There's Something About A Best Friend

I was thinking today about my best friends, the things that have made them my best friends and the stories we have.

What lead me to this initial thought was I was thinking about this thing that happened to me once that was SOOO funny, I thought about retelling it, but I thought, "if I tell someone else that story, they won't think it's nearly as funny." but then I was all, "unless I were to tell Lauren Kirton".

Lauren is the kind of best friend who if I tell her a story I think is funny, she will laugh just as hard as I did when it happened. Case and point: I retold a story to my family that made me laugh super hard followed by saying, "oh man when he told me I was laughing so hard." To which my sweet brother Dane said, "So I'm guessing he told it better than you did?" When I told Lauren the same story, she laughed SO hard, about as awkwardly hard as I did when it was originally told to me. I honestly remember thinking in that moment, "She is such a good friend"

Another sign of a good best friend is being able to understand each other in odd circumstances. Another Lauren example is we would lip things to each other. There would be situations where we wouldn't want people to know what we were saying or would be too far apart from each other to discuss something, but something important that needed to be said would come up and we would lip it to each other. We were perfect lip readers, with only each other. If anyone else would try to lip something to me, I'd say "what?" the appropriate 3 times before finally nodding and smiling in acknowledgement though I still have no idea what was being lipped.

I remember when I lived in Hawaii with my best friend Bree, we would usually be getting ready for bed at the same time, she would try to talk to me whilst brushing her teeth, which is disgusting, I would just look at her with this dead look on my face, because no, I could not understand a word. HOWEVER, if I was also brushing my teeth, we could carry on a conversation just fine. Another reason she is my best friend is she wouldn't let me be miserable alone. While we lived there, I worked at McDonalds and I hated that job more than just about anything. As soon as I put on the uniform my whole demeanor would change. I had to be to work at 7:30 so I would leave the house at 7AM. Bree would wake up early just to be able to watch me put my visor on and watch the blood drain from my face, some might think she took joy in this, but I know it was because she didn't want me to be alone in that... right Bree? Right?

Another sign is being able to read each other. I was watching a movie with a guy best friend, and a kissing scene came up and I saw his hand twitch, without missing a beat I said, "Were you just going to cover my eyes like I'm a child?" His response, "Don't.... know what I'm going to do before I do it." and then we laughed, for a good while.

I think one of the most important qualities in a best friend is knowing when you need them. My friend Kelly is a prime example. We have both been through our share of drama in the recent past and basically take turns having crappy days. One day I was particularly low, it was late at night probably around midnight and all I did was mention that it was a bad day and her response was, "I'm on my way. Ice cream or cookie dough?" She came over with cookie dough and let me cry until she finally went back home around 2 am.

I am a lucky girl in the friend department. I know that and pray in gratitude for that every night. I have had a lot of quality friends, who I don't know where I'd be without them.
So for thinking I'm funny, for getting me, for laughing with me, for consoling me, this one's for you!

Dreams

I was talking to a friend this morning about how dreaming about someone can totally change your thinking of them.
This has happened to me a few times.
I have been known to have some pretty vivid dreams, some of which have actually come true, so when I dream about people I always wake up in the morning and wonder what will come from that.
I remember years ago I was friends with this guy, I had known him pretty much my whole life and never once did I view him in a romantic light. I know I was in my twenties because he was home from his mission, but one night I had a dream. It was short, there was no talking, but it left an impact. I dreamt that he was sitting on a couch and I was sitting down on the ground in front of him between his legs. We were watching a movie or something. All that happened was I was sitting there and I just rested my head on one of his legs. That was the whole dream. I woke up with this feeling of comfort. I woke up with a total crush.
Another time there was a guy in my ward that I literally never even thought about, we had never spoken, never interacted at all. One night I had a dream. This was another dream with no talking. We were walking down a boardwalk, he reached over and grabbed my hand. I held his hand and rested my head on his shoulder and we kept walking. Again... that was it. I woke up SO confused as to why this guy would pop into my dream. The next day I saw him at church and for the first time in the months that I had been in that ward he approached me and we talked. Blew my mind, then we had a linger longer and he found me there and we talked again. Total crush... again.
Nothing happened with either of these guys, both got married within a year of those dreams, but still they totally threw me.
Dreams are weird.

