I wake up to Grandfather, "Ho...oh-oh-oh" I know what that means, breakfast is ready. I look in front of me and out the window looking over the basketball court, past the shed to the giant alfalfa field. What will today hold?
I climb out of the brass bed, get dressed in a hurry and head down the spiral staircase. Going down I see Grandfather slaving away in the kitchen making the typical breakfast. Hot cakes, soft boiled eggs, cracked wheat cereal. Adams peanut butter on the counter, hot syrup, cold cereal (if you're crazy). Table set with our daily vitamins laid out. I've recently graduated to the gross adult green ones. Next to the sink is the old fashioned orange juicer with dozens of oranges cut in half. I walk over and start juicing them, as I look out the kitchen window. There are humming birds at the bird feeder with the weird red water in it.
At this point Grandfather walks out the front door, "HO... OH-OH-OH" summoning the boys sleeping in the granary that it's time to get up.
By the time everyone has sleepily gathered in the kitchen, grandfather says, "Prayer bones." We all kneel down and say a prayer to start the day.
I eat my breakfast as fast as I can, choke down my vitamins so I can go outside and play.
I walk outside, the air is still crisp, not a cloud in the sky, the only thing you can hear is the sound of the wind rushing through the giant cottonwood trees that surround the ranch house. How do I start my day? I decide to go across the red rock volleyball court to the trapeze. I grab it and climb to the 4 stair platform. I climb to the top and climb in the trapeze. There are three bars, I hold on to the top bar and sit on the bottom bar. You have to hold it with hands facing in opposite directions or the bar will turn and you won't be able to hold on. I lean back and swing out and off the platform. Grandfather comes out and says, "Oh, There she goes!!!" tells me to hold on tight so I don't fall off and break my nose. Jennie comes out and we play a game of "whiplash".
We decide to go over to the tire swings. The tire swings lay horizontally being held by three ropes. We take it to yet another platform built in one of the giant cottonwood trees by my grandfather and boy cousins. We hike it up to the third platform. (You have to work your way up to that one, it's high and scary) I hold the tire swing vertically and sit in it. Rump in the hole. I lean back and swing out. I look above me all I can see is leaves as I hold my arms out and the cool air runs through my hair. As I'm swinging back to the tree I remember to hold my legs up so they don't get smashed between the tire swing and the tree, I remember hearing how that happened to grandfather, not knowing if that is actually true.
The tire swing comes to a stop and I hear grandfather getting the truck ready, I know it's time for a wood project. I hate wood projects. I go inside and grab an extra pair of work gloves. The doorway leading downstairs houses grandfathers extra boots, gloves, hats as well as coats. I also grab a coat. You do not want to have short sleeves during a wood project.
I hop on the back of Big Red, the biggest of the three wheelers. Justin drives, Jennie and I grab the green and white striped pillows off the hammock and put them on the rack so we can sit comfortably. We all hop on and Justin drives us to the wood project.
Grandfather has chopped down another giant tree. As we approach you can hear the sound of the chainsaw growing louder. We get there, and people are already at work. Some people splitting wood, some people loading wood into the truck and someone with the chainsaw cutting the giant tree into small pieces. I hop off Big Red, my hands feel numb from holding on to the rattling rack of the three wheeler. I put my gloves on and start loading wood into the back of the truck. As a little girl it's really the only thing I can do to help. I remember the time Grandfather was cutting down a giant tree by the barn. He was up in the tree and he was cutting down a huge branch. The branch itself was the size of a tree. We had it chained to the truck so when it fell we would have control. He sawed through it, and it fell, but it swung first and almost ran right into Grandfather. One of many times he had a close call.
I continue loading wood into the truck. We do a wood project every time we come to the ranch. We load it on the side of the shed, so Grandfather will never run out. There is always a fire going in the wood burning stove, mid winter or in the heat of summer, it doesn't matter. That's why we always need to have plenty of wood.
After a couple of hours the wood project is over and playing continues. By now it's really hot outside. Jennie and I take Big Red to the waterfall. It's not as full as it used to be. We can see the crawdads a the bottom. We dip our toes in and think about how cool it is that our brother Justin got baptized there. After we cool off a bit we decide to go on an adventure. We take Big Red on a journey through the rolling hills that surround the ranch. We sing songs at the top of our lungs as we drive. We risk our lives going through creeks, over big rocks, steep hills. Trying to go further than we ever have. Always passing through gates that it's very important you always close behind you. We get to a point where we are directly beneath some giant electrical lines. We stop the three wheeler and just sit there. The only thing you can hear is the electricity running through the lines. It's amazing how clearly I can see the dry dust beneath us, the shrubbery that surrounds us, sometimes you stumble across bones of cows and other animals. You see lizards and bugs. I can remember the feel of the dust on my legs, the dirt under my fingernails, the way my hair feels after riding the three wheeler all day.
After a while we decide to head back to the ranch house. Somehow we remember every trail we took, every fork we passed and make our way back. Whoever sees the ranch house first wins. I can see the red roof break through the trees.
