Sunday, January 13, 2013

Online Dating... aka ammo for my book on being single.

So, one day I listened to a podcast my friend did on a couple that met online. They were both a little hesitant to admit that is how they met, alas.
This piqued my curioustity, so I went to an online dating sight I had heard some friends talking about. Before I knew it I was putting in my information.
Within the first hour I probably had over 30 "flirts" which I just think is nonsense. Flirts are basically a notification from someone that says, "hi" or "you're cute" or "nice photo". They are preprogrammed messages and you pick from the list and it will send them to the person of your choice.
The flirts I pretty much just passed by. If someone sent me a message I'd look into it a little further. If they sent me an IM, I almost never responded. BUT I learned that if you exit from an IM conversation the other person gets a notification saying, "Julia has left the conversation".
Here is something I know about myself. I can't handle the feeling of rejecting someone. I hate it. I feel so guilty. Being someone who has been rejected plenty in my day, and knowing, full well, the other side of the fence, I hate doing that to someone else. That has always been hard for me in the dating world. Online dating is having to do that like 45 times a day.
I also learned that even if someone did seem interesting and worth getting to know, I would panic at the thought of actually meeting them and would turn down the opportunity.
I knew it wasn't for me. I am too much of an introvert for this kind of attention. If I wasn't interested I wouldn't respond at all, and a lot of times if I didn't respond I would get follow up emails saying something to the effect of, "I guess you're not interested." or "I guess I'm not what you're looking for" and I just felt SO BAD! I know how I am, and I know that if I were to have responded to them I would just be leading them on and I didn't want to drag something out I knew wasn't going to go anywhere.
There were a handful of guys that I enjoyed emailing, I enjoyed getting to know and honestly I would like to know them in person, but I wish they were guys that I would just see around. Just knowing that this is how I met them makes me worry. I worry because there were also guys that emailed me that were STRAIGHT UP CRAZY!!!
I know things have changed in the world of online meeting people, I know a lot of people have really busy schedules and don't have the opportunity to get out there and meet people and for those people I say online is great. It is a great way to meet a lot of people.
I just checked and in that one month I got 245 "flirts" and 285 emails. Honestly if you just want to find someone, if you just want to get out there and meet people and date, this is a good way to go.
That being said, it's not for me. I'm glad I gave it a go for a month, and who knows maybe one day I'll revisit it, but I'm happy to end this little sojourn after my one month trial.

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