Tuesday, November 30, 2010

"The Scent"

Up until recently I was on something of a dry spell when it comes to dating, hence the lack of blog posts. I was fine with that, I was actually quite content in my singleness. I had gotten to a point where honestly the thought of dating was repugnant. I was so tired of the whole scene. I realized that it seemed as though every single person was in the same situation, just at different points.
All the girls (including myself) liked a guy, who liked them back, but didn't want to commit to them. They liked to have their "back burner girls". On the same note, the guys I knew all had girls that they were dating but no one that they were totally interested in. No one that they wanted to date seriously, which in their defense isn't a bad thing, it's really frustrating to be dating people but not have anyone that you want to commit to, I've been there too.
I had absolutely no appetite for dating, and honestly I was fine with that. I could see myself in 20 years living in my own condo, traveling the world singing and being a motivational speaker. I imagined myself taking my nieces and nephews on tour with me while they were on their summer breaks, I could just see it, and it looked good, I just had to get past this point in my life being single and then I would be fine.
Then something changed...
I told myself I was not going to go on any pity dates. I was not going to be the one to make all the effort because guys are too cowardly to do it themselves, I decided that I was going on sabbatical (again) but this time, I would only come out of it if a guy that I could see myself dating were actually to make the effort and ask me on a date. Not ask me to hang out, not invite me to a party, but ask me on a date. That may not seem like a big deal, but to all you marrieds out there this is so rare these days.
Then someone did and all of the sudden guys are coming out of the woodwork. Some guys that have been around all along, and some that haven't. I have never understood this, but it seems like as soon as I am interested in someone, and there may be potential, the guys that I had given up on come around, and all of the sudden I have all the opportunities that I hadn't had before.
According to my best-friend-in-law, this is called "The Scent". Guys can smell another guy on me, and all of the sudden what was once their back burner may be taken away from them, and they don't want this, so they put on the charm.
Right now I have "The Scent" and it's driving other alpha males to do things they wouldn't normally do. The good thing is, I know they wouldn't normally do it, I know if I didn't have "The Scent" nothing would be different. One thing about being a somewhat older single (now don't freak out, I'm not saying I'm old I know I'm young and "have plenty of time" blah blah blah, but in the community that I live being an almost 27 year old single girl does put me at the older end of the spectrum)is that I know the game pretty well, and at this point I think I can tell when people are genuine and not. I have the scent of someone willing to make an effort, when the guys that are now smelling it weren't.
The Scent. Works better than perfume.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

What happened to the days...

Ok so about two weeks ago I went to a bon fire with some friends. I got to talking to a guy there for a while and we got along pretty well. He got my number before he left and we talked about going climbing together. The following week he called me to ask me out on a date.
To all the older generation this sounds pretty typical, (outside of the texting). Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl on a date. Seems pretty simple. NAY!!! This happens so infrequently these days, the new system is. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy tries to be in places girl might be, social gatherings and what not, boy flirts with other girls to make girl jealous, girl flirts with boy, boy gets scared and backs off, girl then moves on to other guys, boy gets jealous, boy flirts with girl, girl starts to like boy, boy freaks out and runs away.
This is why dating sucks. It is so hard to get anywhere with anyone. This guy asking me out was so refreshing. It was so easy. We're not getting married, we're not "committing" to each other. We just had a good conversation and want to get to know each other more. Is that so frightening?

Friday, October 1, 2010

How To Make a Good First Impression

HAHA You must not know me well if you actually thought I could write a blog on that topic. I NEED HELP!!!
I have mentioned before my "Angry Eyes". The scowl that is so naturally placed on my face at almost all times. It's really causing some issues in my dating life...
It's interesting how that little scowl can define the person that you are, but so differently depending on appearance.
When I was younger I was "slightly" more "robust" than I am now, add that to a scowl, and you are a scary individual, frightening all those from small children to adults. Everyone that really knew me loved me because I was sweet as can be, and just a riot if you wanna know the truth. However, those that didn't know me, and weren't around me much didn't take the time to get to know me because, well I don't know if I would have approached a large scowly faced person and expect pleasantries. So for all I know there are people who I crossed paths with all those many years who got that impression of me, and I never had the chance to correct it. That honestly bothers me, but there's not much I can do about it.
Now as a less robust adult still with the scowl I seem to give off the impression that I am a snot. A stuck up intimidating girl who doesn't really care. I don't know which is worse.
The thing is I know what I need to do to change that "first impression" but they are habits that are very hard to break. AKA not scowling, not standing with my arms folded, being less sarcastic... what have you.
I will tell you what though, I have had enough of people telling me, "You totally look like a snot right now. When I first met you I thought you were a total(insert offensive term here). I was really intimidated by you when I first met you. I'm sure guys find you really intimidating." That last one is the kicker, and the reason for the blog post.
I have been told time and time again that I am the type of girl that comes across really intimidating. For good reasons and bad. Good: I have a good job, I take care of myself, I am talented (in some areas)... BAD: My natural look of death, my posture, my sarcasm.
There are some seriously ridiculous judgements that have been made on me because of the way I look. 1) I wear heels nearly every day, that does not make me high maintenance. Heels are cute and they do wonders for the legs, I have good legs, why wouldn't I wear heels? Plus I can walk in them, not all girls can, so instead of seeing someone who spends too much money on something like that and must be high maintenance because of it, you should think of me as caring about her appearance, and talented. 2)I have very blond hair. I'm not sorry that my natural hair color is blond, just because it is, doesn't mean that I am a ditz, unintelligent, flighty, or flaky, yet that is how it is perceived a lot of the time. 3) I scowl. I have no explanation for that, just get over it because I don't know how to stop. 4)I get pedicures. Another thing that has made me seem high maintenance. Ok seriously guys? I am doing you a favor with this one. No dude wants a girl with rough, cracky feet and yellow toenails. I don't have those things. You're welcome.
So to all the guys,(who most certainly won't read this blog or be affected by it's profound truths therefore wanting to take me from this life of dating and make me theirs) this is what you are missing out on by believing that false first impression.
I am a girl who cares deeply for the people in her life and would do almost anything to make them happy. I am a girl who loves to play sports and be outside, try new things, and be taught new things. I love to laugh, and to make people laugh, and I daresay I am dang good at that. I love pushing myself and achieving new goals. I am determined and dedicated and a very hard worker. I am someone who is not afraid of a challenge. I am in LOVE with the gospel of Jesus Christ and try to do all I can to show that in my daily life. I have worked hard my whole life and because of that have a great job that I excel in. If there is something I am passionate about I pursue it, until I am successful in it. I am someone who lived a very hard life full of pain and heartache, but was determined enough to change that and did, and now am determined to help people like I was and change their lives as well. I have been blessed to have SO MANY amazing friends and that is because I want to be friends with everyone. That is me, in a nutshell.
If only a first impression could show that to people. I wonder how things could be different.

Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm an introvert... Good to know.

So my dad recently sent out an email that fits me as though I wrote it myself. So I thought I'd just copy and paste it for all to enjoy.

I am an Introvert, and this email explains what that means. :)

Dear Family and Friends,

I just read an article that was very enlightening about an aspect of my personality (and that of many of my friends, though not enough of them). I'll admit that I was shy as a child and teenager, was often cowed by bolder, brasher kids and nearly all adults. I think I grew out of that at some point, probably during my mission. I no longer feared talking to people I didn't know. I still don't like to very much but I fight through it. You see, I am....... an introvert.

I know, many of you are gasping and saying, "No way, not you!" (Just kidding) This fact is probably not a revelation to you and it's not to me either. I have been aware of this ever since I knew what the word meant. When I was a young man, people, nearly always extroverts, would tell me I didn't smile enough, or that I was too quiet, or occasionally had to repeat a question or something they said because I didn't respond the first time. I consider myself a pretty happy guy but people often see me scowling and think I'm mad at something or someone. I have had people tell me at various times in my life that when they first met me they thought of me as: too serious, rude, stuck-up, aloof or arrogant. You know who you are, and yes you did. I have never made friends quickly, but the ones I have are generally friends for life. Sorry guys, you're stuck with me.

You extroverts are perhaps saying, "Yeah, poor guy, too bad about that introvert thing, but I guess everybody has flaws in their character." You can't help it, you're extoverts, and by definition you think that everyone else should be too. Not only should they be, but they really, really want to be. You don't understand us.

The article I read is entitled "Caring for Your Introvert." It is written by an avowed introvert named Johathan Rauch.

Here are a few excerpts:

"I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts."

"Science has learned through brain scans that introverts process information differently from other people."

"Introverts are...not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say, "Hell is other people at breakfast."

"Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves..... In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge." Note to you extroverts: "This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication."

Introverts motto: "I'm okay, and you're okay - in small doses."

How many people are introverts? "About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population." (Nearly every true genius in history has been an introvert.)

While it is very easy for introverts to understand extroverts, the reverse is not true. "Extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways."

"Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome."

"As often as I have tried to explain [this fact] to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping."

(This is one of my favorites)
"Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts."

"Introverts tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking."

"The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98%-content-free talk, we wonder if [they] even bother to listen to themselves."

"[I look forward to the day when] it will not be impolite to say, 'I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."

And finally:

How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.
Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
Third, don't say anything else, either.

I expect that this article resonates with some of you (about 25-50% I would guess). If it does, consider yourselves blessed. Chances are, you're an introvert too.