We make it back and decide we want to go swimming. Luckily grandfather knew this would happen, so he pulled out the giant steel horse troph and has filled it with hose water. We get in our bathing suits and head out, we first clean out all the bugs that have made their way to the water. The water is still cold, but you just get in and dunk yourself, and you get used to it quickly. We make a whirl pool, then try to reverse it. Laughing the whole time. The boys are playing basketball on the court next to the pool. Parents and Grandfather are playing croquet on the grass next to the court. Everyone is happy. No one is thinking about work, or school or what is going on at home. In this moment nothing else is happening but swimming, basketball, and croquet.
After a while I'm cold so I get out and lay on the hot concrete. I immediately see the steam as my wet body hits the hot concrete. I look up and see images in the clouds. My imagination runs wild. The sun is so bright and there is a perfect summer breeze. I fall asleep under the sun to the sound of wind and laughter.
I wake up and get dressed and head over to the swing. I ask grandfather to push me. He has a way to get you higher than anyone else can. The board is rickety on the rough rope, but I get it into position and sit on it so it's solid. I hold on and Grandfather pushes me. When I get high enough he'll grab my feet and pull down and it will send me flying. It's a little scary going that high, but I can't help but laugh and reach for the leaves with my feet. Again he warns me about holding on, so as to not fall off and break my nose. As I swing I can hear my brothers racing around on the three wheelers. I can hear water splashing from the horse troph. I can see the barn in the distance. This is perfection.
I hop off the swing and go to the front of the house where there is a porch swing. I sit and swing. You can't swing too much or you'll bump into the side of the house. Behind me through the window into the house, my parents are playing Rook against my Granny and Grandfather. I faintly hear Granny say, "Someone needs to take you back to school and teach you how to deal." And Grandfather bidding 80 before he even looks at his hand. I look out over the alfalfa field. The sprinklers are running and I am memorized by their pattern, "CH CH CH CH" The sound of the sprinklers drowns out the sound of anything else.
After a while my mom knocks on the window and tells me it's time to come in for dinner. I haven't stepped inside the house since breakfast. I come in and don't want to take my shoes off, so I put the shoe covers on that my grandparents got from the hospital. I wash my very dirty hands and while doing so, hear Grandfather yell out, "HO, oh-oh-oh Prayer Bones!" We all come in and have a blessing on the food. We all sit around the table and talk about our day.
At the end of the meal Grandfather pulls out this Manila envelope full of cut out stories that he's found in magazines, newspapers, books and a number of other places. Which stories is he going to read tonight. He pulls one out, they are all familiar, we have heard them all a hundred times. They are all emotional. Stories of family, triumph, dedication, hope. Grandfather and at least my mom cry every time. Every once in a while some of the rest of us will get choked up too.
After dinner it's dark outside. We all sit around talking while we all take turns showering and getting ready for bed. After a day in the sun and dirt nothing feels better than a hot shower.
I brush my teeth, get into my pajamas and say goodnight. I climb up the spiral staircase, jump into the big brass bed. The light from downstairs streaming through the crack in the door. I fall asleep to the sound of my parents and grandparents again playing Rook. I can hear my dad laugh as Grandfather makes another ridiculous bid. It was the perfect day. Tomorrow another just like it will happen. Every day at the ranch is the perfect day. My grandparents made it that way.
I don't know if Grandfather remembers all this now. I don't know if he can remember the sound of the wind through the leaves. If he can remember his orchard. If he can remember his stories. His memory fades more and more every day. Mine remains strong. I'll remember for you Grandfather. It's due to you that I have these memories. I'll hold on to them for you, we all will, forever.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Small and Simple Things...
It's been a while. I've noticed that when I'm in the midst of dating someone I don't really post, because everything is so current that I worry about the guy stumbling across the blog and freaking out. That being said, I have no fear of that at the moment.
This post is dedicated to the little things in dating. The things that can usually go undone and be fine, but when they are done they leave an impact.
The first one that comes to mind is simply asking me to dinner. I mentioned that to a friend and her response was, "How do guys usually ask you out?" When I thought about why I liked being asked to dinner I realized that it really doesn't happen that often. Yes, we more often than not GO to dinner, but the asking is usually something along the lines of, "Yeah we should hang out sometime..." or, "Oh you like to do that too, we should do that together sometime..." or, "A group of us are doing this you should come along." In all of those options and many similar, it's the guy suggesting it, but not actually asking. Your reaction to any of those is what will determine whether or not he follows through to actually ask you, therefore taking some of the pressure off himself. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that is a bad thing, it's perfectly fine, BUT to have a guy call me, somewhat unexpectedly and say, "I'd like to take you to dinner" or even saying, "I'd like to take you out" denotes a sense of chivalry, courage, and respect that he will get bonus points for. When I pointed this out to my friend and my roommates, they all agreed, as I think most women would.
