It's been a while. I've noticed that when I'm in the midst of dating someone I don't really post, because everything is so current that I worry about the guy stumbling across the blog and freaking out. That being said, I have no fear of that at the moment.
This post is dedicated to the little things in dating. The things that can usually go undone and be fine, but when they are done they leave an impact.
The first one that comes to mind is simply asking me to dinner. I mentioned that to a friend and her response was, "How do guys usually ask you out?" When I thought about why I liked being asked to dinner I realized that it really doesn't happen that often. Yes, we more often than not GO to dinner, but the asking is usually something along the lines of, "Yeah we should hang out sometime..." or, "Oh you like to do that too, we should do that together sometime..." or, "A group of us are doing this you should come along." In all of those options and many similar, it's the guy suggesting it, but not actually asking. Your reaction to any of those is what will determine whether or not he follows through to actually ask you, therefore taking some of the pressure off himself. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that is a bad thing, it's perfectly fine, BUT to have a guy call me, somewhat unexpectedly and say, "I'd like to take you to dinner" or even saying, "I'd like to take you out" denotes a sense of chivalry, courage, and respect that he will get bonus points for. When I pointed this out to my friend and my roommates, they all agreed, as I think most women would.
The second is doing the classic textbook dating things. Opening my door, pulling out my chair, standing on the outside when walking on the sidewalk. I had a guy do that once, I didn't even realize it was something I cared about and prior to this I didn't, but we were walking on a sidewalk and I was walking on the side next to the street, he subtly grabbed me and moved me over and took my spot and we just kept walking, totally surprised me, and I felt totally protected when I was with him. That is one thing that has made it to my list. Feeling safe with the guy. That showed me he would protect me.
Along with that list, is one that I think we all find really awkward, but I've learned it is a must. Walking the girl to the door at the end of the date.
I recently went on a date, that was great. The whole night was great. We totally hit it off. The conversation flowed so easily, we had so much to talk about. It was originally just going to be dinner (he was one guy that asked if he could take me to dinner... bonus points). Afterward we were driving back and he asked if I needed to get back right away, I didn't so we kept hanging out. Everything was textbook with a few surprises and bonus points for him. At the end of the night we finished our conversation in his car, and he says, "Well thanks for coming out with me..." I thanked him back and got out of the car. He didn't get out of the car. Didn't hug me goodbye. I get that we all hate the doorstep scene, especially on a first date, but I learned it's CRUCIAL! He didn't do it and it totally left me wondering where I went wrong. The rest of the date was AWESOME, I thought. I asked some of my guy friends if they would ever not walk a girl to the door and all of them said NEVER! Something so easy, something SO textbook. Something so small can ruin things if you don't do it.
In response I didn't send the post-date text...
Small and simple things can sometimes mean the most, good OR bad!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Expectations vs Reality
There is a scene in the movie 500 Days of Summer where they do a split screen of the guy's expectations vs what really happened. It's a sad scene, his expectations were awesome and the reality of what happened was... not so much.
I just came home from a cruise and I had the exact opposite situation.
The night before the cruise I was talking to my parents, and I was, less than enthused about the cruise. Stupid you may think, a cruise is a cruise, but never-the-less I almost didn't even want to go.
I flew out on Saturday morning and from that moment on, my expectations were blown out of the water with how awesome the reality was.
I flew out with one of my best friends, and we met up with some guys who were nice enough to let us stay at their hotel instead of the airport floor which we had planned to sleep on, (we got in at midnight).
As soon as we got there, and started meeting the people in our group it just got better and better.
Day one, St Johns, by way of St Thomas. Laying out on the beach, snorkeling and playing ultimate frisbee. Awesome. That night karaoke party, never have I had so much fun dancing (interpretive which was beautifully hilarious) and singing with my friends. At one point, Kelly and I were singing Goodbye Earl and went out into the audience and most of our crew came out and danced with us, it was SO MUCH FUN!
Day 2, day at sea, not much to report. Also formal night, I do so love seein guys all gussied up. Every night we would rotate who we ate dinner with, which I loved because I got to meet so many people that I otherwise may not have.
Day 3, Barbados. This day a good friend and I rented a scooter and rode around the island a little bit, looking for Crane's beach. We found it at it was beautiful. We hung out there, laid out, he went body boarding and then we rode the scooter back. We both got sufficiently and uneavenly burned but it was awesome.