With love,

Scott Sanders

Friday, July 16, 2010

Starting Anew

There have been a few times in my life recently where I felt like I got to start over. One was January 1st of this year, I just had the best feeling about 2010 and was so excited to get started. Have everything ahead of me. I felt like the end of 2009 was shutting a door on parts of my life that would be gone forever, and 2010 I could be whatever I wanted to be, and do whatever I wanted to do. 2010 was going to be my year!
So far it has been a great year, musically everything is happening right according to plan. I have performed in Denver, California, and on a cruise. I have sang the National Anthem for the Salt Lake Bees, and the Orem Owlz (twice). I started writing and recording my own songs, and have finished three of my own so far with great responses. I have plans to record on a CD next month that will be put my name on the map in the LDS industry. I don't think there has been a week this year that I didn't sing for something. I remember thinking when I first started singing that my goal wasn't to become famous, or to be rich, my goal was to have singing be a part of my every day life, and I am there. I have made it! NOW my goal is to be rich and famous ;).
I work at a job that for the first time in my life, everything is great. I love the job, I love the people I work with, I make enough money to support myself and my goals. It is a wonderful thing to go into work each day and enjoy being there. I spend the majority of the day laughing and having a good time. I feel like I am good at my job, and for the first time feel like that is being noticed and acknowledged. I feel like an asset. I know that especially these days, a job like this is hard to come by, I am lucky to have a job at all, let alone one I love so much.
I have a family that on a regular basis make me wonder what I ever did to be so lucky. Parents that support me and love me unconditionally, that would do anything for me and my happiness, and really for everyone. I have siblings who look out for me and though a lot of their time is spent teasing me (and each other) they are some of the funniest people in my life, and when we are together we just laugh the whole time. I have a family to brag about, and I do.
I have amazing friends. I have been so lucky in my life to have several very close friends. Each year, due to my friends getting married, I feel like I have to make an entirely new group of friends so that I can have single people in my life, and each year I do. Not only do I make new friends, but I make BEST friends. People that influence my life, and have such a huge impact on me. People that I don't know what I would do without.
This year is no different. I have felt for a while that it was time for a transition. Another point in my life where I felt like I needed to start anew. I have been making transitions in my life and the people I have met have been amazing. I have met people as recently as in the last month, who I feel really close to, that I bonded with almost immediately. I have made friends just since the beginning of the year, who quite literally I spend all my free time with. People who have influenced my life in ways that I desperately needed to be influenced.
Looking back on all the years and all the people in my life that mean so much to me, how they were placed there, why they were placed there when they were, tells me that nothing is coincidence. I have been put through the ringer a lot in my life, but I have always had someone to go to. Someone to make it better, someone to make it worth it. I am so lucky that way.
I once had a cousin tell me that he has never had a best friend. He has a lot of friends but no one that he could say he was really close to. I have several, and make more every year. I know I couldn't have gotten to where I am today without them. In that part of my life, I have always been lucky, when everything else seemed bleak I always had a best friend.
This post didn't end the way I had anticipated. I planned on just talking about starting over, but I realized that when I start over, I am always dependant on my friends to help me and support me. I realize not everyone has friends like that, and I just felt like I should let them know how grateful I am, and that it doesn't go unrecognized.
Thanks to all my best friends(related and not) for getting me to where I am.

Friday, July 9, 2010


What I am about to say, I say knowing I am putting myself at risk of any guy reading this and wanting nothing to do with me ;)
I am NOT domestic. I am not a clean freak, I can't cook, I can't sew, the thought of doing my daughter's hair makes me feel so bad for them, because until they learn how to do it themselves they are going to have some sad school pictures and what not. I'm not very crafty, I don't like shopping (unless it's for shoes) I don't know the first thing when it comes to decorating. I am a sad excuse for a woman. I know the error of my ways, and I am trying to do what I can to fix those things (except for sewing I couldn't really care less if I ever learn that skill.)
I am trying to cook more, I have the burn scars to prove it.
When I was little I used to watch my dad cook and I remember thinking it was so cool that he would just come up with things, he would just throw things together and it would come out delicious (with some exceptions, carrot candy Dad? Really?) I remember he let me play with some ingredients, I got a pot, filled it with water, and I think I made some concoction of water, peanut butter, some sort of green herb, salt and pepper and ketchup. Sounds yummy right, I also remember a time my mom was cooking onions and had to run somewhere and asked me to keep an eye on them, I told her I didn't know what to do, and she said, "Just keep an eye on them" So I did, I kept an eye on them, and I watched them burn. When she came back she was pretty upset, all I said was, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know when they were done or how to know if they were done, so I figured if they caught on fire I would stop it, but other than that it was a lost cause. I know what you are thinking, "You were a child at play, you didn't know what you were doing". I worry that whatever I would try to cook now would be a similar disaster.
I have had a couple successes at cooking, I once made dinner for a double date, we had chicken and rice, salad, these delicious appetizers and chocolate banana cream pie, all of which I made and I remember feeling like such a woman. When my date got there I wanted to don an apron and come to the door holding a broom or something. I know I COULD cook, I just don't, I am a very busy girl and honestly don't have the time, nor do I have a reason to really.
I blame part of this on being the youngest child. My sister had a little sister to practice hairstyles on, to practice hair cuts on, to practice make-up and what not. I had no such little sister. One time I tried to do Jennie's hair, she had braided my hair for girl's camp, and asked me to try to braid hers. After about 2 hours I finished and it looked horrible, so we had to take all the braids out, and I'm pretty sure that was the last time I was even able to practice on Jennie, I don't blame her.
My plan for my daughters is to live close to Jennie, and she can do their hair for school pictures, and dances, and church, and dates, and girl's camp, and school, and life really. I don't think she will mind ;). I will also depend on her to take them school shopping and tell them how to dress and what's cute.
When it comes to sewing, I just don't even try. I recently had a guy tell me his shoe broke in a place and asked if I could sew it back together, I wanted to laugh in his face a little bit. If a button pops off, it's staying off. If the pants or skirts are too long, I buy taller shoes. If I lose weight and the clothes are too big for me, they get tossed. I don't even attempt.
I'm hoping that some of these things will just come naturally with the title of wife/mother. I don't think that is an unreasonable hope.
I'm taking steps here and there, but I think the road to domestication is a long one, and a rocky one, and I wear heels and trip a lot so this should be interesting.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Who Knew?

Ok so for at least the last 6 years I have had such a problem with the fact that guys only want to be my friend. Many of my blog posts talk about that.
The other day I was talking to a friend of mine and I had an interesting realization.

I am the type of girl who has always had a guy best friend. I love it, they are good to talk to and get dating advice. They are fun to hang out with and play sports with. I also love being the girl in their life that they can tell anything to. The girl in their life that other girls envy because of our friendship. The problem was, I was also interested in these guys, and if I had my way we would probably be dating.
Recently I met a guy who in the beginning everything was great, it had "friendship" written all over it from the time we met. I was interested in him, but my interest got to a certain point that it could either grow if he did something or fade entirely if he didn't, but I really wanted to be his friend. We had a connection in a way that I didn't have with a lot of people. From the beginning I had him pegged as my next "best friend". The problem is, for what seemed like the first time, he didn't seem too interested in me being his best friend. This I am not used to.
It started to drive me crazy. I am used to guys wanting to spend so much time with me, not because they were interested in me, but because they just liked to be with me, as friends. Something that bothered me for so long, but then when a guy didn't react that way, THAT bothered me even more.
I realized something that made me feel like a total hypocrit. I prefer being friends. WHAT? The thing I have been so mad about for like 6 years, I actually prefer?
I realized that if these guys don't want to date me, I still want to be their friend. I want to still be that person that they tell everything to. I like being there for people, I like feeling needed, and it really bothers me to feel like he doesn't need me. Who knew I would feel this way? I did not see this coming.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Fine line between sweet and creepy.

There have been a lot of times in my dating history where I feel like I am a creep magnet. They just have a way of finding me. They call me all the time, they show up places where they know I will be, they facebook stalk me, and it just creeps me out. Then I realized, there is a fine line between creepy and sweet, and that line is me actually liking them.
If I was interested in the guy, and he was calling me all the time, I would be flattered. If he was showing up places because he knew I would be there, I would be excited, and if he was facebook stalking me, I would be happy about it.
That hardly seems fair, but let's be honest, since when is dating about being fair?

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Forced Sabbatical

There have been times in my dating history where I would get so fed up with the whole of it, that I just needed a break.
There are aspects of my life that sometimes take a back seat to dating, when really right now, they may be the things that I need to focus on.
In the past if things would get frustrating with dating, and I wanted to take a break I would think to myself, "Ok what are the things that I have control over, and how can I improve them?"
I have noticed in those periods of time where I am not putting my focus on dating things seem to go really well, and honestly those times don't last long. I never say "I'm not going to date anyone" I just say, "I'm going to take a break unless someone comes around that is worth me getting back into the game." Someone always ends up coming around, but for that brief period of time, I feel like I have control over my life, and that is a good feeling.
Lately, things with dating have been fine. There are guys that I am interested in, but nothing seems to really be happening, and some "resources" have been exhausted. I'm not totally frustrated with dating, but I am not dating anyone, and the guys that I am interested in aren't exactly stepping up to the plate. So that, once again, gets me thinking, "What do I have control over in my life that I need to work on?"
I titled this post "Forced Sabbatical" because the other times in my life where I took a break, it was out of frustration, and I just didn't want to date. This time I'm not frustrated, I'm just not dating anyone.
Though I would obviously prefer to be in a relationship, I like these periods in my life, because there are obviously reasons I haven't found "The One" and I am willing to do what it is I need to do before that happens. There are a lot of goals that I am working on such as singing and what not, that are a lot easier to accomplish since I am single, and I know for certain, that one reason I am single today is so I could have gone as far as I have. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if I were to have married earlier in life.
It's good to feel like I have some control over my life. I feel like for a long time, I was letting the guys in my life have too much of the control. It's good to feel like I have that back.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Legit Friends

