When I am asked what I look for most in a guy pretty much the first thing I say is a good sense of humor. People hear this and think, "Oh sure, that's what they all say." I can see why some would be annoyed by that statement, thinking it's some sort of cop-out, "everyone wants that". I am a different breed.
I am a girl who was raised in a hilarious family. I believe every family has their thing. For some families it's intelligent discussion, other families it's competition at who can be the best at everything, other families it's simply just being together. My family's thing is humor. We can sit around the table for hours and just laugh. In my family it's whoever can get to the joke fastest wins. Or in some situations stealing others jokes knowing they are hilarious and claiming them as your own. I remember one time sitting around the table, and everyone is laughing hysterically at something, I made a hilarious comment but due to the boisterous laughter no one, with the exception of my brother Dane, heard me. A couple seconds later when everyone had calmed down Dane repeated verbatim what I had said and received all the laughter as his own, then he slyly looked at me and quietly says, "See what I did there?". I did see, and I'm still upset by this thievery, however he did what he had to do and I appreciate his delivery.
That is how we roll. That is how I grew up, so naturally I look for someone who could join in. I go on dates and if the guy can really make me laugh he has a better chance of getting a second date (if he wants one that is). The thing is, it's not just any sense of humor (and here is where the admittance of me being crazy begins). Most senses of humor can actually turn me off. If you have to quote other comedians to be funny, quoting movies or anything that's not really just your humor, it's not for me. Awkward humor... not for me. Not actually being funny but thinking you are... painful! The sense of humor I go for, is the unexpected joke. The dry witty humor that catches you off guard. Intelligent humor, stuff that makes you think and then laugh. Love it.
This has become a problem in my dating career. I used to go into work after a date and my friend would ask me how it went and if I said anything along the lines of, "Meh, it was alright" she'd come back with, "Let me guess, 'he wasn't funny enough', 'he wasn't the right kind of funny', 'he didn't think you were funny' " I realized then this is a common occurrence.
I recently had a dream that I went on a first date with a guy, after he called me and broke up with me via voicemail saying, "You just aren't as funny as I was hoping. You are a pretty girl, but you're not funny and it turns out that is pretty important to me." I was pissed because, yes I am funny! I knew right away I dreamt that because that is something I would do. That is my issue. Not too long after that I actually went on a first date and when I was telling my roommate about it I verbatim said those exact things.
Recently I was wondering if I am putting too much weight on that as a dating requirement. That it's not really necessary. Then I thought, Heck no. It exists I have been around that humor and I need it in my life. I need to be with a guy that can keep me laughing and that I can make laugh. Laughter is an important part of life I think. It just makes things better. So when I say that is what I look for in a guy, you better believe I'm looking hard for it and won't settle without it.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
What I've Been Missing
So I am a girl that goes on a lot of first dates. As previously mentioned I dislike first dates which means the majority of my dating life has not been that much fun.
I got to a point last fall where I decided I was fine being single. In fact I really liked it. I could imagine my life 20 years down the road as a single woman, living in my own condo, traveling the world singing. Perhaps taking my nieces and nephews with me on tour and what have you, and honestly I thought I could be really happy that way. The only issue was being in your mid-twenties single kinda sucks, there is a lot of pressure on you, everyone that you are close to is trying to get married and going through the same things as you, and it's not that great, if I could just get past that point I would be fine.
The thing is, I had never really dated anyone for longer than like a month, and I dind't know what I was missing. When you don't know what you are missing you don't know that you actually want it. I didn't, I thought I was fine.
Fast forward to me dating someone for a couple of months. We never got serious, but we dated for a couple of months, and in that time I had someone who was good to me, who called me almost every day just to talk, who wasn't afraid to be affectionate with me in public, who would make an effort to be with me. Who I could introduce to my family, and someone to be excited about.
When it ended things were totally fine between us, honestly if it had to end, it couldn't have been better. We had a really good conversation, and honestly I still have a ton of respect for him, and hopefully down the line we can become good friends. Never-the-less it ended, and I didn't want it to.
Since then I find myself longing for that kind of companionship again. To again feel that comfortable with someone, to have one person that I am excited about. Excited to hear from, and hold my hand and kiss me at the end of the night. I miss it. I miss having that. I miss moving forward and wondering when the next step will be taken. I miss having someone to talk about, and have people know who I am talking about. I know that it's not necessarily him that I miss, just the feelings he gave me. I now know what I'm missing, and I know I wouldn't be happy in a life without that.