The second is doing the classic textbook dating things. Opening my door, pulling out my chair, standing on the outside when walking on the sidewalk. I had a guy do that once, I didn't even realize it was something I cared about and prior to this I didn't, but we were walking on a sidewalk and I was walking on the side next to the street, he subtly grabbed me and moved me over and took my spot and we just kept walking, totally surprised me, and I felt totally protected when I was with him. That is one thing that has made it to my list. Feeling safe with the guy. That showed me he would protect me.
Along with that list, is one that I think we all find really awkward, but I've learned it is a must. Walking the girl to the door at the end of the date.
I recently went on a date, that was great. The whole night was great. We totally hit it off. The conversation flowed so easily, we had so much to talk about. It was originally just going to be dinner (he was one guy that asked if he could take me to dinner... bonus points). Afterward we were driving back and he asked if I needed to get back right away, I didn't so we kept hanging out. Everything was textbook with a few surprises and bonus points for him. At the end of the night we finished our conversation in his car, and he says, "Well thanks for coming out with me..." I thanked him back and got out of the car. He didn't get out of the car. Didn't hug me goodbye. I get that we all hate the doorstep scene, especially on a first date, but I learned it's CRUCIAL! He didn't do it and it totally left me wondering where I went wrong. The rest of the date was AWESOME, I thought. I asked some of my guy friends if they would ever not walk a girl to the door and all of them said NEVER! Something so easy, something SO textbook. Something so small can ruin things if you don't do it.
In response I didn't send the post-date text...
Small and simple things can sometimes mean the most, good OR bad!
This post is dedicated to the little things in dating. The things that can usually go undone and be fine, but when they are done they leave an impact.
The first one that comes to mind is simply asking me to dinner. I mentioned that to a friend and her response was, "How do guys usually ask you out?" When I thought about why I liked being asked to dinner I realized that it really doesn't happen that often. Yes, we more often than not GO to dinner, but the asking is usually something along the lines of, "Yeah we should hang out sometime..." or, "Oh you like to do that too, we should do that together sometime..." or, "A group of us are doing this you should come along." In all of those options and many similar, it's the guy suggesting it, but not actually asking. Your reaction to any of those is what will determine whether or not he follows through to actually ask you, therefore taking some of the pressure off himself. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that is a bad thing, it's perfectly fine, BUT to have a guy call me, somewhat unexpectedly and say, "I'd like to take you to dinner" or even saying, "I'd like to take you out" denotes a sense of chivalry, courage, and respect that he will get bonus points for. When I pointed this out to my friend and my roommates, they all agreed, as I think most women would.
The second is doing the classic textbook dating things. Opening my door, pulling out my chair, standing on the outside when walking on the sidewalk. I had a guy do that once, I didn't even realize it was something I cared about and prior to this I didn't, but we were walking on a sidewalk and I was walking on the side next to the street, he subtly grabbed me and moved me over and took my spot and we just kept walking, totally surprised me, and I felt totally protected when I was with him. That is one thing that has made it to my list. Feeling safe with the guy. That showed me he would protect me.
Along with that list, is one that I think we all find really awkward, but I've learned it is a must. Walking the girl to the door at the end of the date.
I recently went on a date, that was great. The whole night was great. We totally hit it off. The conversation flowed so easily, we had so much to talk about. It was originally just going to be dinner (he was one guy that asked if he could take me to dinner... bonus points). Afterward we were driving back and he asked if I needed to get back right away, I didn't so we kept hanging out. Everything was textbook with a few surprises and bonus points for him. At the end of the night we finished our conversation in his car, and he says, "Well thanks for coming out with me..." I thanked him back and got out of the car. He didn't get out of the car. Didn't hug me goodbye. I get that we all hate the doorstep scene, especially on a first date, but I learned it's CRUCIAL! He didn't do it and it totally left me wondering where I went wrong. The rest of the date was AWESOME, I thought. I asked some of my guy friends if they would ever not walk a girl to the door and all of them said NEVER! Something so easy, something SO textbook. Something so small can ruin things if you don't do it.
In response I didn't send the post-date text...
Small and simple things can sometimes mean the most, good OR bad!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Expectations vs Reality
There is a scene in the movie 500 Days of Summer where they do a split screen of the guy's expectations vs what really happened. It's a sad scene, his expectations were awesome and the reality of what happened was... not so much.
I just came home from a cruise and I had the exact opposite situation.
The night before the cruise I was talking to my parents, and I was, less than enthused about the cruise. Stupid you may think, a cruise is a cruise, but never-the-less I almost didn't even want to go.
I flew out on Saturday morning and from that moment on, my expectations were blown out of the water with how awesome the reality was.
I flew out with one of my best friends, and we met up with some guys who were nice enough to let us stay at their hotel instead of the airport floor which we had planned to sleep on, (we got in at midnight).
As soon as we got there, and started meeting the people in our group it just got better and better.
Day one, St Johns, by way of St Thomas. Laying out on the beach, snorkeling and playing ultimate frisbee. Awesome. That night karaoke party, never have I had so much fun dancing (interpretive which was beautifully hilarious) and singing with my friends. At one point, Kelly and I were singing Goodbye Earl and went out into the audience and most of our crew came out and danced with us, it was SO MUCH FUN!
