are getting better. I feel like people nowadays are setting me up with people that I could actually see why they matched us. Though clearly none have worked out (as I am still so very single) I have had some good times, and if not good times, I have plenty of good stories.

And So It Begins...

2010-03-19T23:57:00.000-07:00

Ok I have been thinking for a while of starting a blog, for the sole purpose of telling dating stories, because I have a few... to say the very least. I am 26, single, and have been on just so many dates. The stories need to be told. And so it begins...