Knowing what you are missing is totally bittersweet. It hurts to not have it anymore, but I'm so glad I had it at all, to know that that is really what I want. I know it won't be forever, I know I will have it again probably sooner than I think and I also know that whenever I do get it again it will probably be even better, but right now I miss it. It's worth missing.
I got to a point last fall where I decided I was fine being single. In fact I really liked it. I could imagine my life 20 years down the road as a single woman, living in my own condo, traveling the world singing. Perhaps taking my nieces and nephews with me on tour and what have you, and honestly I thought I could be really happy that way. The only issue was being in your mid-twenties single kinda sucks, there is a lot of pressure on you, everyone that you are close to is trying to get married and going through the same things as you, and it's not that great, if I could just get past that point I would be fine.
The thing is, I had never really dated anyone for longer than like a month, and I dind't know what I was missing. When you don't know what you are missing you don't know that you actually want it. I didn't, I thought I was fine.
Fast forward to me dating someone for a couple of months. We never got serious, but we dated for a couple of months, and in that time I had someone who was good to me, who called me almost every day just to talk, who wasn't afraid to be affectionate with me in public, who would make an effort to be with me. Who I could introduce to my family, and someone to be excited about.
When it ended things were totally fine between us, honestly if it had to end, it couldn't have been better. We had a really good conversation, and honestly I still have a ton of respect for him, and hopefully down the line we can become good friends. Never-the-less it ended, and I didn't want it to.
Since then I find myself longing for that kind of companionship again. To again feel that comfortable with someone, to have one person that I am excited about. Excited to hear from, and hold my hand and kiss me at the end of the night. I miss it. I miss having that. I miss moving forward and wondering when the next step will be taken. I miss having someone to talk about, and have people know who I am talking about. I know that it's not necessarily him that I miss, just the feelings he gave me. I now know what I'm missing, and I know I wouldn't be happy in a life without that.
Knowing what you are missing is totally bittersweet. It hurts to not have it anymore, but I'm so glad I had it at all, to know that that is really what I want. I know it won't be forever, I know I will have it again probably sooner than I think and I also know that whenever I do get it again it will probably be even better, but right now I miss it. It's worth missing.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
First Dates
I hate them, but they are necessary.
Here is one thing about me, I don't consider myself a very picky person (in some aspects, there are definitely things I can't do without), however I know full well that a first date will not win me over. I think there have been two first dates in the history of my dating career where I got home and actually wanted to go out with the guy again. Most often I get home and think, "I had fun, if he asks me out again I'll go, but if not whatever" Those two times that I came home and really wanted to hear from them were really nice, though nothing came from them (ain't that always the way).
The thing about first dates is, no one is ever themselves, you ask all the same questions, you spend the entire night trying to decide if this is someone you are going to get along with, if this is someone you are going to start dating, if this is someone who, if not interested, will get the hint or if you are going to have to have "the talk". You spend the entire night talking about your boring job, your hobbies, your schooling, your family, where you live, where you grew up, how many kids are in your family, where you fit in, do you have any nieces or nephews, do you have a big family, does your family live close, are you close to your family, do you live at home, how long have you lived on your own, do you live in a house or an apartment, do you have roommates, do you get along with said roommates? All the while trying to sound interested in the things that are being said, these are not interesting topics.
There are things that happen on first dates that don't happen always, but if they don't happen on the first date it's a "bad sign". Opening the door for instance. Yes I think it is gentlemanly to open the door, but I'm not going to sit in the car and wait for you to come around and open the door, that's ridiculous, also if I am ahead of you and get to the door first, I will open it, I don't need the guy to hurry and run in front of me to get it first, if you are behind me and I get to the door first, it's ok if I grab it, you just grab it from behind and hold it open as I walk through.
I believe first dates shouldn't be too long. I have been on a couple marathon first dates that were ok, but they ended up being marathons because we just kept wanting to hang out. Don't plan for a whole day, that is too much. The first date is just to get to know each other a little more and see if you want to go out again, the second date is the one that is more telling, where there is more physical contact, maybe a hand on a leg, maybe some cuddling, MAYBE a kiss.