Throughout my life, mainly in dating, I have heard that guys never want to be just friends with girls. If they are spending time with you, it's because they want to be more than friends...
Be that as it may, that does not apply in my life.
My whole life I have always been the girl with mainly guy friends. Growing up there weren't many girls my age in church, but a lot of guys so we all hung out. I am used to being around guys, and honestly I prefer it. Growing up that way is one thing, being in your mid-twenties and still being "friends" is something else.
I am a girl guys like to be friends with. I always have been. Guys are comfortable around me, I am low drama, low maintenance, I like playing sports and being active, and guys like that, BUT that doesn't mean that "friends" is what I am going for. If I am spending a lot of time with a guy I'm following the rule mentioned above, it's probably because I am interested in him. I don't understand how guys can just be friends. I don't get it. I don't get how they can spend so much time, and alone time with a girl, and not have any other intentions. It seems like a waste of time to me.
I have a lot of great guy friends that came because I was interested in them, and they wanted to be my friend. They were legitimately my friend. They care about me, and want to spend time with me, and talk to me all the time, but they were never romantically interested in me. On the one hand, I am glad that though they weren't interested they were still my friend, because I gained a lot from their friendship, but I don't get it.
The thing is, it must be something I am doing. It's not easy, I waste time being interested in guys thinking they wouldn't spend so much time with me if they weren't interested, but then find out down the road that they really were just friends. What am I doing and can I/do I want to change it?
I like the person I am, I like that I make them comfortable, and that they can have fun with me. I like that I am low drama, and low maintenance. I like that I am not the "typical girl" but is that why I am always the friend? If so, do I really want to change that about myself? Become the girl I can't stand?
The thing is, I am not one to fight. I will not fight over a guy, especially if I feel my competition is not worth fighting with. I have seen girls who seem to have little respect for themselves, just hand themselves over to these guys, and the guys go for it. They like knowing that they could have them if they wanted, they say they like the challenge, they say they like a girl who puts up a little bit of a fight, but that doesn't mean that they won't first take all the girls that throw themselves at them before choosing the girl that is putting up a little bit of a fight. That's not the guy I want. I want a guy who sees me first, and comes to me because he sees something in me.
I digress. I don't like playing the game. I don't like the whole, "if you like him don't be available" rule. If I like a guy, and I want to see him, I will make the effort to see him. I won't necessarily do all the work, but I will plant seeds so they will, thinking if they do the work, and they do make the effort it's because they are interested, but I soon find out, and have found out every time, that it's because they are my friend. Every time, friend. Hang out all the time, ALL THE TIME see each other consistently, friend.
I will never turn away those friendships, but I am 26, how many more friends am I going to have? What do I need to do differently, and can I do it?

Monday, May 31, 2010

Texting, it's a dangerous road.

Alright, this story begins about 3 months ago. Reader's digest version is, I had gone out with a guy, and was given the "Let's be friends" line. At the time, it was humorous to me, because I had been told that so many times. It was becoming the theme of my life.
I got together with my friend, and songwriting partner Jaycie Voorhies, and was telling her about it, and I thought, "I need to write a song about this, it just keeps happening". So we wrote the song "Just Friends". We laughed the whole time we were writing it, knowing that pretty much all single people would be able to relate to this story, because at one point or another we have all been through it.
Since then, I have become pretty good friends with said line giver, and have been singing the song at a lot of venues, and always thought, "If he hears this song, would he know he was sort of the muse behind it?" I didn't really want him to know, as I felt it didn't really apply to him.
Saturday Jaycie and I performed at an open mic night, which said line giver would be attending. I realized on the way there that I would be singing that song, and was afraid he would pick up on some similarities.
After our set I went down and talked to him and he didn't really say anything, just that he really enjoyed our set.
After the show my roommate Melissa and I went to his house and were hanging out with him and his roommate, and he started talking about the songs and he said, "One made me think... 'Gosh I hope I don't ever say that to a girl'" I smiled and looked at Melissa thinking, "He knows". I went into the kitchen to send her a text that said, "Um yeah, he knows it's about him" and then I sent the text TO HIM!!!!
As soon as I hit send, I saw his name and audibly started freaking out!!! I ran around in the kitchen not knowing what to do. I ran into the living room where we were hanging out and just thought, "How could I possible stop what is about to happen from happening?" All I could do was muster out the words, "Can I have your phone?" Right then, as though in slow motion, I see him reach into his pocket, at the notification of receipt of a text. I wanted to DIE! I just thought, "There is nothing I can do at this point." I was mortified. I was laughing so hard, just because I didn't know what else I could do. Everyone knew before he read the text what had just happened. All he said as he was opening it was, "This is gonna be awkward" Melissa was dying because she just knew what the content of the text would be. I was banging my fists against the wall thinking, "There is no way this just happened to me."
He read the text, and laughed, showed it to his roommate who laughed. I just said, "This is easily my most embarrassing moment." Melissa followed with, "Even I am embarrassed" To which said line giver said, "Raise of hands, who's not embarrassed here?"
The thing is I have sent inadvertant text messages before, but the receiver was never in the same room as me!!! It was horrible!!!
At one point I just said, through humiliation, "One day... we'll look back on this... and laugh." He said, "yeah, it'll be a while."
As the night went on, every once in a while I would replay the scenario and go red and start laughing again. I just could not believe I did that. Luckily by the end of the night, things were normal, and though, I am sure, we were all still thinking about it, we acted as though we weren't.
So there you have it folks. My most embarrassing moment

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Going Fishing

I am posting this one mainly for the ladies. My friend Jon Grover has a blog, and I am going to copy and paste his latest post. I think girls need to read this. I think it perfectly explains a guy's point of view. Enjoy:

For all those girls that are throwing themselves at guys, here is a hint: We like a challenge!

Most men like to go fishing, Why? Because we like the challenge of the catch! If all the fish jumped into the boat it would not be very fun. However, if we have to fight to catch the fish and finally catch it, that is the fish we will be putting on our mantel.

Yes, I am comparing women to fish. Women please don’t get offended by this. I’m just trying to make the point that you need to give the guy a challenge when it comes to winning your heart. Don’t pull the fishing rod out of his hand, because we don’t like to try to catch a fish that is uncatchable. Give some slack and show them you are interested, he will start to reel you in. Then give him tug at the line so that he knows he needs to continue to work at this before he gets to enjoy the victory of the catch.

Good stuff Jon. Good stuff.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


I consider myself to be a pretty artsy person. I am a singer, I love to draw and write and create things. There is one form of art that I am not proficient at, that is the art of flirting.
I believe it is an art form. Sometimes I watch people in amazement as they flirt, wishing I possessed those skills.
I am not a touchy person. Physical flirtation is near impossible for me. I once was interested in a guy, and I was talking to my friend Chris about what I needed to do to show that. He seemed interested but he was a very shy guy and would need to KNOW that I was not going to reject him... Chris told me that I needed to step up the physical flirtation. Touch his arm. That was his biggest advice. Touch his arm. I still don't understand this. I have heard this from several guys. What is it with the arm touch? I don't get it. I think it's just because it is universally known, if a girl touches your arm it's because she has been told that that is what you are supposed to do. So a guy gets the arm touch and knows it's intentional. Is that it? Is that the only reason, or is there some reaction that goes through a guy when his arm is touched by a female hand that sends some message to his brain that says, "You must date and marry this girl?" I digress... back to my point. It seems simple, so one day after church he and I were talking, for some time. We laughed, I smiled, I controlled my "angry eyes" (refer to previous post title "Angry Eyes" to understand this) but I could not get myself to touch his arm. The whole time I was thinking about it, "ok the next time he says something funny, just reach over and touch his arm, just slightly it's easy." I couldn't do it. We talked for a good twenty minutes and nothing. Chris had been watching the whole time, and he was appalled. I just can't do it, I feel like I'm trying too hard, or that it's obvious that I have no idea what I'm doing. There was one day I was talking to him, after church again, and he said something teasing me, so I grabbed his tie and pushed him a little. This was brilliant to me, I told Chris about it, so proud of myself, and he said that wouldn't work. What??? That's what ties are for! He said, the arm touch is much more effective. I got a second opinion on that one, because it seems to me the tie would be way more effective, but both dudes said the same thing. I don't get it. So anyway I suck at physical flirtation.
I am pretty good at flirting via text AKA the written word. I am a pretty witty person, especially if I have a little extra time to organize my thoughts, and prepare the most hilarious of things to say. Text messaging is great for me, that is when I am on my game. I am much better at flirting via text aka text message, than on the actual phone, so I prefer texting. Also you don't have to worry about them not responding well, in person that is awkward, whereas if they just don't text back you can tell yourself it's because they are busy or something, not that they think you are stupid.
I am also really good at flirting when I am not interested, which sucks. I do enjoy flirting, and if I feel like there is nothing at stake, then I am great at it. How lame is that? I can flirt like the best of them if I don't want anything to come from it.
I don't like being flirted with, just to flirt. That plays all sortsa games with my mind. I was talking to a guy recently, and we were flirting pretty heavily. It was thick! We talked for a good 20 minutes and the whole time it was clear there was something there. It was practically tangible. When the conversation was over and we said goodbye, I thought to myself, "Oh something is about to happen there." I turned to my friend and said, "He and I TOTALLY just had a moment." Then what happened you might ask? Nothing. That's right, not a dang thing. I haven't even heard from the guy since. That drives me nuts. Don't flirt like that unless you intend on following through.
Flirting, when it's good, it's really good, and I love it, I just need to learn how to control it. I think it comes down to confidence, flirting because you know you have something they want. I'm getting there.
I am fascinated watching people flirt. Watching how people react to being flirted with. I need to up my game. Practice makes perfect, I'm on it!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

How the Marrieds help the Singles

As mentioned in previous entries, I am 26 years old. Most of the people in my life these days are married. It is one thing to get dating advice from people who are single and know what you are going through, and can relate, it is something else to get dating advice from married people. I feel as though they have forgotten how bad it sucks sometimes. Even the recently married don't know what to say. I don't mean to sound upset by any means, it's still nice to get tips and help from people who love you and obviously did something right, but I'm beginning to hear the same thing over and over, and these tips don't help.
I have compiled a list of frequently used tips I have been given from people that are married, or in a successful relationship. Enjoy.