Day 4, St Lucia. This day most of us took different routes but all ended up at this natural mud bath, it was cool to take a tour around the island, I got to hold a boa constrictor, which in the picture looks like I was scared, but nah.. I was good.
Day 5, St Kitts. Some people took scooters to Cockelshell beach, others took a tour to a "rain forest" I put that in quotes, because when I think of a rain forest I don't imagine paved walkways, but whatevs. Then we went to the same beach, played some volleyball, some took wave-runners, threw a football around, it was awesome.
Day 6, St Maarten. This day was kind of up for grabs, some people went on a shark dive, some people got scooters, some people went to a beach. I didn't know what I was going to do. One of the guys on the dive said, "You should just come with us and see if they will let you just wait on the boat while we dive." So I decided to do that, but as it turns out, I couldn't go with them on the boat, so I ended up hanging out alone on this beach for about 2 and a half hours. Which honestly was pretty great. I took a nap under some palm trees. Listened to some good music. I had a grand, relaxing, albeit lonely day.
The nights were spent, dancing, singing, playing games and eating ice cream.
On Carnival cruises they do what is called the Carnival Legends show. On this show people on the cruise audition, during karaoke, to impersonate different "legends". And the last night of the cruise that is the main show. They had 9 legends to impersonate, and people from our single's group did 7 of them. Including, Ricky Marten, Frank Sinatra, Britney Spears (me), Aretha Franklin, Garth Brooks, Elvis Presley and Gloria Estefan.
During the show one of the dancers told me that was the best legends show she'd ever seen, with the loudest audience. It was so fun to be a part of that with so many new friends.
Sunday we got back to Puerto Rico and Kelly and our other roommate Marianne and I decided to go skydiving which was amazing, a definite highlight.
We went back to a hotel and met up with everyone to watch the superbowl and have one last night together. By that point I had so many new people in my life who I can see myself being close to forever. There are already plans of reuniting, future trips and plans to see each other.
In addition to all that, there were prank wars, there were "cruise crushes" there were deep conversations, there were games, there was so much laughter I think I am knocking on the door of a six pack. Numbers have been exchanged and relationships have been forged (as in created, not faked).
People ask me how it was and I can't even find the words. I told a friend that I feel like I was gone forever and he said, "That's how much you lived" and he's right. I couldn't have planned a better week, and I didn't even explain some of the best parts of it.
It was a Dear Diary trip, and it has been documented.
Those expectations had NOTHIN on what reality gave me.
I just came home from a cruise and I had the exact opposite situation.
The night before the cruise I was talking to my parents, and I was, less than enthused about the cruise. Stupid you may think, a cruise is a cruise, but never-the-less I almost didn't even want to go.
I flew out on Saturday morning and from that moment on, my expectations were blown out of the water with how awesome the reality was.
I flew out with one of my best friends, and we met up with some guys who were nice enough to let us stay at their hotel instead of the airport floor which we had planned to sleep on, (we got in at midnight).
As soon as we got there, and started meeting the people in our group it just got better and better.
Day one, St Johns, by way of St Thomas. Laying out on the beach, snorkeling and playing ultimate frisbee. Awesome. That night karaoke party, never have I had so much fun dancing (interpretive which was beautifully hilarious) and singing with my friends. At one point, Kelly and I were singing Goodbye Earl and went out into the audience and most of our crew came out and danced with us, it was SO MUCH FUN!
Day 2, day at sea, not much to report. Also formal night, I do so love seein guys all gussied up. Every night we would rotate who we ate dinner with, which I loved because I got to meet so many people that I otherwise may not have.
Day 3, Barbados. This day a good friend and I rented a scooter and rode around the island a little bit, looking for Crane's beach. We found it at it was beautiful. We hung out there, laid out, he went body boarding and then we rode the scooter back. We both got sufficiently and uneavenly burned but it was awesome.
Day 4, St Lucia. This day most of us took different routes but all ended up at this natural mud bath, it was cool to take a tour around the island, I got to hold a boa constrictor, which in the picture looks like I was scared, but nah.. I was good.
Day 5, St Kitts. Some people took scooters to Cockelshell beach, others took a tour to a "rain forest" I put that in quotes, because when I think of a rain forest I don't imagine paved walkways, but whatevs. Then we went to the same beach, played some volleyball, some took wave-runners, threw a football around, it was awesome.
