Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Movie Moments

I've thought a lot about writing a post like this because my dating life, though not always awesome, has had some great moments. I have some great stories that when I tell them people say, "That's just like in the movies"
Though that may be true, real life always hits. I am still me, my dating life is still a joke and I'm not married so my life is far from a Rom/Com, however those moments are really fun to live... in the moment.

Examples:
Movie Moment: My first kiss, on the beach, in Hawaii with a guy who was a professional surfer, under the stars by a camp fire.
Real Life: I never saw him again

Movie Moment: Being flown to North Carolina to go to a military ball with an officer in the Army.
Real Life: Finding out he had a girlfriend and spending the next nine months explaining myself to her and her friends as to why I was there and what happened with us. He and I haven't spoken in about a year. (The Ball was a year and a couple of months ago)

Movie Moment: Seeing this gorgeous man at a Zupas and thinking, "How cool would it be if he were to come sit with me" and then him coming and sitting with me!
Real Life: Adding each other on Facebook and then never talking again. (We are no longer facebook friends)

Movie Moment: Seeing a good looking guy in an audience and making eye contact. Holding eye contact knowing I'll probably never see him again.
Real Life: Seeing him again and feeling foolish for keeping eye contact for so stinkin long

Ok so that last one worked out fine, as we are still dating.

There are quite a few other movie moments in my history and those moments are so fun, the real life moments that follow are just that, real life and if anything it just makes my dating life that much funnier. It's filled with gasps followed by sighs.

I just like to keep things interesting.



Wednesday, October 23, 2013

In the spirit of Halloween Part Duex

Another dream:
I was volunteering in a school gym, working with kids and helping organize a relief effort of some sort. I was talking with a friend of mine when we heard chaos coming from outside of the gym. There were windows out to the hall and we could see people running past. Over the intercom we heard that there was an outbreak of some sort of virus and everyone in the gym was to remain in the gym at all cost so as to not be affected. They told us that these creatures were more likely to affect their own gender first.
As soon as the announcement was over I looked over at my friend and saw her... twitch. Just like that she transitioned and attacked a girl standing next to us.
As though in slow motion I looked around and noticed one by one people were changing. I started to run out and was grabbed by an infected guy. He had my arm in his hands and was about to bite me when another guy ran past us. He dropped my arm and charged at the guy. Being that he was the same gender he was more of a draw than I was.
I saw a little kid standing alone so I grabbed him and ran out of the gym.
The next thing I know I'm outside. It's dark by now and the streets are practically empty. The street lamps give a yellow color to the scene. I climbed up in the trees to be out of site. Every once in a while an infected would go running past.
As I was in the trees I saw my parents walk by. They both knew it was only a matter of time. I remember when I was little my dad saying, "I can always tell your mom is in a good mood when she is humming". My mom grabbed my Dad's hand and said that she was scared and he said, "Sing something for me". They started singing together as they walked through the empty street.
They walked up to an apartment building just as this little kid comes running out. He saw my parents and yelled inside, "There are people out here... REAL people." As he ran inside you could hear his parents yelling at each other, you could hear them changing and the kid crying. I looked down at my parents and they just looked at each other and hugged knowing they couldn't get away.
Then I woke up.

Friday, October 18, 2013

In the spirit of Halloween...

So I am a person that has very vivid and sometimes terrifying dreams. I've thought about logging them, but I also felt like if people knew the things I was dreaming they'd think I was a little crazy. One here and there is fine, but I consistently have freaky dreams.
I thought in the spirit of Halloween I'd post some of them... so here is number 1.

Some friends and I decided that we wanted to check out some haunted places, so we went online and googled "Haunted places in Utah". We found a websited that had a list of "The 10 most haunted locations in Utah" and tried to find one near us. One of the recommendations was up the canyon so we decided to give that a whirl.
There were about 10 of us, 5 girls and 5 guys and we decided we'd take video cameras and record anything interesting.
Once we got up the canyon we decided to split up the guys and girls and meet up at the end and share our stories.
The girls and I went trecking along and we stumbled across this old abandoned cabin. The front window was busted out and it was dark inside. We decided to set the camera up facing the house while one of the girls went in to check things out. I, being the pansy that I am, didn't dare go in, so I volunteered to watch the camera.
One girl went in and through the front window you could barely see her silhouette walking around. Then all of the sudden from the other side of the room we saw another silhouette coming at her. It rushed on her and we heard screaming and a lot of commotion but we couldn't see what was going on, and then silence. We got it on video.
The next scene of the dream I was going to her funeral. There was a memorial for her at her family's house and we wanted to go and pay our respects. For whatever reason I had a copy of the video with me. We went in and visited with the family for a bit and left.
Not too long after that I realized I left the video at the house somewhere. I went rushing back to the house to try and get it before anyone saw it, but when I walked in, her whole family was standing there, watching it right at the part where she was killed.
Then I woke up.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

A change in the weather...

Man, I know I moved to AZ for the weather, but I did not expect it to affect me the way it did.
When I first moved to Arizona it was a very hard transition. Couple that with 118 degree heat and I was pretty miserable. I kept telling myself it would be worth it when winter came, but I had to wait for winter to come.
I went home pretty regularly and though I never considered moving back to Utah, it was always pretty difficult to leave once I got there.
Well my friends, at the end of September it started snowing in Utah, and it was mid 80's in Arizona and my mood rapidly changed.
I am a girl that loves being warm and get actually upset when I'm cold. Having it be warm in Arizona in mid October honestly makes me so happy I can hardly contain myself. I miss the fall in Utah with the colors and everything, but I was in Utah last weekend and I could NOT get warm the entire time I was there. I was talking to my nephew, Jace, and said, "How can you stand how cold it is in this house?" he goes, "It's not cold, you're just from Arizona." Too true little one... too true.
I have only lived here for 7.5 months but I acclimated fast and now can't handle temps below 60. Last weekend was the first time since moving here that I was actually itching to get back.
I was out on the lake last night with my rowing crew, I had to wear a jacket to start (it was 79 degrees) but once we got warmed up I was just in a tank top, in MID-OCTOBER!
This is why I moved here, folks. I'm like perma smiling these days, it's amazing how the weather can affect my mood.



Wednesday, October 9, 2013

What's in a name...

So a number of years ago my friend set me up on a blind date. This was a legit blind date I had never seen a picture of him before we went out. (That is UNHEARD of these days)
Our first date the plan was to go to a corn maze. It was in October and fall activities area must!
We went to the corn maze and had so much fun getting to know each other and totally getting lost. When that was over we decided we still wanted to hang out, so we went and got hot chocolate and bought a pumpkin to carve. We went back to his house and carved the pumpkin and then still wanted to hang out so we decided to watch a scary movie. Pretty much nailed every Halloween activity we could think of. After a 7 hour date he was taking me home.
It was a safe assumption that we were both into each other.
About a week later we met at a pub with some friends of mine and did some karaoke. We had so much fun but I did feel like he was a little off.
That night when he walked me to my car he told me that he had recently gotten out of a relationship and he thought he was ready to move on but he's realizing that he just wasn't. That he really did like me, but he was just thinking about her too much to be able to do anything about that. I had been notified of this relationship by the friend that set us up so I knew it was legit and that was that.
I was pretty bummed. Later I talked to my friend that set us up and he told me that this ex-girlfriend was named Julie Saunders. JULIE SAUNDERS! Are you kidding me? No wonder he kept thinking about her when he was with me... I threw my hands up and was like, "welp... nuff said."

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

General Conference

So... one thing I don't do very much is talk about my religious beliefs. I've always been the kind of person that wants people to know I love them no matter what, and don't want them to think I'm trying to force my religion on them or anything. I just fear making people feel uncomfortable so I never say anything.
Today I want to make it known that I believe in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I have a strong testimony and faith in them and this weekend that was manifested to me even stronger.
This past weekend my church had our semi-annual general conference. It is a broadcast where the leaders of the church speak to us as a whole. It is broadcast to countries all over the world and translated into nearly 100 languages so every member/anyone who wants to can have it available to them.
When I was a kid I dreaded it. Actually probably until my mid 20's. It's 10 hours of talks and I used to just count the minutes until it was over.
I always heard that if you prayed beforehand for specific guidance, if you went into Conference with a prayer in your heart and a question in your mind, you would get an answer.
The first time I ever did that was April 2009. I won't go into specific detail of that time, but I will tell you I prayed for something specific and the very first talk given was a direct answer to my prayer. I remember being shocked! I felt like that time was Heavenly Father telling me, "this works, I'm showing you fast so you won't forget... I won't always answer in the first talk, but I will always answer." Ever since then I have looked forward to conference and just loved it and ever since then I have felt more guided and directed in my life because of the talks given.
This past weekend was a similar experience. I didn't have a specific question in mind, but lately I've just had this mindset of trying to improve myself. Trying to be the best version of myself. It's no secret that I want to get married and I'm trying to be the best I can to be worthy of the kind of guy I want to find. I just prayed for personal guidance.
One of the first talks given was by President Uchtdorf, the second counselor in the first presidency of the church. I know it struck nearly everyone, but one quote from his talk was, "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." That was so powerful to me. We are all so quick to doubt and question the good, but we don't think about questioning the bad. I was thinking about it all day and then the strong thought came to me, "Doubt your flaws before you doubt your self worth" and it was like lightning struck. I am so quick to magnify my flaws and insecurities without thinking about all that I really have to offer. Ever since then, if I start to question myself or focus on a flaw I immediately think of that quote and right away think, "That's not even a big deal! I have so much more to offer than that." and honestly right away I feel more confident and self-assured.
I am human and as such will always be making mistakes and will never be perfect, but this reminded me that I am always working on that. I am always trying to be the best version of myself and that will always be a work in progress. That in and of itself is a strength of mine. I want to find someone who is flawed but trying. That's all we can really want right? I am that person. I am the kind of person I want to find. I would be lucky to find someone like me, flaws and all. This may be the first time I've ever thought that. That's pretty empowering.



