Chester the Molester

Ok this post is dedicated to the worst date I have ever been on, and if the church is true will ever go on.
About 2 years ago, my brother Dane told me there was a guy he worked with that he wanted to set me up with. He gave the guy my number, but I didn't hear from him for a couple of months. He finally texted me one day and we chatted via text for a while.
Here is one problem (among many) with that. Via text, you can be whoever you want to be. You can be charming and flirtatious and witty, because you don't know the other person, you don't know if, once you meet face to face, you will be interested in them or if they will be interested in you. You don't know that you may very well be talking to Satan...
So I did just that. The thing is, in all honesty I didn't expect him to be interested in me when we met face to face. Force of habit. I let him flirt with me, and what not, because I thought when the time came that we actually went out, it would all end, so it didn't matter. Oh the regret!
Ok the day comes, and I was terrified. I was nervous that he wouldn't like me. HA looking back, that thought makes me dryheave! I remember talking to my dad, and him telling me, "From what Dane said, this guy is pretty shy... if you are interested there is nothing wrong with giving him a little engouragement. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there a little."
So he gets to my house, I open the door, and I see standing before me, a guy who looked like he woke up put on a grungy grey shirt and jeans, rubbed his hair on the ground for a while, worked on his car, certainly didn't go to the gym, took another nap woke up and then came to pick me up.
As soon as I shut the door behind me, dude is HANDS ON! Rubbing my shoulders, playing with my hair holding my hands. REALLY? It's been all of 45 seconds! So we drive to the restaurant where we are having a conversation he is clearly not listening to. I had mentioned my roommate Katie maybe three times in a 10 minute period, and each time he would say, "Who is Katie?".
Then we are driving from the restaurant to the theatre and he asks me what kind of house I would buy if money were no object. I told him I wouldn't have a huge house, I would want one that fits my family comfortably, but there are things I would want with it, like a studio and a pool and what not. He replies, "I don't think that's true. You seem the type that would get the biggest house she could." Um excuse me? A) You don't know me at all, to be able to make that judgement call. B) This is a first date, even if I was lying, what does it matter? and C) Yuh HUH! I was irritated.
We get to the theatre, and are in the movie and he asks me flat out if I am going to kiss him. I just looked at him and flat out said, "No, I'm not going to kiss you" He then goes off on how I led him on, and how he should have just kissed me when he first opened the door. His rantings were interrupted when his phone rang, and he answered it. DURING THE MOVIE! When he got off his super important phone call he turns to me and says. "That was rude" I wanted to say "What answering your phone, in a movie? AND on a DATE?" but I refrained and just said, "What?" He said, "You totally led me on." I said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am not going to kiss you" Then he asks me why not. Oh gosh you want a reason really? Among the many other reasons, I told him "I am going through the temple in a month and a half, and I am not going to be kissing anyone while I am preparing" Which was true, and just so convenient. His response, "Are you lying to me?" Ok buddy, if I'm not lying that is about the best excuse one can give, and one that should not be questioned. If I AM lying take the HINT! I don't want to kiss you so much I am willing to lie about the temple just to not kiss you.
We spent the next two hours, with me explaining to him why I wouldn't kiss him, and him fighting it. Oh but not before he said, "If you won't kiss me, you will hold my hand" Grabs my hand, which to this day I am tempted to chop right off!
On the car ride home we are still arguing about kissing, at one point he said, "So you can't kiss anyone?" I said, "No" and he goes, "Well I can" as though he was just going to kiss me against my will. That was the last straw. So I said, with some force, "You know, it's the honorable thing to do, to hear what I am saying and respect it. I can't believe after all I have said you would even consider kissing me!" Then he shook his head, and I said, "Don't shake your head like I am the one being unreasonable, if anyone should be shaking their head in frustration it's ME!" So he takes me to the door gives me like 4 prolonged hugs and leaves. I got home threw my purse across the room, and at the risk of giving TMI went in the bathroom and threw up!
After he left I get a text message that said, "Don't for one second think that I am mad about what happened tonight." WHAT!!!??? I should be concerned about YOUR feelings? Are you INSANE? Needless to say I never responded.
The next day I went to tell Dane about the awesome date he set me up on. His response at the end of it all was. "You know, there is no way I could have known that he was going to behave that way, but at the same time I'm not totally surprised either." He told me that he wouldn't have been surprised if he was bet to kiss me. At least I have solace in knowing he lost that bet. Dane said, that before Chester the Molester and I went out he wanted to call off the whole thing, said he didn't have a good feeling about it. As calm as I could muster, I urged him to follow those feelings next time. He said, "I feel like I should make it up to you. There's another guy I work with..." That was all he was allowed to get out before I killed him. Ok so I didn't kill him, but he won't be setting me up on any more dates.
To this day I can't tell that story without shuddering.