Ending a first date. How I hate the door step scene, wondering what the other person is thinking, wondering if they are going to go in for the kill, wondering if they are going to mention going out again. Wondering if this is the last time you will ever see them. As far as I am concerned the guy should not expect a kiss on the first date. Even if I do like them, I want to anticipate something. I want something to be anxious about, and kissing on the first date takes away a lot of that intrigue. It also starts things off on the wrong foot I think. If I like the guy, I would like to feel like he cares about me, being with me, getting to know me, if I kiss too early I end up wondering if that is all the guy is in it for, whether or not that is the case.
Long story short, first dates are awkward, they always will be, and I have a feeling I will go on a lot more first dates before I'm done. If nothing else, it will give me lots to write about...
Here is one thing about me, I don't consider myself a very picky person (in some aspects, there are definitely things I can't do without), however I know full well that a first date will not win me over. I think there have been two first dates in the history of my dating career where I got home and actually wanted to go out with the guy again. Most often I get home and think, "I had fun, if he asks me out again I'll go, but if not whatever" Those two times that I came home and really wanted to hear from them were really nice, though nothing came from them (ain't that always the way).
The thing about first dates is, no one is ever themselves, you ask all the same questions, you spend the entire night trying to decide if this is someone you are going to get along with, if this is someone you are going to start dating, if this is someone who, if not interested, will get the hint or if you are going to have to have "the talk". You spend the entire night talking about your boring job, your hobbies, your schooling, your family, where you live, where you grew up, how many kids are in your family, where you fit in, do you have any nieces or nephews, do you have a big family, does your family live close, are you close to your family, do you live at home, how long have you lived on your own, do you live in a house or an apartment, do you have roommates, do you get along with said roommates? All the while trying to sound interested in the things that are being said, these are not interesting topics.
There are things that happen on first dates that don't happen always, but if they don't happen on the first date it's a "bad sign". Opening the door for instance. Yes I think it is gentlemanly to open the door, but I'm not going to sit in the car and wait for you to come around and open the door, that's ridiculous, also if I am ahead of you and get to the door first, I will open it, I don't need the guy to hurry and run in front of me to get it first, if you are behind me and I get to the door first, it's ok if I grab it, you just grab it from behind and hold it open as I walk through.
I believe first dates shouldn't be too long. I have been on a couple marathon first dates that were ok, but they ended up being marathons because we just kept wanting to hang out. Don't plan for a whole day, that is too much. The first date is just to get to know each other a little more and see if you want to go out again, the second date is the one that is more telling, where there is more physical contact, maybe a hand on a leg, maybe some cuddling, MAYBE a kiss.
Ending a first date. How I hate the door step scene, wondering what the other person is thinking, wondering if they are going to go in for the kill, wondering if they are going to mention going out again. Wondering if this is the last time you will ever see them. As far as I am concerned the guy should not expect a kiss on the first date. Even if I do like them, I want to anticipate something. I want something to be anxious about, and kissing on the first date takes away a lot of that intrigue. It also starts things off on the wrong foot I think. If I like the guy, I would like to feel like he cares about me, being with me, getting to know me, if I kiss too early I end up wondering if that is all the guy is in it for, whether or not that is the case.
Long story short, first dates are awkward, they always will be, and I have a feeling I will go on a lot more first dates before I'm done. If nothing else, it will give me lots to write about...
Meeting the Family
I am not a girl who easily brings guys home to meet the family. Mainly because there haven't really been any guys that I wanted to meet the family, or guys that wanted to meet my family.
There have been a couple of times though, and they left an impact.
I realize that meeting a girl's parents can be pretty intense, especially the youngest daughter of two employees of the FBI, that can be pretty intimidating. Also knowing that I am incredibly close to my parents can add to the pressure.
I talk to my parents about everything, they know about every guy in my life. I tell them the good the bad and the ugly so when a guy comes to meet them, they know all about them already. This is not something I want conveyed when the guys meet my parents for the first time.