Day 2, day at sea, not much to report. Also formal night, I do so love seein guys all gussied up. Every night we would rotate who we ate dinner with, which I loved because I got to meet so many people that I otherwise may not have.
Day 3, Barbados. This day a good friend and I rented a scooter and rode around the island a little bit, looking for Crane's beach. We found it at it was beautiful. We hung out there, laid out, he went body boarding and then we rode the scooter back. We both got sufficiently and uneavenly burned but it was awesome.
Day 4, St Lucia. This day most of us took different routes but all ended up at this natural mud bath, it was cool to take a tour around the island, I got to hold a boa constrictor, which in the picture looks like I was scared, but nah.. I was good.
Day 5, St Kitts. Some people took scooters to Cockelshell beach, others took a tour to a "rain forest" I put that in quotes, because when I think of a rain forest I don't imagine paved walkways, but whatevs. Then we went to the same beach, played some volleyball, some took wave-runners, threw a football around, it was awesome.
Day 6, St Maarten. This day was kind of up for grabs, some people went on a shark dive, some people got scooters, some people went to a beach. I didn't know what I was going to do. One of the guys on the dive said, "You should just come with us and see if they will let you just wait on the boat while we dive." So I decided to do that, but as it turns out, I couldn't go with them on the boat, so I ended up hanging out alone on this beach for about 2 and a half hours. Which honestly was pretty great. I took a nap under some palm trees. Listened to some good music. I had a grand, relaxing, albeit lonely day.
The nights were spent, dancing, singing, playing games and eating ice cream.
On Carnival cruises they do what is called the Carnival Legends show. On this show people on the cruise audition, during karaoke, to impersonate different "legends". And the last night of the cruise that is the main show. They had 9 legends to impersonate, and people from our single's group did 7 of them. Including, Ricky Marten, Frank Sinatra, Britney Spears (me), Aretha Franklin, Garth Brooks, Elvis Presley and Gloria Estefan.
During the show one of the dancers told me that was the best legends show she'd ever seen, with the loudest audience. It was so fun to be a part of that with so many new friends.
Sunday we got back to Puerto Rico and Kelly and our other roommate Marianne and I decided to go skydiving which was amazing, a definite highlight.
We went back to a hotel and met up with everyone to watch the superbowl and have one last night together. By that point I had so many new people in my life who I can see myself being close to forever. There are already plans of reuniting, future trips and plans to see each other.
In addition to all that, there were prank wars, there were "cruise crushes" there were deep conversations, there were games, there was so much laughter I think I am knocking on the door of a six pack. Numbers have been exchanged and relationships have been forged (as in created, not faked).
People ask me how it was and I can't even find the words. I told a friend that I feel like I was gone forever and he said, "That's how much you lived" and he's right. I couldn't have planned a better week, and I didn't even explain some of the best parts of it.
It was a Dear Diary trip, and it has been documented.
Those expectations had NOTHIN on what reality gave me.
I just came home from a cruise and I had the exact opposite situation.
The night before the cruise I was talking to my parents, and I was, less than enthused about the cruise. Stupid you may think, a cruise is a cruise, but never-the-less I almost didn't even want to go.
I flew out on Saturday morning and from that moment on, my expectations were blown out of the water with how awesome the reality was.
I flew out with one of my best friends, and we met up with some guys who were nice enough to let us stay at their hotel instead of the airport floor which we had planned to sleep on, (we got in at midnight).
As soon as we got there, and started meeting the people in our group it just got better and better.
Day one, St Johns, by way of St Thomas. Laying out on the beach, snorkeling and playing ultimate frisbee. Awesome. That night karaoke party, never have I had so much fun dancing (interpretive which was beautifully hilarious) and singing with my friends. At one point, Kelly and I were singing Goodbye Earl and went out into the audience and most of our crew came out and danced with us, it was SO MUCH FUN!
Day 2, day at sea, not much to report. Also formal night, I do so love seein guys all gussied up. Every night we would rotate who we ate dinner with, which I loved because I got to meet so many people that I otherwise may not have.
Day 3, Barbados. This day a good friend and I rented a scooter and rode around the island a little bit, looking for Crane's beach. We found it at it was beautiful. We hung out there, laid out, he went body boarding and then we rode the scooter back. We both got sufficiently and uneavenly burned but it was awesome.
Day 4, St Lucia. This day most of us took different routes but all ended up at this natural mud bath, it was cool to take a tour around the island, I got to hold a boa constrictor, which in the picture looks like I was scared, but nah.. I was good.
Day 5, St Kitts. Some people took scooters to Cockelshell beach, others took a tour to a "rain forest" I put that in quotes, because when I think of a rain forest I don't imagine paved walkways, but whatevs. Then we went to the same beach, played some volleyball, some took wave-runners, threw a football around, it was awesome.
