So my dad recently sent out an email that fits me as though I wrote it myself. So I thought I'd just copy and paste it for all to enjoy.
I am an Introvert, and this email explains what that means. :)
Dear Family and Friends,
I just read an article that was very enlightening about an aspect of my personality (and that of many of my friends, though not enough of them). I'll admit that I was shy as a child and teenager, was often cowed by bolder, brasher kids and nearly all adults. I think I grew out of that at some point, probably during my mission. I no longer feared talking to people I didn't know. I still don't like to very much but I fight through it. You see, I am....... an introvert.
I know, many of you are gasping and saying, "No way, not you!" (Just kidding) This fact is probably not a revelation to you and it's not to me either. I have been aware of this ever since I knew what the word meant. When I was a young man, people, nearly always extroverts, would tell me I didn't smile enough, or that I was too quiet, or occasionally had to repeat a question or something they said because I didn't respond the first time. I consider myself a pretty happy guy but people often see me scowling and think I'm mad at something or someone. I have had people tell me at various times in my life that when they first met me they thought of me as: too serious, rude, stuck-up, aloof or arrogant. You know who you are, and yes you did. I have never made friends quickly, but the ones I have are generally friends for life. Sorry guys, you're stuck with me.
You extroverts are perhaps saying, "Yeah, poor guy, too bad about that introvert thing, but I guess everybody has flaws in their character." You can't help it, you're extoverts, and by definition you think that everyone else should be too. Not only should they be, but they really, really want to be. You don't understand us.
The article I read is entitled "Caring for Your Introvert." It is written by an avowed introvert named Johathan Rauch.
Here are a few excerpts:
"I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts."
"Science has learned through brain scans that introverts process information differently from other people."
"Introverts are...not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say, "Hell is other people at breakfast."
"Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves..... In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge." Note to you extroverts: "This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication."
Introverts motto: "I'm okay, and you're okay - in small doses."
How many people are introverts? "About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population." (Nearly every true genius in history has been an introvert.)
While it is very easy for introverts to understand extroverts, the reverse is not true. "Extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways."
"Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome."
"As often as I have tried to explain [this fact] to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping."
(This is one of my favorites)
"Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts."
"Introverts tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking."
"The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98%-content-free talk, we wonder if [they] even bother to listen to themselves."
"[I look forward to the day when] it will not be impolite to say, 'I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."
And finally:
How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.
Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
Third, don't say anything else, either.
I expect that this article resonates with some of you (about 25-50% I would guess). If it does, consider yourselves blessed. Chances are, you're an introvert too.
With love,
Scott Sanders
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Starting Anew
There have been a few times in my life recently where I felt like I got to start over. One was January 1st of this year, I just had the best feeling about 2010 and was so excited to get started. Have everything ahead of me. I felt like the end of 2009 was shutting a door on parts of my life that would be gone forever, and 2010 I could be whatever I wanted to be, and do whatever I wanted to do. 2010 was going to be my year!
So far it has been a great year, musically everything is happening right according to plan. I have performed in Denver, California, and on a cruise. I have sang the National Anthem for the Salt Lake Bees, and the Orem Owlz (twice). I started writing and recording my own songs, and have finished three of my own so far with great responses. I have plans to record on a CD next month that will be put my name on the map in the LDS industry. I don't think there has been a week this year that I didn't sing for something. I remember thinking when I first started singing that my goal wasn't to become famous, or to be rich, my goal was to have singing be a part of my every day life, and I am there. I have made it! NOW my goal is to be rich and famous ;).
I work at a job that for the first time in my life, everything is great. I love the job, I love the people I work with, I make enough money to support myself and my goals. It is a wonderful thing to go into work each day and enjoy being there. I spend the majority of the day laughing and having a good time. I feel like I am good at my job, and for the first time feel like that is being noticed and acknowledged. I feel like an asset. I know that especially these days, a job like this is hard to come by, I am lucky to have a job at all, let alone one I love so much.
I have a family that on a regular basis make me wonder what I ever did to be so lucky. Parents that support me and love me unconditionally, that would do anything for me and my happiness, and really for everyone. I have siblings who look out for me and though a lot of their time is spent teasing me (and each other) they are some of the funniest people in my life, and when we are together we just laugh the whole time. I have a family to brag about, and I do.
I have amazing friends. I have been so lucky in my life to have several very close friends. Each year, due to my friends getting married, I feel like I have to make an entirely new group of friends so that I can have single people in my life, and each year I do. Not only do I make new friends, but I make BEST friends. People that influence my life, and have such a huge impact on me. People that I don't know what I would do without.
