Ok so as my dating life is somewhat in shambles these days, perhaps it's time to turn this into a regular blog. (Don't stop reading) I have funny stories from my life, they may not all be about dating, but I can't thing of anything funny to talk about in dating anymore, so now it's time for all to hear the joke that is my life.
The idea for this is my friend Jessi is doing "Flashback Friday" on her blog and posting a memory each Friday, I choose to follow suit.
This first story is one that if you know me personally you have probably heard. It's probably the best story I have in my repertoire so why not start with the best and have the rest be downhill from here. I like that plan!
Ok so roughly 7 years ago I lived in Hawaii with my best friend Bree. I was 19 when we moved there, and didn't have a job, wasn't going to school and had no money, but hey I lived on the beach so who cared right? After about a month of being there I decided I should probably make some money. The only place that would hire me, not being a student (so I couldn't work on campus) and only living there for 4 months (with one month down already)was the good old Golden Arches... That's right I am a former McDonald's employee.
I hated that job just as soon as I started it. I hated the stupid aloha shirt with the golden arches on the sleeve, I hated the stupid visor that I had to wear. Bree loved it. I had to be to work at 7:30 in the morning and Bree would wake up those mornings with just enough time to see me put the visor on, because as soon as I did my whole demeanor would change.
Well in my loathing for the job, I always had a bad attitude at work. My boss one day asked me if I would refill the hot fudge for the hot fudge sundaes. I went into the back as I passed Natalie, a girl who was from like Colorado or something but decided she had a super strong Island accent, which for some reason meant she couldn't say her H's or the first part of my name. She always called me Lia! "Ey, Lia... trow me an ashbrown." (That is a line I would hear numerous times a day when people would order hashbrowns, I wanted to do much more than "trow" one to her!) As I passed her holding the Hot fudge she goes, "Oh Lia, you found it, I couldn't find it anywhere." I just rolled my eyes as I said, "It was right on the cabinet where it always is." I went and refilled the hot fudge and went about my business.
About 20 minutes later and roughly 6 or 7 sold Sundaes my boss says, "Julia did you refill the hot fudge" I, thinking she's giving me attitude, say, "Yeah... like 20 minutes ago!" She looked at me, with a hint of a smirk on her face. Looked at the hot fudge dispencer, and back at me and says, "This is teriyake sauce."
That's right folks, those 6 or 7 hot fudge sundaes that were sold since I refilled it, were in fact teriyake sundaes. Let me just tell you now, I did not skimp on the hot fudge. I was generous with it. I want you to imagine if you will, getting a delicious sundae, you are so excited to eat it, you get just the right ice cream to hot fudge ratio, you delicately place the spoon in your mouth, and have to spend the next several seconds holding it in your mouth as you are thinking, "What are these flavors I'm tasting? What is this atrocity I have placed on my tongue? Dare I swallow?"
At that moment I remember the poor lady who came back, the single person who came to complain. She says, "Your hot fudge sundaes taste terrible." I, hating my job and everyone who would come in contact with me while at said job replied, "Sorry..." and offer no help.
In the McDonald's in Laie there is a glass wall with doors separating the sitting area from where you order. I had just barely sold one to a gentleman who was just beyond the doors. Within seconds of my boss informing me of my tragic mistake I look over at him, as (I swear to you time slowed down) he inspects his sundae, (he didn't hear her tell me what I'd done) he looks at it, and then at me. I sheepishly look down as I beckon him to come back in. He walks in and just says, "What. Is. This?" Not being able to meet his gaze I say, "Can I get you something else? A strawberry sundae perhaps???" all he says again is, "What! IS! THIS?" I look down (probably tracing the ground with my toes, hands behind my back like a child) and say, "It's teriyake sauce..." He didn't want anything else from me.
Later that day, hours later, and old man comes in and orders a senior coffee. I go to get it for him as he says, "You can hold the teriyake sauce." Apparently word had spread...
Friday, May 6, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
My Sister
I have been thinking about this post for a while, it's not dating related, so if that is all you read this for, deal with it.
I am the youngest of 5 children. I have three older brothers and an older sister, in that order. I love having three big brothers and I LOVE having a sister that is close to me in age.
When Jennie and I were little everyone thought we were twins, that may have something to do with the fact that my mom always dressed us alike and that Jennie has always been tiny and I have always been, well, bigger than her. We were always in little singing groups and dance groups as little girls. Jennie was always more coordinated than I was, especially at gymnastics. We started at the same time but by the time I quit because I sucked and hated it, I was in level two and I think she was in level 6. Jennie was always naturally better at everything, and I always wanted to be just like her.