Day 6, St Maarten. This day was kind of up for grabs, some people went on a shark dive, some people got scooters, some people went to a beach. I didn't know what I was going to do. One of the guys on the dive said, "You should just come with us and see if they will let you just wait on the boat while we dive." So I decided to do that, but as it turns out, I couldn't go with them on the boat, so I ended up hanging out alone on this beach for about 2 and a half hours. Which honestly was pretty great. I took a nap under some palm trees. Listened to some good music. I had a grand, relaxing, albeit lonely day.
The nights were spent, dancing, singing, playing games and eating ice cream.
On Carnival cruises they do what is called the Carnival Legends show. On this show people on the cruise audition, during karaoke, to impersonate different "legends". And the last night of the cruise that is the main show. They had 9 legends to impersonate, and people from our single's group did 7 of them. Including, Ricky Marten, Frank Sinatra, Britney Spears (me), Aretha Franklin, Garth Brooks, Elvis Presley and Gloria Estefan.
During the show one of the dancers told me that was the best legends show she'd ever seen, with the loudest audience. It was so fun to be a part of that with so many new friends.
Sunday we got back to Puerto Rico and Kelly and our other roommate Marianne and I decided to go skydiving which was amazing, a definite highlight.
We went back to a hotel and met up with everyone to watch the superbowl and have one last night together. By that point I had so many new people in my life who I can see myself being close to forever. There are already plans of reuniting, future trips and plans to see each other.
In addition to all that, there were prank wars, there were "cruise crushes" there were deep conversations, there were games, there was so much laughter I think I am knocking on the door of a six pack. Numbers have been exchanged and relationships have been forged (as in created, not faked).
People ask me how it was and I can't even find the words. I told a friend that I feel like I was gone forever and he said, "That's how much you lived" and he's right. I couldn't have planned a better week, and I didn't even explain some of the best parts of it.
It was a Dear Diary trip, and it has been documented.
Those expectations had NOTHIN on what reality gave me.
Monday, January 23, 2012
There's Something About A Best Friend
I was thinking today about my best friends, the things that have made them my best friends and the stories we have.
What lead me to this initial thought was I was thinking about this thing that happened to me once that was SOOO funny, I thought about retelling it, but I thought, "if I tell someone else that story, they won't think it's nearly as funny." but then I was all, "unless I were to tell Lauren Kirton".
Lauren is the kind of best friend who if I tell her a story I think is funny, she will laugh just as hard as I did when it happened. Case and point: I retold a story to my family that made me laugh super hard followed by saying, "oh man when he told me I was laughing so hard." To which my sweet brother Dane said, "So I'm guessing he told it better than you did?" When I told Lauren the same story, she laughed SO hard, about as awkwardly hard as I did when it was originally told to me. I honestly remember thinking in that moment, "She is such a good friend"
Another sign of a good best friend is being able to understand each other in odd circumstances. Another Lauren example is we would lip things to each other. There would be situations where we wouldn't want people to know what we were saying or would be too far apart from each other to discuss something, but something important that needed to be said would come up and we would lip it to each other. We were perfect lip readers, with only each other. If anyone else would try to lip something to me, I'd say "what?" the appropriate 3 times before finally nodding and smiling in acknowledgement though I still have no idea what was being lipped.
I remember when I lived in Hawaii with my best friend Bree, we would usually be getting ready for bed at the same time, she would try to talk to me whilst brushing her teeth, which is disgusting, I would just look at her with this dead look on my face, because no, I could not understand a word. HOWEVER, if I was also brushing my teeth, we could carry on a conversation just fine. Another reason she is my best friend is she wouldn't let me be miserable alone. While we lived there, I worked at McDonalds and I hated that job more than just about anything. As soon as I put on the uniform my whole demeanor would change. I had to be to work at 7:30 so I would leave the house at 7AM. Bree would wake up early just to be able to watch me put my visor on and watch the blood drain from my face, some might think she took joy in this, but I know it was because she didn't want me to be alone in that... right Bree? Right?
Another sign is being able to read each other. I was watching a movie with a guy best friend, and a kissing scene came up and I saw his hand twitch, without missing a beat I said, "Were you just going to cover my eyes like I'm a child?" His response, "Don't.... know what I'm going to do before I do it." and then we laughed, for a good while.
I think one of the most important qualities in a best friend is knowing when you need them. My friend Kelly is a prime example. We have both been through our share of drama in the recent past and basically take turns having crappy days. One day I was particularly low, it was late at night probably around midnight and all I did was mention that it was a bad day and her response was, "I'm on my way. Ice cream or cookie dough?" She came over with cookie dough and let me cry until she finally went back home around 2 am.
