Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Bad Lines Used On Me

Ok so I was thinking tonight of all the lines that have been use on me, and sadly the majority are compliments laced with a slap in the face. These four are probably the worst ones, and really the only ones worth posting. Let's dive in shall we.

(This guy I had been talking to for a while, I'm not going to put the whole line, just the clincher)
Smooth dude at a party- "You're semi-attractive"
Ok what? You never tell a girl that. NEVER. I don't understand at all how that was meant to be complimentary, but he did end up taking me out, and I did go, smart of me I know. One good thing that came out of it was I told his roommate what he said, to which he replied, "Oh well, if your roommates are as 'semi-attractive' as you, you should bring them around." Maybe I should have gone out with his roommate instead.

This one was at a church activity. A guy I didn't know that well, but he knew my roommates. He was leaving with my roommates and was walking past me...
Awkward Dude- "Hey it was really good to see you tonight."
Me- "Yeah it was good to see you too"
Awkward Dude- "You're like eye candy for me"
Me- "....." (That means I was speachless looking at him completely dumbfounded with my mouth open, feeling totally awkward, not knowing what I could possibly say after a comment like that)

Worst date idea. There was a guy I met at Utah State who also had the last name of Sanders. From the time we met until the last time I saw him, he would introduce me as his cousin, and call me cousin or just "Sanders". After a while of this we ran into each other at lunch.
Sanders- "Hey Cousin"
Me- "Hey"
Sanders- "So I was thinking we should go to dinner sometime"
Me- "Oh yeah?"
Sanders- "Yeah I have this geneology book, and I thought it would be cool if we looked through it to see if we're related down the line."
Ok... Did you just ask me on a date to find out if we're related? Pass!

And finally, this one is just hilarious.
Old creepy dude country dancing- "Is that your natural hair color"
Me- "Yeah it is, but I'm not one of the 'dumb blondes'."
OCDCD- "No, you look smart, you have a big head."
Me- "I have a big head?"
OCDCD-"No it's ok, I like it."
Nice, thanks buddy, let's date immediately!

I do have some others that I really should post, but there is a good chance they would get read by the line giver. They are doozies. Bad bad things that you should never say to a girl, but I think he genuinely thinks he was being complimentary. I have told them to my friends as they happened, and the reaction I got on each one was "...." (look above for translation). I don't understand guys. Some guys are just not smooth. I think someone should teach lessons. Some guys know what is and what is not ok to say, but some are just clueless, of course it seems to me that it's the clueless ones that are the most brave. They are the ones that put themselves out there. Why is that?