Day 6, St Maarten. This day was kind of up for grabs, some people went on a shark dive, some people got scooters, some people went to a beach. I didn't know what I was going to do. One of the guys on the dive said, "You should just come with us and see if they will let you just wait on the boat while we dive." So I decided to do that, but as it turns out, I couldn't go with them on the boat, so I ended up hanging out alone on this beach for about 2 and a half hours. Which honestly was pretty great. I took a nap under some palm trees. Listened to some good music. I had a grand, relaxing, albeit lonely day.
The nights were spent, dancing, singing, playing games and eating ice cream.
On Carnival cruises they do what is called the Carnival Legends show. On this show people on the cruise audition, during karaoke, to impersonate different "legends". And the last night of the cruise that is the main show. They had 9 legends to impersonate, and people from our single's group did 7 of them. Including, Ricky Marten, Frank Sinatra, Britney Spears (me), Aretha Franklin, Garth Brooks, Elvis Presley and Gloria Estefan.
During the show one of the dancers told me that was the best legends show she'd ever seen, with the loudest audience. It was so fun to be a part of that with so many new friends.
Sunday we got back to Puerto Rico and Kelly and our other roommate Marianne and I decided to go skydiving which was amazing, a definite highlight.
We went back to a hotel and met up with everyone to watch the superbowl and have one last night together. By that point I had so many new people in my life who I can see myself being close to forever. There are already plans of reuniting, future trips and plans to see each other.
In addition to all that, there were prank wars, there were "cruise crushes" there were deep conversations, there were games, there was so much laughter I think I am knocking on the door of a six pack. Numbers have been exchanged and relationships have been forged (as in created, not faked).
People ask me how it was and I can't even find the words. I told a friend that I feel like I was gone forever and he said, "That's how much you lived" and he's right. I couldn't have planned a better week, and I didn't even explain some of the best parts of it.
It was a Dear Diary trip, and it has been documented.
Those expectations had NOTHIN on what reality gave me.
Monday, January 23, 2012
There's Something About A Best Friend
I was thinking today about my best friends, the things that have made them my best friends and the stories we have.
What lead me to this initial thought was I was thinking about this thing that happened to me once that was SOOO funny, I thought about retelling it, but I thought, "if I tell someone else that story, they won't think it's nearly as funny." but then I was all, "unless I were to tell Lauren Kirton".
Lauren is the kind of best friend who if I tell her a story I think is funny, she will laugh just as hard as I did when it happened. Case and point: I retold a story to my family that made me laugh super hard followed by saying, "oh man when he told me I was laughing so hard." To which my sweet brother Dane said, "So I'm guessing he told it better than you did?" When I told Lauren the same story, she laughed SO hard, about as awkwardly hard as I did when it was originally told to me. I honestly remember thinking in that moment, "She is such a good friend"
Another sign of a good best friend is being able to understand each other in odd circumstances. Another Lauren example is we would lip things to each other. There would be situations where we wouldn't want people to know what we were saying or would be too far apart from each other to discuss something, but something important that needed to be said would come up and we would lip it to each other. We were perfect lip readers, with only each other. If anyone else would try to lip something to me, I'd say "what?" the appropriate 3 times before finally nodding and smiling in acknowledgement though I still have no idea what was being lipped.
I remember when I lived in Hawaii with my best friend Bree, we would usually be getting ready for bed at the same time, she would try to talk to me whilst brushing her teeth, which is disgusting, I would just look at her with this dead look on my face, because no, I could not understand a word. HOWEVER, if I was also brushing my teeth, we could carry on a conversation just fine. Another reason she is my best friend is she wouldn't let me be miserable alone. While we lived there, I worked at McDonalds and I hated that job more than just about anything. As soon as I put on the uniform my whole demeanor would change. I had to be to work at 7:30 so I would leave the house at 7AM. Bree would wake up early just to be able to watch me put my visor on and watch the blood drain from my face, some might think she took joy in this, but I know it was because she didn't want me to be alone in that... right Bree? Right?
Another sign is being able to read each other. I was watching a movie with a guy best friend, and a kissing scene came up and I saw his hand twitch, without missing a beat I said, "Were you just going to cover my eyes like I'm a child?" His response, "Don't.... know what I'm going to do before I do it." and then we laughed, for a good while.
I think one of the most important qualities in a best friend is knowing when you need them. My friend Kelly is a prime example. We have both been through our share of drama in the recent past and basically take turns having crappy days. One day I was particularly low, it was late at night probably around midnight and all I did was mention that it was a bad day and her response was, "I'm on my way. Ice cream or cookie dough?" She came over with cookie dough and let me cry until she finally went back home around 2 am.
I am a lucky girl in the friend department. I know that and pray in gratitude for that every night. I have had a lot of quality friends, who I don't know where I'd be without them.
So for thinking I'm funny, for getting me, for laughing with me, for consoling me, this one's for you!
What lead me to this initial thought was I was thinking about this thing that happened to me once that was SOOO funny, I thought about retelling it, but I thought, "if I tell someone else that story, they won't think it's nearly as funny." but then I was all, "unless I were to tell Lauren Kirton".