I am a lucky girl in the friend department. I know that and pray in gratitude for that every night. I have had a lot of quality friends, who I don't know where I'd be without them.
So for thinking I'm funny, for getting me, for laughing with me, for consoling me, this one's for you!
What lead me to this initial thought was I was thinking about this thing that happened to me once that was SOOO funny, I thought about retelling it, but I thought, "if I tell someone else that story, they won't think it's nearly as funny." but then I was all, "unless I were to tell Lauren Kirton".
Lauren is the kind of best friend who if I tell her a story I think is funny, she will laugh just as hard as I did when it happened. Case and point: I retold a story to my family that made me laugh super hard followed by saying, "oh man when he told me I was laughing so hard." To which my sweet brother Dane said, "So I'm guessing he told it better than you did?" When I told Lauren the same story, she laughed SO hard, about as awkwardly hard as I did when it was originally told to me. I honestly remember thinking in that moment, "She is such a good friend"
Another sign of a good best friend is being able to understand each other in odd circumstances. Another Lauren example is we would lip things to each other. There would be situations where we wouldn't want people to know what we were saying or would be too far apart from each other to discuss something, but something important that needed to be said would come up and we would lip it to each other. We were perfect lip readers, with only each other. If anyone else would try to lip something to me, I'd say "what?" the appropriate 3 times before finally nodding and smiling in acknowledgement though I still have no idea what was being lipped.
I remember when I lived in Hawaii with my best friend Bree, we would usually be getting ready for bed at the same time, she would try to talk to me whilst brushing her teeth, which is disgusting, I would just look at her with this dead look on my face, because no, I could not understand a word. HOWEVER, if I was also brushing my teeth, we could carry on a conversation just fine. Another reason she is my best friend is she wouldn't let me be miserable alone. While we lived there, I worked at McDonalds and I hated that job more than just about anything. As soon as I put on the uniform my whole demeanor would change. I had to be to work at 7:30 so I would leave the house at 7AM. Bree would wake up early just to be able to watch me put my visor on and watch the blood drain from my face, some might think she took joy in this, but I know it was because she didn't want me to be alone in that... right Bree? Right?
Another sign is being able to read each other. I was watching a movie with a guy best friend, and a kissing scene came up and I saw his hand twitch, without missing a beat I said, "Were you just going to cover my eyes like I'm a child?" His response, "Don't.... know what I'm going to do before I do it." and then we laughed, for a good while.
I think one of the most important qualities in a best friend is knowing when you need them. My friend Kelly is a prime example. We have both been through our share of drama in the recent past and basically take turns having crappy days. One day I was particularly low, it was late at night probably around midnight and all I did was mention that it was a bad day and her response was, "I'm on my way. Ice cream or cookie dough?" She came over with cookie dough and let me cry until she finally went back home around 2 am.
I am a lucky girl in the friend department. I know that and pray in gratitude for that every night. I have had a lot of quality friends, who I don't know where I'd be without them.
So for thinking I'm funny, for getting me, for laughing with me, for consoling me, this one's for you!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Dreams
I was talking to a friend this morning about how dreaming about someone can totally change your thinking of them.
This has happened to me a few times.
I have been known to have some pretty vivid dreams, some of which have actually come true, so when I dream about people I always wake up in the morning and wonder what will come from that.
I remember years ago I was friends with this guy, I had known him pretty much my whole life and never once did I view him in a romantic light. I know I was in my twenties because he was home from his mission, but one night I had a dream. It was short, there was no talking, but it left an impact. I dreamt that he was sitting on a couch and I was sitting down on the ground in front of him between his legs. We were watching a movie or something. All that happened was I was sitting there and I just rested my head on one of his legs. That was the whole dream. I woke up with this feeling of comfort. I woke up with a total crush.
Another time there was a guy in my ward that I literally never even thought about, we had never spoken, never interacted at all. One night I had a dream. This was another dream with no talking. We were walking down a boardwalk, he reached over and grabbed my hand. I held his hand and rested my head on his shoulder and we kept walking. Again... that was it. I woke up SO confused as to why this guy would pop into my dream. The next day I saw him at church and for the first time in the months that I had been in that ward he approached me and we talked. Blew my mind, then we had a linger longer and he found me there and we talked again. Total crush... again.