High School Reunion Planning

10 years? Seriously? It's been TEN YEARS???
I remember graduation day, talking with Megan Russle saying, "Gosh it's crazy to think the next time I'll see you could be the 5 year reunion" 5 years seemed like SO LONG, 23 seemed so old.
The 5 year never happened, and now we're at 10!!!??? I'm nearly 28? What happened to the last 10 years?
High school wasn't exactly the high point of my life, but I've come a long way since then and am looking forward to my reunion to have the "Look at me now" moment.
Sunday night I hosted a planning meeting with some people from the glory days. A couple of which I hadn't seen since high school. One is in medical school, one is a mother of two.
In the beginning of the meeting we sat around reminiscing, I had mentioned how I sometimes think back on some of the things I did in high school, and the person I was, and I cringe, I was ridiculous. I must admit I was relieved to find that they all felt the same way (about themselves, not about me, that'd be unfortunate).
I was so proud of how far I've come, but as the evening went on I found myself thinking, "Other than dropping a person in size, what have I accomplished, what do I have to show for the last 10 years?"
Why is it that if you're not married and don't have children you automatically feel unaccomplished?
Here's what my last 10 years consisted of.
I went to Utah State for a year. I lived in hawaii with my best friend. I have traveled to, Canada, Kauai, Maui, Honduras, Belize, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Puerto Vallarta, Cabo, Malaysia. I have moved 14 different times. I have bunjee jumped off a bridge, I have skidived (dove?), I have scuba-dived (dove?)I have hiked Mt Timponogas twice, and plan to again this year. I have ran 5ks, 10ks, and a half marathon, and am training for my second half marathon. I have sang in a rock band, which won the battle of the bands at the University of Utah in 2005, I have sang opera, I have performed, with my current group Mountain Blue, all over Utah, in Denver, in Sacramento, on a cruise and soon to be Sundance Film Festival. I have sang the National Anthem for BYU, the Salt Lake bees multiple times, the Orem Owls, Real Salt Lake, and the Utah Jazz. I have started my own duo "Friends of Spencer" and written several songs, started my own website and have recorded several songs. I auditioned for American Idol (a lotta good that did me). I have failed at hundreds of things, but remain dedicated and will continue to. I have worked in food, collections, insurance and mortgages. I bought my first car, and paid it off on my own. I have learned how to take care of myself. I have changed my life physically, mentally and emotionally. I have had my heartbroken and broken hearts. I have loved. I have made friends over the last 10 years that have changed my life. I have held onto friendships that I had more than 10 years ago. I have had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I have learned that my family are my best friends, and have gained a relationship with them that I literally thank God for on a nightly basis. My faith in the gospel has grown immensely, I have remained faithful, I have made mistakes and I have learned from them. I have had some of the most profound and meaningful experiences that have formed the person I am today, and will be the foundation for the person I will be for the rest of my life. High school didn't define who I am, the last 10 years have.
I may not be married, I may not have kids, but I grew up in the last 10 years, and I am proud of who I became. Eat your heart out 10 year reunion!

Yet Another Sabbatical

So about once a year (maybe more these days) I feel the need to take a break from dating.
This time, I realize that my heart is still hurting from a recent heartbreak, and instead of letting it heal I found myself diving into the dating scene, dating guys that were both really great, and really not so great just to kind of fill the void that has been left.
Great or not, no guy really had a chance, because all I was trying to do was replace the one I lost, which in turn, made me just compare every guy to him, and that's not good for anyone.
So after the last one I decided I need to just take a step back and let myself heal a little bit. I am a little afraid that being "alone" will just make me think more about the last guy, but I notice when I don't focus on dating it gives me a lot of time to focus on other aspects of my life that make me happy. Music, working out, improving at work, being a better member of the church. All these things make me so happy, and all these things help me improve and be the person I want to find.
I feel like lately I have kind of lost sight of what is really important.
I think it's hard as a female in my late twenties, there is so much pressure to get married and start a family, that sometimes that becomes my only focus. Yes, I obviously want those things, more than anything else in my life, but while I don't have them, there are other parts of my life that need attention.
My parents do a challenge every year, and this year the challenge was to improve something in four aspects of our lives; Spiritual, Educational, Physical, and Social. I have made my goals, and have been so excited about them. I think a lot about how to go about achieving my goals, and all of them are things I need to do monthly, so it's been good to be focusing on how and when I am going to pull them off.
There is a sense of freedom in not having to worry about dating, and I do worry about it. When I am dating I think about it all the time, when the next one will be, who the next one will be, how long we're going to date, is this someone I want to keep dating, if not how do I end it? Am I going to get hurt, are they going to get hurt. Is it moving too quickly, am I leading them on, do they mean what they are saying, are they as good as they seem? That is a lot of thinking, and it's nice to take a break from that.
Some people think that me taking a break is giving up. That's not it at all, marriage is still a priority to me, it is still what I want more than anything, but sometimes you lose track of what is important. I want to be the kind of person I want to find, and right now I am not that person. I want to be worthy of the kind of guy I have in mind to marry, and that is what I am focusing on right now.