A War of Words

Today something happened that shall remain as one of the most awesome things to happen. I got into a poem fight. My friend got engaged last night so I wrote on her wall on facebook a little sonnet. In response a mutual friend of ours saw my sonnet and raised me a sonnet. There it began. I can't let this die in the never ending abyss that is facebook, so I am copying it here. It makes me happy. We begin

There once was a girl named Kristen, For a husband was all she was wishin She conquered her fears (only took three years) This is one event I shan't be missin. Congrats roommate, I'm so happy for you.

His response

I raise this sonnet with another sonnet: Kristen and Spencer sitting in a tree, They will be as happy as can be But first they will wed And raise their street cred This poem is better than Julias.

In between these comments the suggestion was posed to have a poem battle at the reception, whoever wins gets to initiate the cake fight.... This was our reaction

Challenge accepted :) It's on Michael Hanks BRING IT

Him

I accept this challenge, just you see That my slew of words will set cake free And bless our ears with a sugary rhyme Then push the baked good squabble line So bring your best my opponent of late Cause in the end I will be victor, and you…the lone roommate.

Me

Gasp! Said she, in reply to his threat I shan't be undone, though the bar has been set. I know this girl well having shared the same wall But I know you as well and I know you shall fall. The date has been set and the stakes have been made When the challenge is won through the cake YOU shall wade.

Him

I am aghast at such a quick reply That surely has caught my eye Yet not enough though a decent try To beat my cunning, funny ply For you will be beat no one can deny Such a worthy foe she may ask why To be scaled next to this Hanks guy Is a sure way to lose, a sure way to cry Yet the real winner here, I will not lie Is the soon to be wed couple on high

Me

You should be aghast that just shows you're unfit To compete with this girl, who has such unmatched wit Though never before has this battle been waged You'll feel I'm a pro once completely upstaged. So again I say BRING IT. Let the games begin In this first annual wedding sonnet war we're in.

Him

Such big words for such a weak refrain For the king of the hill I will remain This sonnet war more like an unfair fight Where surely I’ll rule the wedding night And you left alone in a poets disdain Like a stray cat in the pouring rain

Me

Such harsh words and surprising "big talk" For one who most assuredly will walk Whist I remain as the cake fight goes on With smile on my face when the victory's won. You can rhyme, you can sing you can even dance None of this save you from my poetic lance. A worthy component you well may be But someone in my shadow is all I see.

Him

You won’t give up, and so I’ll cease And give this FB thread some peace And let our Kristen bask in the joy Of telling the world about her boy But now know this before I end My piercing words will surely mend Your empty threats and bland prowess That soon will leave you a cakey mess

Me

K :)

Did I tell you, or did I tell you... straight up awesomeness.

To Whom It May Concern:

Last night I went to The Civil Wars concert, which was absolutely amazing, if you don't know who they are you should look them up... like NOW... this blog will wait for you. Welcome back, now that we're all on the same page of how awesome they are, I wanted to talk about a song they sang last night that hit home. I've heard this song a buncha times, but never really paid attention to it. Joy Williams (the girl in the duo) is having a baby in like a month (props to her for doing an hour and a half show in 4 inch heels) and she introduced this song as what she is feeling right now being so excited to have this baby. The song took on all new meaning to me. This is what I will sing to my babies when I'm preggo fer sher. Right now it's what I sing to my hubster, (if that confuses you thinking, "You have no hubster" that's the point) It's called To Whom It May Concern, these are the lyrics.

Why are you so far from me

In my arms is where you ought to be.

How long will you make me wait?

I don't know how much more I can take.