Nothing happened with either of these guys, both got married within a year of those dreams, but still they totally threw me.
Dreams are weird.
This has happened to me a few times.
I have been known to have some pretty vivid dreams, some of which have actually come true, so when I dream about people I always wake up in the morning and wonder what will come from that.
I remember years ago I was friends with this guy, I had known him pretty much my whole life and never once did I view him in a romantic light. I know I was in my twenties because he was home from his mission, but one night I had a dream. It was short, there was no talking, but it left an impact. I dreamt that he was sitting on a couch and I was sitting down on the ground in front of him between his legs. We were watching a movie or something. All that happened was I was sitting there and I just rested my head on one of his legs. That was the whole dream. I woke up with this feeling of comfort. I woke up with a total crush.
Another time there was a guy in my ward that I literally never even thought about, we had never spoken, never interacted at all. One night I had a dream. This was another dream with no talking. We were walking down a boardwalk, he reached over and grabbed my hand. I held his hand and rested my head on his shoulder and we kept walking. Again... that was it. I woke up SO confused as to why this guy would pop into my dream. The next day I saw him at church and for the first time in the months that I had been in that ward he approached me and we talked. Blew my mind, then we had a linger longer and he found me there and we talked again. Total crush... again.
Nothing happened with either of these guys, both got married within a year of those dreams, but still they totally threw me.
Dreams are weird.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
High School Reunion Planning
10 years? Seriously? It's been TEN YEARS???
I remember graduation day, talking with Megan Russle saying, "Gosh it's crazy to think the next time I'll see you could be the 5 year reunion" 5 years seemed like SO LONG, 23 seemed so old.
The 5 year never happened, and now we're at 10!!!??? I'm nearly 28? What happened to the last 10 years?
High school wasn't exactly the high point of my life, but I've come a long way since then and am looking forward to my reunion to have the "Look at me now" moment.
Sunday night I hosted a planning meeting with some people from the glory days. A couple of which I hadn't seen since high school. One is in medical school, one is a mother of two.
In the beginning of the meeting we sat around reminiscing, I had mentioned how I sometimes think back on some of the things I did in high school, and the person I was, and I cringe, I was ridiculous. I must admit I was relieved to find that they all felt the same way (about themselves, not about me, that'd be unfortunate).
I was so proud of how far I've come, but as the evening went on I found myself thinking, "Other than dropping a person in size, what have I accomplished, what do I have to show for the last 10 years?"
Why is it that if you're not married and don't have children you automatically feel unaccomplished?
Here's what my last 10 years consisted of.
I went to Utah State for a year. I lived in hawaii with my best friend. I have traveled to, Canada, Kauai, Maui, Honduras, Belize, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Puerto Vallarta, Cabo, Malaysia. I have moved 14 different times. I have bunjee jumped off a bridge, I have skidived (dove?), I have scuba-dived (dove?)I have hiked Mt Timponogas twice, and plan to again this year. I have ran 5ks, 10ks, and a half marathon, and am training for my second half marathon. I have sang in a rock band, which won the battle of the bands at the University of Utah in 2005, I have sang opera, I have performed, with my current group Mountain Blue, all over Utah, in Denver, in Sacramento, on a cruise and soon to be Sundance Film Festival. I have sang the National Anthem for BYU, the Salt Lake bees multiple times, the Orem Owls, Real Salt Lake, and the Utah Jazz. I have started my own duo "Friends of Spencer" and written several songs, started my own website and have recorded several songs. I auditioned for American Idol (a lotta good that did me). I have failed at hundreds of things, but remain dedicated and will continue to. I have worked in food, collections, insurance and mortgages. I bought my first car, and paid it off on my own. I have learned how to take care of myself. I have changed my life physically, mentally and emotionally. I have had my heartbroken and broken hearts. I have loved. I have made friends over the last 10 years that have changed my life. I have held onto friendships that I had more than 10 years ago. I have had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I have learned that my family are my best friends, and have gained a relationship with them that I literally thank God for on a nightly basis. My faith in the gospel has grown immensely, I have remained faithful, I have made mistakes and I have learned from them. I have had some of the most profound and meaningful experiences that have formed the person I am today, and will be the foundation for the person I will be for the rest of my life. High school didn't define who I am, the last 10 years have.
I may not be married, I may not have kids, but I grew up in the last 10 years, and I am proud of who I became. Eat your heart out 10 year reunion!