-"One day it will all be worth it" Um Chyeah, it better be, I don't want to finally get married and think, "Man I would stay single forever rather than be with this guy."

-"It'll come when you least expect it." How does one expect things less? I am 26 years old, I'm not exactly expecting it, so how do I expect it less so it can happen?

-"It'll come when you stop looking for it." Well I'm screwed.

-"Oh man, I remember going through that, I'm so glad I'm not dating anymore." Oh good, I'm so glad my life stories make you SO happy to not be dating.

-"You can do better" Well that's good to hear, now all the pain from being rejected/dumped is gone, good to know I was settling.

-"I never liked him anyway." Really? So now I will never know if you like the guy I'm dating for real or if you're just faking it. Awesome.

-"Every relationship will be a failure until it's not." True. That's promising, and not depressing at all.

Married people. I love you, and am happy for you, congratulations on being out of this. I appreciate that you want to help me, and make me feel better, just try to not use these lines.
-With Love

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A "Gem"

Ok so I have done the post about bad lines, this post is dedicated to one good line. Probably the best line ever used on me. It was given via instant message, and couldn't have been delivered any other way. I don't mention the names of dudes in this blog, so I will keep this one anonymous as well.
Well played my friend, well played.
Preface- prior to the line we were talking about nick-names, as we both could only think of negative ones for each other.

Me- Why don't you just stick to calling me Jules?
Him- I prefer Jewels
Him- Proverbs 3:15

I don't have the scriptures memorized so at this point I looked it up. It says, "She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared to her."

Me- (thinking "Holy Crap that was awesome")
Him- Who knew you could use the bible to flirt?

That one will go down in the books for sure! Guys, try to be original like this, because I'm still a little floored by it. It was creative, flattering, and freaking impressive!

I realize this is a short entry, but really, need I say more?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Dating Advice

Ok, To start this post I am about to sound a little vain, but I have to just say, that when it comes to giving dating advice, I am pretty awesome. I have advised many, and most of my friends on their relationships. I love that they all come to me, and I love that I feel like I am helping them. Sometimes I surprise myself at the advice I give, and how sound it is.
I take great pride in the fact that I can talk people through their relationships. Sometimes it's hard and trying, and it weighs on me to feel like I am the person holding these people up in the hard times, as that is typically when someone goes to someone for advice, but I love being the confidant. I love talking to people and helping them through what could be a very significant time in their lives.
That being said, when it comes to my own dating life, I am a complete dunce. I will be in a scenario, and for some reason all logical thinking goes racing out the window and the stupidity of the decisions I end up making rival that of crashing your car into a stationary pole or something, which I have also done so it's a fair comparison.
Say I am interested in a guy, but not much has happened yet, he seems interested but hasn't asked me out. The advice I would give, is to just be laid back. If he seems interested he will do something about it, don't be afraid to flirt, but let him make the move, it's his job to make the effort, and if he wants to go out with you he will make it happen.
I may think that, but that thought is fleeting and the next thing I know I have texted him, and facebook stalked him, and probably bore my soul to him effectively scaring him beyond control, and can look forward to the day where I see him with his wife, who knows about me, only because I'm the freak that terrified him to his very core.
I don't like not knowing where things lie in a relationship. I don't like waiting to see if he will do something. I have been "friends" with guys where I waited and waited for them to do something, and nothing ever happened and that is stupid. So now I don't wait anymore. If I spend time with a guy consistently, but it's not progressing, I get to a point where I need to know what's going on, and a conversation WILL be had, which is also stupid. In this situation my advice would be, don't shut the door on the situation, but don't hold on to it either. Date other people, give other people a chance, and if they end up asking you out, great, if not you have other people knocking at the door and other opportunities to pursue, nothing lost. There is no need to have some huge conversation, if he's not interested that will just be painful, and if he is he will do something about it. However, what I do is put us both in an awkward situation and tell them how I feel to see where they are at. My thought process being, if they are interseted great we can get going, if not, better I know now and move on, no point in waiting/hoping for something that will never happen. The problem with this is, it puts WAY too much pressure on a situation that doesn't need it. It puts the guy in an awkward place and makes me look like a moron, which isn't my favorite thing. Also it takes any control I may have had and murders it. Now the guy knows, they don't need to fight for me. They don't need to make any effort, I'm already interested, so the battle is won, and from my experience, even if they were interested that interest will dwindle now because there is no mystery.
See, I know what I should do, and I know what I will actually do. I know that what I will actually do I will regret, but I still do it, because I have no self-control. It's quite the debochle.
It may sound like I have this all figured out, that I know the error of my ways, and that I can move on and never look back on these sad sad dating years. To that I say PSSSSH! It'll happen again and again, but at least there will be many more blog entries to look forward to.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Confession, 3 years in the making

This is a dating blog, that was my goal in the beginning. This post relates to something I think about with every guy I am interested and each date I go on. This post is extremely personal, and something I NEVER thought I would openly admit to, but it's time.
A lot of the people that will read this didn't know me three years ago. They think the person they know now is the person I have always been. Well, it's not the person I have always been. I am more myself today than ever, but this is not who I always was.
When I was about 12 or 13 I started to gain weight. I think it was mostly puberty related, but none-the-less. All throughout junior high and high school I struggled with it. I tried every diet and exercise routine KNOWN TO MAN, but wasn't able to stick to anything.
I always loved playing sports, but it was hard for me, and embarrassing so I wouldn't. I wasn't as active as I wanted to be, because I physically wasn't able to be. I am not going to go into detail on the depression that caused, because that is not who I was really, and it is NOT who I am today.
When I was 22 I walked into the kitchen where my mom was sitting at the counter reading the paper. She was reading an article on Gastric-Band surgery. She read me a little about it, I didn't know much, and she said, "If this is something you would be interested in, your dad and I will help you." Immediately I knew it was something I would be interested in, so I started doing research on it.
The way gastric-band works, is the put a band on your stomach at the top of it, they can tighten it or loosen it whenever you want, but it's permanent. I could have it expanded all the way, so it would be as though it wasn't there, that way if I were to get pregnant the baby would get enough nutrients, I could also have it tightened again, say after pregnancy, if I were to gain more weight, and it would help me lose the weight again, it's like forced portion control.
This wasn't an easy decision to make, because in a lot of ways, I didn't feel supported in it. I felt like I was cheating. I had people, guys, tell me I was taking the easy way out, that I was being lazy, and selfish to make my parents do something like this for me. That if I had any kind of will-power I would just do it myself. That was when I decided I would never tell any guy EVER what I was doing.
I did a full year of research, I went to seminars, I went to doctors, I talked to people who had had it done. I knew/know everything there is to know about this surgery. I also knew that it wouldn't make me "skinny" all the people I talked to weren't thin, but they were smallER, skinniER, healthiER. All I wanted was a jump start.
My goal was to have this surgery to help me get to a point where I could do it on my own. I didn't want to be dependant on it forever, I just wanted to feel "normal".
On June 18, 2007 I had the surgery. I spoke with the nurses and asked what I could expect as far as results. I had read that the average person that has this surgery would lose up to 50% of their excess body weight in the first year, and up to 70% the year after that. I wanted to lose it all. I asked the nurse if that was realistic at all. She told me, it was realistic, but very rare, and that I shouldn't plan on that, that I should just work hard and follow the rules and maybe I could be above average. That was all I needed to hear. It was possible.
When you first have the surgery the band is loosened all the way, you are supposed to go in every 2 weeks for the first 6 months and gradually get it tightened, and then once a month to complete the year, and then just as needed.
My goal was to lose weight to a certain point, and then have it expanded all the way, and do the rest on my own.
I went in every two weeks until October 2007, that was the last time I had "a fill" I continued to lose weight. The following April I was going to Hawaii with my parents. They say to get it loosened before you travel, so I did, not all the way, but some, and I never got it tightened again. By June 18, 2008 I had lost 100% of the excess body weight. I lost it all the first year.
I was becoming the person I had always wanted to be, but was never able to be. I was participating in sports all the time, runnin, hiking, not only was I doing them, but I wasn't half bad either.
By August of 08, I had decided it was time to get it loosened all the way, and do the rest on my own. When I went in to get it loosened the nurse talked to me like I was going to fail, she said, "People like us don't lose weight the normal way, you can't keep it off without the band. I'm only telling you this because WHEN you gain weight and come back to get it tightened, I don't want you to feel like a failure." She didn't know me. I knew how it worked, these people that had this surgery were completely dependant on it. If they were to get it loosened they would gain the weight back in a heart beat, because they didn't follow the rules, they didn't exercise or eat healthy food, and that was not going to be me. I didn't want to live with the fear that I couldn't do it on my own, I was stronger than that, and I would prove her wrong.
Since August of 08, I have continued to lose weight, and body fat%, I have competed in races, I have hiked Mt Timpanogos, I rock-climb, I am able to do all these things that for 23 years of my life I wasn't capable of doing. I LOVE doing them too, which is why I know this is who I am meant to be. This is who I always was, just wasn't able to be. Total I have lost over 90 pounds, and 80 of that was in the first year.
I love to challenge myself, I love to improve myself. I am now at a lower weight than I have ever been in my life, I am at a lower body fat % than most girls my age.
That being said, it is something I have been completely insecure about, every time I would go out with a guy, I'd fear ever getting to the point where I would one day have to tell him, thinking he wouldn't want me anymore, that no guy would be able to see the work I have done, and just think of the person I was and fear that I would become that again. I would be terrified that anyone would find a picture of me from before, and completely judge me for who I used to be.
Yes, I used to be that way, and in a lot of ways I am grateful. It has made me the person I am today. It was hard, and painful, and the worst time of my life, but that part of my life is over. I am who I am today, and this is who I will always be.
Take me or leave me, if you don't want me because of who I was in the past, I can do better than you. If you hear this story and it makes you question who I am, then you don't really know me, and I would probably be fine without you in my life.
This is the best thing I have ever done. I have beaten the odds. It has been two years since I had it loosened all the way, and I am in far better shape than I was then. I proved them wrong. I proved everyone wrong.
I wanted to write this post, because this is something I should be proud of, not ashamed of, and I am proud.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Summer Dating