This year is no different. I have felt for a while that it was time for a transition. Another point in my life where I felt like I needed to start anew. I have been making transitions in my life and the people I have met have been amazing. I have met people as recently as in the last month, who I feel really close to, that I bonded with almost immediately. I have made friends just since the beginning of the year, who quite literally I spend all my free time with. People who have influenced my life in ways that I desperately needed to be influenced.
Looking back on all the years and all the people in my life that mean so much to me, how they were placed there, why they were placed there when they were, tells me that nothing is coincidence. I have been put through the ringer a lot in my life, but I have always had someone to go to. Someone to make it better, someone to make it worth it. I am so lucky that way.
I once had a cousin tell me that he has never had a best friend. He has a lot of friends but no one that he could say he was really close to. I have several, and make more every year. I know I couldn't have gotten to where I am today without them. In that part of my life, I have always been lucky, when everything else seemed bleak I always had a best friend.
This post didn't end the way I had anticipated. I planned on just talking about starting over, but I realized that when I start over, I am always dependant on my friends to help me and support me. I realize not everyone has friends like that, and I just felt like I should let them know how grateful I am, and that it doesn't go unrecognized.
Thanks to all my best friends(related and not) for getting me to where I am.
So far it has been a great year, musically everything is happening right according to plan. I have performed in Denver, California, and on a cruise. I have sang the National Anthem for the Salt Lake Bees, and the Orem Owlz (twice). I started writing and recording my own songs, and have finished three of my own so far with great responses. I have plans to record on a CD next month that will be put my name on the map in the LDS industry. I don't think there has been a week this year that I didn't sing for something. I remember thinking when I first started singing that my goal wasn't to become famous, or to be rich, my goal was to have singing be a part of my every day life, and I am there. I have made it! NOW my goal is to be rich and famous ;).
I work at a job that for the first time in my life, everything is great. I love the job, I love the people I work with, I make enough money to support myself and my goals. It is a wonderful thing to go into work each day and enjoy being there. I spend the majority of the day laughing and having a good time. I feel like I am good at my job, and for the first time feel like that is being noticed and acknowledged. I feel like an asset. I know that especially these days, a job like this is hard to come by, I am lucky to have a job at all, let alone one I love so much.
I have a family that on a regular basis make me wonder what I ever did to be so lucky. Parents that support me and love me unconditionally, that would do anything for me and my happiness, and really for everyone. I have siblings who look out for me and though a lot of their time is spent teasing me (and each other) they are some of the funniest people in my life, and when we are together we just laugh the whole time. I have a family to brag about, and I do.
I have amazing friends. I have been so lucky in my life to have several very close friends. Each year, due to my friends getting married, I feel like I have to make an entirely new group of friends so that I can have single people in my life, and each year I do. Not only do I make new friends, but I make BEST friends. People that influence my life, and have such a huge impact on me. People that I don't know what I would do without.
This year is no different. I have felt for a while that it was time for a transition. Another point in my life where I felt like I needed to start anew. I have been making transitions in my life and the people I have met have been amazing. I have met people as recently as in the last month, who I feel really close to, that I bonded with almost immediately. I have made friends just since the beginning of the year, who quite literally I spend all my free time with. People who have influenced my life in ways that I desperately needed to be influenced.
Looking back on all the years and all the people in my life that mean so much to me, how they were placed there, why they were placed there when they were, tells me that nothing is coincidence. I have been put through the ringer a lot in my life, but I have always had someone to go to. Someone to make it better, someone to make it worth it. I am so lucky that way.
I once had a cousin tell me that he has never had a best friend. He has a lot of friends but no one that he could say he was really close to. I have several, and make more every year. I know I couldn't have gotten to where I am today without them. In that part of my life, I have always been lucky, when everything else seemed bleak I always had a best friend.
This post didn't end the way I had anticipated. I planned on just talking about starting over, but I realized that when I start over, I am always dependant on my friends to help me and support me. I realize not everyone has friends like that, and I just felt like I should let them know how grateful I am, and that it doesn't go unrecognized.
Thanks to all my best friends(related and not) for getting me to where I am.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Domestication
What I am about to say, I say knowing I am putting myself at risk of any guy reading this and wanting nothing to do with me ;)
I am NOT domestic. I am not a clean freak, I can't cook, I can't sew, the thought of doing my daughter's hair makes me feel so bad for them, because until they learn how to do it themselves they are going to have some sad school pictures and what not. I'm not very crafty, I don't like shopping (unless it's for shoes) I don't know the first thing when it comes to decorating. I am a sad excuse for a woman. I know the error of my ways, and I am trying to do what I can to fix those things (except for sewing I couldn't really care less if I ever learn that skill.)