Sunday, March 28, 2010

The Chase

AKA the worst part of dating.
The rule is, people (and I say people because girls are just as guilty of this as guys are) don't want what's handed to them.
Though I hate this I am involved in this. My whole life I have had the problem that I can be totally interested in someone, but as soon as I think that they are interested in me, my interest completely goes away. Maybe I lose respect for them for being interested in me or something ;). Really I don't get it. As soon as they like me, I find all these flaws, that I CANNOT live with.
My friend Spencer once told me, when I was interested in a guy, that he was going to talk to him, and tell him that even if he did like me, not to show me that, then I would like him forever. I laughed about it, but sadly I knew it was true.
The problem with this is, I am chronically interested in guys that are not interested back.
I have had a few times where my interest didn't fade. Even when I thought my dating them was a possibility, I still liked them. So rather than losing them because I can't date them, I become their friend.
I have heard all throughout my life that guys do NOT want to be friends with girls. My life proves that theory wrong.
I am great at being the friend. That is my lot in life. I am always the friend. Guys are comfortable with me. I am a good listener and I am a good confidant. So even if the guy isn't romantically interested in me we are able to maintain a really good friendship. Honestly I am grateful for that. I would WAY rather have a meaningful friendship with these guys, than be all wounded and "heartbroken" which pain would only last a short amount of time, but in the end never see them again.
The problem is, I do become that friend. My romantic interest in them fades to a legitimate friendship and then they come around. Once I am no longer a viable option for them, they miss that attention, and try to get it back. The thing is, it's not real. I have been burned in the past thinking it was. If I do give in and accept what they are feeding me, then that appeal is gone. It's not me, it's the lack of attention that my interest was giving them.
I also have the "friends" where they don't want to date me, but they don't want anyone else to date me either. So nothing romantic happens between us, but they see me talking to another guy, and they step in, and joke with me, and banter with me in a way that shows the potential interest that there is obviously some history there and they back off. GRRR.
Dating can be so frustrating. How am I supposed to know what to do? The problem with being a girl is we just have to wait and see if the guys we like are going to "choose" us. If we go after them, we come across as desperate. If we don't go after them, we run the risk of them never noticing us. How is a girl supposed to get the guy she really wants?
Every time I am interested in a guy, and I am waiting for something to happen, my mom tells me how when she was interested in my dad she used to bake him treats, and make him dinner, and what not, and my dad will follow by saying that is why he chose my mom, among all the other ladies vying for his attention.
It does NOT work that way anymore. Today, that comes across as desperate. I mentioned it to my cousin Brian, and asked him what he would think if (when he was single) a girl were to come to his apartment unannounced with a plate of cookies, and he said, "I'd take the plate, thank her for the cookies and shut the door" Pretty much what I suspected. So I wait. Hope that the guys I like ask me out, and if not, that I will find new ones that will.
Ah dating, it's a wonderful ride.

Friday, March 26, 2010

How to get a girl to kiss you on the first date.

Now I like to think I am not the type of girl that kisses on the first date. My thoughts, and my actions don't seem to interact sometimes. I like to think it though.
A number of months ago I had made plans to hang out with some friends of mine who happen to be a couple. The dude in the couple (who I will refer to as Guy A) asked if it was alright if his friend (who I will refer to as Guy B) came along. I had met Guy B before on a date that said couple had set me up on a few weeks prior. We met a group at a Real Salt Lake game, and he happened to be in the group, he happened to be the roommate of the guy I was on the date with, but that is neither here nor there. I asked them if this was a set up or if this was a hang out, they assured me it was just a hang out, which I was more comfortable with because then I could be myself. As I have mentioned in a previous post, I have a hard time being myself on dates, so going into it like we just all were hanging out together I wasn't bashful.
First we went to a soccer game that Guy A and Guy B were playing in. Then we decided to go see New Moon, which the guys were really excited about. It was pretty close to opening night so there was a pretty good line.
While we were waiting in line Guy A called my friend (for the sake of keeping anonymity and because at this point it only makes sense, we will call her Girl #1) Babe. Guy B turns to me and says, "Should I be calling you Babe?" I said, "Yeah you probably should." He said, "So are we just imitating them tonight?" I said, "Yeah I think that would be wise." So following Guy A's example he put his arm around me.
Once we were sitting in the movie Girl #1 started scratching Guy A's back. Guy B turned to me and said, "So... are we still imitating them er...?" So I flirtatiously rolled my eyes, and started scratching his back. Smooth.
Ok at one point in this movie, Bella is sitting in between Jacob, and some other dude in a movie theatre, both guys have their hands held out giving her the opportunity to hold them. At that same point my arm itched. Really it did. So I put it out to scratch it, and unintentionally did the same thing as the guys in the film. Guy B leans over and says, "Geeze you don't have to be so obvious." and we just laughed about it, but didn't hold hands.
After the movie we went back to Guy A's house and were sitting on the couch. Guy B and I were sitting rather close, it was a date at this point. We were getting along really well. Guy A leaned over and kissed Girl #1. Guy B then turns to be and says, "So... are we still imitating them er...?" I just laughed, but then Guy A says, "Guy B, I dare you to kiss her right now" (ok so he didn't say Guy B, but I gotta keep rolling with it) I just laughed and said, "What are we 12?" Then I notice Guy B is leaning in. I just laughed because I knew there was no way he was actually going to kiss me. He keeps leaning in... I start to think, "No I'm calling his bluff, he won't really kiss me, we don't even know each other". He keeps leaning in, by now he's real close so I started to laugh, and... Welcome to my teeth! That's right! He kissed my teeth! He pulled back and I just said, "That'ssss just awesome!" He followed with, "Guys her teeth taste so good." I was pretty embarrassed, they all just started teasing me for being a teeth kisser. He asked me if that's how I always kiss. I told him, I was calling his bluff, I didn't think there was any way he would actually kiss me. To which he said, "Clearly you don't know me that well. I don't bluff." I said, "Chyeah, clearly I've known you for about 5 hours."
For the rest of the night, I was being referred to as a teeth kisser. I couldn't go down like that. So I made sure to repair my reputation before we said goodbye. I couldn't, very well, allow people to go on thinking I was a teeth kisser. It was about reputation. I had to clear my name, and that I did.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Chester the Molester