Summer dating, oh how I love thee!
I consider myself to be a pretty simple girl, not too hard to please, which is why any potential suitors should be pretty excited about summer.
I think summer is the easiest time to date. It is so easy to plan activities and dates that are cheap, and so fun.
There are so many options, hiking, bonfires, going to a park, going on a walk, playing sports, teaching sports, going to a driving range, going golfing, hot tubbing, and the list goes on and on. Movies are even better in the summer time. It gets me so excited just writing about it.
I went on a date last summer that was a perfect summer date. It was close to the 4th of July, and around that time Taylorsville has "Taylorsville days" The guy picked me up we drove to a park ate snow-cones while we would pick out people in the park and try to guess their life story. Then there was a free concert by an orchestra and then we watched fireworks. It was so nice outside and we just laid on a blanket on the grass and enjoyed. SEE! Summer dating is awesome, that probably cost him a total of $4 and I was perfectly happy.
I think in the summer people can really shine, you can do something so simple and make it so much fun. Winter makes it so hard to date, and typically more expensive because you have to do indoor activities for the most part. Summer is the best! I am a kid at heart and love to just play. Water fights, water parks, camping, boating, slack-lining, rock climbing, swimming, biking... and it's all right around the corner.
Summer dating, oh how I love thee.

Friday, April 23, 2010


I know for a fact that everyone has this problem, but I fear that I do it to a more extreme level than anyone else.
It goes both ways too, if I feel like a guy is interested in me, even if I like them too, I start to analyze their feelings and every move they make. Like if they ask me to hang out, I start to think, "Ok so do they just want to hang out, or is this a date? If this is a date are they thinking that something is going to happen tonight? If something does happen tonight, are they going to think we are in a legit relationship? If they do think we are in a legit relationship do I need to say something? If I don't say anything are they going to propose to me?"
It's so bad, because I need to take things slowly, and most people probably feel the same way, but for some reason I feel like they can't or won't. I think, if I go out with these people, does that mean I can't go out with anyone else? If they were to find out I was dating other people would they be hurt? Even though I know they are most likely going out with other people too.
My mind races, and it occupies WAY too much of my thoughts.
On the other end, if I am interested in a guy, but I don't know how he feels, it's even worse. I know what you're thinking, "How could it possibly get worse? From the previous statements you are already a complete psycho. You shouldn't admit to anything else, because if you do, I won't be able to speak with you for I will have had a complete loss of respect." and yet, I continue.
When I am interested in a guy and I don't know how he feels, everything he says and does could mean 187 different things, and I go through them all in extreme detail.
For instance, say I like a guy and he calls me and says, "Hey a group of us are going to a movie tonight if you're interested." This is my thought process, "I want to go, because I like him, but is he asking me on a date, or just inviting me as part of the group? If it is just a group thing are there going to be other girls there that I am going to have to watch him flirt with? Is he inviting me just to be nice, or does he really want me there? If I go, am I going to look desperate? Maybe I shouldn't go to show him, I don't need to be there, therefore making it look like I have other options that are more appealing, maybe then he would try a little harder and be more interested, but if I don't go is he going to think I am not interested and then not do anything in the future?" I'm not kidding that is pretty typical if not exact.
I don't know why I do this, but it's so annoying because it doesn't need to be that challenging. It should just be, if he didn't want me to be there he wouldn't invite me. No matter the extent to how badly he wants me there or not, he is inviting me and if I want to go I should go!
I also analyze my own actions, and what the other person would analyze about what I am doing. That is probably the most ridiculous thing ever. I analyze something to death, then I finally make a decision, then I think about what the person would think about the decision I make, which makes me re-analyze my decision.
People, I know. I KNOW! But how do I stop? How do I go from over-analyzing queen to a normal human being?
I would like to take this time to apologize to all the people I vocally over-analyze to. You are gems for listening to me, and I promise you, it's not over. ;)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Skeptic or Realist

Ok so I just returned from a 5 day LDS single's cruise, and it left me with some opinions that I am not sure how I feel about.
The reason for me going on this cruise is, I am in a singing group, and we were asked to perform for the people going on the cruise. I have never been on a single's cruise before so I thought this would be a really good opportunity to meet new people.
I have never been great at meeting new people, there was a time in my life when I HATED meeting new people. I have a hard time talking to people I don't know, and being myself. For some reason, on this cruise, that didn't apply to me anymore.
I went with my singing group, which is three other guys. That meant I was basically on my own. I was going to be sharing a room with three girls, who I had never met before, and I'm not going to lie, I was pretty worried about how this was going to end up.
I had intentions when going, not that I was going to meet "the one" but I certainly hoped that I would meet some viable options. Exchange numbers here and there, but I didn't expect anything more than that.
I did notice though, that there were some people on that cruise on a mission. They were dedicated on meeting their Eternal Companion on this cruise.
It was funny to watch the people that did get paired up. This is where the title of the post comes into play.
I met a lot of guys on this cruise, and honestly I would like to hang out with all of them, I had a lot of fun and like to make new friends. I was not about to single myself out to one person. I was not going on a cruise to be attached the whole time. I would see people that did that and just think about what they could have missed out on doing, who they could have missed out on meeting.
I find it hard to believe that those people that paired off are really going to have a lasting relationship when the cruise is over, so what was the point? Why do that to your vacation? I wouldn't want to look back having mainly hung out with one person, and then nothing ever came from it.
I met a lot of people who I really hope to see a lot. The girls I roomed with were awesome we hit it off right off the bat, and I would love to keep hanging out with them. I met a lot of guys I want to be friends with. That being said, I didn't come home expecting things to stay as they were on the cruise.
It was really nice to escape reality, to go on this cruise alone and meet an entirely new group of people, to make a group of friends that I did everything with, but I knew the whole time it would come to an end. That no matter how much we said we were going to hang out, it would eventually fade, and I am sure we will keep in contact, but we all had lives to come home to.
So am I just being realistic in thinking those relationships were just good memories? Or am I just too skeptical in thinking there isn't any point in expecting anything to come from them.
I realized that I do this in real life too. (The cruise was not real life) I find myself asking "what's the point?" I meet new people, and make new friends, and the skeptic inside me says "Don't get attached". How do I stop that? And is it skepticism?
I like the people I met, and I hope to maintain a relationship with all of them, but I find myself with my gloves up. Skeptic or Realist?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Cheap Dates.

I don't know who decided that making the date super expensive was necessary for the girl to have a good time.
I think I am a pretty low maintenance girl. It doesn't take a ton to please me. When it comes to dates, simple is better, and in my experience has turned out to be the most fun. That being said, I still want there to be some sort of plan, but it doesn't have to be extraordinary.
One of the best dates I went on was with the guy that called me semi-attractive (granted it didn't go anywhere beyond the first date, but still it was a pretty awesome date.) He came and picked me up and took me back to his house. He made me breakfast for dinner. Points- 1, Made me dinner, I do love a man that can cook (mainly because I don't, but I'm working on it) 2- Breakfast for dinner, not typical and I LOVE IT! 3- I liked this idea because we could get to know each other while he was cooking, he would give me jobs to do, like cutting the oranges, setting the table, what have you. 4, Cooking a meal together is a great idea. I don't really like to go out to eat, so this was perfect for me. We ate dinner, it was quiet, delicious, and fun.
After dinner he pulled out a Shrek puzzle. I was going to be going on a cruise, and I had mentioned to him the night we met that my friend and I were going to bring a puzzle with us on the cruise, and how excited I was. Points- 4, he listened to what I said and took note for our date. 5, not only did he buy a puzzle, but he had a plan.
We decided that since it was only like 100 pieces it would be pretty easy to do, it was for ages 5 and up I think, so we decided to time ourselves and see how quickly we could do it. So we put the puzzle together and talked and really started to get to know each other. Points- 6, coming up with an activity that you can have fun with, while getting to know each other. 7, for some reason I like doing kid activities on dates. (future reference in case I go out with any guys that read this blg, I think building a fort would be a lot of fun).
The puzzle ended up taking us like an hour to do, which was sad given the fact that we were both mid-20's and it was for 5 year olds, but we had a good time. Laughed a lot, and talked a lot, it was a great date activity.
After the puzzle we just kind of sat talked and listened to music. Then he took me home, and never called me again ;). Sure it didn't go anywhere, and I was totally fine with that, but I will always remember that as being one of the best dates.
Another date I went on, (with another guy who I didn't really ever see again) Was in the fall. We went to a corn maze, which had two sections, fun, and haunted. We did both. Points 1, doing corn mazes are fun, because it is just you two, gives you a lot of time to talk. 2, haunted corn mazes are fun because if there is any interest there it gives you the chance to be all cozy. I told him before we went out that if the corn maze was haunted I would get grabby, I am a pansy and that's how I roll. When we had the choice of corn maze and he said he wanted to do the haunted one, I figured he was ok with me holding on to him. After the corn maze we went and got hot chocolate at 7-11. Points- 3, hot chocolate makes me feel cozy, it was nice after a chilly corn maze. Then we decided to go to his house and carve a pumpkin. Points-4, Awesome idea, I got to see his creative side. 5, he didn't make me clean the guts, which was good for him because it wouldn't have been beneficial for either one of us, if I started gagging. 6, gave us time to talk more and get to know each other.
After we carved the pumpkin we decided to watch a scary movie. Points-7, I love fall activities and we pretty much nailed them all in this one date. 8, I felt like he was having a really good time because he kept coming up with new things to do. 9, he chose a scary movie which showed me he was ok with me being grabby again.
After the movie he drove me home.
This date didn't even include a meal, and I was totally fine with that. This one also will go down in history as one of the best dates ever, if not THE best date. AND it was a blind date. (Well done Scotcho!) Granted nothing happened with him either, but he was a great guy, and I think we had a really good time together. If we didn't, the date wouldn't have been 7 hours long. He easily could have taken me home after the corn maze.
These are two dates which I don't think broke the bank for these guys, but they were awesome. I love those, because I think they are far more creative than dinner and a movie. Not that I am bagging on that, I like dinner, I love movies, but if you can be creative like that. Awesome. Summer is super easy too. You can go up the canyon and have a fire, you can play sports outside, you can go for walks, you can go for hikes. I am so looking forward to summer dating :)
So guys, get the creative juices flowing, and you don't have to spend a ton to make the girl happy. :)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Power Lies With Who Cares Less...