I've missed you, but I haven't met you

Oh but I want to

How I do

Slowly counting down the days

Til I finally know your name

The way your hand feels 'round my waist

The way you laugh, the way your kisses taste

I've missed you but I haven't met you

Oh but I want to

How I do

Dear whoever you might be

I'm still waiting patiently

Vindication

I will start this blog off by saying, I know this is not exactly nice of me... but I can't help it ALRIGHT? Over three years ago I worked for a company who shall remain nameless, cuz the internet can be a scary thing. While working for this company I had a friend who became my manager. Once he became my manager, I think he just assumed that I would take advantage of the friendship so he started treating me as such. I would call in sick, and he would go to my friend who also worked there and say, "So where is she really?" One day when I found out my parents were moving, I was having a really hard time with it, and kept crying at my desk. I finally emailed him and said I needed to take a personal day. He wrote back and said, "Do what you need to do, I hope everything is ok." As soon as the door shut behind me, my friend told me he went to her desk and said, "So where did she really go?" She replied, "Um... she's been crying at her desk all day... she needed to leave." Needless to say, our friendship went down the tubes at a rapid pace. A little while later I was pulled into his boss's office with him, and was told how I wasn't meeting guidelines and what I needed to do to fix that. One of the criteria was he had to review every file I did and sign off on them. I felt like some of the things they asked me to do, were unreachable goals, but I told them I would do my best. About 3 weeks later I got called in again. I knew I had done everything they asked, and as far as the unreachable goals went I knew I got as far as was possible, so I was feeling pretty good. I asked him, "Am I in trouble?" He said, "No, this is just to follow up from last time. You have made a dramatic improvement, and have done a great job over the past few weeks." So I was feeling better. When his boss walked in and told me again that I wasn't meeting standards and that I hadn't been having him sign my files, and that I wasn't doing what they asked. I looked at him astounded and said, "He just said, verbatim that I had made a dramatic improvement and that everything was fine, and this was just a meeting to follow up." He looked at me confused and said, "You must have misunderstood me." I was speachless. I knew in that moment my job would be gone in a matter of weeks, if that long. I knew it was my word against his, and he was going to lie. I was completely thrown under the bus and knew there was nothing I could do about it. I asked him point blank if he was signing off my files, to which he replied, "I may have forgotten a few." I said, "If you don't sign those, it looks like I'm not taking them to you, and I don't have any proof that I have. You HAVE to sign those." Within the next couple of weeks I did in fact get fired, for failure to do what they asked of me. Keep in mind, they fired me a week before I was having surgery, I had a week of sick time saved up. Sick time doesn't get paid out if you get fired, only the PTO. So I lost all of that. I was fired on the last day of the month, so I didn't have insurance the following month. They knew I was having surgery, and I know this was all methodical. I was sad for about a day, but knew really quickly it was a blessing in disguise I was incredibly unhappy there, and leaving that job brought me to the job I have now been at for 3 years and absolutely LOVE. The point of this blog. Today I was leaving the break room and walking down the hall and who do I see walking with one of the managers. HIM!!! As soon as he saw me his face went bright red. The last correspondence we had was right after I got fired I sent him an email telling him he was a coward and basically a horrible person. I said, "Do you work here now?" He said, "I just interviewed." I said, "Oh well good luck" and we went our separate ways. I walked to my desk with a co-worker and said, "Well... he's not getting that job." I didn't say anything to the manager, another girl who got burned by him did that herself. The point of this post is to express the sheer joy that I felt when he saw me walking down the hall after his interview, and knowing that the thought that most undoubtedly went through his head was, "Crap..." That makes me smile.

Weird = Potential?

I went to dinner with my friend Jon on Monday and we were talking about dating, as we always do. Side note- I love being great friends with guys, because I can talk to them about dating and get advice as to what is going on in the guy's heads, and help them know what is going on with the girls. Anyway I was telling him about my current dating situations and I was telling him it was just a weird situation I was in. I wasn't used to this feeling. What he said was simple but profound:

Weird means new, new means different and different means potential.

How true that is, and it's something I've thought about a lot since then. At this point in dating, if anything felt the same as something in the past that didn't work, what hope is there in that? But weird... this is a different feeling.

Nother side note... after two years I learned how to add pictures to my blog... turns out it was pretty easy, and right in front of my face. This is me and Jon when we first met on a cruise two years ago. This picture makes me laugh every time I see it.