Saturday, September 28, 2013

The trick to my mom's approval.

All growing up I heard the story about how my dad proposed to my mom in Hawaii.
They had been dating for a while and my dad was going to Hawaii with the BYU rugby team (my dad is so rad) and he invited my mom to come along. When my mom asked her parent's permission, she was sure they would be hesitant to let her go, but to her surprise her mom said yes, vehemently. You see, my granny knew that if she went, they would most likely get engaged.
They went, he proposed and here we are 38 years later.
A few years ago I had this "friend" (I've been blessed with a lot of "friends" in my day) that was looking into buying a motorcycle. I would go with him to shop around and we would talk about it all the time. He told me he was going to be taking this motorcycle certification class and wanted me to take it with him. I was nervous and unsure if it was something I wanted to do. I knew my parents would not love the idea. I always heard my brother Nolan talk about wanting to get one and how adamant my mom was that he didn't. I was sure, the idea of me even taking this class would be laughable to her.
I went to talk to them about it, almost looking for a way out and knowing that would be a good excuse, "My parents don't want me to." So I sat them down and I told them in a way that was like, "He wants me to pay $150 to take a class to get my motorcycle certification... can you believe that???" with out delay she says, "DO IT!" I was dumfounded, "Um... Are you serious?", "Julia DO IT!" "But mom, it's $150! It's clear in Ogden, you've always fought Nolan on riding motorcycles." To which she retold the story of her mom's reaction to her going to Hawaii. Now it was her turn to want her daughter to get married, at apparently any cost. So I took the class and had a great time and am now certified. The craziest part was, after I got certified she was like, "So are you going to buy a bike?" I told her most likely not and she was like, "Well why not?" Seriously the craziest situation ever.
Clearly that guy and I never got married, we never even dated, but there have been a few times since then where I tell her something about a guy and she has a similar response. I'm asked to do something I may see as, financially irresponsible or just irresponsible in general, but in her eyes if it's in pursuit of a dude/marriage she is fully supportive.
So take note dudes. If my mom feels like you may want to marry me, you can pretty much get away with anything. BUT you should know, if we don't get married, even if you are a great guy and things end well between us, even if all we ever are is friends, if you don't want to date me, she will hate you. Hate.
I love my momma.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Half Marathon #3

This past weekend I ran the Big Cottonwood Half Marathon. I have run two before. The two prior I ran with my sister and I remember specifically hating my life with just about each and every step. In the second one at about mile 11 I said to Jennie, "Jennie! We canNOT let ourselves forget how much this sucks." Of course, we didn't train for that one, so at about mile 11 our legs felt like lead and we could barely lift our feet enough to get them off the ground. I remember finishing that race and just being in so much pain. I had to walk to the trax station which was maybe 20 yards away and just looking at it I almost started crying.
Fast forward a year and seeing my brother-in-law sign up for the Big Cottonwood Marathon. I had wanted to do the half in 2012 but by the time I heard about it, it was already sold out. So I told myself I'd register this year.
The only thing I can think is that it must be like childbirth, during the process it's the worst thing ever, but you forget about all that and just want to do it again. Of course with childbirth you have a beautiful little baby at the end, and with a half marathon I get... a beautiful little medal.
The reason I decided to do this one is because it's all downhill... that appeals to me very much. I don't know if I'll ever do a flat one again, but downhill is a good friend of mine.
Anyway this morning was the race. Last night I set my alarm for 3:45 and thought to myself, "Why? Why do I do this crap?"
I knew the last bus would leave to take people to the starting point at 5:00. I am someone who is anal about being on time, and especially if it's something like this. So I woke up at 3:45, got ready, left around 4 and got to Cottonwood High School at about 4:15. I decided to take the first bus I could which got me to the starting point at about 4:40. The race started at 6:45... So I just got to stand there, for two hours in the freezing cold. Super fun.
From here I'll tell you my thought process throughout the race. The marathon started 8 miles higher than the half marathon so I would see their mile markers a little bit before my own.

Mile marker 8 (Full Marathon): I wish I was at 8 miles already...
Mile marker 1 (Half Marathon): That mile took longer than I'd like... this is gonna be a long race.
Mile marker 9 (FM): I wish I was at 9 miles already...
Mile marker 2 (HM): Is that the elevation or am I just more out of shape than I thought?
Mile marker 10 (FM): If I was at 10 miles, I'd only have three left. I wish I was at 10 miles.
Mile marker 3 (HM): I just have to do that 4 more times... plus a mile... I'm not feeling this book I'm listening to.
Mile marker 11 (FM): I wish I was at mile 11.
Mile marker 4 (HM): I'm feeling pretty good... just do that 3 more times... plus a mile.
Mile marker 12 (FM): I'd only have one mile left.
Mile marker 5 (HM): almost half way... I think I'll listen to the other book I downloaded. (Jim Gaffigan's "Dad is Fat")
Mile marker 13 (FM): awwww man!
Mile marker 6 (HM): Just about half way... I got this.
Mile marker 14 (FM): I will never run that distance in my life!
Mile marker 7 (HM): More than half way...
Mile marker 15 (FM): Seriously I'll never do that.
Mile marker 8 (HM): Only 5 miles left
Mile marker 16 (FM): Why would anyone do that?
Mile marker 9 (HM): Out of the canyon, that was pretty... I can't believe I ran the whole canyon and my knees and ankels don't hurt! I'm over this book, I'm gonna listen to spotify.
Mile marker 17 (FM): That's just silly
Mile marker 10 (HM): Just a 5k left... I can do a 5k.
(At some point in here the half and full marathons broke off so I'll just give you the HM thoughts)
Mile marker 11: At this point in the last half I pretty much wanted to die... but I'm feeling alright, guess training was a good idea.
Mile marker 12: Holy crap... one more mile. My legs are feelin pretty heavy.
Mile marker 13: Thank heaven... I can see the finish line.

I see the finish line and I'mma runnin. I hear my named yelled and I see my dad with his phone (taking video) and my brother-in-law Brock, who finished about 50 minutes before me. I'm all smiles and I cross the finish line at 2:25 which was 5 minutes faster than my goal and 10 minutes faster than my PR. I see my momma there and she gives me a big hug, I get my medal and I realize, I don't wanna die... I felt great. Yes my legs were tired, but my joints didn't hurt, I wasn't cramping and I knew I wanted to do that race again.
The only thing was I wish Jennie woulda been there with me. I did my other two half marathons with her, so to me they are "our thing". I text her after and told her it wasn't the same without her and I think I'll be able to get her to do it with me next year.

Half Marathon #3 is in the books!

This is me and my friend/former landlord Julie. I saw her in the beginning of the race and then again at the end.


Brock and me after the race.



Aaaaand the main reason I do these races, the medal at the end. (Sure sure, I like the exercise and personal achievement, blah blah blah)

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

So... I'm Psychic.

So... almost exactly 6 years ago I had a dream.
In my dream my brother Nolan was sitting there with a baby on his lap, his baby. At this point in time he and his wife Treo hadn't had any kids. I called him the next day and said, "So... I had a dream that you had a baby, anything you want to tell me?" He laughed, I laughed and he assured me that they were not expecting a baby.
Three months later it was almost Christmas and I had another dream. This time the dream was that Nolan and Treo announced that they were pregnant as a Christmas present to my parents. In the dream they told me that they were pregnant the first time I called, but they wanted it to be a surprise.
That night Nolan and Treo arrived from St George for the holiday and I told them of my second dream and again we all just laughed.
Christmas morning after all the presents had been opened, they handed one more to my parents. What do you know, a framed picture of an ultrasound, they were pregnant. They told me that they found out the day I called them about my first dream.
So, basically, I'm psychic.