Jennie and I have a strange relationship, we are very close and have this way of turning weird when we are together, we laugh about the dumbest things, but we laugh hard. I remember her telling me that when she and her husband Brock were dating he told her at one point, "You're different when you're with Julia, you get weird." I have to admit, that made me proud, and though since she has been married we don't have that opportunity as much I have noticed when we do get together that weirdness comes out. We find ourselves laughing at funny pronunciations of words and lisps and from time to time other people. I remember one day sitting in the kitchen in our parents house, my mom was on the phone planning out the program for her ward calling, my mom calls it a "progrum" and when she was on that phone call every time she would say it Jennie and I would look at each other and say, "progrum" and then laugh, I'm not kidding it probably happened like ten times then all of the sudden my mom said, "AM I saying it WRONG?" and we just bust up laughing so hard. Same thing when my dad would say things like "Sundee, or Fridee" Jennie just turns to me and said,"I don't think he knows there are A's in those words."
Though, I will admit, it was hard at times growing up with a sister as beautiful as her, I was always so proud to call her my sister. Proud to be "Little Sanders". It was easily done when I had a sister who loved me so much. All she ever cared about was that I was happy. If I was happy she was happy. She was protective of me all growing up and even though she was tiny she always had my back.
She has always been so supportive of me, she is the reason I started taking singing lessons in the first place and since I have been pursuing a career in that field she has always been my biggest fan, comes to every game I sing the anthem for, comes to as many shows she can, and I always appreciate it so much.
She was always willing to listen to my dating drama, and drama it was and is. Though it seems I went through the same situation time after time she would always give me advice and talk me through the situation and help me see that it was always the dang dudes that made things hard, I was just the victim ;). She helps me maintain some sort of control when I start to freak out when I date a guy, as I always do. She supports me in being annoyed with them and gets annoyed with me, and then will be so happy for me if things are going well. Even if I go back and forth with a guy, she will do the same thing, just always supports me, when I know her main concern is that I end up with a guy who makes me happy and sees what she has always seen in me.
I think the thing that sticks out the most is how beautiful she always made me feel. She always saw something in me that no one else did. When I started to lose weight I don't even think she noticed that I was getting thinner she just noticed that I was getting happier and that is what made her happy.
I have always held her on a pedestal and if anyone ever says anything about us acting alike or looking alike secretly (maybe not so secretly) it makes me so happy because that is what I have been working toward my whole life, to be more like Jennie. I loved that just like when we were little sometimes people think we are twins, I can think of no greater compliment. I love when people say, "Oh I can totally tell you are sisters" or "that must be your sister you look just like each other" again I take that as a huge compliment.
So to Jennie, here's to, "Garbeej, Foleej, Sauseej..." Here's to "Doorknobs!" Here's to, "Theeya Thuckerth" here's to pedicures, and Sweet Tomatoes, here's to Hawaii when Nix was 7 weeks old, here's to you making me pass out TWICE and laughing as I was convulsing, here's to you backing into my car and pulling your bumper off, here's to sharing a bed even when we didn't share a room, here's to Malaysia and all the good times we are bound to have there, and here's to the years of stories we have in front of us. I love you!
I am the youngest of 5 children. I have three older brothers and an older sister, in that order. I love having three big brothers and I LOVE having a sister that is close to me in age.
When Jennie and I were little everyone thought we were twins, that may have something to do with the fact that my mom always dressed us alike and that Jennie has always been tiny and I have always been, well, bigger than her. We were always in little singing groups and dance groups as little girls. Jennie was always more coordinated than I was, especially at gymnastics. We started at the same time but by the time I quit because I sucked and hated it, I was in level two and I think she was in level 6. Jennie was always naturally better at everything, and I always wanted to be just like her.
Jennie and I have a strange relationship, we are very close and have this way of turning weird when we are together, we laugh about the dumbest things, but we laugh hard. I remember her telling me that when she and her husband Brock were dating he told her at one point, "You're different when you're with Julia, you get weird." I have to admit, that made me proud, and though since she has been married we don't have that opportunity as much I have noticed when we do get together that weirdness comes out. We find ourselves laughing at funny pronunciations of words and lisps and from time to time other people. I remember one day sitting in the kitchen in our parents house, my mom was on the phone planning out the program for her ward calling, my mom calls it a "progrum" and when she was on that phone call every time she would say it Jennie and I would look at each other and say, "progrum" and then laugh, I'm not kidding it probably happened like ten times then all of the sudden my mom said, "AM I saying it WRONG?" and we just bust up laughing so hard. Same thing when my dad would say things like "Sundee, or Fridee" Jennie just turns to me and said,"I don't think he knows there are A's in those words."