I remember years ago a guy was going to be coming over to my house, this wasn't even a guy I was dating, just a friend who I actually happened to fancy. I was so nervous about him coming over because I did NOT want him freaking out. I went to my dad and said, "Ok dad he is coming over, when you meet him I don't want to hear any of this 'Dave (made up name to avoid any embarrassment) it's nice to finally meet you' or 'So this is Dave, I've heard so much about you' as far as you are concerned you have never even heard about him" my dad agreed and when "Dave" showed up he totally played it cool, "Dave is it? Nice to meet you" about 30 seconds later my mom comes walking over BIG grin on her face and says, "So this is Dave... I've heard so much about you it's nice to finally meet you." I just put my hand over my face and shook my head as I thought, "I totally talked to the wrong parent!"
There have been a couple other times when I brought a guy home, once was at a family dinner, we went out to dinner and then a movie, my mom wanted us to sit right in the middle of everyone so they could interview this guy and find out every little detail of his life. I refused, we sat on the end, much to my mother's chagrin. Meeting the parents is one thing, meeting the whole family is something else. I know how each person is going to react. My dad, the protector, is going to ask the questions about his stability. Where did he go to school, what did he graduate in, what is he doing for work, did he serve a mission and where? Trying to see if he is going to be able to support me and take care of me. My mom is going to ask the questions about his life, where he grew up, ask about his family what have you. My oldest brother Justin typically asks similar questions as my dad. My next brother Dane will do what he can to embarrass me, whatever that entails. My brother Nolan doesn't really care about the guy and probably wouldn't care too much until we are planning on getting married, my sister just wants to make sure he'll fit with me and make me happy and that we have fun together and that he treats me well.
I love my family, I think they are the greatest, and honestly it takes a lot for me to be able to want to bring a guy home, to feel like a guy deserves that, which is another reason why it doesn't happen often. I think it will always be an intimidating thing both for me and the guy, but it is also a priviledge.
There have been a couple of times though, and they left an impact.
I realize that meeting a girl's parents can be pretty intense, especially the youngest daughter of two employees of the FBI, that can be pretty intimidating. Also knowing that I am incredibly close to my parents can add to the pressure.
I talk to my parents about everything, they know about every guy in my life. I tell them the good the bad and the ugly so when a guy comes to meet them, they know all about them already. This is not something I want conveyed when the guys meet my parents for the first time.
I remember years ago a guy was going to be coming over to my house, this wasn't even a guy I was dating, just a friend who I actually happened to fancy. I was so nervous about him coming over because I did NOT want him freaking out. I went to my dad and said, "Ok dad he is coming over, when you meet him I don't want to hear any of this 'Dave (made up name to avoid any embarrassment) it's nice to finally meet you' or 'So this is Dave, I've heard so much about you' as far as you are concerned you have never even heard about him" my dad agreed and when "Dave" showed up he totally played it cool, "Dave is it? Nice to meet you" about 30 seconds later my mom comes walking over BIG grin on her face and says, "So this is Dave... I've heard so much about you it's nice to finally meet you." I just put my hand over my face and shook my head as I thought, "I totally talked to the wrong parent!"
There have been a couple other times when I brought a guy home, once was at a family dinner, we went out to dinner and then a movie, my mom wanted us to sit right in the middle of everyone so they could interview this guy and find out every little detail of his life. I refused, we sat on the end, much to my mother's chagrin. Meeting the parents is one thing, meeting the whole family is something else. I know how each person is going to react. My dad, the protector, is going to ask the questions about his stability. Where did he go to school, what did he graduate in, what is he doing for work, did he serve a mission and where? Trying to see if he is going to be able to support me and take care of me. My mom is going to ask the questions about his life, where he grew up, ask about his family what have you. My oldest brother Justin typically asks similar questions as my dad. My next brother Dane will do what he can to embarrass me, whatever that entails. My brother Nolan doesn't really care about the guy and probably wouldn't care too much until we are planning on getting married, my sister just wants to make sure he'll fit with me and make me happy and that we have fun together and that he treats me well.
I love my family, I think they are the greatest, and honestly it takes a lot for me to be able to want to bring a guy home, to feel like a guy deserves that, which is another reason why it doesn't happen often. I think it will always be an intimidating thing both for me and the guy, but it is also a priviledge.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
"The Scent"
Up until recently I was on something of a dry spell when it comes to dating, hence the lack of blog posts. I was fine with that, I was actually quite content in my singleness. I had gotten to a point where honestly the thought of dating was repugnant. I was so tired of the whole scene. I realized that it seemed as though every single person was in the same situation, just at different points.