I remember graduation day, talking with Megan Russle saying, "Gosh it's crazy to think the next time I'll see you could be the 5 year reunion" 5 years seemed like SO LONG, 23 seemed so old.
The 5 year never happened, and now we're at 10!!!??? I'm nearly 28? What happened to the last 10 years?
High school wasn't exactly the high point of my life, but I've come a long way since then and am looking forward to my reunion to have the "Look at me now" moment.
Sunday night I hosted a planning meeting with some people from the glory days. A couple of which I hadn't seen since high school. One is in medical school, one is a mother of two.
In the beginning of the meeting we sat around reminiscing, I had mentioned how I sometimes think back on some of the things I did in high school, and the person I was, and I cringe, I was ridiculous. I must admit I was relieved to find that they all felt the same way (about themselves, not about me, that'd be unfortunate).
I was so proud of how far I've come, but as the evening went on I found myself thinking, "Other than dropping a person in size, what have I accomplished, what do I have to show for the last 10 years?"
Why is it that if you're not married and don't have children you automatically feel unaccomplished?
Here's what my last 10 years consisted of.
I went to Utah State for a year. I lived in hawaii with my best friend. I have traveled to, Canada, Kauai, Maui, Honduras, Belize, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Puerto Vallarta, Cabo, Malaysia. I have moved 14 different times. I have bunjee jumped off a bridge, I have skidived (dove?), I have scuba-dived (dove?)I have hiked Mt Timponogas twice, and plan to again this year. I have ran 5ks, 10ks, and a half marathon, and am training for my second half marathon. I have sang in a rock band, which won the battle of the bands at the University of Utah in 2005, I have sang opera, I have performed, with my current group Mountain Blue, all over Utah, in Denver, in Sacramento, on a cruise and soon to be Sundance Film Festival. I have sang the National Anthem for BYU, the Salt Lake bees multiple times, the Orem Owls, Real Salt Lake, and the Utah Jazz. I have started my own duo "Friends of Spencer" and written several songs, started my own website and have recorded several songs. I auditioned for American Idol (a lotta good that did me). I have failed at hundreds of things, but remain dedicated and will continue to. I have worked in food, collections, insurance and mortgages. I bought my first car, and paid it off on my own. I have learned how to take care of myself. I have changed my life physically, mentally and emotionally. I have had my heartbroken and broken hearts. I have loved. I have made friends over the last 10 years that have changed my life. I have held onto friendships that I had more than 10 years ago. I have had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I have learned that my family are my best friends, and have gained a relationship with them that I literally thank God for on a nightly basis. My faith in the gospel has grown immensely, I have remained faithful, I have made mistakes and I have learned from them. I have had some of the most profound and meaningful experiences that have formed the person I am today, and will be the foundation for the person I will be for the rest of my life. High school didn't define who I am, the last 10 years have.
I may not be married, I may not have kids, but I grew up in the last 10 years, and I am proud of who I became. Eat your heart out 10 year reunion!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Yet Another Sabbatical
So about once a year (maybe more these days) I feel the need to take a break from dating.
This time, I realize that my heart is still hurting from a recent heartbreak, and instead of letting it heal I found myself diving into the dating scene, dating guys that were both really great, and really not so great just to kind of fill the void that has been left.
Great or not, no guy really had a chance, because all I was trying to do was replace the one I lost, which in turn, made me just compare every guy to him, and that's not good for anyone.
So after the last one I decided I need to just take a step back and let myself heal a little bit. I am a little afraid that being "alone" will just make me think more about the last guy, but I notice when I don't focus on dating it gives me a lot of time to focus on other aspects of my life that make me happy. Music, working out, improving at work, being a better member of the church. All these things make me so happy, and all these things help me improve and be the person I want to find.
I feel like lately I have kind of lost sight of what is really important.
I think it's hard as a female in my late twenties, there is so much pressure to get married and start a family, that sometimes that becomes my only focus. Yes, I obviously want those things, more than anything else in my life, but while I don't have them, there are other parts of my life that need attention.
My parents do a challenge every year, and this year the challenge was to improve something in four aspects of our lives; Spiritual, Educational, Physical, and Social. I have made my goals, and have been so excited about them. I think a lot about how to go about achieving my goals, and all of them are things I need to do monthly, so it's been good to be focusing on how and when I am going to pull them off.