Though, I will admit, it was hard at times growing up with a sister as beautiful as her, I was always so proud to call her my sister. Proud to be "Little Sanders". It was easily done when I had a sister who loved me so much. All she ever cared about was that I was happy. If I was happy she was happy. She was protective of me all growing up and even though she was tiny she always had my back.
She has always been so supportive of me, she is the reason I started taking singing lessons in the first place and since I have been pursuing a career in that field she has always been my biggest fan, comes to every game I sing the anthem for, comes to as many shows she can, and I always appreciate it so much.
She was always willing to listen to my dating drama, and drama it was and is. Though it seems I went through the same situation time after time she would always give me advice and talk me through the situation and help me see that it was always the dang dudes that made things hard, I was just the victim ;). She helps me maintain some sort of control when I start to freak out when I date a guy, as I always do. She supports me in being annoyed with them and gets annoyed with me, and then will be so happy for me if things are going well. Even if I go back and forth with a guy, she will do the same thing, just always supports me, when I know her main concern is that I end up with a guy who makes me happy and sees what she has always seen in me.
I think the thing that sticks out the most is how beautiful she always made me feel. She always saw something in me that no one else did. When I started to lose weight I don't even think she noticed that I was getting thinner she just noticed that I was getting happier and that is what made her happy.
I have always held her on a pedestal and if anyone ever says anything about us acting alike or looking alike secretly (maybe not so secretly) it makes me so happy because that is what I have been working toward my whole life, to be more like Jennie. I loved that just like when we were little sometimes people think we are twins, I can think of no greater compliment. I love when people say, "Oh I can totally tell you are sisters" or "that must be your sister you look just like each other" again I take that as a huge compliment.
So to Jennie, here's to, "Garbeej, Foleej, Sauseej..." Here's to "Doorknobs!" Here's to, "Theeya Thuckerth" here's to pedicures, and Sweet Tomatoes, here's to Hawaii when Nix was 7 weeks old, here's to you making me pass out TWICE and laughing as I was convulsing, here's to you backing into my car and pulling your bumper off, here's to sharing a bed even when we didn't share a room, here's to Malaysia and all the good times we are bound to have there, and here's to the years of stories we have in front of us. I love you!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sense of humor snob...
When I am asked what I look for most in a guy pretty much the first thing I say is a good sense of humor. People hear this and think, "Oh sure, that's what they all say." I can see why some would be annoyed by that statement, thinking it's some sort of cop-out, "everyone wants that". I am a different breed.
I am a girl who was raised in a hilarious family. I believe every family has their thing. For some families it's intelligent discussion, other families it's competition at who can be the best at everything, other families it's simply just being together. My family's thing is humor. We can sit around the table for hours and just laugh. In my family it's whoever can get to the joke fastest wins. Or in some situations stealing others jokes knowing they are hilarious and claiming them as your own. I remember one time sitting around the table, and everyone is laughing hysterically at something, I made a hilarious comment but due to the boisterous laughter no one, with the exception of my brother Dane, heard me. A couple seconds later when everyone had calmed down Dane repeated verbatim what I had said and received all the laughter as his own, then he slyly looked at me and quietly says, "See what I did there?". I did see, and I'm still upset by this thievery, however he did what he had to do and I appreciate his delivery.
That is how we roll. That is how I grew up, so naturally I look for someone who could join in. I go on dates and if the guy can really make me laugh he has a better chance of getting a second date (if he wants one that is). The thing is, it's not just any sense of humor (and here is where the admittance of me being crazy begins). Most senses of humor can actually turn me off. If you have to quote other comedians to be funny, quoting movies or anything that's not really just your humor, it's not for me. Awkward humor... not for me. Not actually being funny but thinking you are... painful! The sense of humor I go for, is the unexpected joke. The dry witty humor that catches you off guard. Intelligent humor, stuff that makes you think and then laugh. Love it.