Ok this post is dedicated to the worst date I have ever been on, and if the church is true will ever go on.
About 2 years ago, my brother Dane told me there was a guy he worked with that he wanted to set me up with. He gave the guy my number, but I didn't hear from him for a couple of months. He finally texted me one day and we chatted via text for a while.
Here is one problem (among many) with that. Via text, you can be whoever you want to be. You can be charming and flirtatious and witty, because you don't know the other person, you don't know if, once you meet face to face, you will be interested in them or if they will be interested in you. You don't know that you may very well be talking to Satan...
So I did just that. The thing is, in all honesty I didn't expect him to be interested in me when we met face to face. Force of habit. I let him flirt with me, and what not, because I thought when the time came that we actually went out, it would all end, so it didn't matter. Oh the regret!
Ok the day comes, and I was terrified. I was nervous that he wouldn't like me. HA looking back, that thought makes me dryheave! I remember talking to my dad, and him telling me, "From what Dane said, this guy is pretty shy... if you are interested there is nothing wrong with giving him a little engouragement. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there a little."
So he gets to my house, I open the door, and I see standing before me, a guy who looked like he woke up put on a grungy grey shirt and jeans, rubbed his hair on the ground for a while, worked on his car, certainly didn't go to the gym, took another nap woke up and then came to pick me up.
As soon as I shut the door behind me, dude is HANDS ON! Rubbing my shoulders, playing with my hair holding my hands. REALLY? It's been all of 45 seconds! So we drive to the restaurant where we are having a conversation he is clearly not listening to. I had mentioned my roommate Katie maybe three times in a 10 minute period, and each time he would say, "Who is Katie?".
Then we are driving from the restaurant to the theatre and he asks me what kind of house I would buy if money were no object. I told him I wouldn't have a huge house, I would want one that fits my family comfortably, but there are things I would want with it, like a studio and a pool and what not. He replies, "I don't think that's true. You seem the type that would get the biggest house she could." Um excuse me? A) You don't know me at all, to be able to make that judgement call. B) This is a first date, even if I was lying, what does it matter? and C) Yuh HUH! I was irritated.
We get to the theatre, and are in the movie and he asks me flat out if I am going to kiss him. I just looked at him and flat out said, "No, I'm not going to kiss you" He then goes off on how I led him on, and how he should have just kissed me when he first opened the door. His rantings were interrupted when his phone rang, and he answered it. DURING THE MOVIE! When he got off his super important phone call he turns to me and says. "That was rude" I wanted to say "What answering your phone, in a movie? AND on a DATE?" but I refrained and just said, "What?" He said, "You totally led me on." I said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am not going to kiss you" Then he asks me why not. Oh gosh you want a reason really? Among the many other reasons, I told him "I am going through the temple in a month and a half, and I am not going to be kissing anyone while I am preparing" Which was true, and just so convenient. His response, "Are you lying to me?" Ok buddy, if I'm not lying that is about the best excuse one can give, and one that should not be questioned. If I AM lying take the HINT! I don't want to kiss you so much I am willing to lie about the temple just to not kiss you.
We spent the next two hours, with me explaining to him why I wouldn't kiss him, and him fighting it. Oh but not before he said, "If you won't kiss me, you will hold my hand" Grabs my hand, which to this day I am tempted to chop right off!
On the car ride home we are still arguing about kissing, at one point he said, "So you can't kiss anyone?" I said, "No" and he goes, "Well I can" as though he was just going to kiss me against my will. That was the last straw. So I said, with some force, "You know, it's the honorable thing to do, to hear what I am saying and respect it. I can't believe after all I have said you would even consider kissing me!" Then he shook his head, and I said, "Don't shake your head like I am the one being unreasonable, if anyone should be shaking their head in frustration it's ME!" So he takes me to the door gives me like 4 prolonged hugs and leaves. I got home threw my purse across the room, and at the risk of giving TMI went in the bathroom and threw up!
After he left I get a text message that said, "Don't for one second think that I am mad about what happened tonight." WHAT!!!??? I should be concerned about YOUR feelings? Are you INSANE? Needless to say I never responded.
The next day I went to tell Dane about the awesome date he set me up on. His response at the end of it all was. "You know, there is no way I could have known that he was going to behave that way, but at the same time I'm not totally surprised either." He told me that he wouldn't have been surprised if he was bet to kiss me. At least I have solace in knowing he lost that bet. Dane said, that before Chester the Molester and I went out he wanted to call off the whole thing, said he didn't have a good feeling about it. As calm as I could muster, I urged him to follow those feelings next time. He said, "I feel like I should make it up to you. There's another guy I work with..." That was all he was allowed to get out before I killed him. Ok so I didn't kill him, but he won't be setting me up on any more dates.
To this day I can't tell that story without shuddering.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Angry Eyes