I am trying to cook more, I have the burn scars to prove it.
When I was little I used to watch my dad cook and I remember thinking it was so cool that he would just come up with things, he would just throw things together and it would come out delicious (with some exceptions, carrot candy Dad? Really?) I remember he let me play with some ingredients, I got a pot, filled it with water, and I think I made some concoction of water, peanut butter, some sort of green herb, salt and pepper and ketchup. Sounds yummy right, I also remember a time my mom was cooking onions and had to run somewhere and asked me to keep an eye on them, I told her I didn't know what to do, and she said, "Just keep an eye on them" So I did, I kept an eye on them, and I watched them burn. When she came back she was pretty upset, all I said was, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know when they were done or how to know if they were done, so I figured if they caught on fire I would stop it, but other than that it was a lost cause. I know what you are thinking, "You were a child at play, you didn't know what you were doing". I worry that whatever I would try to cook now would be a similar disaster.
I have had a couple successes at cooking, I once made dinner for a double date, we had chicken and rice, salad, these delicious appetizers and chocolate banana cream pie, all of which I made and I remember feeling like such a woman. When my date got there I wanted to don an apron and come to the door holding a broom or something. I know I COULD cook, I just don't, I am a very busy girl and honestly don't have the time, nor do I have a reason to really.
I blame part of this on being the youngest child. My sister had a little sister to practice hairstyles on, to practice hair cuts on, to practice make-up and what not. I had no such little sister. One time I tried to do Jennie's hair, she had braided my hair for girl's camp, and asked me to try to braid hers. After about 2 hours I finished and it looked horrible, so we had to take all the braids out, and I'm pretty sure that was the last time I was even able to practice on Jennie, I don't blame her.
My plan for my daughters is to live close to Jennie, and she can do their hair for school pictures, and dances, and church, and dates, and girl's camp, and school, and life really. I don't think she will mind ;). I will also depend on her to take them school shopping and tell them how to dress and what's cute.
When it comes to sewing, I just don't even try. I recently had a guy tell me his shoe broke in a place and asked if I could sew it back together, I wanted to laugh in his face a little bit. If a button pops off, it's staying off. If the pants or skirts are too long, I buy taller shoes. If I lose weight and the clothes are too big for me, they get tossed. I don't even attempt.
I'm hoping that some of these things will just come naturally with the title of wife/mother. I don't think that is an unreasonable hope.
I'm taking steps here and there, but I think the road to domestication is a long one, and a rocky one, and I wear heels and trip a lot so this should be interesting.
I am NOT domestic. I am not a clean freak, I can't cook, I can't sew, the thought of doing my daughter's hair makes me feel so bad for them, because until they learn how to do it themselves they are going to have some sad school pictures and what not. I'm not very crafty, I don't like shopping (unless it's for shoes) I don't know the first thing when it comes to decorating. I am a sad excuse for a woman. I know the error of my ways, and I am trying to do what I can to fix those things (except for sewing I couldn't really care less if I ever learn that skill.)
I am trying to cook more, I have the burn scars to prove it.
When I was little I used to watch my dad cook and I remember thinking it was so cool that he would just come up with things, he would just throw things together and it would come out delicious (with some exceptions, carrot candy Dad? Really?) I remember he let me play with some ingredients, I got a pot, filled it with water, and I think I made some concoction of water, peanut butter, some sort of green herb, salt and pepper and ketchup. Sounds yummy right, I also remember a time my mom was cooking onions and had to run somewhere and asked me to keep an eye on them, I told her I didn't know what to do, and she said, "Just keep an eye on them" So I did, I kept an eye on them, and I watched them burn. When she came back she was pretty upset, all I said was, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know when they were done or how to know if they were done, so I figured if they caught on fire I would stop it, but other than that it was a lost cause. I know what you are thinking, "You were a child at play, you didn't know what you were doing". I worry that whatever I would try to cook now would be a similar disaster.
I have had a couple successes at cooking, I once made dinner for a double date, we had chicken and rice, salad, these delicious appetizers and chocolate banana cream pie, all of which I made and I remember feeling like such a woman. When my date got there I wanted to don an apron and come to the door holding a broom or something. I know I COULD cook, I just don't, I am a very busy girl and honestly don't have the time, nor do I have a reason to really.