This has become a problem in my dating career. I used to go into work after a date and my friend would ask me how it went and if I said anything along the lines of, "Meh, it was alright" she'd come back with, "Let me guess, 'he wasn't funny enough', 'he wasn't the right kind of funny', 'he didn't think you were funny' " I realized then this is a common occurrence.
I recently had a dream that I went on a first date with a guy, after he called me and broke up with me via voicemail saying, "You just aren't as funny as I was hoping. You are a pretty girl, but you're not funny and it turns out that is pretty important to me." I was pissed because, yes I am funny! I knew right away I dreamt that because that is something I would do. That is my issue. Not too long after that I actually went on a first date and when I was telling my roommate about it I verbatim said those exact things.
Recently I was wondering if I am putting too much weight on that as a dating requirement. That it's not really necessary. Then I thought, Heck no. It exists I have been around that humor and I need it in my life. I need to be with a guy that can keep me laughing and that I can make laugh. Laughter is an important part of life I think. It just makes things better. So when I say that is what I look for in a guy, you better believe I'm looking hard for it and won't settle without it.
I am a girl who was raised in a hilarious family. I believe every family has their thing. For some families it's intelligent discussion, other families it's competition at who can be the best at everything, other families it's simply just being together. My family's thing is humor. We can sit around the table for hours and just laugh. In my family it's whoever can get to the joke fastest wins. Or in some situations stealing others jokes knowing they are hilarious and claiming them as your own. I remember one time sitting around the table, and everyone is laughing hysterically at something, I made a hilarious comment but due to the boisterous laughter no one, with the exception of my brother Dane, heard me. A couple seconds later when everyone had calmed down Dane repeated verbatim what I had said and received all the laughter as his own, then he slyly looked at me and quietly says, "See what I did there?". I did see, and I'm still upset by this thievery, however he did what he had to do and I appreciate his delivery.
That is how we roll. That is how I grew up, so naturally I look for someone who could join in. I go on dates and if the guy can really make me laugh he has a better chance of getting a second date (if he wants one that is). The thing is, it's not just any sense of humor (and here is where the admittance of me being crazy begins). Most senses of humor can actually turn me off. If you have to quote other comedians to be funny, quoting movies or anything that's not really just your humor, it's not for me. Awkward humor... not for me. Not actually being funny but thinking you are... painful! The sense of humor I go for, is the unexpected joke. The dry witty humor that catches you off guard. Intelligent humor, stuff that makes you think and then laugh. Love it.
This has become a problem in my dating career. I used to go into work after a date and my friend would ask me how it went and if I said anything along the lines of, "Meh, it was alright" she'd come back with, "Let me guess, 'he wasn't funny enough', 'he wasn't the right kind of funny', 'he didn't think you were funny' " I realized then this is a common occurrence.
I recently had a dream that I went on a first date with a guy, after he called me and broke up with me via voicemail saying, "You just aren't as funny as I was hoping. You are a pretty girl, but you're not funny and it turns out that is pretty important to me." I was pissed because, yes I am funny! I knew right away I dreamt that because that is something I would do. That is my issue. Not too long after that I actually went on a first date and when I was telling my roommate about it I verbatim said those exact things.
Recently I was wondering if I am putting too much weight on that as a dating requirement. That it's not really necessary. Then I thought, Heck no. It exists I have been around that humor and I need it in my life. I need to be with a guy that can keep me laughing and that I can make laugh. Laughter is an important part of life I think. It just makes things better. So when I say that is what I look for in a guy, you better believe I'm looking hard for it and won't settle without it.
Friday, January 28, 2011
What I've Been Missing
So I am a girl that goes on a lot of first dates. As previously mentioned I dislike first dates which means the majority of my dating life has not been that much fun.
I got to a point last fall where I decided I was fine being single. In fact I really liked it. I could imagine my life 20 years down the road as a single woman, living in my own condo, traveling the world singing. Perhaps taking my nieces and nephews with me on tour and what have you, and honestly I thought I could be really happy that way. The only issue was being in your mid-twenties single kinda sucks, there is a lot of pressure on you, everyone that you are close to is trying to get married and going through the same things as you, and it's not that great, if I could just get past that point I would be fine.
The thing is, I had never really dated anyone for longer than like a month, and I dind't know what I was missing. When you don't know what you are missing you don't know that you actually want it. I didn't, I thought I was fine.
Fast forward to me dating someone for a couple of months. We never got serious, but we dated for a couple of months, and in that time I had someone who was good to me, who called me almost every day just to talk, who wasn't afraid to be affectionate with me in public, who would make an effort to be with me. Who I could introduce to my family, and someone to be excited about.