(Don't worry that every time I have a nightmare it sends me into a panic)

Sunday, September 8, 2013

6 month mark

I have now lived in Arizona for 6 months. That was a big marker for me from day one... "I just have to give it 6 months." "In 6 months everything will be different." "In 6 months everything will be better..." and so on and so forth.
When I think of where I was 6 months ago, I really have come a long way. I still feel very much like a newb here, but I also know this place so much better.
I moved into a new apartment in August, which has been really great. I've said time and time again that I really feel like the first 5 months of living here was just in preparation for everything else that will happen from here on out. The house that I first lived in here was great, I had great roommates, but it never felt like home to me. I never felt like I belonged there. I felt the same way about the ward. I just didn't belong. That being said it was a fine place to start. The apartment I live in now feels like where I am supposed to be. The ward felt like home the first day there. I have a great roommate who I get along with so well. If we don't see each other for too long we'll always sit on either her or my bed and just discuss recent events, mainly talking about dating and the latest happenings. I love just having one roommate!
Work is getting better. THAT took a long time. When I moved here I just transferred positions within the same company, but the office I moved to didn't really have a position for me. I am completely grateful that they brought me over anyway, but it was a rough few months with NOTHING to do all day. They finally moved me to being an assistant to 2 different loan officers, which is a position I think I could excel at. Unfortunately the summer months are always really slow in the mortgage biz so I still had little to do. Recently I just took on another loan officer and business is starting to pick up. I was just thinking today as I was driving home from St George, that I feel like I'm finally starting to be comfortable in my position. I'm finally starting to feel competent again. I am someone who feels like I have to be the best at what I do. In Sandy, I was that person. I was the go to person, I was an asset, and I knew it. I have NOT felt that way here and I've hated that. I finally feel like I'm starting to get in my groove, and though I am far from being the best, I do feel like it's in my future.
Music is still a challenge here. I so miss singing in with Mountain Blue and Friends of Spencer,I think about it all the time. I miss being known as a singer. I miss being known at all. I have sung at a fireside, a Diamondbacks game and in church twice... in 6 months... that's it. I'm used to singing 2-3 times a month. I sang in my ward a couple of weeks ago and it was like the highlight of my life here. I felt like myself again. I miss that so so much. It honestly breaks my heart that I don't do it more, I can honestly say that has been the hardest part about my life here. I miss my family terribly, but I have seen them almost once a month, but singing... singing I haven't been able to be consistent with. Singing has been my solace since I was a kid and I don't have that outlet here. Singing is where I feel like I am at my absolute best and I miss that feeling.
It's still surreal to me that I live here. Driving home from St George and getting on the freeway to go South instead of North was weird. It feels right, I know I'm doing the right thing, but sometimes I just think, "Man I really moved to Arizona, I really live there now, and have for 6 months!" I still don't have any timeline as to when I'd move home, and truth be told I have no desire to ever live in Utah again as a single girl. Utah will always be my home and I want to end up there one day, but for now, I'm an Arizonan.
What will the next 6 months hold?

Friday, August 23, 2013

Hot Pink, Leopard Print, Silky, Spandex = Recipe For Awesome

So, I was talking to my purdy friend Xan the other day and we decided that "Seriously, That Happened" will be the title of the book I write.
Here's another story in the life of Jules.
When I was a little girl, my parents worked. It was the job of my big sister to help me get ready for school, which basically meant, I was on my own. Jennie is 2 years older than me, you can't expect a 10 year old to really pay too much attention to what an 8 year old is wearing. (Even though pretty much from day one Jennie was a fashion girl and I was NOT)
One year for Halloween my mom bought my sister and me these matching, hot pink, silky leopard print costumes. Let me be more specific, hot pink, leapard print, silky, spandex pants and a solid hot pink, silky, spandexy shirt. I may be mistaken, but I believe my outfit also came with suspenders...(Side note, it was either for Halloween or this singing group Jennie and I were in)
Halloween is fine. It's halloween and I'm sure we were just DARLING.
Why I thought this would be an acceptible outfit for school, I can't really say.
So I'm at school in my hot pink, leaopard print, silky, spandexy awesomeness and I get called out of class to go to the principal's office.
Now... I was an angel as a kid, so hearing my name in class to go to the principal's office was alarming. The class "oooooo'ed" as I walked out, I remember that specifically.
I walk to the office terrified, wondering what happened, what I did wrong and how much trouble I'm in.
I walk to the desk and the secretary stands up and tells me to wait right there and goes into the back and gets a couple of other ladies.
This is what happened. They all come back in, the secretary that I first spoke to turns to the other and said, "See?" The others look me up and down, smirk and said, "That's quite the outfit..." Then the first lady said, "Ok sweetie, you can go back to class"
I was literally called out of class so that some women could check out my outfit. I was, at best, 9 years old and even then I knew I should be embarrassed.

Guess which one I am...


Thursday, August 15, 2013

I don't brag much, and here's why.

Ok, so I pride myself on the fact that I am an athletic girl. I have a good arm, I can catch, and I just love playing most sports.
That being said, I know where my strengths and weaknesses are. I know I'm not the best at any sport and I usually give the disclaimer of, "I'm not great at any one thing, but I'm decent at most"
That is until last week. I used to frequent the batting cages on my lunch break and I got to the point where I was a pretty consistent hitter. Sure they weren't going out of any parks or over any walls, but I was hitting them. I went on a date earlier this year with a guy and I'll happily admit I did much better than he did (much to his chagrin).
So last week I was talking to a super cute dude and bragging about my athletic abilities, as was he. He's big into basketball, which I suck at, and I love softball, which is not his strong suit. So we decided to go to the batting cages. I thought it was humble of him to take me to something he admittedly wasn't very good at, when the risk was that I could beat him. No guy wants the girl to be better at anything athletic!
So we go to the batting cages and he is talking about how nervous he is that he isn't going to do well, how long it's been since he's played. Telling me a story of when he was a tiny tott playing baseball, he always just accepted the walks because he didn't want to swing. Then the coach told him to just swing at the next one, which he did. Apparently had a very loose grip on the bat and just threw it with all his might. That'll stick with ya. So I understood and believed his consternation.
Being the gentleman that he is he followed the "ladies first" rule, and I walked into the cage. First ball comes and FLIES past me! "WHA??? Is this fast pitch???" I look back and he is just laughing away. Next ball, whiff... next ball... whiff... each time he laughed harder and harder. Swing and a miss time and time again. The 20 pitches end and I think I hit one of them, pretty sure it went straight up and I cowered like the girl I am for fear it was going to bop me on the head.
Once he composed himself, after several minutes, he entered the FAST pitch cage, yeah it WAS fast pitch! I sit back and await my turn to laugh. First ball, "CRACK!" outta the park, next ball, "CRACK"!With each hit his laughter continues and I just yell out, "YOU HUSTLER!!!"
To this day, he pleads innocent, that he "really didn't expect to do so well" but the fact of the matter is, I expected to do much better. We did other cages and when I did slow pitch baseball I actually did much better. He later on told me he was impressed that I kept going, that I kept swinging, "even though I was missing everything"
I'm nothing if not stubborn, competative and proud. Glad he found those to be admirable.


Note where the ball is... this was in my early days of playing softball... 'parently not much has changed.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Sometimes you get a fairy-tale...

... and sometimes you get real life.
Last October I lived a fairy-tale. Check it out.
In February I got a text from the dude telling me his girlfriend read my blog and was none too pleased. His GIRLFRIEND of over a year, mind you!!! That was the last time I spoke to him. 6 months later I get an email from his girlfriend's friend asking for details on how my going to the ball happened and what the intentions were. A week after that I got an email from his now ex-girlfriend.
In October I decided to be impulsive. I decided to be adventurous and spontaneous and allowed myself to be swept off my feet and take a risk. 9 months later I'm still dealing with the backlash of that decision.
I was told that he had been dating a girl, but it was very much not exclusive and she lived in a different state, turns out they celebrated their anniversary two weeks after the ball. She was told I was an old friend of his of like 10 years. I hesitated to go due to cost and not knowing him, but he covered half my flight and insisted he really wanted me there. She was told I pressured him into taking me.
I was humiliated. I spent a total of 2 days with this guy and 9 months later I'm feeling like a home-wrecker.
The truth is the girlfriend and I actually had a really good conversation, she was very sweet to me and appreciative of my honesty and apologetic that I found myself in this situation at all. My heart went out to her for being in such a long relationship with a guy who was so deceitful and manipulative.
The truth is, it's still a fun thing I did once. I'm able to compartmentalize the fairy-tale and the ridiculous reality. I was never attached to this guy so what happened doesn't hurt me or anything, it's just another story in my ridiculous repertoire.
That being said, it has been decided. I'm going to write a book.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