Lauren is the kind of best friend who if I tell her a story I think is funny, she will laugh just as hard as I did when it happened. Case and point: I retold a story to my family that made me laugh super hard followed by saying, "oh man when he told me I was laughing so hard." To which my sweet brother Dane said, "So I'm guessing he told it better than you did?" When I told Lauren the same story, she laughed SO hard, about as awkwardly hard as I did when it was originally told to me. I honestly remember thinking in that moment, "She is such a good friend"
Another sign of a good best friend is being able to understand each other in odd circumstances. Another Lauren example is we would lip things to each other. There would be situations where we wouldn't want people to know what we were saying or would be too far apart from each other to discuss something, but something important that needed to be said would come up and we would lip it to each other. We were perfect lip readers, with only each other. If anyone else would try to lip something to me, I'd say "what?" the appropriate 3 times before finally nodding and smiling in acknowledgement though I still have no idea what was being lipped.
I remember when I lived in Hawaii with my best friend Bree, we would usually be getting ready for bed at the same time, she would try to talk to me whilst brushing her teeth, which is disgusting, I would just look at her with this dead look on my face, because no, I could not understand a word. HOWEVER, if I was also brushing my teeth, we could carry on a conversation just fine. Another reason she is my best friend is she wouldn't let me be miserable alone. While we lived there, I worked at McDonalds and I hated that job more than just about anything. As soon as I put on the uniform my whole demeanor would change. I had to be to work at 7:30 so I would leave the house at 7AM. Bree would wake up early just to be able to watch me put my visor on and watch the blood drain from my face, some might think she took joy in this, but I know it was because she didn't want me to be alone in that... right Bree? Right?
Another sign is being able to read each other. I was watching a movie with a guy best friend, and a kissing scene came up and I saw his hand twitch, without missing a beat I said, "Were you just going to cover my eyes like I'm a child?" His response, "Don't.... know what I'm going to do before I do it." and then we laughed, for a good while.
I think one of the most important qualities in a best friend is knowing when you need them. My friend Kelly is a prime example. We have both been through our share of drama in the recent past and basically take turns having crappy days. One day I was particularly low, it was late at night probably around midnight and all I did was mention that it was a bad day and her response was, "I'm on my way. Ice cream or cookie dough?" She came over with cookie dough and let me cry until she finally went back home around 2 am.
I am a lucky girl in the friend department. I know that and pray in gratitude for that every night. I have had a lot of quality friends, who I don't know where I'd be without them.
So for thinking I'm funny, for getting me, for laughing with me, for consoling me, this one's for you!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Dreams
I was talking to a friend this morning about how dreaming about someone can totally change your thinking of them.
This has happened to me a few times.
I have been known to have some pretty vivid dreams, some of which have actually come true, so when I dream about people I always wake up in the morning and wonder what will come from that.
I remember years ago I was friends with this guy, I had known him pretty much my whole life and never once did I view him in a romantic light. I know I was in my twenties because he was home from his mission, but one night I had a dream. It was short, there was no talking, but it left an impact. I dreamt that he was sitting on a couch and I was sitting down on the ground in front of him between his legs. We were watching a movie or something. All that happened was I was sitting there and I just rested my head on one of his legs. That was the whole dream. I woke up with this feeling of comfort. I woke up with a total crush.
Another time there was a guy in my ward that I literally never even thought about, we had never spoken, never interacted at all. One night I had a dream. This was another dream with no talking. We were walking down a boardwalk, he reached over and grabbed my hand. I held his hand and rested my head on his shoulder and we kept walking. Again... that was it. I woke up SO confused as to why this guy would pop into my dream. The next day I saw him at church and for the first time in the months that I had been in that ward he approached me and we talked. Blew my mind, then we had a linger longer and he found me there and we talked again. Total crush... again.
Nothing happened with either of these guys, both got married within a year of those dreams, but still they totally threw me.
Dreams are weird.
This has happened to me a few times.
I have been known to have some pretty vivid dreams, some of which have actually come true, so when I dream about people I always wake up in the morning and wonder what will come from that.
I remember years ago I was friends with this guy, I had known him pretty much my whole life and never once did I view him in a romantic light. I know I was in my twenties because he was home from his mission, but one night I had a dream. It was short, there was no talking, but it left an impact. I dreamt that he was sitting on a couch and I was sitting down on the ground in front of him between his legs. We were watching a movie or something. All that happened was I was sitting there and I just rested my head on one of his legs. That was the whole dream. I woke up with this feeling of comfort. I woke up with a total crush.
Another time there was a guy in my ward that I literally never even thought about, we had never spoken, never interacted at all. One night I had a dream. This was another dream with no talking. We were walking down a boardwalk, he reached over and grabbed my hand. I held his hand and rested my head on his shoulder and we kept walking. Again... that was it. I woke up SO confused as to why this guy would pop into my dream. The next day I saw him at church and for the first time in the months that I had been in that ward he approached me and we talked. Blew my mind, then we had a linger longer and he found me there and we talked again. Total crush... again.
Nothing happened with either of these guys, both got married within a year of those dreams, but still they totally threw me.