I blame part of this on being the youngest child. My sister had a little sister to practice hairstyles on, to practice hair cuts on, to practice make-up and what not. I had no such little sister. One time I tried to do Jennie's hair, she had braided my hair for girl's camp, and asked me to try to braid hers. After about 2 hours I finished and it looked horrible, so we had to take all the braids out, and I'm pretty sure that was the last time I was even able to practice on Jennie, I don't blame her.
My plan for my daughters is to live close to Jennie, and she can do their hair for school pictures, and dances, and church, and dates, and girl's camp, and school, and life really. I don't think she will mind ;). I will also depend on her to take them school shopping and tell them how to dress and what's cute.
When it comes to sewing, I just don't even try. I recently had a guy tell me his shoe broke in a place and asked if I could sew it back together, I wanted to laugh in his face a little bit. If a button pops off, it's staying off. If the pants or skirts are too long, I buy taller shoes. If I lose weight and the clothes are too big for me, they get tossed. I don't even attempt.
I'm hoping that some of these things will just come naturally with the title of wife/mother. I don't think that is an unreasonable hope.
I'm taking steps here and there, but I think the road to domestication is a long one, and a rocky one, and I wear heels and trip a lot so this should be interesting.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Who Knew?
Ok so for at least the last 6 years I have had such a problem with the fact that guys only want to be my friend. Many of my blog posts talk about that.
The other day I was talking to a friend of mine and I had an interesting realization.
I am the type of girl who has always had a guy best friend. I love it, they are good to talk to and get dating advice. They are fun to hang out with and play sports with. I also love being the girl in their life that they can tell anything to. The girl in their life that other girls envy because of our friendship. The problem was, I was also interested in these guys, and if I had my way we would probably be dating.
Recently I met a guy who in the beginning everything was great, it had "friendship" written all over it from the time we met. I was interested in him, but my interest got to a certain point that it could either grow if he did something or fade entirely if he didn't, but I really wanted to be his friend. We had a connection in a way that I didn't have with a lot of people. From the beginning I had him pegged as my next "best friend". The problem is, for what seemed like the first time, he didn't seem too interested in me being his best friend. This I am not used to.
It started to drive me crazy. I am used to guys wanting to spend so much time with me, not because they were interested in me, but because they just liked to be with me, as friends. Something that bothered me for so long, but then when a guy didn't react that way, THAT bothered me even more.
I realized something that made me feel like a total hypocrit. I prefer being friends. WHAT? The thing I have been so mad about for like 6 years, I actually prefer?
I realized that if these guys don't want to date me, I still want to be their friend. I want to still be that person that they tell everything to. I like being there for people, I like feeling needed, and it really bothers me to feel like he doesn't need me. Who knew I would feel this way? I did not see this coming.
The other day I was talking to a friend of mine and I had an interesting realization.
I am the type of girl who has always had a guy best friend. I love it, they are good to talk to and get dating advice. They are fun to hang out with and play sports with. I also love being the girl in their life that they can tell anything to. The girl in their life that other girls envy because of our friendship. The problem was, I was also interested in these guys, and if I had my way we would probably be dating.
Recently I met a guy who in the beginning everything was great, it had "friendship" written all over it from the time we met. I was interested in him, but my interest got to a certain point that it could either grow if he did something or fade entirely if he didn't, but I really wanted to be his friend. We had a connection in a way that I didn't have with a lot of people. From the beginning I had him pegged as my next "best friend". The problem is, for what seemed like the first time, he didn't seem too interested in me being his best friend. This I am not used to.
It started to drive me crazy. I am used to guys wanting to spend so much time with me, not because they were interested in me, but because they just liked to be with me, as friends. Something that bothered me for so long, but then when a guy didn't react that way, THAT bothered me even more.
I realized something that made me feel like a total hypocrit. I prefer being friends. WHAT? The thing I have been so mad about for like 6 years, I actually prefer?
I realized that if these guys don't want to date me, I still want to be their friend. I want to still be that person that they tell everything to. I like being there for people, I like feeling needed, and it really bothers me to feel like he doesn't need me. Who knew I would feel this way? I did not see this coming.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Fine line between sweet and creepy.
There have been a lot of times in my dating history where I feel like I am a creep magnet. They just have a way of finding me. They call me all the time, they show up places where they know I will be, they facebook stalk me, and it just creeps me out. Then I realized, there is a fine line between creepy and sweet, and that line is me actually liking them.