Among many wonderful traits that I have been blessed to have passed on to me from my father is a look of concentration commonly referred to as "angry eyes". It's not intentional. If I am concentrating, thinking, or just plain relaxed there is a natural scowl that is on my face. I don't know I'm doing it, but it doesn't look nice. If I happen to make eye contact with you, or even look in your direction whilst making said "angry eyes" it could scare any daylights you have, right out of you.
The problem with this is, I scare people. All the time. Most of the people that I am friends with today told me that when they first met me they were, intimidated by me, thought I was a snot, or flat out afraid of me. That is not something I am proud of.
Within the past year I have been thinking about that a lot, and making a valiant effort to be more smiley. It's surprisingly difficult.
I worry if I have turned away potential suitors because I have unintentionally given them a look of death. I wonder if guys are afraid to approach me or talk to me, thinking I think I am too good for them, or that I am just a frightening individual.
I have talked to some guys about this, to get their opinion. One being my landlord, he is a 32 year old single guy who was afraid of me for the first 4 or 5 months that I lived in this house. Never said anything to me, and I never said anything to him because I was shy... not because I wanted to kill him or anything. He said that one day he was outside working on our pool, and I came walking out wearing these tall red heels (which is not uncommon) and I gave him a look like, "what are you doing in my backyard?" I remember that day. It was sunny, I was on my way to my cousin Jessica's bridal shower. I walked through the backyard, saw him, didn't know him well so didn't say anything, just noticed that they were working on the pool. I mention it was sunny because that just adds to the scowl, I was squinting, in addition to scowling. I can imagine the fear that passed through his body.
People I am all of 5'4" I don't understand what is so frightening about me.
Anyway it really does bother me. I am a nice person. If you just talk to me I like pretty much most people. (Let's not kid ourselves, there are people that drive me insane)
I was talking to my friend Nate about this, telling him I was frustrated that guys wouldn't approach me because of this. He assured me that if these guys are "Men" that wouldn't be enough to scare them away. Said if he was interested in a girl he wouldn't be afraid to approach them. I told him he was a special breed. He does things right, asks girls on dates instead of just hanging out, isn't afraid to approach them, isn't intimidated if the girl is with other guys, he will make his presence known. More dudes could learn from him. He did make me feel better though.
So to summarize, I may be frightening on the outside, but I'm sweet as can be on the inside, unless you cross me :)
Don't judge a book by it's cover, or because it scowls at you, or because you think it's too good for you, or wears red high heels. Really you shouldn't judge books.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Getting Ready