Somebody That I Used to Know

I recently had an interesting experience. I ran into someone that I used to love. I mean I LOVED HIM. We had this connection that I've had with very few people, we were together all the time, and people saw it. We were perfect together. Anyway he started dating someone else and we stopped talking. I lost my best friend. I have seen him a couple of times since then. Once I saw him, but he didn't see me, the other time we ran into each other and said hi and were friendly. Occasionally we'll text a "Happy Birthday" or a "Merry Christmas" but nothing much more beyond that. Anyway it has been about 8 months since we stopped seeing each other. I saw him recently he was without the girl so he sat with me and we talked for a while. He looked different. Rather, I saw him differently. He was no longer the person I loved, he was a person I used to know. We would joke like we used to, we would laugh like we used to, we had all these inside jokes that we would throw out, but it was different. It wasn't like it was before. It was fake, because that was the only way we knew how to be together, but it wasn't real anymore. It was strange to look at him, I felt like I was meeting him for the first time again. A big part of what I loved about him was how we were together. Being "us" together. We weren't "us" anymore so I looked at him not as somebody I loved anymore. It was bittersweet. I still miss my best friend. I miss being "us" but it also felt really good to know that after such a deep heartbreak you can be ok again. I was glad to know that I wouldn't always long for him. That I could be around him and not hurt. It felt good to know that I had moved passed it. I did love him, I will always be a little bit sad about the loss of the friendship. It's so strange to me that someone can go from someone you LOVE so much to simply someone that you used to know.

When I think of Grandfather...