If I was interested in the guy, and he was calling me all the time, I would be flattered. If he was showing up places because he knew I would be there, I would be excited, and if he was facebook stalking me, I would be happy about it.
That hardly seems fair, but let's be honest, since when is dating about being fair?
If I was interested in the guy, and he was calling me all the time, I would be flattered. If he was showing up places because he knew I would be there, I would be excited, and if he was facebook stalking me, I would be happy about it.
That hardly seems fair, but let's be honest, since when is dating about being fair?
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Forced Sabbatical
There have been times in my dating history where I would get so fed up with the whole of it, that I just needed a break.
There are aspects of my life that sometimes take a back seat to dating, when really right now, they may be the things that I need to focus on.
In the past if things would get frustrating with dating, and I wanted to take a break I would think to myself, "Ok what are the things that I have control over, and how can I improve them?"
I have noticed in those periods of time where I am not putting my focus on dating things seem to go really well, and honestly those times don't last long. I never say "I'm not going to date anyone" I just say, "I'm going to take a break unless someone comes around that is worth me getting back into the game." Someone always ends up coming around, but for that brief period of time, I feel like I have control over my life, and that is a good feeling.
Lately, things with dating have been fine. There are guys that I am interested in, but nothing seems to really be happening, and some "resources" have been exhausted. I'm not totally frustrated with dating, but I am not dating anyone, and the guys that I am interested in aren't exactly stepping up to the plate. So that, once again, gets me thinking, "What do I have control over in my life that I need to work on?"
I titled this post "Forced Sabbatical" because the other times in my life where I took a break, it was out of frustration, and I just didn't want to date. This time I'm not frustrated, I'm just not dating anyone.
Though I would obviously prefer to be in a relationship, I like these periods in my life, because there are obviously reasons I haven't found "The One" and I am willing to do what it is I need to do before that happens. There are a lot of goals that I am working on such as singing and what not, that are a lot easier to accomplish since I am single, and I know for certain, that one reason I am single today is so I could have gone as far as I have. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if I were to have married earlier in life.
It's good to feel like I have some control over my life. I feel like for a long time, I was letting the guys in my life have too much of the control. It's good to feel like I have that back.
There are aspects of my life that sometimes take a back seat to dating, when really right now, they may be the things that I need to focus on.
In the past if things would get frustrating with dating, and I wanted to take a break I would think to myself, "Ok what are the things that I have control over, and how can I improve them?"
I have noticed in those periods of time where I am not putting my focus on dating things seem to go really well, and honestly those times don't last long. I never say "I'm not going to date anyone" I just say, "I'm going to take a break unless someone comes around that is worth me getting back into the game." Someone always ends up coming around, but for that brief period of time, I feel like I have control over my life, and that is a good feeling.
Lately, things with dating have been fine. There are guys that I am interested in, but nothing seems to really be happening, and some "resources" have been exhausted. I'm not totally frustrated with dating, but I am not dating anyone, and the guys that I am interested in aren't exactly stepping up to the plate. So that, once again, gets me thinking, "What do I have control over in my life that I need to work on?"
I titled this post "Forced Sabbatical" because the other times in my life where I took a break, it was out of frustration, and I just didn't want to date. This time I'm not frustrated, I'm just not dating anyone.
Though I would obviously prefer to be in a relationship, I like these periods in my life, because there are obviously reasons I haven't found "The One" and I am willing to do what it is I need to do before that happens. There are a lot of goals that I am working on such as singing and what not, that are a lot easier to accomplish since I am single, and I know for certain, that one reason I am single today is so I could have gone as far as I have. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if I were to have married earlier in life.
It's good to feel like I have some control over my life. I feel like for a long time, I was letting the guys in my life have too much of the control. It's good to feel like I have that back.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Legit Friends
Throughout my life, mainly in dating, I have heard that guys never want to be just friends with girls. If they are spending time with you, it's because they want to be more than friends...
Be that as it may, that does not apply in my life.
My whole life I have always been the girl with mainly guy friends. Growing up there weren't many girls my age in church, but a lot of guys so we all hung out. I am used to being around guys, and honestly I prefer it. Growing up that way is one thing, being in your mid-twenties and still being "friends" is something else.
I am a girl guys like to be friends with. I always have been. Guys are comfortable around me, I am low drama, low maintenance, I like playing sports and being active, and guys like that, BUT that doesn't mean that "friends" is what I am going for. If I am spending a lot of time with a guy I'm following the rule mentioned above, it's probably because I am interested in him. I don't understand how guys can just be friends. I don't get it. I don't get how they can spend so much time, and alone time with a girl, and not have any other intentions. It seems like a waste of time to me.