I hate how true this statement is. When it comes to dating, this is pretty much the dater's motto.
It is so annoying that you can not be interested in someone, not care if you don't hang out with them or do, but then as soon as you find out that THEY don't care, all of the sudden you're annoyed. You didn't care, but now that they don't care, you care that they don't care. It's such a ridiculous cycle.
It's happened to me many times.
I remember years ago, there was a guy who was interested in me, I thought he was great, but I just wasn't romantically interested. We went on a couple of dates and I think he just got the vibe that I wasn't feeling it. So he stopped trying. Then one night I saw him with another girl, in our ward. He had his arm around her, and jealousy filled me to my very soul. I wanted his arm to be around me. Though I knew full well if it was, I wouldn't want it to be.
It wasn't that I wanted him, but I wanted him to keep wanting me. It's that attention that we all love.
Knowing that I have been in that situation, I shouldn't be so upset when guys do that to me, but I can't help it.
Another time, I was going to hang out with a guy who I was interested in but wasn't really giving me the interest I was hoping for. He had invited me to this party, and honestly I didn't want to go, but knew that if I didn't go I would have wondered what would have happened. So I made my roommate come with me. My whole plan was to be indifferent. I wasn't going for him, I was going to meet other people. I was going to make new friends, I wasn't going to talk to him, unless he talked to me first. And that is exactly what I did, and it worked like a charm. That night. He was flirty and touchy, and cuddly, but only that night. Once he had my attention again he stopped all his advances.
That part of dating is very misleading, and it makes it really hard to read people, and how they really feel.
Guys always say that trying to understand girls is impossible, girls say the same thing about guys. People, we are all playing the same game, and from what I can see, we are using the same playbook.
So it all comes down to this. If the guy was interested he would do something about it. If he's not doing anything about it, he's not interested. Girls can flirt and let the guys know (subtly) that they are interested, but it is the guy's job to take the step, and if they're not taking it, they don't want to.
I wish that was easy to remember, because it is REALLY easy to make excuses for them, truth is, it's rare that there is actually an excuse, other than, "He's just not that into you."

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Shoes: For or Against?

I have been told once that there are a few topics that girls talk about that force guys to mentally fall asleep. Shopping, make-up and "ponies" to name a few. It has been said that the only thing that can bring a guy out of the mental coma, is the mention of something like, sports, or guns, or perhaps Eva Longoria.
One topic to which guys daze are shoes. I have a deep love for them, and own many a pair. I like the way they make my legs look, I like the way they make my feet look. I think high-heels are very flattering.
I always thought girls bought shoes like this, to please the men-folk. To make ourselves more attractive for them, but recent experience makes me question that theory.
I have a good friend who when I first met him would always comment on my shoes. Calling them snazzy and sassy and the like. Then when we became better friends I wore a pair of heels around him, and he said, "You know guys hate shoes like that right?" What? The same guy who I thought loved them, would compliment me on them, and then turn away in disgust at my choice of footwear? I felt betrayed. He told me that to him, shoes like that made the girl come across as high maintenance, and that is NOT the kind of girl he wanted. He loves when girls where flats, LOVES a girl in a hoody, and about passes out if a girl looks good in a beanie.
I understand that not all men want those same qualities, but since then I have always wondered. Are guys turned off by my shoes? Have I been wrong this whole time? Are the men that I am trying to attract turning in the opposite direction because of what I am using to attract them? (Granted I have other qualities, attributes, and features that I would hope help in the attraction process, I don't simply rely on my shoes to do the work. I don't walk up to a guy that I am interested in and hold up my shoes, I'm just sayin.)
So this leads me to my question. Do guys, or do they not like high-heels?
Are girls wearing heels to impress the dudes, or to impress each other? We buy them, and show them off to our friends. We notice other girl's shoes. We talk about shoes to each other. Are we only trying to impress each other?
In my opinion I think that is a big factor in the shoe buying process. BUT, I also think they still make my legs look good, which is appealing to the opposite sex. I have some good calves, heels definitely help accentuate those. They are one body part I am proud of, so I wear the heels.
That being said, I know they aren't practical. I know in winter wearing high heels is asking to slip and fall in what can only be a devestatingly embarrassing fashion. I know that they hurt, and after a day of wearing heels and being on my feet I would be in so much pain that my walking for the next day or so would be like that of an 80 year old woman, who was drunk, and rode a horse for hours and hours. I know that if I was wearing heels, and was to be chased by a murderer I would have next to no hope and be killed almost immediately. I realize all this, yet, I wear them, almost daily, and I must say I rock them!
I like to think that my friend is in the minority of guys. That most guys actually do like heels, because I know full well, I am not going to stop wearing them, and I am not going to stop buying them.
I also would like to point out that I am not a high maintenance girl. I am not a huge fan of shopping. I love rock climbing and camping and hiking and playing sports and trying new things, and getting dirty, and being active. I don't mind getting my hair wet when I swim. I don't wear new make-up to the gym, I don't look cute at the gym at all. I do however own over 30 pairs of shoes. That, gentlemen, does not define me.
I realize that all the guys that may have been led to this blog, are probably unconscious right now, so I will end by saying one thing. Eva Longoria.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Bad Lines Used On Me

Ok so I was thinking tonight of all the lines that have been use on me, and sadly the majority are compliments laced with a slap in the face. These four are probably the worst ones, and really the only ones worth posting. Let's dive in shall we.

(This guy I had been talking to for a while, I'm not going to put the whole line, just the clincher)
Smooth dude at a party- "You're semi-attractive"
Ok what? You never tell a girl that. NEVER. I don't understand at all how that was meant to be complimentary, but he did end up taking me out, and I did go, smart of me I know. One good thing that came out of it was I told his roommate what he said, to which he replied, "Oh well, if your roommates are as 'semi-attractive' as you, you should bring them around." Maybe I should have gone out with his roommate instead.

This one was at a church activity. A guy I didn't know that well, but he knew my roommates. He was leaving with my roommates and was walking past me...
Awkward Dude- "Hey it was really good to see you tonight."
Me- "Yeah it was good to see you too"
Awkward Dude- "You're like eye candy for me"
Me- "....." (That means I was speachless looking at him completely dumbfounded with my mouth open, feeling totally awkward, not knowing what I could possibly say after a comment like that)

Worst date idea. There was a guy I met at Utah State who also had the last name of Sanders. From the time we met until the last time I saw him, he would introduce me as his cousin, and call me cousin or just "Sanders". After a while of this we ran into each other at lunch.
Sanders- "Hey Cousin"
Me- "Hey"
Sanders- "So I was thinking we should go to dinner sometime"
Me- "Oh yeah?"
Sanders- "Yeah I have this geneology book, and I thought it would be cool if we looked through it to see if we're related down the line."
Ok... Did you just ask me on a date to find out if we're related? Pass!

And finally, this one is just hilarious.
Old creepy dude country dancing- "Is that your natural hair color"
Me- "Yeah it is, but I'm not one of the 'dumb blondes'."
OCDCD- "No, you look smart, you have a big head."
Me- "I have a big head?"
OCDCD-"No it's ok, I like it."
Nice, thanks buddy, let's date immediately!

I do have some others that I really should post, but there is a good chance they would get read by the line giver. They are doozies. Bad bad things that you should never say to a girl, but I think he genuinely thinks he was being complimentary. I have told them to my friends as they happened, and the reaction I got on each one was "...." (look above for translation). I don't understand guys. Some guys are just not smooth. I think someone should teach lessons. Some guys know what is and what is not ok to say, but some are just clueless, of course it seems to me that it's the clueless ones that are the most brave. They are the ones that put themselves out there. Why is that?