When it ended things were totally fine between us, honestly if it had to end, it couldn't have been better. We had a really good conversation, and honestly I still have a ton of respect for him, and hopefully down the line we can become good friends. Never-the-less it ended, and I didn't want it to.
Since then I find myself longing for that kind of companionship again. To again feel that comfortable with someone, to have one person that I am excited about. Excited to hear from, and hold my hand and kiss me at the end of the night. I miss it. I miss having that. I miss moving forward and wondering when the next step will be taken. I miss having someone to talk about, and have people know who I am talking about. I know that it's not necessarily him that I miss, just the feelings he gave me. I now know what I'm missing, and I know I wouldn't be happy in a life without that.
Knowing what you are missing is totally bittersweet. It hurts to not have it anymore, but I'm so glad I had it at all, to know that that is really what I want. I know it won't be forever, I know I will have it again probably sooner than I think and I also know that whenever I do get it again it will probably be even better, but right now I miss it. It's worth missing.
I got to a point last fall where I decided I was fine being single. In fact I really liked it. I could imagine my life 20 years down the road as a single woman, living in my own condo, traveling the world singing. Perhaps taking my nieces and nephews with me on tour and what have you, and honestly I thought I could be really happy that way. The only issue was being in your mid-twenties single kinda sucks, there is a lot of pressure on you, everyone that you are close to is trying to get married and going through the same things as you, and it's not that great, if I could just get past that point I would be fine.
The thing is, I had never really dated anyone for longer than like a month, and I dind't know what I was missing. When you don't know what you are missing you don't know that you actually want it. I didn't, I thought I was fine.
Fast forward to me dating someone for a couple of months. We never got serious, but we dated for a couple of months, and in that time I had someone who was good to me, who called me almost every day just to talk, who wasn't afraid to be affectionate with me in public, who would make an effort to be with me. Who I could introduce to my family, and someone to be excited about.
When it ended things were totally fine between us, honestly if it had to end, it couldn't have been better. We had a really good conversation, and honestly I still have a ton of respect for him, and hopefully down the line we can become good friends. Never-the-less it ended, and I didn't want it to.
Since then I find myself longing for that kind of companionship again. To again feel that comfortable with someone, to have one person that I am excited about. Excited to hear from, and hold my hand and kiss me at the end of the night. I miss it. I miss having that. I miss moving forward and wondering when the next step will be taken. I miss having someone to talk about, and have people know who I am talking about. I know that it's not necessarily him that I miss, just the feelings he gave me. I now know what I'm missing, and I know I wouldn't be happy in a life without that.
Knowing what you are missing is totally bittersweet. It hurts to not have it anymore, but I'm so glad I had it at all, to know that that is really what I want. I know it won't be forever, I know I will have it again probably sooner than I think and I also know that whenever I do get it again it will probably be even better, but right now I miss it. It's worth missing.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
First Dates
I hate them, but they are necessary.
Here is one thing about me, I don't consider myself a very picky person (in some aspects, there are definitely things I can't do without), however I know full well that a first date will not win me over. I think there have been two first dates in the history of my dating career where I got home and actually wanted to go out with the guy again. Most often I get home and think, "I had fun, if he asks me out again I'll go, but if not whatever" Those two times that I came home and really wanted to hear from them were really nice, though nothing came from them (ain't that always the way).
The thing about first dates is, no one is ever themselves, you ask all the same questions, you spend the entire night trying to decide if this is someone you are going to get along with, if this is someone you are going to start dating, if this is someone who, if not interested, will get the hint or if you are going to have to have "the talk". You spend the entire night talking about your boring job, your hobbies, your schooling, your family, where you live, where you grew up, how many kids are in your family, where you fit in, do you have any nieces or nephews, do you have a big family, does your family live close, are you close to your family, do you live at home, how long have you lived on your own, do you live in a house or an apartment, do you have roommates, do you get along with said roommates? All the while trying to sound interested in the things that are being said, these are not interesting topics.
There are things that happen on first dates that don't happen always, but if they don't happen on the first date it's a "bad sign". Opening the door for instance. Yes I think it is gentlemanly to open the door, but I'm not going to sit in the car and wait for you to come around and open the door, that's ridiculous, also if I am ahead of you and get to the door first, I will open it, I don't need the guy to hurry and run in front of me to get it first, if you are behind me and I get to the door first, it's ok if I grab it, you just grab it from behind and hold it open as I walk through.