There is a sense of freedom in not having to worry about dating, and I do worry about it. When I am dating I think about it all the time, when the next one will be, who the next one will be, how long we're going to date, is this someone I want to keep dating, if not how do I end it? Am I going to get hurt, are they going to get hurt. Is it moving too quickly, am I leading them on, do they mean what they are saying, are they as good as they seem? That is a lot of thinking, and it's nice to take a break from that.
Some people think that me taking a break is giving up. That's not it at all, marriage is still a priority to me, it is still what I want more than anything, but sometimes you lose track of what is important. I want to be the kind of person I want to find, and right now I am not that person. I want to be worthy of the kind of guy I have in mind to marry, and that is what I am focusing on right now.
This time, I realize that my heart is still hurting from a recent heartbreak, and instead of letting it heal I found myself diving into the dating scene, dating guys that were both really great, and really not so great just to kind of fill the void that has been left.
Great or not, no guy really had a chance, because all I was trying to do was replace the one I lost, which in turn, made me just compare every guy to him, and that's not good for anyone.
So after the last one I decided I need to just take a step back and let myself heal a little bit. I am a little afraid that being "alone" will just make me think more about the last guy, but I notice when I don't focus on dating it gives me a lot of time to focus on other aspects of my life that make me happy. Music, working out, improving at work, being a better member of the church. All these things make me so happy, and all these things help me improve and be the person I want to find.
I feel like lately I have kind of lost sight of what is really important.
I think it's hard as a female in my late twenties, there is so much pressure to get married and start a family, that sometimes that becomes my only focus. Yes, I obviously want those things, more than anything else in my life, but while I don't have them, there are other parts of my life that need attention.
My parents do a challenge every year, and this year the challenge was to improve something in four aspects of our lives; Spiritual, Educational, Physical, and Social. I have made my goals, and have been so excited about them. I think a lot about how to go about achieving my goals, and all of them are things I need to do monthly, so it's been good to be focusing on how and when I am going to pull them off.
There is a sense of freedom in not having to worry about dating, and I do worry about it. When I am dating I think about it all the time, when the next one will be, who the next one will be, how long we're going to date, is this someone I want to keep dating, if not how do I end it? Am I going to get hurt, are they going to get hurt. Is it moving too quickly, am I leading them on, do they mean what they are saying, are they as good as they seem? That is a lot of thinking, and it's nice to take a break from that.
Some people think that me taking a break is giving up. That's not it at all, marriage is still a priority to me, it is still what I want more than anything, but sometimes you lose track of what is important. I want to be the kind of person I want to find, and right now I am not that person. I want to be worthy of the kind of guy I have in mind to marry, and that is what I am focusing on right now.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Real Life Rom/Com Moment That Ultimately Resulted In Nothing
A few months ago, I had a meeting with a talent agency. The meeting was scheduled for 4:00 so I left work early to be there. When I got there they were in the middle of a last minute casting call so we had to reschedule. I was meeting a former roommate of mine in Sandy at 5:45 so I had about an hour to kill.
I decided to stop off at Zupa's on 123rd in Draper, just to kind of sit and wait.
I was sitting there playing on my phone and these two guys walked in. One of them was, well let's just say, jaw dropping! I immediately glance down and notice he's not wearing a ring on that oh so important finger.
Right away the girl/lover of Rom/Com's starts imagining scenarios in which he'd see me sitting there alone playing on my phone, and would come over and talk to me. Or, he and his friend would notice that I was alone and come and say, "Do you mind company?". Or perhaps he'd come and ask for my number. Just so many different possibilities ran through my head as I gazed at him incessantly.
He orders his food and I think, "I'm sure he wouldn't come over, they probably just would assume I'm waiting for someone, plus who just walks up to a stranger anyway? Never-the-less, scenarios played out in my head of him coming over, us striking up conversation and our most certain wedding (were we to actually converse one with another).
He gets his food and he and his friend walk to the other end of the restaurant, which happened to be behind me.
I sat, playing on my phone, thinking, "Maybe when I get up and leave he'll see me and realize I'm there alone and won't want me to leave without at least getting my name." OK seriously, I was thinking all of these things. It was in that moment that I realize I would be an amazing chick-flick writer.