Sunday, March 28, 2010

The Chase

AKA the worst part of dating.
The rule is, people (and I say people because girls are just as guilty of this as guys are) don't want what's handed to them.
Though I hate this I am involved in this. My whole life I have had the problem that I can be totally interested in someone, but as soon as I think that they are interested in me, my interest completely goes away. Maybe I lose respect for them for being interested in me or something ;). Really I don't get it. As soon as they like me, I find all these flaws, that I CANNOT live with.
My friend Spencer once told me, when I was interested in a guy, that he was going to talk to him, and tell him that even if he did like me, not to show me that, then I would like him forever. I laughed about it, but sadly I knew it was true.
The problem with this is, I am chronically interested in guys that are not interested back.
I have had a few times where my interest didn't fade. Even when I thought my dating them was a possibility, I still liked them. So rather than losing them because I can't date them, I become their friend.
I have heard all throughout my life that guys do NOT want to be friends with girls. My life proves that theory wrong.
I am great at being the friend. That is my lot in life. I am always the friend. Guys are comfortable with me. I am a good listener and I am a good confidant. So even if the guy isn't romantically interested in me we are able to maintain a really good friendship. Honestly I am grateful for that. I would WAY rather have a meaningful friendship with these guys, than be all wounded and "heartbroken" which pain would only last a short amount of time, but in the end never see them again.
The problem is, I do become that friend. My romantic interest in them fades to a legitimate friendship and then they come around. Once I am no longer a viable option for them, they miss that attention, and try to get it back. The thing is, it's not real. I have been burned in the past thinking it was. If I do give in and accept what they are feeding me, then that appeal is gone. It's not me, it's the lack of attention that my interest was giving them.
I also have the "friends" where they don't want to date me, but they don't want anyone else to date me either. So nothing romantic happens between us, but they see me talking to another guy, and they step in, and joke with me, and banter with me in a way that shows the potential interest that there is obviously some history there and they back off. GRRR.
Dating can be so frustrating. How am I supposed to know what to do? The problem with being a girl is we just have to wait and see if the guys we like are going to "choose" us. If we go after them, we come across as desperate. If we don't go after them, we run the risk of them never noticing us. How is a girl supposed to get the guy she really wants?
Every time I am interested in a guy, and I am waiting for something to happen, my mom tells me how when she was interested in my dad she used to bake him treats, and make him dinner, and what not, and my dad will follow by saying that is why he chose my mom, among all the other ladies vying for his attention.
It does NOT work that way anymore. Today, that comes across as desperate. I mentioned it to my cousin Brian, and asked him what he would think if (when he was single) a girl were to come to his apartment unannounced with a plate of cookies, and he said, "I'd take the plate, thank her for the cookies and shut the door" Pretty much what I suspected. So I wait. Hope that the guys I like ask me out, and if not, that I will find new ones that will.
Ah dating, it's a wonderful ride.

Friday, March 26, 2010

How to get a girl to kiss you on the first date.

Now I like to think I am not the type of girl that kisses on the first date. My thoughts, and my actions don't seem to interact sometimes. I like to think it though.
A number of months ago I had made plans to hang out with some friends of mine who happen to be a couple. The dude in the couple (who I will refer to as Guy A) asked if it was alright if his friend (who I will refer to as Guy B) came along. I had met Guy B before on a date that said couple had set me up on a few weeks prior. We met a group at a Real Salt Lake game, and he happened to be in the group, he happened to be the roommate of the guy I was on the date with, but that is neither here nor there. I asked them if this was a set up or if this was a hang out, they assured me it was just a hang out, which I was more comfortable with because then I could be myself. As I have mentioned in a previous post, I have a hard time being myself on dates, so going into it like we just all were hanging out together I wasn't bashful.
First we went to a soccer game that Guy A and Guy B were playing in. Then we decided to go see New Moon, which the guys were really excited about. It was pretty close to opening night so there was a pretty good line.
While we were waiting in line Guy A called my friend (for the sake of keeping anonymity and because at this point it only makes sense, we will call her Girl #1) Babe. Guy B turns to me and says, "Should I be calling you Babe?" I said, "Yeah you probably should." He said, "So are we just imitating them tonight?" I said, "Yeah I think that would be wise." So following Guy A's example he put his arm around me.
Once we were sitting in the movie Girl #1 started scratching Guy A's back. Guy B turned to me and said, "So... are we still imitating them er...?" So I flirtatiously rolled my eyes, and started scratching his back. Smooth.
Ok at one point in this movie, Bella is sitting in between Jacob, and some other dude in a movie theatre, both guys have their hands held out giving her the opportunity to hold them. At that same point my arm itched. Really it did. So I put it out to scratch it, and unintentionally did the same thing as the guys in the film. Guy B leans over and says, "Geeze you don't have to be so obvious." and we just laughed about it, but didn't hold hands.
After the movie we went back to Guy A's house and were sitting on the couch. Guy B and I were sitting rather close, it was a date at this point. We were getting along really well. Guy A leaned over and kissed Girl #1. Guy B then turns to be and says, "So... are we still imitating them er...?" I just laughed, but then Guy A says, "Guy B, I dare you to kiss her right now" (ok so he didn't say Guy B, but I gotta keep rolling with it) I just laughed and said, "What are we 12?" Then I notice Guy B is leaning in. I just laughed because I knew there was no way he was actually going to kiss me. He keeps leaning in... I start to think, "No I'm calling his bluff, he won't really kiss me, we don't even know each other". He keeps leaning in, by now he's real close so I started to laugh, and... Welcome to my teeth! That's right! He kissed my teeth! He pulled back and I just said, "That'ssss just awesome!" He followed with, "Guys her teeth taste so good." I was pretty embarrassed, they all just started teasing me for being a teeth kisser. He asked me if that's how I always kiss. I told him, I was calling his bluff, I didn't think there was any way he would actually kiss me. To which he said, "Clearly you don't know me that well. I don't bluff." I said, "Chyeah, clearly I've known you for about 5 hours."
For the rest of the night, I was being referred to as a teeth kisser. I couldn't go down like that. So I made sure to repair my reputation before we said goodbye. I couldn't, very well, allow people to go on thinking I was a teeth kisser. It was about reputation. I had to clear my name, and that I did.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Chester the Molester

Ok this post is dedicated to the worst date I have ever been on, and if the church is true will ever go on.
About 2 years ago, my brother Dane told me there was a guy he worked with that he wanted to set me up with. He gave the guy my number, but I didn't hear from him for a couple of months. He finally texted me one day and we chatted via text for a while.
Here is one problem (among many) with that. Via text, you can be whoever you want to be. You can be charming and flirtatious and witty, because you don't know the other person, you don't know if, once you meet face to face, you will be interested in them or if they will be interested in you. You don't know that you may very well be talking to Satan...
So I did just that. The thing is, in all honesty I didn't expect him to be interested in me when we met face to face. Force of habit. I let him flirt with me, and what not, because I thought when the time came that we actually went out, it would all end, so it didn't matter. Oh the regret!
Ok the day comes, and I was terrified. I was nervous that he wouldn't like me. HA looking back, that thought makes me dryheave! I remember talking to my dad, and him telling me, "From what Dane said, this guy is pretty shy... if you are interested there is nothing wrong with giving him a little engouragement. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there a little."
So he gets to my house, I open the door, and I see standing before me, a guy who looked like he woke up put on a grungy grey shirt and jeans, rubbed his hair on the ground for a while, worked on his car, certainly didn't go to the gym, took another nap woke up and then came to pick me up.
As soon as I shut the door behind me, dude is HANDS ON! Rubbing my shoulders, playing with my hair holding my hands. REALLY? It's been all of 45 seconds! So we drive to the restaurant where we are having a conversation he is clearly not listening to. I had mentioned my roommate Katie maybe three times in a 10 minute period, and each time he would say, "Who is Katie?".
Then we are driving from the restaurant to the theatre and he asks me what kind of house I would buy if money were no object. I told him I wouldn't have a huge house, I would want one that fits my family comfortably, but there are things I would want with it, like a studio and a pool and what not. He replies, "I don't think that's true. You seem the type that would get the biggest house she could." Um excuse me? A) You don't know me at all, to be able to make that judgement call. B) This is a first date, even if I was lying, what does it matter? and C) Yuh HUH! I was irritated.
We get to the theatre, and are in the movie and he asks me flat out if I am going to kiss him. I just looked at him and flat out said, "No, I'm not going to kiss you" He then goes off on how I led him on, and how he should have just kissed me when he first opened the door. His rantings were interrupted when his phone rang, and he answered it. DURING THE MOVIE! When he got off his super important phone call he turns to me and says. "That was rude" I wanted to say "What answering your phone, in a movie? AND on a DATE?" but I refrained and just said, "What?" He said, "You totally led me on." I said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am not going to kiss you" Then he asks me why not. Oh gosh you want a reason really? Among the many other reasons, I told him "I am going through the temple in a month and a half, and I am not going to be kissing anyone while I am preparing" Which was true, and just so convenient. His response, "Are you lying to me?" Ok buddy, if I'm not lying that is about the best excuse one can give, and one that should not be questioned. If I AM lying take the HINT! I don't want to kiss you so much I am willing to lie about the temple just to not kiss you.
We spent the next two hours, with me explaining to him why I wouldn't kiss him, and him fighting it. Oh but not before he said, "If you won't kiss me, you will hold my hand" Grabs my hand, which to this day I am tempted to chop right off!
On the car ride home we are still arguing about kissing, at one point he said, "So you can't kiss anyone?" I said, "No" and he goes, "Well I can" as though he was just going to kiss me against my will. That was the last straw. So I said, with some force, "You know, it's the honorable thing to do, to hear what I am saying and respect it. I can't believe after all I have said you would even consider kissing me!" Then he shook his head, and I said, "Don't shake your head like I am the one being unreasonable, if anyone should be shaking their head in frustration it's ME!" So he takes me to the door gives me like 4 prolonged hugs and leaves. I got home threw my purse across the room, and at the risk of giving TMI went in the bathroom and threw up!
After he left I get a text message that said, "Don't for one second think that I am mad about what happened tonight." WHAT!!!??? I should be concerned about YOUR feelings? Are you INSANE? Needless to say I never responded.
The next day I went to tell Dane about the awesome date he set me up on. His response at the end of it all was. "You know, there is no way I could have known that he was going to behave that way, but at the same time I'm not totally surprised either." He told me that he wouldn't have been surprised if he was bet to kiss me. At least I have solace in knowing he lost that bet. Dane said, that before Chester the Molester and I went out he wanted to call off the whole thing, said he didn't have a good feeling about it. As calm as I could muster, I urged him to follow those feelings next time. He said, "I feel like I should make it up to you. There's another guy I work with..." That was all he was allowed to get out before I killed him. Ok so I didn't kill him, but he won't be setting me up on any more dates.
To this day I can't tell that story without shuddering.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Angry Eyes