I believe first dates shouldn't be too long. I have been on a couple marathon first dates that were ok, but they ended up being marathons because we just kept wanting to hang out. Don't plan for a whole day, that is too much. The first date is just to get to know each other a little more and see if you want to go out again, the second date is the one that is more telling, where there is more physical contact, maybe a hand on a leg, maybe some cuddling, MAYBE a kiss.
Ending a first date. How I hate the door step scene, wondering what the other person is thinking, wondering if they are going to go in for the kill, wondering if they are going to mention going out again. Wondering if this is the last time you will ever see them. As far as I am concerned the guy should not expect a kiss on the first date. Even if I do like them, I want to anticipate something. I want something to be anxious about, and kissing on the first date takes away a lot of that intrigue. It also starts things off on the wrong foot I think. If I like the guy, I would like to feel like he cares about me, being with me, getting to know me, if I kiss too early I end up wondering if that is all the guy is in it for, whether or not that is the case.
Long story short, first dates are awkward, they always will be, and I have a feeling I will go on a lot more first dates before I'm done. If nothing else, it will give me lots to write about...
Here is one thing about me, I don't consider myself a very picky person (in some aspects, there are definitely things I can't do without), however I know full well that a first date will not win me over. I think there have been two first dates in the history of my dating career where I got home and actually wanted to go out with the guy again. Most often I get home and think, "I had fun, if he asks me out again I'll go, but if not whatever" Those two times that I came home and really wanted to hear from them were really nice, though nothing came from them (ain't that always the way).
The thing about first dates is, no one is ever themselves, you ask all the same questions, you spend the entire night trying to decide if this is someone you are going to get along with, if this is someone you are going to start dating, if this is someone who, if not interested, will get the hint or if you are going to have to have "the talk". You spend the entire night talking about your boring job, your hobbies, your schooling, your family, where you live, where you grew up, how many kids are in your family, where you fit in, do you have any nieces or nephews, do you have a big family, does your family live close, are you close to your family, do you live at home, how long have you lived on your own, do you live in a house or an apartment, do you have roommates, do you get along with said roommates? All the while trying to sound interested in the things that are being said, these are not interesting topics.
There are things that happen on first dates that don't happen always, but if they don't happen on the first date it's a "bad sign". Opening the door for instance. Yes I think it is gentlemanly to open the door, but I'm not going to sit in the car and wait for you to come around and open the door, that's ridiculous, also if I am ahead of you and get to the door first, I will open it, I don't need the guy to hurry and run in front of me to get it first, if you are behind me and I get to the door first, it's ok if I grab it, you just grab it from behind and hold it open as I walk through.
I believe first dates shouldn't be too long. I have been on a couple marathon first dates that were ok, but they ended up being marathons because we just kept wanting to hang out. Don't plan for a whole day, that is too much. The first date is just to get to know each other a little more and see if you want to go out again, the second date is the one that is more telling, where there is more physical contact, maybe a hand on a leg, maybe some cuddling, MAYBE a kiss.
Ending a first date. How I hate the door step scene, wondering what the other person is thinking, wondering if they are going to go in for the kill, wondering if they are going to mention going out again. Wondering if this is the last time you will ever see them. As far as I am concerned the guy should not expect a kiss on the first date. Even if I do like them, I want to anticipate something. I want something to be anxious about, and kissing on the first date takes away a lot of that intrigue. It also starts things off on the wrong foot I think. If I like the guy, I would like to feel like he cares about me, being with me, getting to know me, if I kiss too early I end up wondering if that is all the guy is in it for, whether or not that is the case.
Long story short, first dates are awkward, they always will be, and I have a feeling I will go on a lot more first dates before I'm done. If nothing else, it will give me lots to write about...
Meeting the Family
I am not a girl who easily brings guys home to meet the family. Mainly because there haven't really been any guys that I wanted to meet the family, or guys that wanted to meet my family.
There have been a couple of times though, and they left an impact.
I realize that meeting a girl's parents can be pretty intense, especially the youngest daughter of two employees of the FBI, that can be pretty intimidating. Also knowing that I am incredibly close to my parents can add to the pressure.
I talk to my parents about everything, they know about every guy in my life. I tell them the good the bad and the ugly so when a guy comes to meet them, they know all about them already. This is not something I want conveyed when the guys meet my parents for the first time.