5 Months

Well friends I have been living in Arizona for 5 months now.
It's still crazy to me to think that I actually moved here. That I don't live in Utah. It's crazy to me to remember in the beginning when I kept telling people, "I just gotta give it 4-6 months and then I'm sure things will be getting better" and that I am at that point now.
My plan for the first 5 months was to learn my way around, meet people that I could really become good friends with, find a place I really wanted to live and just basically find a life for myself here.
A friend of mine from Utah just moved here for med school and I spent Monday with him. I took him to a pool party and introduced him to some people. By the time he left my house that night I just thought, "My gosh... I'm not the new kid anymore." It was so surreal to me to realize that I had people now, I had a life here now.
On Tuesday I moved into my new apartment with my friend Shakira. Yesterday I was on the phone with a friend of mine and I realized, I feel like everything that has happened in AZ thus far has been to get me to this point. The first 5 months of me living here were preparing me to get to this point. When I first moved here I didn't know anyone or anything but with this move I feel like I have more of a purpose. I feel like I'm at the start of something real, something worthwhile. There is just something about this move and this apartment that makes me feel more at home.
I still don't know what Arizona has in store for me. I still don't know my purpose for coming here and I still want to eventually end up in Utah around my family, but for right now I feel like I'm in the right place. I feel like I'm doing the right thing.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Entertainment

My dating life is nothing if not entertaining.
The goods are good the bads are bad, but they are always entertaining.
I find myself in the craziest of situations. Whether it be being flown across the country to go to a military ball then later (months later) being approached by the friend of the GIRLFRIEND of the military man that flew me out there, or dating brothers, roommates and cousins and not having any idea before-hand.
I always have a story to tell my friends and family, and more often than not they bring gasps and laughter. Most times also bringing the question, "How does this stuff happen to you all the time?"
I am either dating no one, or my cup runneth over. I like having options, but I don't like dating multiple people, I get anxiety. Makes things hard.
I have had several people tell me, "I am so curious to see who you end up with." because the guys I date are so different from one another. No one, myself included, has been able to figure out my "type".
I have a high turnover and for some reason whenever my cup runneth over, all the guys are so similar in name and attributes that no one can keep up with who I'm talking about or who did what.
This last week my journal has just been overloaded with, "Get THIS!" stories. Some horrible, some hilarious and some exciting.
At this point I can find the humor in my dating life (this point meaning right now, who knows how long this will last before I'm super frustrated and crying for the same reason)At this point it's easy to turn it into a joke and make people laugh with the stories of my life. One day I'll look back at all this and just think it's hilarious. At least it's active. It could be worse.
I'm debating whether or not to post the sequal to the Cinderella incident, twas such a romantic story. I classify it like this, the ball itself was the fairy tale, what has happened since is just very much real life. But man oh man is it a story!
That story in and of itself goes to show you how my dating life works. It's very entertaining to those who aren't actually living it. It's a good thing I like telling stories.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Past Relationship Shmast Relationship

OK, so I've started a number of new relationships in my day and one thing that I've noticed pretty early on, first date sometimes, is the topic comes up of past relationships.
Past relationships: What was your longest relationship? Have you ever been in love? Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken someone's heart? When was your last relationship?
I don't love answering these questions because they make me feel like a failure. LIGHTBULB! If I'M going out with the guy he's a failure too, and if he's not then I'm in some real trouble!
Why do we talk about past relationships and use that information to judge the other person? Oh his longest relationship was only 4 months, he has commitment issues. Oh he's never been in love, he's incapable. He's never been dumped? He's cocky. He's always the one to be broken up with? What's wrong with him that I haven't figured out yet? He hasn't been in a relationship in a year? Why bother? He JUST broke up with a girl? Dude's on the rebound.
These are things we all think, these are things I'm afraid guys think when they hear my answers.
Peeps! Those of us that are still in the wonderful world of dating need to realize, we all gots baggage, we've all failed at every relationship we've EVER had for one reason or another. So let's leave it where it happened, in the past.

Friday, July 19, 2013

The ability to love

Warning, this post is one from the soul, so if you're looking for funny in this blog today you're gonna get emo... I give you permission to go elsewhere :)

I have been thinking a lot lately about love. I will admit I am a person who has never been in love. I'm going to clarify by saying that to me, being in love means loving someone and having them love you back. I have definitely loved, and I have been loved, but those two loves have never been simpatico, they've never lined up.

I pride myself on the ability to see people for who they are capable of being. I pride myself on being able to love people who feel undeserving or incapable of being loved. I pride myself on the fact that I can make someone feel like they deserve it, that they are worthy of it.

Problem, I do love those people. I give them all I have to show them that SOMEONE can, they thank me and with their new found confidence find someone else that loves them.

I am grateful that loving people comes easily to me. I love people. The people in my life are everything to me and I do what I can to show them or tell them that. I think that is a virtue!

Is it unreasonable to hope that someone will appreciate that enough to love me back?



Friday, June 28, 2013

How I did it...

Recently I have posted a before and after picture of my weightloss on the Facebook. It has been 5 years since I lost all the weight, 6 years since I started the journey and that was the first time I had ever posted a before picture.
That picture got an amazing response, which I am so humbled by and grateful for. I appreciate so much everyone's support and praise.
I've had a lot of people ask me for advice and tips on losing weight and keeping it off. I've had a lot of people ask how I did it.
Here is what I have learned in the last 6 years...
For starters, how I did it...
On June 18, 2007 I had gastric band surgery. I, along with my parents, did a year's worth of research prior to having the surgery. I studied it, I went to seminars, I talked to people who had had it done themselves, I talked to doctors. I wanted to know everything about it. The reason being, I was 23 years old and I had been over weight since I was a little girl. I had tried EVERYTHING and failed at EVERYTHING and before I spent all this money on something I wanted to know everything about it.
I remember the night before the surgery writing in my journal, terrified that this would just be something else I had failed at. I had resigned to the fact that the girl I was then was the girl I would always be. My life was set. I'd never get picked in sports, I'd never make it as a singer, I'd never fall in love, I'd never be able to go shopping at a regular department store, I'd never run a mile, I'd never be a "head turner". Writing in my journal that night I was afraid of all of those things, but for the first time in my life I felt like, maybe they weren't true.
I will say this, that surgery changed my life, BUT it was nothing more than a tool. It was nothing more than a catalyst. It was nothing more than a jumpstart. Yes it was forced portion control which does a lot for an overweight person, but I was still in charge of what those portions were. I was still in charge of my exercise and activity.
Over the next year I worked harder than I ever have before, mainly because it was working. As the weight came off, the more I could do physically, the more I could do the more I would do, the more I would do the more weight would come off and so on and so forth. In one year I lost 80 pounds.
One thing about myself is I am a naturally athletic person. Being active is just what I love, I was just never able to be that person before because what I was capable of was so limited. I love working out and pushing myself. I love racing, NOT because I actually like the racing part, but because no matter how many years it's been I'm still amazed at what I am NOW capable of. I don't think I'll ever stop being surprised and amazed at how my life has changed. When having that surgery, I NEVER expected that I would make it this far.
After that first year I had the band expanded all the way (I won't go into the details of how the band works but the basics are it can be tightened if you only want to be able to eat smaller portions, and it can be loosened if you want to be able to eat more) I wanted to know that whatever weight I lost from that point, and IF I kept it off that it was me doing it. It was my determination, it was my work. I didn't want to be dependent on it for the rest of my life.
In the 5 years after that I lost 20 more pounds for a total of 100 pounds.
I have changed my diet completely. I rarely go out to eat, I rarely eat sweets, I rarely (if ever) drink soda. I work out, I do races, I play sports, I go hiking, biking, swimming and running. THAT is why I have lost all of this weight. That is how I have kept it off. It was not an over night thing, and it was CERTAINLY not an easy fix. Those don't exist.
You can do all the fad diets, you can limit yourself in so many different ways and you can have results, but the fact remains: The only way to lose weight and keep it off is to change your diet and exercise plan forever. It's not something you can do for 6 months and then stop. It has to be a life change. That's it. It's that basic. Is it easy? Of course not! Is it possible? Absolutely.

Love you All!
-J

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

That Awkward Moment When...

...you see identical twins, but they aren't by each other and you only know one of them, but not well enough to know which is the one you know.