Dreams are weird.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
High School Reunion Planning
10 years? Seriously? It's been TEN YEARS???
I remember graduation day, talking with Megan Russle saying, "Gosh it's crazy to think the next time I'll see you could be the 5 year reunion" 5 years seemed like SO LONG, 23 seemed so old.
The 5 year never happened, and now we're at 10!!!??? I'm nearly 28? What happened to the last 10 years?
High school wasn't exactly the high point of my life, but I've come a long way since then and am looking forward to my reunion to have the "Look at me now" moment.
Sunday night I hosted a planning meeting with some people from the glory days. A couple of which I hadn't seen since high school. One is in medical school, one is a mother of two.
In the beginning of the meeting we sat around reminiscing, I had mentioned how I sometimes think back on some of the things I did in high school, and the person I was, and I cringe, I was ridiculous. I must admit I was relieved to find that they all felt the same way (about themselves, not about me, that'd be unfortunate).
I was so proud of how far I've come, but as the evening went on I found myself thinking, "Other than dropping a person in size, what have I accomplished, what do I have to show for the last 10 years?"
Why is it that if you're not married and don't have children you automatically feel unaccomplished?
Here's what my last 10 years consisted of.
I went to Utah State for a year. I lived in hawaii with my best friend. I have traveled to, Canada, Kauai, Maui, Honduras, Belize, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Puerto Vallarta, Cabo, Malaysia. I have moved 14 different times. I have bunjee jumped off a bridge, I have skidived (dove?), I have scuba-dived (dove?)I have hiked Mt Timponogas twice, and plan to again this year. I have ran 5ks, 10ks, and a half marathon, and am training for my second half marathon. I have sang in a rock band, which won the battle of the bands at the University of Utah in 2005, I have sang opera, I have performed, with my current group Mountain Blue, all over Utah, in Denver, in Sacramento, on a cruise and soon to be Sundance Film Festival. I have sang the National Anthem for BYU, the Salt Lake bees multiple times, the Orem Owls, Real Salt Lake, and the Utah Jazz. I have started my own duo "Friends of Spencer" and written several songs, started my own website and have recorded several songs. I auditioned for American Idol (a lotta good that did me). I have failed at hundreds of things, but remain dedicated and will continue to. I have worked in food, collections, insurance and mortgages. I bought my first car, and paid it off on my own. I have learned how to take care of myself. I have changed my life physically, mentally and emotionally. I have had my heartbroken and broken hearts. I have loved. I have made friends over the last 10 years that have changed my life. I have held onto friendships that I had more than 10 years ago. I have had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I have learned that my family are my best friends, and have gained a relationship with them that I literally thank God for on a nightly basis. My faith in the gospel has grown immensely, I have remained faithful, I have made mistakes and I have learned from them. I have had some of the most profound and meaningful experiences that have formed the person I am today, and will be the foundation for the person I will be for the rest of my life. High school didn't define who I am, the last 10 years have.
I may not be married, I may not have kids, but I grew up in the last 10 years, and I am proud of who I became. Eat your heart out 10 year reunion!
I remember graduation day, talking with Megan Russle saying, "Gosh it's crazy to think the next time I'll see you could be the 5 year reunion" 5 years seemed like SO LONG, 23 seemed so old.
The 5 year never happened, and now we're at 10!!!??? I'm nearly 28? What happened to the last 10 years?
High school wasn't exactly the high point of my life, but I've come a long way since then and am looking forward to my reunion to have the "Look at me now" moment.
Sunday night I hosted a planning meeting with some people from the glory days. A couple of which I hadn't seen since high school. One is in medical school, one is a mother of two.
In the beginning of the meeting we sat around reminiscing, I had mentioned how I sometimes think back on some of the things I did in high school, and the person I was, and I cringe, I was ridiculous. I must admit I was relieved to find that they all felt the same way (about themselves, not about me, that'd be unfortunate).
I was so proud of how far I've come, but as the evening went on I found myself thinking, "Other than dropping a person in size, what have I accomplished, what do I have to show for the last 10 years?"
Why is it that if you're not married and don't have children you automatically feel unaccomplished?
Here's what my last 10 years consisted of.
I went to Utah State for a year. I lived in hawaii with my best friend. I have traveled to, Canada, Kauai, Maui, Honduras, Belize, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Puerto Vallarta, Cabo, Malaysia. I have moved 14 different times. I have bunjee jumped off a bridge, I have skidived (dove?), I have scuba-dived (dove?)I have hiked Mt Timponogas twice, and plan to again this year. I have ran 5ks, 10ks, and a half marathon, and am training for my second half marathon. I have sang in a rock band, which won the battle of the bands at the University of Utah in 2005, I have sang opera, I have performed, with my current group Mountain Blue, all over Utah, in Denver, in Sacramento, on a cruise and soon to be Sundance Film Festival. I have sang the National Anthem for BYU, the Salt Lake bees multiple times, the Orem Owls, Real Salt Lake, and the Utah Jazz. I have started my own duo "Friends of Spencer" and written several songs, started my own website and have recorded several songs. I auditioned for American Idol (a lotta good that did me). I have failed at hundreds of things, but remain dedicated and will continue to. I have worked in food, collections, insurance and mortgages. I bought my first car, and paid it off on my own. I have learned how to take care of myself. I have changed my life physically, mentally and emotionally. I have had my heartbroken and broken hearts. I have loved. I have made friends over the last 10 years that have changed my life. I have held onto friendships that I had more than 10 years ago. I have had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I have learned that my family are my best friends, and have gained a relationship with them that I literally thank God for on a nightly basis. My faith in the gospel has grown immensely, I have remained faithful, I have made mistakes and I have learned from them. I have had some of the most profound and meaningful experiences that have formed the person I am today, and will be the foundation for the person I will be for the rest of my life. High school didn't define who I am, the last 10 years have.