All the girls (including myself) liked a guy, who liked them back, but didn't want to commit to them. They liked to have their "back burner girls". On the same note, the guys I knew all had girls that they were dating but no one that they were totally interested in. No one that they wanted to date seriously, which in their defense isn't a bad thing, it's really frustrating to be dating people but not have anyone that you want to commit to, I've been there too.
I had absolutely no appetite for dating, and honestly I was fine with that. I could see myself in 20 years living in my own condo, traveling the world singing and being a motivational speaker. I imagined myself taking my nieces and nephews on tour with me while they were on their summer breaks, I could just see it, and it looked good, I just had to get past this point in my life being single and then I would be fine.
Then something changed...
I told myself I was not going to go on any pity dates. I was not going to be the one to make all the effort because guys are too cowardly to do it themselves, I decided that I was going on sabbatical (again) but this time, I would only come out of it if a guy that I could see myself dating were actually to make the effort and ask me on a date. Not ask me to hang out, not invite me to a party, but ask me on a date. That may not seem like a big deal, but to all you marrieds out there this is so rare these days.
Then someone did and all of the sudden guys are coming out of the woodwork. Some guys that have been around all along, and some that haven't. I have never understood this, but it seems like as soon as I am interested in someone, and there may be potential, the guys that I had given up on come around, and all of the sudden I have all the opportunities that I hadn't had before.
According to my best-friend-in-law, this is called "The Scent". Guys can smell another guy on me, and all of the sudden what was once their back burner may be taken away from them, and they don't want this, so they put on the charm.
Right now I have "The Scent" and it's driving other alpha males to do things they wouldn't normally do. The good thing is, I know they wouldn't normally do it, I know if I didn't have "The Scent" nothing would be different. One thing about being a somewhat older single (now don't freak out, I'm not saying I'm old I know I'm young and "have plenty of time" blah blah blah, but in the community that I live being an almost 27 year old single girl does put me at the older end of the spectrum)is that I know the game pretty well, and at this point I think I can tell when people are genuine and not. I have the scent of someone willing to make an effort, when the guys that are now smelling it weren't.
The Scent. Works better than perfume.
All the girls (including myself) liked a guy, who liked them back, but didn't want to commit to them. They liked to have their "back burner girls". On the same note, the guys I knew all had girls that they were dating but no one that they were totally interested in. No one that they wanted to date seriously, which in their defense isn't a bad thing, it's really frustrating to be dating people but not have anyone that you want to commit to, I've been there too.
I had absolutely no appetite for dating, and honestly I was fine with that. I could see myself in 20 years living in my own condo, traveling the world singing and being a motivational speaker. I imagined myself taking my nieces and nephews on tour with me while they were on their summer breaks, I could just see it, and it looked good, I just had to get past this point in my life being single and then I would be fine.
Then something changed...
I told myself I was not going to go on any pity dates. I was not going to be the one to make all the effort because guys are too cowardly to do it themselves, I decided that I was going on sabbatical (again) but this time, I would only come out of it if a guy that I could see myself dating were actually to make the effort and ask me on a date. Not ask me to hang out, not invite me to a party, but ask me on a date. That may not seem like a big deal, but to all you marrieds out there this is so rare these days.
Then someone did and all of the sudden guys are coming out of the woodwork. Some guys that have been around all along, and some that haven't. I have never understood this, but it seems like as soon as I am interested in someone, and there may be potential, the guys that I had given up on come around, and all of the sudden I have all the opportunities that I hadn't had before.
According to my best-friend-in-law, this is called "The Scent". Guys can smell another guy on me, and all of the sudden what was once their back burner may be taken away from them, and they don't want this, so they put on the charm.
Right now I have "The Scent" and it's driving other alpha males to do things they wouldn't normally do. The good thing is, I know they wouldn't normally do it, I know if I didn't have "The Scent" nothing would be different. One thing about being a somewhat older single (now don't freak out, I'm not saying I'm old I know I'm young and "have plenty of time" blah blah blah, but in the community that I live being an almost 27 year old single girl does put me at the older end of the spectrum)is that I know the game pretty well, and at this point I think I can tell when people are genuine and not. I have the scent of someone willing to make an effort, when the guys that are now smelling it weren't.