Still I sit. In the corner of my eye I see a little movement and I look up just as HE sits down at my booth. SERIOUSLY! I immediately turn bright red... smile from ear to ear, and say (amid insane laughter going on in my head)with way too much excitement, "HI!" He says, "Is your name Julia?" (the laughter in my head grows as does the deep shade of red on my face) I look at him stunned and say, "Yeah" all the while thinking, "Is this happening? Did THAT guy really just come to my booth? Is this real life?" He says, "My name is (fake name inserted here so as to protect his anonymity since I have so many readers) Jake" A vague recollection comes to mind as I say, "Jake Walters? (last name also fake, but didn't want to use something so over-done like Smith... or Doe)" he smiles and says, "Yeah!"
Then the puzzle comes together. Months prior one of the guys in my group said he wanted to set me up with a co-worker of his, one Jake Walters. He had added me on facebook and I had seen his pictures but he didn't look familiar AT ALL in all the time I stared at him while he was in line I never would have put the puzzle together. I ended up deleting him, just because nothing ever ended up happening.
After he sat down and he told me who he was, he said that when he first walked in he recognized me, but didn't place me until he had sat down and wanted to come introduce himself. I just said, "I'm so glad you did." and we had a brief friendly conversation and he went back to his friend.
I walked out of Zupas astonished that that even just happened, What are the odds? I'm in a place I never am, at a time I never would be there. I just happened to have this meeting that just happened to get over-looked. Clearly this was fate.
Anyway, I never really heard from him again. (This post is titled ... Ultimately resulted in nothing, so you can't be upset that this is how this is ending) I still think of that as one of the craziest things to happen, and a real life Rom/Com moment, in the movie with that scenario it would have just been the beginning of the rest of our lives together, but in real life it was just happenstance.
I decided to stop off at Zupa's on 123rd in Draper, just to kind of sit and wait.
I was sitting there playing on my phone and these two guys walked in. One of them was, well let's just say, jaw dropping! I immediately glance down and notice he's not wearing a ring on that oh so important finger.
Right away the girl/lover of Rom/Com's starts imagining scenarios in which he'd see me sitting there alone playing on my phone, and would come over and talk to me. Or, he and his friend would notice that I was alone and come and say, "Do you mind company?". Or perhaps he'd come and ask for my number. Just so many different possibilities ran through my head as I gazed at him incessantly.
He orders his food and I think, "I'm sure he wouldn't come over, they probably just would assume I'm waiting for someone, plus who just walks up to a stranger anyway? Never-the-less, scenarios played out in my head of him coming over, us striking up conversation and our most certain wedding (were we to actually converse one with another).
He gets his food and he and his friend walk to the other end of the restaurant, which happened to be behind me.
I sat, playing on my phone, thinking, "Maybe when I get up and leave he'll see me and realize I'm there alone and won't want me to leave without at least getting my name." OK seriously, I was thinking all of these things. It was in that moment that I realize I would be an amazing chick-flick writer.
Still I sit. In the corner of my eye I see a little movement and I look up just as HE sits down at my booth. SERIOUSLY! I immediately turn bright red... smile from ear to ear, and say (amid insane laughter going on in my head)with way too much excitement, "HI!" He says, "Is your name Julia?" (the laughter in my head grows as does the deep shade of red on my face) I look at him stunned and say, "Yeah" all the while thinking, "Is this happening? Did THAT guy really just come to my booth? Is this real life?" He says, "My name is (fake name inserted here so as to protect his anonymity since I have so many readers) Jake" A vague recollection comes to mind as I say, "Jake Walters? (last name also fake, but didn't want to use something so over-done like Smith... or Doe)" he smiles and says, "Yeah!"
Then the puzzle comes together. Months prior one of the guys in my group said he wanted to set me up with a co-worker of his, one Jake Walters. He had added me on facebook and I had seen his pictures but he didn't look familiar AT ALL in all the time I stared at him while he was in line I never would have put the puzzle together. I ended up deleting him, just because nothing ever ended up happening.
After he sat down and he told me who he was, he said that when he first walked in he recognized me, but didn't place me until he had sat down and wanted to come introduce himself. I just said, "I'm so glad you did." and we had a brief friendly conversation and he went back to his friend.
I walked out of Zupas astonished that that even just happened, What are the odds? I'm in a place I never am, at a time I never would be there. I just happened to have this meeting that just happened to get over-looked. Clearly this was fate.
Anyway, I never really heard from him again. (This post is titled ... Ultimately resulted in nothing, so you can't be upset that this is how this is ending) I still think of that as one of the craziest things to happen, and a real life Rom/Com moment, in the movie with that scenario it would have just been the beginning of the rest of our lives together, but in real life it was just happenstance.
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