This was what happened to me last night. I went to a stake activity last night of a stake that I am not a part of. I have friends there so I was meeting up with them. When the activity was over, everyone was standing around mingling. Again, this was a stake activity so there were a lot of people, very few of which I knew. I look to my right and in a small group of people I spot a guy I know. We have only met a few times but he is someone I know. I thought about going over and saying hi, but then I looked to my left and there he was again... in a different group of people. He is an identical twin so obviously it wasn't him in both groups, but there-in lies the problem, I didn't know which was the one I actually knew.
I stood there looking to my right and to my left trying to decipher the two.
Here is where it gets tricky, I made eye contact with one of them. I didn't know if I should smile and wave, potentially looking like an idiot if it was the one I didn't know. Or if I don't acknowledge him at all, potentially looking like a jerk if it was the one I did know. So by default I did nothing. I looked away and stayed where I stood.
Luckily I didn't go to this activity alone, so I didn't just look like an idiot standing there by myself. (I looked like an idiot for completely different reasons, but not because I was alone)The next thing I knew one of them was standing right in front of me. I was almost certain it was the one I knew, so very awkwardly I poked him, he turned and looked at me, and I'm pretty sure time stopped as I waited to see if familiarity would streak across his face or if it would be a look of utter confusion as to why this strange blonde girl is poking him. He smiled and hugged me (phew!!!) and we caught up for a bit.
I'll tell ya... that is a strange reality to be faced with.



Pretty sure I'll use this picture of Leila for all of my awkward posts... I just love that face.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Moore Strong!

This is going to be a lengthy one...
This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to Moore, OK to help with the disaster relief. It was a crazy week of figuring out if we could even go, but I won't get into that, the point is, we decided to go, and left about 3 hours later.
Driving to Moore is about 14 hours, we drove 10 hours to Amarillo, TX, slept for about 3 then drove 4-5 more to Moore. One of the girls in our group has a sister that lives there (half a mile from the distruction) and offered us a place to stay.
We stopped in at the house around 11, dropped our stuff off and went to work.
We went to the church (which was kind of a hub), got our shirts and anything else we'd need (they had tables loaded with work gloves, safety glasses, ear plugs, masks, water, granola bars, hand sanitizer and so on...) and asked them to put us to work.
After a small stint at flattening boxes we were then sent to a park where loads of people were there cleaning debris and cutting down trees that had too much damage. By the time we got there it was pretty clean, but there was a destroyed neighborhood right behind it. So I went to see what we could do.
I walked through the neighborhood just awe struck. Houses completely destroyed, the only thing left standing were the support walls IF they even lasted. But, all through that, they had a sense of humor about things.



The thing was, you couldn't just start cleaning out a house. Insurance companies had to go through and check them first, so you had to see if the house had been marked first before you could go in. So we found a house that people were working on, and jumped in.
Basically we were told just to go through and clear out the house, if anything looked salvagable we would put it in a pile, but if not we threw it on the curb. It was a horrible feeling to know you are picking up someone's entire life and just tossing it in a wheelbarrow to be thrown away.
We worked on this house for about 3 hours (about 15-20 of us) and by the end it was pretty cleaned out, you felt a slight sense of accomplishment, then you'd look to your right, or left, or anywhere and realize, we had barely scratched the surface.

Our house:



After:



To the right and left:





All weekend we just kept telling ourselves, "We may not have made a big difference, nothing more than a bandaid on a bullet wound, but we made a difference to that family." It was really hard to not get discouraged.
After that house we walked to the park and saw this big duck pond, we found a little tunnel that channeled into the pond that was loaded with gunk, so we spent the next hour or so shoveling that out.



Once we were done there we were told we should go home, as a big thunderstorm was supposed to come through. We would have stayed, but the missionaries left and took all the shovels and wheelbarrows with them, so we didn't really have a lot that we could do. So we went home.

The next day was Sunday. The plan was to all meet at the church, have a brief meeting and then get to work. We were told to come in our jeans and work clothes, so that's what we did. It was incredibly spiritual, the sence of unity in that chapel. Boys passing the sacrament in their white shirts, ties, jeans and work boots. The stake president speaking at the pulpit, jeans and a t-shirt.
It was a girl's missionary farewell that Sunday. Sister Orr. Her family owned the Orr Family Farm, which had been destroyed. 150 horses died on that farm unable to get away. Complete devastation. She spoke beautifully starting out by saying, "When I imagined giving my farewell speech, I didn't think picture this many people, and I didn't picture jeans and t-shirts..." She gave a truly inspired/inspirational talk. She will enter the MTC this Wednesday before entering the mission field in Mesa, AZ. We made sure to talk to her after.
The hymns that day were inspired, ending with "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel" Admittedly one of my least favorite hymns, that now will be a part of me forever.
After the meeting the Stake President stood and said, "Alright now get out of the church and get to work.





After church we did a little of delivering boxes out to people. We then got in a bus and headed to the Orr Family Farm to help clean debris off the land. Man oh man... We get to this ginormous field and there is just crap all over the place. Wood, metal, personal belongings, just COVERING the place. The first round, will be getting all the big pieces into piles so the city can come through and forklift them outta there, then they'll go through and comb it again getting all the littler pieces into piles, then go through again getting the even smaller pieces. This will take months. We were out there for about 4.5 hours and again, barely scratched the surface.

On the bus, on the way to the farm.





After the farm, we drove around just looking for people to help. That was our last day there and we wanted to end helping specific people.
We found a house where a lady and her two daughters lived. They were in the house when the tornado hit and the house was leveled. The fact that they survived is amazing, the fact that they were unharmed, a miracle. We helped them clean up, we helped them tarp the "saved" items to leave for the night. I was talking to the son and he was telling me, that his father had passed away the week before and he was in town for the funeral, so on the one hand you can't help but think, "Why did all of this happen?" on the other had, he said, "Had it not been for the funeral, I wouldn't have been here to help them." Even thinking about that makes me tear up. How humble! A tender mercy, yes, but such an unfortunate one. As the day was nearing an end we wished them luck, they gave us hugs thanked us profusely and we left them... Lives altered, not enough done to help, we were soon to be going home and leaving it all behind. It was a horrible feeling. Walking away with so much more to do.

We then drove around as the sun was setting. We drove past Plaza Towers Elementary. They had crosses in the front for the 7 children that lost their lives. Two up front that you could sign, which I did. I almost felt undeserving of signing that sign, yes I was there, yes I helped a bit, but I didn't do enough.







We then drove back to the house, had dinner, packed up and left in the early morning on Memorial Day.
This was an experience I won't soon forget. The feeling of the whole community coming together. People on every street corner doing whatever they could to help, free food, free water, free tetanus shots, free tire repair, anything they could think of. People would drive by literally every half hour passing out water and gatorade, fresh cooked meals and snacks. Signs reading, "Moore Strong" "Moore families in our hearts" "We will rebuild" "You hit like a girl".
I felt unworthy to be there almost. Just a visitor coming to see the damage and then going home to my perfect life. I wanted to stay and do more, but I know no matter how long I stayed, I couldn't do enough.
It left a hole in my heart. Even as I write this post I just keep crying. Those people, those amazing people!
I am so grateful to have had this experience. To be humbled the way I was. I may never feel like I did enough, I may always feel a bit of discouragement, but I went there. Two days is small, but it's two days still.
Moore, Oklahoma will forever be a part of me.









Thursday, May 23, 2013

When you try to be sneaky...

Ok... So a couple of years ago I went on a singles cruise.
I went to a party the week before the cruise and met some people that were going to be going, and they made me REALLY not want to go. I remember calling my parents the night before telling them how badly I didn't want to go. I didn't want to be in that "scene" I remember saying, "It's just going to be a bunch of 30 year olds acting like 17 year olds without parental supervision for the first time." I had a really bad attitude. The last thing I wanted was to go and have a "cruise fling". A pseudo relationship that would only last as long as the cruise and then be as though it never happened.
I knew a lot of people that were SO LOOKING FORWARD to their cruise flings and I just wanted no part of that.
Well roughly three days in I was at dinner, and I was next you a young chap and we just laughed the whole time (big BIG seller for me is if the guy can make me laugh and we laughed). I remember thinking, "Oh no... I think I'm into this guy".
Later that night we were all up on the Lido deck just dancing away. I was talking to him and this guy came over and said, "Hey, we are all going up to the Serenity Deck (aka the adult only [aka the make out] deck)to play games." He looked at me and said, "Race you!" And we both went running.
We get up there, and NO ONE FOLLOWED! I was internally panicking. We still had like 4 days left of the cruise, I didn't want anything to happen and then to have to like "play it cool" around each other. I did NOT want to be a "cruise couple" I did NOT want anyone to know. We found this chair thingy and were both laying in it waiting for everyone else to come. I seriously was not leaving any room for misinterpretation. I was laying stiff as a board, I gave him nothing.
Here we are, laying on this deck, totally alone, stars above us, you can hear the music playing on the Lido Deck, ocean breezes coming and going, slight rocking of the boat. OH COME ON!!! So there we are, me being super awkward and him being a normal human. I just laid there thinking, "I can't do this... I can't do this..." And then, the music changes from Raggae dancing music, to "Wonderful Tonight" and other such love songs. "Are you KIDDING ME?" I honestly could not believe it. I can't even remember what I said, but I said something along the lines of, "Wow, they're really trying to amp up the 'mood'" and right then he grabbed me and kissed me. Of course it was friggen perfect. He pulled back and said, "I'm sorry, I just couldn't let that moment pass." I said, "No... yeah... that was pretty perfect." and we may or may not have kissed a bit more.
Minutes later someone came up and found us and said, everyone was actually meeting on the back of the Lido Deck. So I said, "Welp... we better go."
I was freaking out... I was adamant pre-cruise and really up to that point that I would NOT be that girl. As we were walking to the Lido Deck I almost pulled him aside to say, "Listen, let's keep this on the down low. We don't need people eyeing us all week." but I just chose to keep it to myself. Girls are way more likely to talk about that stuff than dudes, so I'd probably be fine, no one had to know.
So we joined everyone playing on the Lido deck. They were playing a game called, "Never have I ever." What happens in this game is, everyone sits in a circle and there is a person in the middle. The person in the middle says something they have never done and if you have done it you get up and have to run to another seat. The object is to not be the last person, otherwise you are then in the middle.
So we play for about an hour and then someone gets into the middle and says, "Never have I ever... made out on a cruise." Someone yells, "Be more specific." they said, "Ok, never have I ever made out on THIS cruise." My eyes dart to the guy... we both stare wide eyed at each other and I just thought. "Don't get up... don't get up" and he gets up... so I had to... we were two of four people, and the other two everyone already knew about. The whole circle went NUTS. I sat down and hear chanting, "Story! Story! Story!" I don't think my face was capable of being more red than it was in that moment.
So I did what I SWORE I wouldn't do, and my idea of keeping it under wraps lasted all of an hour.
Probably one of my most embarrassing moments, also probably one of the best first kiss stories ever.