I may not be married, I may not have kids, but I grew up in the last 10 years, and I am proud of who I became. Eat your heart out 10 year reunion!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Yet Another Sabbatical
So about once a year (maybe more these days) I feel the need to take a break from dating.
This time, I realize that my heart is still hurting from a recent heartbreak, and instead of letting it heal I found myself diving into the dating scene, dating guys that were both really great, and really not so great just to kind of fill the void that has been left.
Great or not, no guy really had a chance, because all I was trying to do was replace the one I lost, which in turn, made me just compare every guy to him, and that's not good for anyone.
So after the last one I decided I need to just take a step back and let myself heal a little bit. I am a little afraid that being "alone" will just make me think more about the last guy, but I notice when I don't focus on dating it gives me a lot of time to focus on other aspects of my life that make me happy. Music, working out, improving at work, being a better member of the church. All these things make me so happy, and all these things help me improve and be the person I want to find.
I feel like lately I have kind of lost sight of what is really important.
I think it's hard as a female in my late twenties, there is so much pressure to get married and start a family, that sometimes that becomes my only focus. Yes, I obviously want those things, more than anything else in my life, but while I don't have them, there are other parts of my life that need attention.
My parents do a challenge every year, and this year the challenge was to improve something in four aspects of our lives; Spiritual, Educational, Physical, and Social. I have made my goals, and have been so excited about them. I think a lot about how to go about achieving my goals, and all of them are things I need to do monthly, so it's been good to be focusing on how and when I am going to pull them off.
There is a sense of freedom in not having to worry about dating, and I do worry about it. When I am dating I think about it all the time, when the next one will be, who the next one will be, how long we're going to date, is this someone I want to keep dating, if not how do I end it? Am I going to get hurt, are they going to get hurt. Is it moving too quickly, am I leading them on, do they mean what they are saying, are they as good as they seem? That is a lot of thinking, and it's nice to take a break from that.
Some people think that me taking a break is giving up. That's not it at all, marriage is still a priority to me, it is still what I want more than anything, but sometimes you lose track of what is important. I want to be the kind of person I want to find, and right now I am not that person. I want to be worthy of the kind of guy I have in mind to marry, and that is what I am focusing on right now.
This time, I realize that my heart is still hurting from a recent heartbreak, and instead of letting it heal I found myself diving into the dating scene, dating guys that were both really great, and really not so great just to kind of fill the void that has been left.
Great or not, no guy really had a chance, because all I was trying to do was replace the one I lost, which in turn, made me just compare every guy to him, and that's not good for anyone.
So after the last one I decided I need to just take a step back and let myself heal a little bit. I am a little afraid that being "alone" will just make me think more about the last guy, but I notice when I don't focus on dating it gives me a lot of time to focus on other aspects of my life that make me happy. Music, working out, improving at work, being a better member of the church. All these things make me so happy, and all these things help me improve and be the person I want to find.
I feel like lately I have kind of lost sight of what is really important.
I think it's hard as a female in my late twenties, there is so much pressure to get married and start a family, that sometimes that becomes my only focus. Yes, I obviously want those things, more than anything else in my life, but while I don't have them, there are other parts of my life that need attention.
My parents do a challenge every year, and this year the challenge was to improve something in four aspects of our lives; Spiritual, Educational, Physical, and Social. I have made my goals, and have been so excited about them. I think a lot about how to go about achieving my goals, and all of them are things I need to do monthly, so it's been good to be focusing on how and when I am going to pull them off.
There is a sense of freedom in not having to worry about dating, and I do worry about it. When I am dating I think about it all the time, when the next one will be, who the next one will be, how long we're going to date, is this someone I want to keep dating, if not how do I end it? Am I going to get hurt, are they going to get hurt. Is it moving too quickly, am I leading them on, do they mean what they are saying, are they as good as they seem? That is a lot of thinking, and it's nice to take a break from that.
Some people think that me taking a break is giving up. That's not it at all, marriage is still a priority to me, it is still what I want more than anything, but sometimes you lose track of what is important. I want to be the kind of person I want to find, and right now I am not that person. I want to be worthy of the kind of guy I have in mind to marry, and that is what I am focusing on right now.
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