I know for a fact that everyone has this problem, but I fear that I do it to a more extreme level than anyone else.
It goes both ways too, if I feel like a guy is interested in me, even if I like them too, I start to analyze their feelings and every move they make. Like if they ask me to hang out, I start to think, "Ok so do they just want to hang out, or is this a date? If this is a date are they thinking that something is going to happen tonight? If something does happen tonight, are they going to think we are in a legit relationship? If they do think we are in a legit relationship do I need to say something? If I don't say anything are they going to propose to me?"
It's so bad, because I need to take things slowly, and most people probably feel the same way, but for some reason I feel like they can't or won't. I think, if I go out with these people, does that mean I can't go out with anyone else? If they were to find out I was dating other people would they be hurt? Even though I know they are most likely going out with other people too.
My mind races, and it occupies WAY too much of my thoughts.
On the other end, if I am interested in a guy, but I don't know how he feels, it's even worse. I know what you're thinking, "How could it possibly get worse? From the previous statements you are already a complete psycho. You shouldn't admit to anything else, because if you do, I won't be able to speak with you for I will have had a complete loss of respect." and yet, I continue.
When I am interested in a guy and I don't know how he feels, everything he says and does could mean 187 different things, and I go through them all in extreme detail.
For instance, say I like a guy and he calls me and says, "Hey a group of us are going to a movie tonight if you're interested." This is my thought process, "I want to go, because I like him, but is he asking me on a date, or just inviting me as part of the group? If it is just a group thing are there going to be other girls there that I am going to have to watch him flirt with? Is he inviting me just to be nice, or does he really want me there? If I go, am I going to look desperate? Maybe I shouldn't go to show him, I don't need to be there, therefore making it look like I have other options that are more appealing, maybe then he would try a little harder and be more interested, but if I don't go is he going to think I am not interested and then not do anything in the future?" I'm not kidding that is pretty typical if not exact.
I don't know why I do this, but it's so annoying because it doesn't need to be that challenging. It should just be, if he didn't want me to be there he wouldn't invite me. No matter the extent to how badly he wants me there or not, he is inviting me and if I want to go I should go!
I also analyze my own actions, and what the other person would analyze about what I am doing. That is probably the most ridiculous thing ever. I analyze something to death, then I finally make a decision, then I think about what the person would think about the decision I make, which makes me re-analyze my decision.
People, I know. I KNOW! But how do I stop? How do I go from over-analyzing queen to a normal human being?
I would like to take this time to apologize to all the people I vocally over-analyze to. You are gems for listening to me, and I promise you, it's not over. ;)
Hi Julia, Your problem is not that you are over-analyzing, it is that your analysis is ineffective. In other words you are asking the wrong questions. You are trying to take a passive role in this and that just won't work. You are a beautiful and talented woman and as such you can have almost complete control of the situation (not the other person, just the situation.) Let's look at some questions you can ask in order to get somewhere rather than spinning your wheels.
ReplyDeleteOk, so you think a guy likes you. First question: Are you interested?
No: Tell him.
?maybe?:What do you need to do to find out?
Yes:Rather than asking if he likes you look at what you can do to get him to act on it if he does (There is a very good chance that he does, by the way.)
He's asked you to participate in an activity with him:
Question: Do you want to participate?
No:
If you're not interested in him:
Don't go.
If you might be interested don't go, but suggest an alternate activity that you would like.
If you really like him you may want to consider going anyway. (I've been lured to many a chick-flick because of this.)
Yes:
If you don't like him let him know it's not a date.
If you might be interested go.
If you like him go. (Duh)
Is it a date?
You can pretty much assume that it is unless he indicates otherwise, has indicated otherwise in the past, has a girlfriend, etc. If you want to know for sure just casually ask.
Rather than asking if something will happen ask if you want it to happen. If you do make it happen using the least amount of force necessary (Most guys will pick up on non-verbal cues but some need a little push.)
As for the exclusive relationship question, it is only exclusive if it has been discussed and decided that it is. (If they assume otherwise it's their own fault.)
Hope this helps,
Justin
Wow, Ithink Justin knows what he is talking about. Mom
ReplyDeleteHoly Cow I love you Julia! And I love this blog so I can see what you're up to! :) You're amazing!! Love yer #1 fan, Clover
ReplyDeleteI disagree with Justin on one point. If a guy asks you to do an activity and you want to do the activity but are not interested in the guy... you should probably just not go to the activity. Because you don't want to lead him on, and your agreeing to go (even if you say its not a date) will prevent him from asking someone who may want to be there with him.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, just remember that if a guy asks you to do something with him, he likes you and wants to get to know you better. it's that simple. guys don't ask girls to come and hang out if they don't like them. If its a group thing, they are probably more worried that you would say no to an actual date. If you are interested in the person who asked you to go, you should ALWAYS go and find out. It goes back to making yourself a little vulnerable. And the golden rule - you wouldnt want a guy to turn down a date with you just to make you think that he has better options so that you will work harder to date him, so don't do it to the guys you like.