Pretty sure that was the face I made...

Here is the blog post I wrote after that cruise... if you are so inclined/intrigued

Monday, May 20, 2013

Too close for comfort

So a few years ago I moved into a new ward. In this ward there was a boy. I had a wee crush on this lad.
One night my roommates and I decided to have a game night, so I invited him. He came with a couple buddies of his and we all had a grand time. At the end of the night, his buddies left and he stayed and helped me clean up and we chatted for a while. As we were chatting I noticed on my phone that I got a "friend request" from one of his buddies. I said, "Is this your friend?" he said it was so I accepted. We will call these guys A and B. A being the guy I was into and B being his friend. So A tells me that he thinks B was interested in me. I thought that was interesting since A was also showing interest as well, but I thought, "Whatever, I'll let them work that out."
So later that night I get a message from B on the ole FB thanking me for the game night. We chatted for a bit and he ended up getting my number. "No biggie" I thought. So B and I had made plans to go out on Wednesday of that week, and A and I kept up communication. I was intrigued by both of them and again just thought, they can figure things out how they want.
So things go along swimmingly, both are texting me rather regularly. I remember specifically the day B and I went out I had a softball game. I was texting both of them throughout, telling them my stats and what not. When the game was over I let B know when I'd be home so he could come pick me up.
I get home and am getting ready for B to come get me, then I get a text from A that says, "Well **** just left to go pick you up, so I better let you go."

Um... WHAT?

They LIVE together? KEEP in mind, A knew I was going out with B, I wasn't being sneaky. However, I didn't know they lived together, and if they were together all night while I was texting both of them... telling them about my game, sometimes sending the exact same text... awkward!

So... I was pretty much speechless and can't even tell you what my response to him was.
So B comes to get me and we are chit chatting, getting to know one another. He was a charming fellow. It was a great date. At one point in the date he is telling me a story and he says, "My aunt, ****'s mom..."

UM... WHAT???

They are COUSINS!!!???

I'm pretty sure I laughed when he told me that. I didn't even know how to proceed from there. Roommate cousins that I had been texting all week and interested in both.

Best part... B had a brother. I fancied him too. Nothing happened with any of them.
Twas a little too close for comfort. Sometimes keepin it in the family is not the best idea.




Ah look how cute I am!!! So sweet and innocent!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Follow Up From Yesterday's Post

Yesterday I went on a date with a guy I had been set up with by several people. I warn you, this may get confusing but I urge you to pioneer through. I said I wasn't going to blog about this, but it's just too good.
In the beginning of the date we were both telling our sides of the story of how we got set up. His was MUCH more entertaining than mine, and I'm gonna tell it. Our connection is he grew up with my cousin's husband. I was in California and met a couple of my cousin's husband's friends, who shall remain nameless. We'll call them #1 and #2. Apparently #1 will set my date up with pretty much any single girl "that's nice" so when he approached me about going out with the guy, #2 then texts my date and says, "Warning, #1 is trying to set you up". My date had told me that #2 is a lot more discerning when it comes to setting him up so he asked him, "Would YOU set me up with her?" To which #2 apparently replied, "I don't really know anything about her, but if I was going on looks alone, yeah." (Thanks #2 that's kind of you)
This is where things get crazy. So "blind dates" are obsolete these days, thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook, and I have no shortage of pictures on the Facebook. The next thing my date knows, he's getting an influx of pictures of me, sent from #2 (who must have gotten them from my cousin's facebook as he and I are not FB friends) These people are nothing if not thorough.
All this happened about a month ago, and since then we have both been contacted a number of times from the setter-uppers seeing if he and I had actually gotten together yet. We had been in contact, but hadn't gone out yet, so when I got a second text from my cousin asking for status I contacted him and said, "We better make this happen" So we set up the date for last night.
Apparently he was getting a lot more pressure than I was, and he was also getting a lot more updates on me.
Day of the date #2 was getting the deets from him, "What are you gonna do? When are you gonna pick her up?" What have you... Then late in the day not too soon before picking me up he gets the following text from #2, "Too bad it's not Fall..." followed by a link TO MY BLOG!!!!
When he told me that I started laughing SO HARD and turned bright red. He literally had to turn the AC up in his car for me. I seriously could not believe it... I told him, "I JUST posted that blog like 3 hours ago!" I hadn't posted anything in like 3 weeks! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES!?!? Yes my blog is open to the public and I don't mind at all that he read it, but here's my question to #2 (since you obviously read my blog) How often ARE you checking up on me? Do you somehow have an alert to when I make changes? Well if after all your research, you still found me worthy to go out with your friend, I can't be that bad right?
Oh man, for the rest of the night I would randomly burst into laughter and he'd then turn up the AC.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

What happens when I'm bored...

Alright Listen! Don't judge me!
So sometimes when I get really bored (mainly at work) I will make lists of things. Today I tested some theories.
I have noticed that I date way more in the Fall and Winter than I do in the Spring and Summer. Today I made a list of all the guys I've kissed and wrote down (to the best of my memory) when we kissed. In the Fall I kiss more than any other time of the year. (Alright don't go crazy I'm not kissing ALL THE TIME)For instance, last year, only 37% of the guys I kissed were in the first 7 months of the year... (I like math alright? Back up off me.)
Here is what I find interesting. I feel like in the summer is when we all look our best. We workout for our "swimsuit bodies" we are sunkissed, I know that is when I am the most confident. So you'd think that would be the time that us single people are most active (ifyouknowwhatImean)
Here is the conclusion of my theory. In the summer there are always a million things to do. There are sports to play, trips to go on, boating, swimming, camping, hiking... all of these things are fun to do in groups. You meet a lot of new people in the summer through these activities. In the Fall/Winter your options are a lot more limited. You can... watch movies... (I'm seriously at a loss of other things to do) so when you watch movies, you want to be all cozy and cuddly. You go outside and it's cold so you want to be all cozy and cuddly. In the summer I think of running and playing, in the winter I think of sitting and cuddling.
Summer is upon us my friends (specially for those of us in AZ, the idea of cuddling just makes me think of sweat) so hope you stocked up this winter.
Crap, I move to Arizona to get out of the Utah Winter only to realize Winter has some rill good perks.
Here's to changing history :)

Monday, April 22, 2013

Being an introvert...

It's funny, people that know me really well argue with me on the fact that I am an introvert. Guys, it's true.
One thing about being an introvert that is super inconvenient is the fact that I am also a singer and I LOVE to perform. That is one of the things people question when I tell them that I get social anxiety, "What? But you sing in front of thousands of people?" Singing in front of people is entirely different than standing amongst them. One thing that I have learned is that I am NOT comfortable being surrounded by people. I don't like having people behind me in a scenario that I can't easily move, like lines, or concerts or parties and the like. If you see me at a party, once it starts to get pretty crowded, I either leave or you can find me against a wall, or a pillar, or a table or something, I stand somewhere so people can't stand behind me.
So, last night I was asked to sing at a fireside with a guy I met here in AZ. I haven't had any opportunities to sing down here so I jumped on the opportunity. Once we got there and our song was over, I spent the majority of the fireside planning my exit strategy. We were sitting near the front row and I was planning the quickest way to get out so as to not be surrounded by people. I sat there thinking how inconvenient it is that I am an introvert that loves to perform. I love singing in front of people, but hate crowds. As long as I am in front of them I am good, but as soon as it's over and I need to talk to people, I get crazy anxiety.
That sounds so ridiculous, the only people that want to talk to me after are people that want to tell me I did well, and thank me, and you'd think one would be excited for that. I am grateful for those people, it does make me feel good to know they enjoyed it, but I just have a hard time talking to strangers (STRANGER DANGER)
So yes, last night, after I sang, I sat there planning my way out, and it was then that I thought, "Man being an introvert sucks!"