There is something to be said for the good dates. The ones that you get all excited for, that you spend the majority of the week planning outfits in your head, and lines to say and things that will make them laugh (that part may just be me). When I am excited for a date, it is the best.
I went on a date recently, and I can tell you I have never been so excited for a first date. The guy was really funny, and that is HUGE to me. This guy could genuinely make me laugh, he was super witty and honestly I was just so excited to get to know him more.
When the day came to go out I gave myself plenty of time to get ready. I am SO not the girl who makes the guy wait so I can finish getting ready and make the grand entrance. First dates are awkward enough without that.
I had a particular outfit I wanted to wear, and I put it in the first load of my laundry so it would be ready on time.
I proceeded to get ready and at about 6:30 (fifteen minutes before he was supposed to be arriving) I went to get them out. They were NOT dry, at all! I started freaking out. So I took everything else out and just put those clothes in there, hoping they would dry faster alone. I ran upstairs and was freaking out to my roommate. That was the chosen outfit, not only was it not dry, but I had no other options. Everything else was either in that drying load, not dry, or in the wash. I was hosed. My roommate asked me if I cleaned the lint trap as that could hold up drying. I realized I hadn't so I run downstairs and go to pull it out, and break the dang thing. By now it's 6:40, and he was going to be there any minute. I went running upstairs (I kid you not I am booking it around my house) and looked through my closet to see if there was ANYTHING else I could wear, no, there wasn't. I ran downstairs and look through the window to see if by chance he was there. As I do I hear a knock at the door. I literally screamed, and yelled at my roommate to get the door, as I ran into the laundry room. I check the clothes. They're not dry, but they weren't too bad. This was so not how I planned this date starting out. I grabbed the clothes from the dryer, and go running upstairs. As I fly past him I just yell, "I'M NOT READY!" I get to my room, and get changed into my somewhat damp jeans. I will tell you this, there are few things that are less comfortable than damp jeans.
So it wasn't exactly a perfect start, but it ended up being a really fun date, and if nothing else, all the running I did around the house before he got there helped me to burn the calories I consumed at dinner.

The Trouble With Guys.

Ok so as far as being a single woman in the LDS community, I am getting up in years. I am 26 years old, the youngest child in my family, and the only single person in the world... or at least it feels that way sometimes ;).
Pickens are getting slim.
I have noticed with guys, there seems to be a pattern. There are the guys that a fresh off the mission, they have marriage on their mind, they are looking for their wife, but in my eyes seem really immature, have pretty much nothing established in their life and are borderline undateable, not to mention I feel so old around them. Then there are the 23-25 year old guys, who are really starting to get it together, if you can catch the guys in this age range it's perfect. They are getting to the point where they are ready to settle down, ready to have that kind of commitment and in their eyes are prepared, but they date 20 year olds. Older women to them are "left overs". If they don't happen to get married at this point, then they turn into the 26-30 year old guys, who are burned. They are afraid of commitment, they are pretty close to being in their careers, if they aren't already, and are now to the point where they are tired of trying for a wife, tired of "spending money on someone else's wife" and are in a dating "funk". They don't date anymore, but prefer to "hang out" and don't want to commit to anyone. After the age of 30 the guys are one of two extremes, they are either the guys who have it together, they are in their career, established, mature, and ready to settle down and start a family, Or, they are tools. The guys who are 30+ and single for a reason.
What is a 26 year old girl to do?
I have dated them all, and I know I would prefer the 26+ guys, but I think I'm reaching for the stars to get one that is normal and ready. I could date and have dated the younger guys, but there is some immaturity issues that I can't seem to get passed, I know they will grow up and out of that stage, but am I just supposed to date them while they bug me and wait? Or do I date a guy that maturity-wise is there, but just wants to "be friends" and hope that one day he will come around and actually want to date?
I want to stress that I know that not all guys fit into these categories. They're called husbands.
Ah the joys of dating.
The thing is, none of this really makes a difference, because even if I do happen to find a guy who is great and wants to date, there is something that goes off in my head, and I run the opposite direction. I have issues of my own...
So to summarize, guys of all ages have issues. The guys that I am interested in, aren't datable, but the guys that want to date me I am not interested in. The guys that I am interested in that want to date me scare me away for some unexplainable reason. All things considered, I should expect marriage at any point now. Should be easy.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Blind Dates

