Monday, March 17, 2014

Half way there...

Today is the half way point in mine and Matt's engagement. We got engaged, 2 months ago tomorrow and get married in two months from today.
Have Done:
Wedding dress, bought
Matt's suit, bought
Engagements, taken
Venue, booked
Invitations, ordered
Guest List, finalized (after much stress)
Honeymoon, booked

To do:
Dress is being hemmed
Matt needs a tie
Bridals (in Utah)
Pick a photographer
Pick food for luncheon
Hair and makeup trial runs
Send invites
Get wedding license

It's crazy to think that 2 months has already passed since we got engaged, but at the same time having 2 months left seems like forever. I keep telling Matt, "think of it this way, when we first started talking about getting married we said March, and at that point 2 months seemed SO SOON!" It doesn't matter it still feels like it's never going to come. It doesn't help that if we got married when we originally said, we would have gotten married last week. I tell Matt though, if we would have stayed with March I would have been a bridezilla the whole time. I don't do well with stress and I'm sorry to say I don't hide it well. I needed the extra time!

We finalized the guest list last night and that was my biggest point of frustration. I am a people pleaser and I hate the idea of people being offended or having hurt feelings if they can't come or aren't invited. I hope everyone would understand that it's simply a matter of space and that if I could I would want everyone there. The idea of hurting someone's feelings is just too hard for me to handle. Last night we figured out a list that we both felt good about and that I think will make the most people happy. Once that was settled it was like this HUGE weight was taken off my shoulders and the rest of the time I can just enjoy everything.
We were talking with Matt's parents last night about how the day is going to go and I just got so excited.
With the stress of the guest list behind us I just want to say how grateful I am to have so many people that want to share this day with us. We are so lucky to have so many people that love us. There are worse problems to have, that's for sure. I have been so touched at the things that people have said to me, whether it be in person, or text message or even Facebook message. People that I rarely talk to have told me how excited and happy they are for me. A number of people have told me that seeing this happen for me has given them hope. This experience has been so humbling and I feel so honored to be at the receiving end of so much love.
My cup runneth over with amazing people and now I'm adding a whole world of people into my life. I hardly feel worthy. Matt's friends and family have been so wonderful and I am so excited to have them as my own.
2 months from today I will be Matt's wife. I will be a daughter-in-law. I will be the sister-in-law to 16 people and a new aunt to 29 (and a half) people.
2 months from today. 61 days.

Friday, March 14, 2014

I suck at keeping secrets

So, not that it would surprise anyone. I decided that I was going to write a song for Matt to sing at our wedding luncheon. I wanted it to be a surprise.
I was nervous because I had never written a song without my friend Jaycie (aka co-member of Friends of Spencer [good times]). It was kind of a big deal to me and I didn't want it to sound all juvenile, but I'm in Arizona and she's in Utah so it wasn't the easiest thing to do together.
The week after we got engaged I sat down, I had an idea in mind for the theme of the song and I just started plucking at my guitar trying to figure out a melody.
I ended up getting the song written in about an hour. That's the thing I love about songwriting, when I have an idea in mind, it just flows.
I was so excited to have this surprise for him. I was doing a really good job of keeping it a secret, even though I do feel like most people, Matt included, would expect that from me.
The other night we were together and reading through my journal about our relationship, which was really cool, I'm so glad I wrote that stuff down. I got to his birthday and was reading about the things that I did for him. Then this came out of my mouth, "I also wrote him a so... DANG IT!" and man oh man did he ever laugh.
I was so mad/sad. He still hasn't heard the song, so at least that will be a surprise, but I'm so bummed that he knows about it, even though he told me he suspected that I'd write one.
So there you go, I suck at keeping secrets.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

A whole decade of possibilities.