Thursday, April 4, 2013

People

Knowing that you're doing something hard for a reason, but not knowing what that reason is or when it will come into play means just doing something hard, with no end in sight. It can be difficult to keep your head up in these times.
It's been a month to the day that I have been in Arizona, and though I wouldn't say I'm "happy" here, nor do I know when I will be, there have been some good things that have come into action.
I found a connection with the AZ Diamondbacks , so even though I missed the National Anthem auditions by one day, it looks like I'll get to sing this season. Along the same lines, people are starting to see that I sing, so I am starting to get requests. Nothing big, a duet at a fireside, a solo in my ward, but singing. I've realized in being here, and not having that outlet, how important it is to me to perform. Just knowing that things are starting to happen really lifts my spirits.
The fact that I have no social life has given me a lot of time to work out. In the short time that I've been here I know almost all the trainers at my gym, just because they see me, same time, every day.
I find myself playing the guitar a lot more, simply because I don't have anyone else to play for me, so if I want to sing I better be able to play for myself. It's been such a therapeutic thing for me to just go home, sit on the floor by my bed and just play around on the guitar.
I have been given a teaching calling in my ward. Not just any teaching calling, teaching Marriage and Family relations to a bunch of singles. I don't now, nor do I think I will ever love teaching, but I love reading the lessons, and I can't tell you how many times I have been talking to someone and the phrase, "In my lesson it talked about...". Having time to sit down and read these things and think about them and really ponder the teachings in there I've really enjoyed.
In nearly every aspect of my life, things are coming together, however one thing is missing that is the reason why I can't say I'm "happy" here.
I miss having people. I miss having kindred spirits. I miss having people that know my story and my experiences. I miss having people be able to say, "remember the time..." I don't have any of those people here.
I thought it would be so nice to start over, to start fresh. I'm learning a big part of the reason I love my life so much is because of the people that are in it.
I miss my people.





Thursday, March 28, 2013

Liebster Award

Celsey Bodily nominated me for a Liebster Award... Always nice to learn that people read the ole blog.
I should probably blog more often so as to keep my readers interested.
Here is how the Liebster Award works:
The real "gist" of the Liebster Award is that there is no real award. There are no judges, no special rules. No website with an official team to congratulate you and hold your hand. It's mostly what you want it to be. If you receive the award, you can 1) accept it and 2) pass it along. It's that easy."
I think it is just a great way to let people know that you love reading their blog and encourage them to keep up with their blog! So here are the rules:
Answer the 11 questions that you were asked.
Give 11 facts about yourself
Nominate 3-5 other bloggers with less than 200 followers
Create 11 questions for your nominees to answer.

My Questions from Cels:

1. What is your biggest Pet Peeve: I would have to say needing to wait on people. This is a tough one because nearly everyone I know consistently runs late. To make matters worse I am ALWAYS on time, if not early. So this means that I am always waiting on people. My thoughts on being late are this, it means that you view your time as more important than anyone else's. I think it's incredibly inconsiderate.
2. What song can ALWAYS put you in a good mood or make you smile? I would have to say Wouldn't It Be Nice by the beach boys. When I lived in Hawaii, Bree and I wrote down the lyrics to this song and sang it over and over until we had it memorized, and would sing it ALL THE TIME. Now whenever I hear that song, I think about that.
3. What is your favorite family tradition? Honestly, I just love my family. I love after dinner when we all just gather in the living room and just talk and tell stories and make each other laugh. I have been blessed with an amazing family that just loves the crap outta each other. I love sitting back and telling and retelling stories.
4. What was something that you absolutely had to have but then realized was dumb or a waste of money? I would have to say my first demo. I made a demo of all country songs. It cost me nearly $4000 and I never listen to those songs. I have them on my website, because I have them, but I don't love those songs. I don't feel like they are my style and I don't even like listening to them, or having anyone else listen to them. That being said, it gave me a good connection for a producer that went on to record every other song I have on that website, so pros and cons.
5. Have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? Which one? I have been given a few. Most common is Kate Bosworth, which I don't really get. I also get Jessica Simpson and I've gotten Kathryn Heigl but I'm pretty sure it's just because they are blonde with big boobs.
6. If you could meet 1 idol or hero (dead or alive) who would it be and why? Honestly (to get all cheesified) My dad's mom passed away when I was 20, and it wasn't until then that I realized how much she and I had in common. It broke my heart to then recognize that she had seen it all along and tried to share it with me, but I was just a dumb kid. I would love to sit with her and talk about art and music and her life.
7. What is your favorite go to recipe? Well I don't really cook, but the recipes I have are my two favorite things that my mom and dad make. My mom's chicken and rice, and my dad's enchiladas. Delish, and I am great at cooking them. I also make my mom's cucumber appetizers which always go over really well.
8. Who do you have in your final 4 for March Madness? Don't be silly, you should all be proud that I even know that is basketball.
9. Name 1 thing that you are high maintenance about. I would have to say eating. I am a picky eater and I don't like going out to eat. I know that may not sound high maintenence, but try being single and asked on dates and not liking going out to eat. I usually don't tell the guy that until we are more established because in the beginning I think it's a bit of a turn off to them, simply because they don't want to put in the effort to come up with a whole date. Going out to dinner is so easy and a good time killer. Plus I don't really eat bread, pasta, rice, red meat (or really any meat for that matter) so meals for me can be a challenge.
10. What is your favorite smell? I do love the smell of a good cologne, but it can't be too strong or I don't like it at all. I will say this though, now that I live in Arizona, every night I can smell the orange blossoms and I just LOVE IT! It reminds me of Lilac season at my parents house. I love the smell of blossoms.
11. What is your absolute favorite thing to do? This should come as no surprise to anyone, but my favorite thing to do is perform. Not just to sing, but to sing to an audience. There is no greater feeling for me than nailing a performance. Surprising people who may have had low expectations. Seeing someone crying in the audience because what I am singing moved them to tears. I just really really like to perform.

Now my 11 random facts:

1. I don't cry very often, especially don't cry in movies, HOWEVER I will cry every time there is a bonding moment between a parent and a child. Every time, and HARD.
2. I love scary movies, but I'm a total pansy. I am a screamer and a jumper and I totally embarrass myself in the movies. Not to mention I have my eyes covered in EVERY scary scene. I know, I don't get why I like them either.
3. I want to like fish. It's so good for you I want to like it and order it at restaurants. I keep trying it and I just am disappointed every time because I still don't like it. That goes for olives as well.
4. I have a thing for red heads. I'm pretty sure I was brainwashed by my mother, who desperately wants red headed grandbabies, but they just always seem to turn my head.
5. I have a sense of humor type. It annoys a lot of my family because it is the thing I am most picky about. Before I moved to AZ my sister's last advice to me was, "They don't have to be funny". The thing is, the kind of sense of humor I love is the kind that is so clever and witty. The dry sense of humor that catches you off guard. I don't HAVE to have that in my relationship, but I can promise you, regardless of the guy's looks, if he has it, he WILL turn my head.
6. Facebook drives me crazy. That may surprise you as I am on it a lot, but a big pet peeve of mine is people forcing their opinions down other people's throats. Facebook gives people that venue way too much for my liking.
7. Relating to #6 Facebook has ruined college football for me. I hate college football season because I hate hearing people battle about it in facebook all the time. The rest of the year everyone is friends and happy (for the most part) but college football season starts and if you are a U fan, anyone associated with BYU is the scum of the earth and deserves berating, and vice versa. I can't stand it. CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!
8. I love a lot. Meaning I give love easily, which causes me to get hurt a lot. I am an innocent until proven guilty kinda girl and unfortunately people are "proven guilty" a lot and I end up hurt. I just want everyone to be what I see in them in the beginning, and more often than not, they don't live up to it. Maybe I expect too much outta people?
9. My favorite book is Dracula. That may seem strange, but it's SUCH a fascinating book. I think what I love most about it is the fact that it was written in the 19th century and EVERY myth we hear about vampires comes from that book. SO creative! It's a page turner. I recommend it.
10. I am NOT domestic. I don't cook, I'm not crafty, I don't like shopping (that's more of a girly thing than a domestic thing, I guess I just mean I'm not as girly as one would expect)
11. I am a hopeless, HOPELESS romantic. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

I am tagging. Jennie, Lexie Ward and Sayward.

