Saturday, June 19, 2010

Legit Friends

Throughout my life, mainly in dating, I have heard that guys never want to be just friends with girls. If they are spending time with you, it's because they want to be more than friends...
Be that as it may, that does not apply in my life.
My whole life I have always been the girl with mainly guy friends. Growing up there weren't many girls my age in church, but a lot of guys so we all hung out. I am used to being around guys, and honestly I prefer it. Growing up that way is one thing, being in your mid-twenties and still being "friends" is something else.
I am a girl guys like to be friends with. I always have been. Guys are comfortable around me, I am low drama, low maintenance, I like playing sports and being active, and guys like that, BUT that doesn't mean that "friends" is what I am going for. If I am spending a lot of time with a guy I'm following the rule mentioned above, it's probably because I am interested in him. I don't understand how guys can just be friends. I don't get it. I don't get how they can spend so much time, and alone time with a girl, and not have any other intentions. It seems like a waste of time to me.
I have a lot of great guy friends that came because I was interested in them, and they wanted to be my friend. They were legitimately my friend. They care about me, and want to spend time with me, and talk to me all the time, but they were never romantically interested in me. On the one hand, I am glad that though they weren't interested they were still my friend, because I gained a lot from their friendship, but I don't get it.
The thing is, it must be something I am doing. It's not easy, I waste time being interested in guys thinking they wouldn't spend so much time with me if they weren't interested, but then find out down the road that they really were just friends. What am I doing and can I/do I want to change it?
I like the person I am, I like that I make them comfortable, and that they can have fun with me. I like that I am low drama, and low maintenance. I like that I am not the "typical girl" but is that why I am always the friend? If so, do I really want to change that about myself? Become the girl I can't stand?
The thing is, I am not one to fight. I will not fight over a guy, especially if I feel my competition is not worth fighting with. I have seen girls who seem to have little respect for themselves, just hand themselves over to these guys, and the guys go for it. They like knowing that they could have them if they wanted, they say they like the challenge, they say they like a girl who puts up a little bit of a fight, but that doesn't mean that they won't first take all the girls that throw themselves at them before choosing the girl that is putting up a little bit of a fight. That's not the guy I want. I want a guy who sees me first, and comes to me because he sees something in me.
I digress. I don't like playing the game. I don't like the whole, "if you like him don't be available" rule. If I like a guy, and I want to see him, I will make the effort to see him. I won't necessarily do all the work, but I will plant seeds so they will, thinking if they do the work, and they do make the effort it's because they are interested, but I soon find out, and have found out every time, that it's because they are my friend. Every time, friend. Hang out all the time, ALL THE TIME see each other consistently, friend.
I will never turn away those friendships, but I am 26, how many more friends am I going to have? What do I need to do differently, and can I do it?

1 comment:

  1. ha ha julia...i know just what you mean....about a week ago i was again given the friend card.....but we were always just friends anyways....i admit i was hoping for more.....who wouldn´t after spending 2 months all the time together....yet we are just friends..........who knows how you change that, but when you find out, please let me know!!!!!!

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