I have a lot of great guy friends that came because I was interested in them, and they wanted to be my friend. They were legitimately my friend. They care about me, and want to spend time with me, and talk to me all the time, but they were never romantically interested in me. On the one hand, I am glad that though they weren't interested they were still my friend, because I gained a lot from their friendship, but I don't get it.
The thing is, it must be something I am doing. It's not easy, I waste time being interested in guys thinking they wouldn't spend so much time with me if they weren't interested, but then find out down the road that they really were just friends. What am I doing and can I/do I want to change it?
I like the person I am, I like that I make them comfortable, and that they can have fun with me. I like that I am low drama, and low maintenance. I like that I am not the "typical girl" but is that why I am always the friend? If so, do I really want to change that about myself? Become the girl I can't stand?
The thing is, I am not one to fight. I will not fight over a guy, especially if I feel my competition is not worth fighting with. I have seen girls who seem to have little respect for themselves, just hand themselves over to these guys, and the guys go for it. They like knowing that they could have them if they wanted, they say they like the challenge, they say they like a girl who puts up a little bit of a fight, but that doesn't mean that they won't first take all the girls that throw themselves at them before choosing the girl that is putting up a little bit of a fight. That's not the guy I want. I want a guy who sees me first, and comes to me because he sees something in me.
I digress. I don't like playing the game. I don't like the whole, "if you like him don't be available" rule. If I like a guy, and I want to see him, I will make the effort to see him. I won't necessarily do all the work, but I will plant seeds so they will, thinking if they do the work, and they do make the effort it's because they are interested, but I soon find out, and have found out every time, that it's because they are my friend. Every time, friend. Hang out all the time, ALL THE TIME see each other consistently, friend.
I will never turn away those friendships, but I am 26, how many more friends am I going to have? What do I need to do differently, and can I do it?
Be that as it may, that does not apply in my life.
My whole life I have always been the girl with mainly guy friends. Growing up there weren't many girls my age in church, but a lot of guys so we all hung out. I am used to being around guys, and honestly I prefer it. Growing up that way is one thing, being in your mid-twenties and still being "friends" is something else.
I am a girl guys like to be friends with. I always have been. Guys are comfortable around me, I am low drama, low maintenance, I like playing sports and being active, and guys like that, BUT that doesn't mean that "friends" is what I am going for. If I am spending a lot of time with a guy I'm following the rule mentioned above, it's probably because I am interested in him. I don't understand how guys can just be friends. I don't get it. I don't get how they can spend so much time, and alone time with a girl, and not have any other intentions. It seems like a waste of time to me.
I have a lot of great guy friends that came because I was interested in them, and they wanted to be my friend. They were legitimately my friend. They care about me, and want to spend time with me, and talk to me all the time, but they were never romantically interested in me. On the one hand, I am glad that though they weren't interested they were still my friend, because I gained a lot from their friendship, but I don't get it.
The thing is, it must be something I am doing. It's not easy, I waste time being interested in guys thinking they wouldn't spend so much time with me if they weren't interested, but then find out down the road that they really were just friends. What am I doing and can I/do I want to change it?
I like the person I am, I like that I make them comfortable, and that they can have fun with me. I like that I am low drama, and low maintenance. I like that I am not the "typical girl" but is that why I am always the friend? If so, do I really want to change that about myself? Become the girl I can't stand?
The thing is, I am not one to fight. I will not fight over a guy, especially if I feel my competition is not worth fighting with. I have seen girls who seem to have little respect for themselves, just hand themselves over to these guys, and the guys go for it. They like knowing that they could have them if they wanted, they say they like the challenge, they say they like a girl who puts up a little bit of a fight, but that doesn't mean that they won't first take all the girls that throw themselves at them before choosing the girl that is putting up a little bit of a fight. That's not the guy I want. I want a guy who sees me first, and comes to me because he sees something in me.
I digress. I don't like playing the game. I don't like the whole, "if you like him don't be available" rule. If I like a guy, and I want to see him, I will make the effort to see him. I won't necessarily do all the work, but I will plant seeds so they will, thinking if they do the work, and they do make the effort it's because they are interested, but I soon find out, and have found out every time, that it's because they are my friend. Every time, friend. Hang out all the time, ALL THE TIME see each other consistently, friend.
I will never turn away those friendships, but I am 26, how many more friends am I going to have? What do I need to do differently, and can I do it?
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