Your Questions:
1. What is your favorite thing about being married?
2. What is your favorite thing about being a mom?
3. What is one thing you have to do every day?
4. What is your favorite thing to wear?
5. What is your favorite thing to do with your spouse? (keep it clean ladies!)
6. If you had a night to yourself how would you fill it?
7. What is your favorite thing to do?
8. If you could buy anything right now what would it be?
9. Would you rather craft or buy?
10. Do you have a favorite recipe?
11. Who is the bigger disciplinarian? Who do you think it will be as your kids get older?

This was fun! Thanks for the nomination Cels!








Friday, March 15, 2013

New Life

So, about a month and a half ago I decided to move to Arizona...
The whole decision process was a pretty easy one. It happened really fast and I never looked back on that decision. Once my mind was made up, I knew I was doing the right thing and was really excited to go. Things just kept happening to prove that Arizona was where I needed to be.
Last Monday I arrived in The Grand Canyon State with my poppa. We went shopping, built a desk, got my room organized saw the sights a bit, and the next day I took him to the airport and I was on my own.
This whole time, even now, it has been really surreal. It never really hit me that I was changing everything. I said goodbye to everyone and everything I know, to move to a state where nothing would be familiar and I would have to start from scratch.
The idea of that was very appealing. Totally clean slate, I could be whoever I wanted to be, completely independent. However, now that I'm living it, it's kind of a different story.
I told everyone before I moved that I knew the beginning would be hard. I knew that one day I would be grateful, I knew without doubt that I was doing the right thing, and I knew that "eventually" I would know why and be so happy I made this change, however, I knew in the beginning it would be really hard.
Well my friends, it's the beginning.
The first week here I just spent grocery shopping and buying decor and driving around getting acclimated. I signed up for a gym, I got my drivers license I visited a friend in a nearby city. Those things do NOT fill a week. I was bored, and I had no one to call. No one that I could just be like, "Hey let's go to a movie" I was really bored.
There were times when I would just sit in my room and think, "You know this was the right thing to do, you know you came here for a reason, you KNEW this would be hard, you just gotta bide your time."
I kept thinking back on when I first went away to college. It was the same thing, I didn't know anyone. I made friends relatively fast but it was like a good 4-5 months before I met the girls that I would become best friends with. The thought of having to wait 4-5 months for that here wasn't totally pleasant.
This past week I started work. This has made a huge difference.
I am working for my same company but doing a different job, so I have just been training all week. I can already tell I am going to like it here. The people are really cool, the office is really laid back and the jobs available here are ones I think I'd enjoy.
Every day I go to work, go to the gym and go home. Having a routine has already made a huge difference. I still don't really know anyone other than my roommates (which are great) but having something to fill the day is so much better than... not.
So the first two weeks have happened. It's still crazy to me that I made this huge change. I am anxious to see what this move has in store for me. I know it will be a while before I'm totally happy that I came here, but it's getting better each week. (Easy to say when you had one bad week and one alright one... hopefully they will continue to get better each week)_

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Day

Ok I'll admit, typically I hate this day. I secretly hope that someone will surprise me with a flower arrangement at work or something, even though I never am dating someone over this holiday. It never happens and I'm always a little sad, but not surprised.
This year is different. I'm moving!!!! I can't tell you what knowing I'm moving has done for my sanity.
Ever since I made the decision to move to Arizona, nothing here in Utah seems to hold much weight anymore. And by nothing I mean dating because really what else does a nearly 29 year old single girl think about? Dating? Doesn't matter I'm moving I don't need to worry about who is and who is not asking me out.
With that being the attitude I was barely thinking about the upcoming holiday and I was plenty happy with that. I felt no need to make plans or keep myself busy.
Last night I was running errands and at each store I went to I'd see men walking around holding flowers, or buying cards and candy. I went to my sister's house and saw her hubby writing in a card for her. I just thought it was the sweetest thing. It made me so happy to see the romance floating around. To know that those men (for some reason I only saw men doing these things) were being so thoughtful.
I wasn't jealous, I wasn't sad, I was just touched.
Yes there was a moment of jealousy today when a bouquet of gorgeous flowers was delivered to a girl I work with, but come on! I am a woman!
I know this attitude is because I'm moving and I'm trying to really take note of it, and will do my best to maintain that attitude after I move. Oh I don't want to go back to crazy Julia, normal, calm Julia is so much nicer (and seemingly more appealing).



This is a picture of my Grandfather and Granny Bingham on their honeymoon in Italy in the 40's. They are now back together in Heaven. I just love this picture and think it is the epitome of romance.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

A Genuine Smile

In my ward I am the chorister (once a month).
This last Sunday happened to be my week. I sat up on the stand and watched the wardies file into the chapel.
I found myself looking for the people that were laughing or chatting and smiling. Something struck me. I was watching this one guy, he was talking to another guy in the row in front of him and I don't know what was said but he just smiled really big and laughed a little. It was a real, genuine, couldn't be controlled smile. I just thought, "wow that really lights him up when he smiles." Then I started looking for other people that were smiling. Maybe I never looked at it for that reason, but it was so fascinating to me to look around and see these people smiling and how much it lit them up. They became so much more attractive.
Smiling for pictures is fine, but staged. A real honest to goodness smile can do wonders...
That is all... just something I have thought about...



Monday, February 4, 2013

The Role of Women

Yesterday in Relief Society we had a lesson on the role of a woman. We made a list on the board of characteristics of a righteous woman. The list included some of the following,
Integrity, Faith, Service, Charitible, Strong, Loving, Nurturing, Hard Worker, Diligent, Trustworthy... and the list went on and on.
We then went on to talk about the women in our lives that exemplified the role of a woman.
One thing they said was that it seems that these women seem to shine when things in their own lives are really hard.
I could not help but think about my own mother, and I mentioned her in the lesson.
In the past two years alone my mom has been pulled from one heartbreak to the next. She lost her sister to ovarian cancer in the summer of 2011, her father to alzheimers last year, she has a sister suffering with breast cancer right now, she (and my father) is living with my paternal grandpa right now taking care of him.
Through all of this, she has been a beacon of strength and courage. She has been an example of service like I have never seen.
When her first sister was ill, she spent weeks in Houston taking care of her family. Cooking, cleaning, shopping. All the while being at her sister's aid, and just being a loving sister spending time with her. Keep in mind, my mom lived in Malaysia at the time, so coming to the states was no small venture.
When my dad's mom was taken ill, also with ovarian cancer, it was the same. My mom spent countless hours with her, taking care of whatever needed to be done.
With her sister suffering with breast cancer now, it's the same thing.
Whenever I have been ill, she has been my nurse and best friend. Whenever a baby is born in my family she takes a week off work to go take care of the mother and family, cooking and cleaning and babysitting.
She does all of this out of complete love.
I looked at the list of this righteous woman and just thought. That is my mom. That is MY mom. I don't know that I could ever be half the woman she is. In those hard times when you have EVERY RIGHT to sit in a corner and just cry and be justifiably numb, she picks herself up and takes care of EVERYONE in need. I honestly don't know if I would be the same.
I sat there thinking, almost all the years of my life she has done this with little to no recognition. I didn't recognize at the time how lucky I was to be her daughter, but I recognize it now.
I'll say it again, if I could be half the woman my mother is, I will consider myself good, though I don't think I could ever live up to be just like her, few women could.
Love you Momma!


My mom and dad's engagement picture.

Friday, February 1, 2013

A Change Will Do You Good...

There have been several times in my life where all seems to be going along fine, then all of the sudden I get this feeling of stagnancy.
It becomes all consuming, all I can think about until I make a change big enough to make the feeling go away.
In the past it was changing wards, moving houses even just taking a trip down south to visit my brother. Sometimes I'd go on dating sabbaticals, re-evaluate my priorities, change jobs.
A lot of times I would make music more of a focus, try a new workout, start some sort of lesson.
There has always been something I could do that would take that stuck feeling away and again make me feel like I was progressing.
Well, I'm back in the stagnate saddle.
I went on a cruise last week and it was so much fun. Towards the end of the week I listened to my friends all talk about how they were ready to get home, ready to get back into their routine and I just thought, "I'm not ready. I don't want to go home." I didn't feel like there was really anything I was going home to and that feeling hasn't left.
All I've thought about all week is how to get rid of this feeling, what change I need to make.
Things are in the works right now. Nothing has been decided just yet, but I think a big change is in the wind. Bigger than ever before. I think my life is about to take a big turn!
It's exciting to make big changes, daunting, of course, but exciting. Change can be really good if you go about it the right way.
Here's to mixing it up!