Among many wonderful traits that I have been blessed to have passed on to me from my father is a look of concentration commonly referred to as "angry eyes". It's not intentional. If I am concentrating, thinking, or just plain relaxed there is a natural scowl that is on my face. I don't know I'm doing it, but it doesn't look nice. If I happen to make eye contact with you, or even look in your direction whilst making said "angry eyes" it could scare any daylights you have, right out of you.
The problem with this is, I scare people. All the time. Most of the people that I am friends with today told me that when they first met me they were, intimidated by me, thought I was a snot, or flat out afraid of me. That is not something I am proud of.
Within the past year I have been thinking about that a lot, and making a valiant effort to be more smiley. It's surprisingly difficult.
I worry if I have turned away potential suitors because I have unintentionally given them a look of death. I wonder if guys are afraid to approach me or talk to me, thinking I think I am too good for them, or that I am just a frightening individual.
I have talked to some guys about this, to get their opinion. One being my landlord, he is a 32 year old single guy who was afraid of me for the first 4 or 5 months that I lived in this house. Never said anything to me, and I never said anything to him because I was shy... not because I wanted to kill him or anything. He said that one day he was outside working on our pool, and I came walking out wearing these tall red heels (which is not uncommon) and I gave him a look like, "what are you doing in my backyard?" I remember that day. It was sunny, I was on my way to my cousin Jessica's bridal shower. I walked through the backyard, saw him, didn't know him well so didn't say anything, just noticed that they were working on the pool. I mention it was sunny because that just adds to the scowl, I was squinting, in addition to scowling. I can imagine the fear that passed through his body.
People I am all of 5'4" I don't understand what is so frightening about me.
Anyway it really does bother me. I am a nice person. If you just talk to me I like pretty much most people. (Let's not kid ourselves, there are people that drive me insane)
I was talking to my friend Nate about this, telling him I was frustrated that guys wouldn't approach me because of this. He assured me that if these guys are "Men" that wouldn't be enough to scare them away. Said if he was interested in a girl he wouldn't be afraid to approach them. I told him he was a special breed. He does things right, asks girls on dates instead of just hanging out, isn't afraid to approach them, isn't intimidated if the girl is with other guys, he will make his presence known. More dudes could learn from him. He did make me feel better though.
So to summarize, I may be frightening on the outside, but I'm sweet as can be on the inside, unless you cross me :)
Don't judge a book by it's cover, or because it scowls at you, or because you think it's too good for you, or wears red high heels. Really you shouldn't judge books.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Getting Ready

There is something to be said for the good dates. The ones that you get all excited for, that you spend the majority of the week planning outfits in your head, and lines to say and things that will make them laugh (that part may just be me). When I am excited for a date, it is the best.
I went on a date recently, and I can tell you I have never been so excited for a first date. The guy was really funny, and that is HUGE to me. This guy could genuinely make me laugh, he was super witty and honestly I was just so excited to get to know him more.
When the day came to go out I gave myself plenty of time to get ready. I am SO not the girl who makes the guy wait so I can finish getting ready and make the grand entrance. First dates are awkward enough without that.
I had a particular outfit I wanted to wear, and I put it in the first load of my laundry so it would be ready on time.
I proceeded to get ready and at about 6:30 (fifteen minutes before he was supposed to be arriving) I went to get them out. They were NOT dry, at all! I started freaking out. So I took everything else out and just put those clothes in there, hoping they would dry faster alone. I ran upstairs and was freaking out to my roommate. That was the chosen outfit, not only was it not dry, but I had no other options. Everything else was either in that drying load, not dry, or in the wash. I was hosed. My roommate asked me if I cleaned the lint trap as that could hold up drying. I realized I hadn't so I run downstairs and go to pull it out, and break the dang thing. By now it's 6:40, and he was going to be there any minute. I went running upstairs (I kid you not I am booking it around my house) and looked through my closet to see if there was ANYTHING else I could wear, no, there wasn't. I ran downstairs and look through the window to see if by chance he was there. As I do I hear a knock at the door. I literally screamed, and yelled at my roommate to get the door, as I ran into the laundry room. I check the clothes. They're not dry, but they weren't too bad. This was so not how I planned this date starting out. I grabbed the clothes from the dryer, and go running upstairs. As I fly past him I just yell, "I'M NOT READY!" I get to my room, and get changed into my somewhat damp jeans. I will tell you this, there are few things that are less comfortable than damp jeans.
So it wasn't exactly a perfect start, but it ended up being a really fun date, and if nothing else, all the running I did around the house before he got there helped me to burn the calories I consumed at dinner.

The Trouble With Guys.

Ok so as far as being a single woman in the LDS community, I am getting up in years. I am 26 years old, the youngest child in my family, and the only single person in the world... or at least it feels that way sometimes ;).
Pickens are getting slim.
I have noticed with guys, there seems to be a pattern. There are the guys that a fresh off the mission, they have marriage on their mind, they are looking for their wife, but in my eyes seem really immature, have pretty much nothing established in their life and are borderline undateable, not to mention I feel so old around them. Then there are the 23-25 year old guys, who are really starting to get it together, if you can catch the guys in this age range it's perfect. They are getting to the point where they are ready to settle down, ready to have that kind of commitment and in their eyes are prepared, but they date 20 year olds. Older women to them are "left overs". If they don't happen to get married at this point, then they turn into the 26-30 year old guys, who are burned. They are afraid of commitment, they are pretty close to being in their careers, if they aren't already, and are now to the point where they are tired of trying for a wife, tired of "spending money on someone else's wife" and are in a dating "funk". They don't date anymore, but prefer to "hang out" and don't want to commit to anyone. After the age of 30 the guys are one of two extremes, they are either the guys who have it together, they are in their career, established, mature, and ready to settle down and start a family, Or, they are tools. The guys who are 30+ and single for a reason.
What is a 26 year old girl to do?
I have dated them all, and I know I would prefer the 26+ guys, but I think I'm reaching for the stars to get one that is normal and ready. I could date and have dated the younger guys, but there is some immaturity issues that I can't seem to get passed, I know they will grow up and out of that stage, but am I just supposed to date them while they bug me and wait? Or do I date a guy that maturity-wise is there, but just wants to "be friends" and hope that one day he will come around and actually want to date?
I want to stress that I know that not all guys fit into these categories. They're called husbands.
Ah the joys of dating.
The thing is, none of this really makes a difference, because even if I do happen to find a guy who is great and wants to date, there is something that goes off in my head, and I run the opposite direction. I have issues of my own...
So to summarize, guys of all ages have issues. The guys that I am interested in, aren't datable, but the guys that want to date me I am not interested in. The guys that I am interested in that want to date me scare me away for some unexplainable reason. All things considered, I should expect marriage at any point now. Should be easy.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Blind Dates

Ok so for the first real post, I am going to give my feelings on blind dates.
In my day I have been on roughly forty-two thousand blind dates. (I typed that out because that number needs to be read with serious pronunciation) Out of those blind dates I would say 2, maybe three, were dates I enjoyed, and would have liked to see the guys again. Those are not good odds.
I have decided that when people set you up on blind dates, it tells you exactly what they think about you, and I have come home from many a blind date wondering why my dear friend is so mad at me as to set me up with such a wad. I once had a guy call me and tell me he wanted to set me up with a kid in one of his classes, when I asked him to tell me about him this was his explanation, be warned what you are about to read is not suitable, for anyone really. "Well he's kind of short, stalky, not super attractive. He doesn't have much of a sense of humor. He's not really outgoing, he kind of sticks to himself. He's not the life of the party, but he'll go..." Though I was flattered, I decided to pass. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Really people? Does anyone ANYONE think that was a good idea? Would anyone want to go out with ANYONE that met that description? First rule of setting people up, you tell the potential dates the GOOD qualities the person has, you are trying to sell them to each other. He didn't have one good thing to say.
After I called Lauren (my friend who was dating the gem that wanted to set me up) and relayed the story to her, and how completely offended I was, she called him and pretty much railed into him about having no tact. She later told me that he didn't actually know this kid. That he was just a kid in his class he thought was nice. Ok let it be known, being single is NOT my only prerequisite for a potential date.
I think the worst part of the actual date is when that doorbell rings and you are about to face your opponent. Ok, you can tell right away if someone is happy to see you, that is not something you can fake, I've tried. If you open the door and you get the "oh" expression, good luck. On the other hand you can open the door and get the sigh of relief, that's a good thing. I've had both, and have given both.
I know that if a guy isn't attracted to me physically, that's it, I can't be myself on a first meeting, it takes a while for me to actually be myself in any arena, let alone a blind date. It's a lot of pressure. The catch 22 is, that is only the scenario if I am attracted to the guy. If I'm not interested I can totally be myself, because I don't care if they call again. I don't care if I ever see them again. So I can make jokes and be funny and win them over, problem is... I don't want to.
I think I have gone on long enough about blind dates to give a good reason as to why I hate them. I still go on them, but I have rules now. The main ones being: Girls, I will only go out with a guy that you yourself would go out with, if you use the following sentences"well, I'm not attracted to him, but you might be" or "he's so great but, I just wasn't interested" or "He such a great guy, just not my type" I'll pass. Guys, set me up with guys that will make me think you have a high opinion of me. If I go out with a guy who has no personality, I'll think you think the same of me.
I should say that the odds are getting better. I feel like people nowadays are setting me up with people that I could actually see why they matched us. Though clearly none have worked out (as I am still so very single) I have had some good times, and if not good times, I have plenty of good stories.