The Scent. Works better than perfume.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
What happened to the days...
Ok so about two weeks ago I went to a bon fire with some friends. I got to talking to a guy there for a while and we got along pretty well. He got my number before he left and we talked about going climbing together. The following week he called me to ask me out on a date.
To all the older generation this sounds pretty typical, (outside of the texting). Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl on a date. Seems pretty simple. NAY!!! This happens so infrequently these days, the new system is. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy tries to be in places girl might be, social gatherings and what not, boy flirts with other girls to make girl jealous, girl flirts with boy, boy gets scared and backs off, girl then moves on to other guys, boy gets jealous, boy flirts with girl, girl starts to like boy, boy freaks out and runs away.
This is why dating sucks. It is so hard to get anywhere with anyone. This guy asking me out was so refreshing. It was so easy. We're not getting married, we're not "committing" to each other. We just had a good conversation and want to get to know each other more. Is that so frightening?
To all the older generation this sounds pretty typical, (outside of the texting). Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl on a date. Seems pretty simple. NAY!!! This happens so infrequently these days, the new system is. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy tries to be in places girl might be, social gatherings and what not, boy flirts with other girls to make girl jealous, girl flirts with boy, boy gets scared and backs off, girl then moves on to other guys, boy gets jealous, boy flirts with girl, girl starts to like boy, boy freaks out and runs away.
This is why dating sucks. It is so hard to get anywhere with anyone. This guy asking me out was so refreshing. It was so easy. We're not getting married, we're not "committing" to each other. We just had a good conversation and want to get to know each other more. Is that so frightening?
Friday, October 1, 2010
How To Make a Good First Impression
HAHA You must not know me well if you actually thought I could write a blog on that topic. I NEED HELP!!!
I have mentioned before my "Angry Eyes". The scowl that is so naturally placed on my face at almost all times. It's really causing some issues in my dating life...
It's interesting how that little scowl can define the person that you are, but so differently depending on appearance.
When I was younger I was "slightly" more "robust" than I am now, add that to a scowl, and you are a scary individual, frightening all those from small children to adults. Everyone that really knew me loved me because I was sweet as can be, and just a riot if you wanna know the truth. However, those that didn't know me, and weren't around me much didn't take the time to get to know me because, well I don't know if I would have approached a large scowly faced person and expect pleasantries. So for all I know there are people who I crossed paths with all those many years who got that impression of me, and I never had the chance to correct it. That honestly bothers me, but there's not much I can do about it.
Now as a less robust adult still with the scowl I seem to give off the impression that I am a snot. A stuck up intimidating girl who doesn't really care. I don't know which is worse.
The thing is I know what I need to do to change that "first impression" but they are habits that are very hard to break. AKA not scowling, not standing with my arms folded, being less sarcastic... what have you.
I will tell you what though, I have had enough of people telling me, "You totally look like a snot right now. When I first met you I thought you were a total(insert offensive term here). I was really intimidated by you when I first met you. I'm sure guys find you really intimidating." That last one is the kicker, and the reason for the blog post.
I have been told time and time again that I am the type of girl that comes across really intimidating. For good reasons and bad. Good: I have a good job, I take care of myself, I am talented (in some areas)... BAD: My natural look of death, my posture, my sarcasm.
There are some seriously ridiculous judgements that have been made on me because of the way I look. 1) I wear heels nearly every day, that does not make me high maintenance. Heels are cute and they do wonders for the legs, I have good legs, why wouldn't I wear heels? Plus I can walk in them, not all girls can, so instead of seeing someone who spends too much money on something like that and must be high maintenance because of it, you should think of me as caring about her appearance, and talented. 2)I have very blond hair. I'm not sorry that my natural hair color is blond, just because it is, doesn't mean that I am a ditz, unintelligent, flighty, or flaky, yet that is how it is perceived a lot of the time. 3) I scowl. I have no explanation for that, just get over it because I don't know how to stop. 4)I get pedicures. Another thing that has made me seem high maintenance. Ok seriously guys? I am doing you a favor with this one. No dude wants a girl with rough, cracky feet and yellow toenails. I don't have those things. You're welcome.
So to all the guys,(who most certainly won't read this blog or be affected by it's profound truths therefore wanting to take me from this life of dating and make me theirs) this is what you are missing out on by believing that false first impression.