For those people who follow me on Facebook, they know that I have been dreading turning 30.
I could not believe I my 20's were ending. I went to dinner with The Man and our friends Ben and Breann on Saturday and we were all being so childish. Shooting straw wrappers at each other, lauching gum wrappers in the air and what not, and Breann says, "Hard to believe we're all in our 20's" and I thought, that was only true for 4 more days!
All day on Tuesday I kept thinking, "I can't believe this is my last day in my twenties..."
Wednesday I wake up, all 30 and stuff. The day itself was no different than any other. I went to work and, outside of the Facebook notifications every 2-3 seconds and the random texts and calls, it was your pretty standard day. That night I met up with The Man he gave me a beautiful watch and we went to dinner, grabbed some To Go dessert from The OG and went back to his house and watched Lost. Honestly it was a great night, I loved the simplicity of it all.
While we were at dinner I had kind of an epiphone. I realized how excited I was to be 30. How excited I was that I was so so happy to just be with this wonderful man, who I love and who loves me so much, for my birthday. That is what made it a great night.
I told him how excited I was for this new decade. I feel like a chapter in my life has closed and a new one has begun. The last chapter was definitely enough to keep me interested in this book and to want to keep reading, but I know the next chapter is going to be so much more full. I feel like the best part of my life is starting.
I told Matt I have felt for a long time that for me my 20's was a time to figure things out, figure me out, and my 30's was going to be when everything started to come together. I had that thought initially when I was like 27 and I think I've been subconsciously looking forward to that ever since. Now that I'm here I can't even express how excited I am to be starting this next chapter.
This is the chapter that I become a wife and a mother. This is the chapter that all the rest of my life has trained me for.
I've had a number of friends turn 30 before me and a lot of them told me, "It feels no different than 29" but I can say with some confidence, 30 feels completely different than 29. My entire 20's was single life. Parties, vacations, living where I wanted, and moving from place to place. Right up until the last day. My 30's from day one will be family and settling down and learning how to be a good wife and mother.
Being at the end of one decade I can't help but see how it got to where I am today and be so grateful for the experiences I've had. Being at the beginning of a new decade I can't help but look to the future and all the amazing things this next 10 years have in store for me.
As much as I dreaded turning 30, I gotta say, I'm pretty dang happy now that I'm here.

Monday, March 3, 2014

One year down, the rest of my life to go...

One year ago today I left Utah for Arizona. I didn't know how long I'd be here. I didn't know why I was going. I didn't know what to expect.
I did know it would take a while for me to be happy. I did know, being the introvert I am, it would take a while for me to get to know people. I did know I would miss my family, friends and music buddies terribly.
I moved to Arizona because I had the strong feeling that Arizona was where I was supposed to be. I took the biggest leap of faith of my life and packed up nearly everything I owned, anything I could fit into my car and moved away from my life.
One year ago today I went to my nephew's baby blessing, and then said goodbye to everything I loved to step into an unknown future.
In the last year, I have been to California a few times, Las Vegas, Oklahoma, Lake Powell, Utah (several times) New Hampshire, Maine and Massachussetts. I have met hundreds of new people, I beat my PR at the Spudman Tri, my half marathon time. Although I haven't been able to sing nearly as much as I'd like I was still able to sing the national anthem for the Diamondbacks.
Best of all and I'm certain my purpose in moving here is, I met and got engaged to the most wonderful man.
All that being said, it has been an amazing year.
When I moved here I told everyone, including myself, that it was a temporary thing. "It'll probably be like a year, and then I'll be home" I think even then, I knew that wasn't true.
I always planned to end up in Utah. I was going to live by my family forever, I would stay in Utah forever. It's so strange to think that this year was the first year of the rest of my life.
I'm still transitioning in my head that Arizona will be "home" to me one day. Arizona will be the life my kids know. It's a strange feeling.
I can't help but think about where we will be in 5, 10... 20 years. I can't help but wonder what it will feel like to feel like Arizona is home. I can't help but think about the time when we have a community here that we can't imagine leaving. That's what I left in Utah and I know I'll have that again.
I'm so excited to have that with Matt. I'm so excited to think about where this adventure is going to take us. I'm so excited to start an entirely new life with him. I'm so excited to have him to share these new experiences with.
As heartbroken as I am to be away from the life I knew in Utah, I am just as excited, if not moreso, to start my new life with Matt. Makes waiting for our wedding that much more difficult.

A cake my co-worker made for me on my last day in the office.

Kelly and I moved the same weekend. This was at our combined farewell party.

The stairwell I got locked in, alone, the first time I decided to branch out, be brave and go to a social event.

Moore, Oklahoma. Memorial Weekend.

Getting ready to sing for the D-Backs.

Surfing in New Hampshire.

After the Spudman with the parentals.

After the Big Cottonwood Half Marathon.

After Jace's baptism.

Trapeze lessons.

My rowing crew "Strokes of Genius"

Me and the man, pumpkin carving date.

Color me Rad 5k with my friend Sayward.

Matt's graduation celebration in California.

My future.