There have been a lot of times in my dating history where I feel like I am a creep magnet. They just have a way of finding me. They call me all the time, they show up places where they know I will be, they facebook stalk me, and it just creeps me out. Then I realized, there is a fine line between creepy and sweet, and that line is me actually liking them.
If I was interested in the guy, and he was calling me all the time, I would be flattered. If he was showing up places because he knew I would be there, I would be excited, and if he was facebook stalking me, I would be happy about it.
That hardly seems fair, but let's be honest, since when is dating about being fair?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Forced Sabbatical
There have been times in my dating history where I would get so fed up with the whole of it, that I just needed a break.
There are aspects of my life that sometimes take a back seat to dating, when really right now, they may be the things that I need to focus on.
In the past if things would get frustrating with dating, and I wanted to take a break I would think to myself, "Ok what are the things that I have control over, and how can I improve them?"
I have noticed in those periods of time where I am not putting my focus on dating things seem to go really well, and honestly those times don't last long. I never say "I'm not going to date anyone" I just say, "I'm going to take a break unless someone comes around that is worth me getting back into the game." Someone always ends up coming around, but for that brief period of time, I feel like I have control over my life, and that is a good feeling.
Lately, things with dating have been fine. There are guys that I am interested in, but nothing seems to really be happening, and some "resources" have been exhausted. I'm not totally frustrated with dating, but I am not dating anyone, and the guys that I am interested in aren't exactly stepping up to the plate. So that, once again, gets me thinking, "What do I have control over in my life that I need to work on?"
I titled this post "Forced Sabbatical" because the other times in my life where I took a break, it was out of frustration, and I just didn't want to date. This time I'm not frustrated, I'm just not dating anyone.
Though I would obviously prefer to be in a relationship, I like these periods in my life, because there are obviously reasons I haven't found "The One" and I am willing to do what it is I need to do before that happens. There are a lot of goals that I am working on such as singing and what not, that are a lot easier to accomplish since I am single, and I know for certain, that one reason I am single today is so I could have gone as far as I have. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if I were to have married earlier in life.
It's good to feel like I have some control over my life. I feel like for a long time, I was letting the guys in my life have too much of the control. It's good to feel like I have that back.
There are aspects of my life that sometimes take a back seat to dating, when really right now, they may be the things that I need to focus on.
In the past if things would get frustrating with dating, and I wanted to take a break I would think to myself, "Ok what are the things that I have control over, and how can I improve them?"
I have noticed in those periods of time where I am not putting my focus on dating things seem to go really well, and honestly those times don't last long. I never say "I'm not going to date anyone" I just say, "I'm going to take a break unless someone comes around that is worth me getting back into the game." Someone always ends up coming around, but for that brief period of time, I feel like I have control over my life, and that is a good feeling.
Lately, things with dating have been fine. There are guys that I am interested in, but nothing seems to really be happening, and some "resources" have been exhausted. I'm not totally frustrated with dating, but I am not dating anyone, and the guys that I am interested in aren't exactly stepping up to the plate. So that, once again, gets me thinking, "What do I have control over in my life that I need to work on?"
I titled this post "Forced Sabbatical" because the other times in my life where I took a break, it was out of frustration, and I just didn't want to date. This time I'm not frustrated, I'm just not dating anyone.
Though I would obviously prefer to be in a relationship, I like these periods in my life, because there are obviously reasons I haven't found "The One" and I am willing to do what it is I need to do before that happens. There are a lot of goals that I am working on such as singing and what not, that are a lot easier to accomplish since I am single, and I know for certain, that one reason I am single today is so I could have gone as far as I have. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if I were to have married earlier in life.
It's good to feel like I have some control over my life. I feel like for a long time, I was letting the guys in my life have too much of the control. It's good to feel like I have that back.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Legit Friends
Throughout my life, mainly in dating, I have heard that guys never want to be just friends with girls. If they are spending time with you, it's because they want to be more than friends...
Be that as it may, that does not apply in my life.
My whole life I have always been the girl with mainly guy friends. Growing up there weren't many girls my age in church, but a lot of guys so we all hung out. I am used to being around guys, and honestly I prefer it. Growing up that way is one thing, being in your mid-twenties and still being "friends" is something else.
I am a girl guys like to be friends with. I always have been. Guys are comfortable around me, I am low drama, low maintenance, I like playing sports and being active, and guys like that, BUT that doesn't mean that "friends" is what I am going for. If I am spending a lot of time with a guy I'm following the rule mentioned above, it's probably because I am interested in him. I don't understand how guys can just be friends. I don't get it. I don't get how they can spend so much time, and alone time with a girl, and not have any other intentions. It seems like a waste of time to me.
