One thing I have been struggling with lately is trust.
I got to a point in my life where I had a plan set in motion and all was well, we all know those moments are fleeting before something (someone) comes along and throws a wrench in your plans.
As soon as I decide to like someone I lose faith in that person. I don't trust them, I expect them to hurt me, and I am afraid that I am self-sabatoging in that regard.
I won't allow myself to be vulnerable because I tell myself they will take that vulnerability and make me regret giving it to them.
I hate this because I feel like it will prevent me from giving the guys a chance to not hurt me.
I just feel like I've been hurt so many times that I can't imagine any different so I don't want to give people that chance.
I'm trying to give people a chance anyway, but it's so scary. I'm afraid I'll beat myself up if the same thing happens again with the, "I should have known" attitude.
I had gotten to a point where I was dating but I wasn't letting anyone in, I wasn't attaching to anyone emotionally and I was totally fine with that.
Then a wrench got thrown in the mix and as much as I didn't want to like him, as much as I put it off, as much as I avoided it, it happened, and now I'm scared.
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