Ok so for the first real post, I am going to give my feelings on blind dates.
In my day I have been on roughly forty-two thousand blind dates. (I typed that out because that number needs to be read with serious pronunciation) Out of those blind dates I would say 2, maybe three, were dates I enjoyed, and would have liked to see the guys again. Those are not good odds.
I have decided that when people set you up on blind dates, it tells you exactly what they think about you, and I have come home from many a blind date wondering why my dear friend is so mad at me as to set me up with such a wad. I once had a guy call me and tell me he wanted to set me up with a kid in one of his classes, when I asked him to tell me about him this was his explanation, be warned what you are about to read is not suitable, for anyone really. "Well he's kind of short, stalky, not super attractive. He doesn't have much of a sense of humor. He's not really outgoing, he kind of sticks to himself. He's not the life of the party, but he'll go..." Though I was flattered, I decided to pass. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Really people? Does anyone ANYONE think that was a good idea? Would anyone want to go out with ANYONE that met that description? First rule of setting people up, you tell the potential dates the GOOD qualities the person has, you are trying to sell them to each other. He didn't have one good thing to say.
After I called Lauren (my friend who was dating the gem that wanted to set me up) and relayed the story to her, and how completely offended I was, she called him and pretty much railed into him about having no tact. She later told me that he didn't actually know this kid. That he was just a kid in his class he thought was nice. Ok let it be known, being single is NOT my only prerequisite for a potential date.
I think the worst part of the actual date is when that doorbell rings and you are about to face your opponent. Ok, you can tell right away if someone is happy to see you, that is not something you can fake, I've tried. If you open the door and you get the "oh" expression, good luck. On the other hand you can open the door and get the sigh of relief, that's a good thing. I've had both, and have given both.
I know that if a guy isn't attracted to me physically, that's it, I can't be myself on a first meeting, it takes a while for me to actually be myself in any arena, let alone a blind date. It's a lot of pressure. The catch 22 is, that is only the scenario if I am attracted to the guy. If I'm not interested I can totally be myself, because I don't care if they call again. I don't care if I ever see them again. So I can make jokes and be funny and win them over, problem is... I don't want to.
I think I have gone on long enough about blind dates to give a good reason as to why I hate them. I still go on them, but I have rules now. The main ones being: Girls, I will only go out with a guy that you yourself would go out with, if you use the following sentences"well, I'm not attracted to him, but you might be" or "he's so great but, I just wasn't interested" or "He such a great guy, just not my type" I'll pass. Guys, set me up with guys that will make me think you have a high opinion of me. If I go out with a guy who has no personality, I'll think you think the same of me.
I should say that the odds are getting better. I feel like people nowadays are setting me up with people that I could actually see why they matched us. Though clearly none have worked out (as I am still so very single) I have had some good times, and if not good times, I have plenty of good stories.

Friday, March 19, 2010

And So It Begins...

Ok I have been thinking for a while of starting a blog, for the sole purpose of telling dating stories, because I have a few... to say the very least. I am 26, single, and have been on just so many dates. The stories need to be told. And so it begins...