I have a lot of great guy friends that came because I was interested in them, and they wanted to be my friend. They were legitimately my friend. They care about me, and want to spend time with me, and talk to me all the time, but they were never romantically interested in me. On the one hand, I am glad that though they weren't interested they were still my friend, because I gained a lot from their friendship, but I don't get it.
The thing is, it must be something I am doing. It's not easy, I waste time being interested in guys thinking they wouldn't spend so much time with me if they weren't interested, but then find out down the road that they really were just friends. What am I doing and can I/do I want to change it?
I like the person I am, I like that I make them comfortable, and that they can have fun with me. I like that I am low drama, and low maintenance. I like that I am not the "typical girl" but is that why I am always the friend? If so, do I really want to change that about myself? Become the girl I can't stand?
The thing is, I am not one to fight. I will not fight over a guy, especially if I feel my competition is not worth fighting with. I have seen girls who seem to have little respect for themselves, just hand themselves over to these guys, and the guys go for it. They like knowing that they could have them if they wanted, they say they like the challenge, they say they like a girl who puts up a little bit of a fight, but that doesn't mean that they won't first take all the girls that throw themselves at them before choosing the girl that is putting up a little bit of a fight. That's not the guy I want. I want a guy who sees me first, and comes to me because he sees something in me.
I digress. I don't like playing the game. I don't like the whole, "if you like him don't be available" rule. If I like a guy, and I want to see him, I will make the effort to see him. I won't necessarily do all the work, but I will plant seeds so they will, thinking if they do the work, and they do make the effort it's because they are interested, but I soon find out, and have found out every time, that it's because they are my friend. Every time, friend. Hang out all the time, ALL THE TIME see each other consistently, friend.
I will never turn away those friendships, but I am 26, how many more friends am I going to have? What do I need to do differently, and can I do it?
Be that as it may, that does not apply in my life.
My whole life I have always been the girl with mainly guy friends. Growing up there weren't many girls my age in church, but a lot of guys so we all hung out. I am used to being around guys, and honestly I prefer it. Growing up that way is one thing, being in your mid-twenties and still being "friends" is something else.
I am a girl guys like to be friends with. I always have been. Guys are comfortable around me, I am low drama, low maintenance, I like playing sports and being active, and guys like that, BUT that doesn't mean that "friends" is what I am going for. If I am spending a lot of time with a guy I'm following the rule mentioned above, it's probably because I am interested in him. I don't understand how guys can just be friends. I don't get it. I don't get how they can spend so much time, and alone time with a girl, and not have any other intentions. It seems like a waste of time to me.
I have a lot of great guy friends that came because I was interested in them, and they wanted to be my friend. They were legitimately my friend. They care about me, and want to spend time with me, and talk to me all the time, but they were never romantically interested in me. On the one hand, I am glad that though they weren't interested they were still my friend, because I gained a lot from their friendship, but I don't get it.
The thing is, it must be something I am doing. It's not easy, I waste time being interested in guys thinking they wouldn't spend so much time with me if they weren't interested, but then find out down the road that they really were just friends. What am I doing and can I/do I want to change it?
I like the person I am, I like that I make them comfortable, and that they can have fun with me. I like that I am low drama, and low maintenance. I like that I am not the "typical girl" but is that why I am always the friend? If so, do I really want to change that about myself? Become the girl I can't stand?
The thing is, I am not one to fight. I will not fight over a guy, especially if I feel my competition is not worth fighting with. I have seen girls who seem to have little respect for themselves, just hand themselves over to these guys, and the guys go for it. They like knowing that they could have them if they wanted, they say they like the challenge, they say they like a girl who puts up a little bit of a fight, but that doesn't mean that they won't first take all the girls that throw themselves at them before choosing the girl that is putting up a little bit of a fight. That's not the guy I want. I want a guy who sees me first, and comes to me because he sees something in me.
I digress. I don't like playing the game. I don't like the whole, "if you like him don't be available" rule. If I like a guy, and I want to see him, I will make the effort to see him. I won't necessarily do all the work, but I will plant seeds so they will, thinking if they do the work, and they do make the effort it's because they are interested, but I soon find out, and have found out every time, that it's because they are my friend. Every time, friend. Hang out all the time, ALL THE TIME see each other consistently, friend.
I will never turn away those friendships, but I am 26, how many more friends am I going to have? What do I need to do differently, and can I do it?
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