Friday, January 28, 2011

What I've Been Missing

So I am a girl that goes on a lot of first dates. As previously mentioned I dislike first dates which means the majority of my dating life has not been that much fun.
I got to a point last fall where I decided I was fine being single. In fact I really liked it. I could imagine my life 20 years down the road as a single woman, living in my own condo, traveling the world singing. Perhaps taking my nieces and nephews with me on tour and what have you, and honestly I thought I could be really happy that way. The only issue was being in your mid-twenties single kinda sucks, there is a lot of pressure on you, everyone that you are close to is trying to get married and going through the same things as you, and it's not that great, if I could just get past that point I would be fine.
The thing is, I had never really dated anyone for longer than like a month, and I dind't know what I was missing. When you don't know what you are missing you don't know that you actually want it. I didn't, I thought I was fine.
Fast forward to me dating someone for a couple of months. We never got serious, but we dated for a couple of months, and in that time I had someone who was good to me, who called me almost every day just to talk, who wasn't afraid to be affectionate with me in public, who would make an effort to be with me. Who I could introduce to my family, and someone to be excited about.
When it ended things were totally fine between us, honestly if it had to end, it couldn't have been better. We had a really good conversation, and honestly I still have a ton of respect for him, and hopefully down the line we can become good friends. Never-the-less it ended, and I didn't want it to.
Since then I find myself longing for that kind of companionship again. To again feel that comfortable with someone, to have one person that I am excited about. Excited to hear from, and hold my hand and kiss me at the end of the night. I miss it. I miss having that. I miss moving forward and wondering when the next step will be taken. I miss having someone to talk about, and have people know who I am talking about. I know that it's not necessarily him that I miss, just the feelings he gave me. I now know what I'm missing, and I know I wouldn't be happy in a life without that.
Knowing what you are missing is totally bittersweet. It hurts to not have it anymore, but I'm so glad I had it at all, to know that that is really what I want. I know it won't be forever, I know I will have it again probably sooner than I think and I also know that whenever I do get it again it will probably be even better, but right now I miss it. It's worth missing.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

First Dates

I hate them, but they are necessary.
Here is one thing about me, I don't consider myself a very picky person (in some aspects, there are definitely things I can't do without), however I know full well that a first date will not win me over. I think there have been two first dates in the history of my dating career where I got home and actually wanted to go out with the guy again. Most often I get home and think, "I had fun, if he asks me out again I'll go, but if not whatever" Those two times that I came home and really wanted to hear from them were really nice, though nothing came from them (ain't that always the way).
The thing about first dates is, no one is ever themselves, you ask all the same questions, you spend the entire night trying to decide if this is someone you are going to get along with, if this is someone you are going to start dating, if this is someone who, if not interested, will get the hint or if you are going to have to have "the talk". You spend the entire night talking about your boring job, your hobbies, your schooling, your family, where you live, where you grew up, how many kids are in your family, where you fit in, do you have any nieces or nephews, do you have a big family, does your family live close, are you close to your family, do you live at home, how long have you lived on your own, do you live in a house or an apartment, do you have roommates, do you get along with said roommates? All the while trying to sound interested in the things that are being said, these are not interesting topics.
There are things that happen on first dates that don't happen always, but if they don't happen on the first date it's a "bad sign". Opening the door for instance. Yes I think it is gentlemanly to open the door, but I'm not going to sit in the car and wait for you to come around and open the door, that's ridiculous, also if I am ahead of you and get to the door first, I will open it, I don't need the guy to hurry and run in front of me to get it first, if you are behind me and I get to the door first, it's ok if I grab it, you just grab it from behind and hold it open as I walk through.
I believe first dates shouldn't be too long. I have been on a couple marathon first dates that were ok, but they ended up being marathons because we just kept wanting to hang out. Don't plan for a whole day, that is too much. The first date is just to get to know each other a little more and see if you want to go out again, the second date is the one that is more telling, where there is more physical contact, maybe a hand on a leg, maybe some cuddling, MAYBE a kiss.
Ending a first date. How I hate the door step scene, wondering what the other person is thinking, wondering if they are going to go in for the kill, wondering if they are going to mention going out again. Wondering if this is the last time you will ever see them. As far as I am concerned the guy should not expect a kiss on the first date. Even if I do like them, I want to anticipate something. I want something to be anxious about, and kissing on the first date takes away a lot of that intrigue. It also starts things off on the wrong foot I think. If I like the guy, I would like to feel like he cares about me, being with me, getting to know me, if I kiss too early I end up wondering if that is all the guy is in it for, whether or not that is the case.
Long story short, first dates are awkward, they always will be, and I have a feeling I will go on a lot more first dates before I'm done. If nothing else, it will give me lots to write about...

Meeting the Family

I am not a girl who easily brings guys home to meet the family. Mainly because there haven't really been any guys that I wanted to meet the family, or guys that wanted to meet my family.
There have been a couple of times though, and they left an impact.
I realize that meeting a girl's parents can be pretty intense, especially the youngest daughter of two employees of the FBI, that can be pretty intimidating. Also knowing that I am incredibly close to my parents can add to the pressure.
I talk to my parents about everything, they know about every guy in my life. I tell them the good the bad and the ugly so when a guy comes to meet them, they know all about them already. This is not something I want conveyed when the guys meet my parents for the first time.
I remember years ago a guy was going to be coming over to my house, this wasn't even a guy I was dating, just a friend who I actually happened to fancy. I was so nervous about him coming over because I did NOT want him freaking out. I went to my dad and said, "Ok dad he is coming over, when you meet him I don't want to hear any of this 'Dave (made up name to avoid any embarrassment) it's nice to finally meet you' or 'So this is Dave, I've heard so much about you' as far as you are concerned you have never even heard about him" my dad agreed and when "Dave" showed up he totally played it cool, "Dave is it? Nice to meet you" about 30 seconds later my mom comes walking over BIG grin on her face and says, "So this is Dave... I've heard so much about you it's nice to finally meet you." I just put my hand over my face and shook my head as I thought, "I totally talked to the wrong parent!"
There have been a couple other times when I brought a guy home, once was at a family dinner, we went out to dinner and then a movie, my mom wanted us to sit right in the middle of everyone so they could interview this guy and find out every little detail of his life. I refused, we sat on the end, much to my mother's chagrin. Meeting the parents is one thing, meeting the whole family is something else. I know how each person is going to react. My dad, the protector, is going to ask the questions about his stability. Where did he go to school, what did he graduate in, what is he doing for work, did he serve a mission and where? Trying to see if he is going to be able to support me and take care of me. My mom is going to ask the questions about his life, where he grew up, ask about his family what have you. My oldest brother Justin typically asks similar questions as my dad. My next brother Dane will do what he can to embarrass me, whatever that entails. My brother Nolan doesn't really care about the guy and probably wouldn't care too much until we are planning on getting married, my sister just wants to make sure he'll fit with me and make me happy and that we have fun together and that he treats me well.
I love my family, I think they are the greatest, and honestly it takes a lot for me to be able to want to bring a guy home, to feel like a guy deserves that, which is another reason why it doesn't happen often. I think it will always be an intimidating thing both for me and the guy, but it is also a priviledge.