I remember years ago a guy was going to be coming over to my house, this wasn't even a guy I was dating, just a friend who I actually happened to fancy. I was so nervous about him coming over because I did NOT want him freaking out. I went to my dad and said, "Ok dad he is coming over, when you meet him I don't want to hear any of this 'Dave (made up name to avoid any embarrassment) it's nice to finally meet you' or 'So this is Dave, I've heard so much about you' as far as you are concerned you have never even heard about him" my dad agreed and when "Dave" showed up he totally played it cool, "Dave is it? Nice to meet you" about 30 seconds later my mom comes walking over BIG grin on her face and says, "So this is Dave... I've heard so much about you it's nice to finally meet you." I just put my hand over my face and shook my head as I thought, "I totally talked to the wrong parent!"
There have been a couple other times when I brought a guy home, once was at a family dinner, we went out to dinner and then a movie, my mom wanted us to sit right in the middle of everyone so they could interview this guy and find out every little detail of his life. I refused, we sat on the end, much to my mother's chagrin. Meeting the parents is one thing, meeting the whole family is something else. I know how each person is going to react. My dad, the protector, is going to ask the questions about his stability. Where did he go to school, what did he graduate in, what is he doing for work, did he serve a mission and where? Trying to see if he is going to be able to support me and take care of me. My mom is going to ask the questions about his life, where he grew up, ask about his family what have you. My oldest brother Justin typically asks similar questions as my dad. My next brother Dane will do what he can to embarrass me, whatever that entails. My brother Nolan doesn't really care about the guy and probably wouldn't care too much until we are planning on getting married, my sister just wants to make sure he'll fit with me and make me happy and that we have fun together and that he treats me well.
I love my family, I think they are the greatest, and honestly it takes a lot for me to be able to want to bring a guy home, to feel like a guy deserves that, which is another reason why it doesn't happen often. I think it will always be an intimidating thing both for me and the guy, but it is also a priviledge.
There have been a couple of times though, and they left an impact.
I realize that meeting a girl's parents can be pretty intense, especially the youngest daughter of two employees of the FBI, that can be pretty intimidating. Also knowing that I am incredibly close to my parents can add to the pressure.
I talk to my parents about everything, they know about every guy in my life. I tell them the good the bad and the ugly so when a guy comes to meet them, they know all about them already. This is not something I want conveyed when the guys meet my parents for the first time.
I remember years ago a guy was going to be coming over to my house, this wasn't even a guy I was dating, just a friend who I actually happened to fancy. I was so nervous about him coming over because I did NOT want him freaking out. I went to my dad and said, "Ok dad he is coming over, when you meet him I don't want to hear any of this 'Dave (made up name to avoid any embarrassment) it's nice to finally meet you' or 'So this is Dave, I've heard so much about you' as far as you are concerned you have never even heard about him" my dad agreed and when "Dave" showed up he totally played it cool, "Dave is it? Nice to meet you" about 30 seconds later my mom comes walking over BIG grin on her face and says, "So this is Dave... I've heard so much about you it's nice to finally meet you." I just put my hand over my face and shook my head as I thought, "I totally talked to the wrong parent!"
There have been a couple other times when I brought a guy home, once was at a family dinner, we went out to dinner and then a movie, my mom wanted us to sit right in the middle of everyone so they could interview this guy and find out every little detail of his life. I refused, we sat on the end, much to my mother's chagrin. Meeting the parents is one thing, meeting the whole family is something else. I know how each person is going to react. My dad, the protector, is going to ask the questions about his stability. Where did he go to school, what did he graduate in, what is he doing for work, did he serve a mission and where? Trying to see if he is going to be able to support me and take care of me. My mom is going to ask the questions about his life, where he grew up, ask about his family what have you. My oldest brother Justin typically asks similar questions as my dad. My next brother Dane will do what he can to embarrass me, whatever that entails. My brother Nolan doesn't really care about the guy and probably wouldn't care too much until we are planning on getting married, my sister just wants to make sure he'll fit with me and make me happy and that we have fun together and that he treats me well.
I love my family, I think they are the greatest, and honestly it takes a lot for me to be able to want to bring a guy home, to feel like a guy deserves that, which is another reason why it doesn't happen often. I think it will always be an intimidating thing both for me and the guy, but it is also a priviledge.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
"The Scent"
Up until recently I was on something of a dry spell when it comes to dating, hence the lack of blog posts. I was fine with that, I was actually quite content in my singleness. I had gotten to a point where honestly the thought of dating was repugnant. I was so tired of the whole scene. I realized that it seemed as though every single person was in the same situation, just at different points.