I am a girl who cares deeply for the people in her life and would do almost anything to make them happy. I am a girl who loves to play sports and be outside, try new things, and be taught new things. I love to laugh, and to make people laugh, and I daresay I am dang good at that. I love pushing myself and achieving new goals. I am determined and dedicated and a very hard worker. I am someone who is not afraid of a challenge. I am in LOVE with the gospel of Jesus Christ and try to do all I can to show that in my daily life. I have worked hard my whole life and because of that have a great job that I excel in. If there is something I am passionate about I pursue it, until I am successful in it. I am someone who lived a very hard life full of pain and heartache, but was determined enough to change that and did, and now am determined to help people like I was and change their lives as well. I have been blessed to have SO MANY amazing friends and that is because I want to be friends with everyone. That is me, in a nutshell.
If only a first impression could show that to people. I wonder how things could be different.
I have mentioned before my "Angry Eyes". The scowl that is so naturally placed on my face at almost all times. It's really causing some issues in my dating life...
It's interesting how that little scowl can define the person that you are, but so differently depending on appearance.
When I was younger I was "slightly" more "robust" than I am now, add that to a scowl, and you are a scary individual, frightening all those from small children to adults. Everyone that really knew me loved me because I was sweet as can be, and just a riot if you wanna know the truth. However, those that didn't know me, and weren't around me much didn't take the time to get to know me because, well I don't know if I would have approached a large scowly faced person and expect pleasantries. So for all I know there are people who I crossed paths with all those many years who got that impression of me, and I never had the chance to correct it. That honestly bothers me, but there's not much I can do about it.
Now as a less robust adult still with the scowl I seem to give off the impression that I am a snot. A stuck up intimidating girl who doesn't really care. I don't know which is worse.
The thing is I know what I need to do to change that "first impression" but they are habits that are very hard to break. AKA not scowling, not standing with my arms folded, being less sarcastic... what have you.
I will tell you what though, I have had enough of people telling me, "You totally look like a snot right now. When I first met you I thought you were a total(insert offensive term here). I was really intimidated by you when I first met you. I'm sure guys find you really intimidating." That last one is the kicker, and the reason for the blog post.
I have been told time and time again that I am the type of girl that comes across really intimidating. For good reasons and bad. Good: I have a good job, I take care of myself, I am talented (in some areas)... BAD: My natural look of death, my posture, my sarcasm.
There are some seriously ridiculous judgements that have been made on me because of the way I look. 1) I wear heels nearly every day, that does not make me high maintenance. Heels are cute and they do wonders for the legs, I have good legs, why wouldn't I wear heels? Plus I can walk in them, not all girls can, so instead of seeing someone who spends too much money on something like that and must be high maintenance because of it, you should think of me as caring about her appearance, and talented. 2)I have very blond hair. I'm not sorry that my natural hair color is blond, just because it is, doesn't mean that I am a ditz, unintelligent, flighty, or flaky, yet that is how it is perceived a lot of the time. 3) I scowl. I have no explanation for that, just get over it because I don't know how to stop. 4)I get pedicures. Another thing that has made me seem high maintenance. Ok seriously guys? I am doing you a favor with this one. No dude wants a girl with rough, cracky feet and yellow toenails. I don't have those things. You're welcome.
So to all the guys,(who most certainly won't read this blog or be affected by it's profound truths therefore wanting to take me from this life of dating and make me theirs) this is what you are missing out on by believing that false first impression.
I am a girl who cares deeply for the people in her life and would do almost anything to make them happy. I am a girl who loves to play sports and be outside, try new things, and be taught new things. I love to laugh, and to make people laugh, and I daresay I am dang good at that. I love pushing myself and achieving new goals. I am determined and dedicated and a very hard worker. I am someone who is not afraid of a challenge. I am in LOVE with the gospel of Jesus Christ and try to do all I can to show that in my daily life. I have worked hard my whole life and because of that have a great job that I excel in. If there is something I am passionate about I pursue it, until I am successful in it. I am someone who lived a very hard life full of pain and heartache, but was determined enough to change that and did, and now am determined to help people like I was and change their lives as well. I have been blessed to have SO MANY amazing friends and that is because I want to be friends with everyone. That is me, in a nutshell.
If only a first impression could show that to people. I wonder how things could be different.
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