All the girls (including myself) liked a guy, who liked them back, but didn't want to commit to them. They liked to have their "back burner girls". On the same note, the guys I knew all had girls that they were dating but no one that they were totally interested in. No one that they wanted to date seriously, which in their defense isn't a bad thing, it's really frustrating to be dating people but not have anyone that you want to commit to, I've been there too.
I had absolutely no appetite for dating, and honestly I was fine with that. I could see myself in 20 years living in my own condo, traveling the world singing and being a motivational speaker. I imagined myself taking my nieces and nephews on tour with me while they were on their summer breaks, I could just see it, and it looked good, I just had to get past this point in my life being single and then I would be fine.
Then something changed...
I told myself I was not going to go on any pity dates. I was not going to be the one to make all the effort because guys are too cowardly to do it themselves, I decided that I was going on sabbatical (again) but this time, I would only come out of it if a guy that I could see myself dating were actually to make the effort and ask me on a date. Not ask me to hang out, not invite me to a party, but ask me on a date. That may not seem like a big deal, but to all you marrieds out there this is so rare these days.
Then someone did and all of the sudden guys are coming out of the woodwork. Some guys that have been around all along, and some that haven't. I have never understood this, but it seems like as soon as I am interested in someone, and there may be potential, the guys that I had given up on come around, and all of the sudden I have all the opportunities that I hadn't had before.
According to my best-friend-in-law, this is called "The Scent". Guys can smell another guy on me, and all of the sudden what was once their back burner may be taken away from them, and they don't want this, so they put on the charm.
Right now I have "The Scent" and it's driving other alpha males to do things they wouldn't normally do. The good thing is, I know they wouldn't normally do it, I know if I didn't have "The Scent" nothing would be different. One thing about being a somewhat older single (now don't freak out, I'm not saying I'm old I know I'm young and "have plenty of time" blah blah blah, but in the community that I live being an almost 27 year old single girl does put me at the older end of the spectrum)is that I know the game pretty well, and at this point I think I can tell when people are genuine and not. I have the scent of someone willing to make an effort, when the guys that are now smelling it weren't.
The Scent. Works better than perfume.
All the girls (including myself) liked a guy, who liked them back, but didn't want to commit to them. They liked to have their "back burner girls". On the same note, the guys I knew all had girls that they were dating but no one that they were totally interested in. No one that they wanted to date seriously, which in their defense isn't a bad thing, it's really frustrating to be dating people but not have anyone that you want to commit to, I've been there too.
I had absolutely no appetite for dating, and honestly I was fine with that. I could see myself in 20 years living in my own condo, traveling the world singing and being a motivational speaker. I imagined myself taking my nieces and nephews on tour with me while they were on their summer breaks, I could just see it, and it looked good, I just had to get past this point in my life being single and then I would be fine.
Then something changed...
I told myself I was not going to go on any pity dates. I was not going to be the one to make all the effort because guys are too cowardly to do it themselves, I decided that I was going on sabbatical (again) but this time, I would only come out of it if a guy that I could see myself dating were actually to make the effort and ask me on a date. Not ask me to hang out, not invite me to a party, but ask me on a date. That may not seem like a big deal, but to all you marrieds out there this is so rare these days.
Then someone did and all of the sudden guys are coming out of the woodwork. Some guys that have been around all along, and some that haven't. I have never understood this, but it seems like as soon as I am interested in someone, and there may be potential, the guys that I had given up on come around, and all of the sudden I have all the opportunities that I hadn't had before.
According to my best-friend-in-law, this is called "The Scent". Guys can smell another guy on me, and all of the sudden what was once their back burner may be taken away from them, and they don't want this, so they put on the charm.
Right now I have "The Scent" and it's driving other alpha males to do things they wouldn't normally do. The good thing is, I know they wouldn't normally do it, I know if I didn't have "The Scent" nothing would be different. One thing about being a somewhat older single (now don't freak out, I'm not saying I'm old I know I'm young and "have plenty of time" blah blah blah, but in the community that I live being an almost 27 year old single girl does put me at the older end of the spectrum)is that I know the game pretty well, and at this point I think I can tell when people are genuine and not. I have the scent of someone willing to make an effort, when the guys that are now smelling it weren't.
The Scent. Works better than perfume.
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