I wake up to Grandfather, "Ho...oh-oh-oh" I know what that means, breakfast is ready. I look in front of me and out the window looking over the basketball court, past the shed to the giant alfalfa field. What will today hold?
I climb out of the brass bed, get dressed in a hurry and head down the spiral staircase. Going down I see Grandfather slaving away in the kitchen making the typical breakfast. Hot cakes, soft boiled eggs, cracked wheat cereal. Adams peanut butter on the counter, hot syrup, cold cereal (if you're crazy). Table set with our daily vitamins laid out. I've recently graduated to the gross adult green ones. Next to the sink is the old fashioned orange juicer with dozens of oranges cut in half. I walk over and start juicing them, as I look out the kitchen window. There are humming birds at the bird feeder with the weird red water in it.
At this point Grandfather walks out the front door, "HO... OH-OH-OH" summoning the boys sleeping in the granary that it's time to get up.
By the time everyone has sleepily gathered in the kitchen, grandfather says, "Prayer bones." We all kneel down and say a prayer to start the day.
I eat my breakfast as fast as I can, choke down my vitamins so I can go outside and play.
I walk outside, the air is still crisp, not a cloud in the sky, the only thing you can hear is the sound of the wind rushing through the giant cottonwood trees that surround the ranch house. How do I start my day? I decide to go across the red rock volleyball court to the trapeze. I grab it and climb to the 4 stair platform. I climb to the top and climb in the trapeze. There are three bars, I hold on to the top bar and sit on the bottom bar. You have to hold it with hands facing in opposite directions or the bar will turn and you won't be able to hold on. I lean back and swing out and off the platform. Grandfather comes out and says, "Oh, There she goes!!!" tells me to hold on tight so I don't fall off and break my nose. Jennie comes out and we play a game of "whiplash".
We decide to go over to the tire swings. The tire swings lay horizontally being held by three ropes. We take it to yet another platform built in one of the giant cottonwood trees by my grandfather and boy cousins. We hike it up to the third platform. (You have to work your way up to that one, it's high and scary) I hold the tire swing vertically and sit in it. Rump in the hole. I lean back and swing out. I look above me all I can see is leaves as I hold my arms out and the cool air runs through my hair. As I'm swinging back to the tree I remember to hold my legs up so they don't get smashed between the tire swing and the tree, I remember hearing how that happened to grandfather, not knowing if that is actually true.
The tire swing comes to a stop and I hear grandfather getting the truck ready, I know it's time for a wood project. I hate wood projects. I go inside and grab an extra pair of work gloves. The doorway leading downstairs houses grandfathers extra boots, gloves, hats as well as coats. I also grab a coat. You do not want to have short sleeves during a wood project.
I hop on the back of Big Red, the biggest of the three wheelers. Justin drives, Jennie and I grab the green and white striped pillows off the hammock and put them on the rack so we can sit comfortably. We all hop on and Justin drives us to the wood project.
Grandfather has chopped down another giant tree. As we approach you can hear the sound of the chainsaw growing louder. We get there, and people are already at work. Some people splitting wood, some people loading wood into the truck and someone with the chainsaw cutting the giant tree into small pieces. I hop off Big Red, my hands feel numb from holding on to the rattling rack of the three wheeler. I put my gloves on and start loading wood into the back of the truck. As a little girl it's really the only thing I can do to help. I remember the time Grandfather was cutting down a giant tree by the barn. He was up in the tree and he was cutting down a huge branch. The branch itself was the size of a tree. We had it chained to the truck so when it fell we would have control. He sawed through it, and it fell, but it swung first and almost ran right into Grandfather. One of many times he had a close call.
I continue loading wood into the truck. We do a wood project every time we come to the ranch. We load it on the side of the shed, so Grandfather will never run out. There is always a fire going in the wood burning stove, mid winter or in the heat of summer, it doesn't matter. That's why we always need to have plenty of wood.
After a couple of hours the wood project is over and playing continues. By now it's really hot outside. Jennie and I take Big Red to the waterfall. It's not as full as it used to be. We can see the crawdads a the bottom. We dip our toes in and think about how cool it is that our brother Justin got baptized there. After we cool off a bit we decide to go on an adventure. We take Big Red on a journey through the rolling hills that surround the ranch. We sing songs at the top of our lungs as we drive. We risk our lives going through creeks, over big rocks, steep hills. Trying to go further than we ever have. Always passing through gates that it's very important you always close behind you. We get to a point where we are directly beneath some giant electrical lines. We stop the three wheeler and just sit there. The only thing you can hear is the electricity running through the lines. It's amazing how clearly I can see the dry dust beneath us, the shrubbery that surrounds us, sometimes you stumble across bones of cows and other animals. You see lizards and bugs. I can remember the feel of the dust on my legs, the dirt under my fingernails, the way my hair feels after riding the three wheeler all day.
After a while we decide to head back to the ranch house. Somehow we remember every trail we took, every fork we passed and make our way back. Whoever sees the ranch house first wins. I can see the red roof break through the trees.
We make it back and decide we want to go swimming. Luckily grandfather knew this would happen, so he pulled out the giant steel horse troph and has filled it with hose water. We get in our bathing suits and head out, we first clean out all the bugs that have made their way to the water. The water is still cold, but you just get in and dunk yourself, and you get used to it quickly. We make a whirl pool, then try to reverse it. Laughing the whole time. The boys are playing basketball on the court next to the pool. Parents and Grandfather are playing croquet on the grass next to the court. Everyone is happy. No one is thinking about work, or school or what is going on at home. In this moment nothing else is happening but swimming, basketball, and croquet.
After a while I'm cold so I get out and lay on the hot concrete. I immediately see the steam as my wet body hits the hot concrete. I look up and see images in the clouds. My imagination runs wild. The sun is so bright and there is a perfect summer breeze. I fall asleep under the sun to the sound of wind and laughter.
I wake up and get dressed and head over to the swing. I ask grandfather to push me. He has a way to get you higher than anyone else can. The board is rickety on the rough rope, but I get it into position and sit on it so it's solid. I hold on and Grandfather pushes me. When I get high enough he'll grab my feet and pull down and it will send me flying. It's a little scary going that high, but I can't help but laugh and reach for the leaves with my feet. Again he warns me about holding on, so as to not fall off and break my nose. As I swing I can hear my brothers racing around on the three wheelers. I can hear water splashing from the horse troph. I can see the barn in the distance. This is perfection.
I hop off the swing and go to the front of the house where there is a porch swing. I sit and swing. You can't swing too much or you'll bump into the side of the house. Behind me through the window into the house, my parents are playing Rook against my Granny and Grandfather. I faintly hear Granny say, "Someone needs to take you back to school and teach you how to deal." And Grandfather bidding 80 before he even looks at his hand. I look out over the alfalfa field. The sprinklers are running and I am memorized by their pattern, "CH CH CH CH" The sound of the sprinklers drowns out the sound of anything else.
After a while my mom knocks on the window and tells me it's time to come in for dinner. I haven't stepped inside the house since breakfast. I come in and don't want to take my shoes off, so I put the shoe covers on that my grandparents got from the hospital. I wash my very dirty hands and while doing so, hear Grandfather yell out, "HO, oh-oh-oh Prayer Bones!" We all come in and have a blessing on the food. We all sit around the table and talk about our day.
At the end of the meal Grandfather pulls out this Manila envelope full of cut out stories that he's found in magazines, newspapers, books and a number of other places. Which stories is he going to read tonight. He pulls one out, they are all familiar, we have heard them all a hundred times. They are all emotional. Stories of family, triumph, dedication, hope. Grandfather and at least my mom cry every time. Every once in a while some of the rest of us will get choked up too.
After dinner it's dark outside. We all sit around talking while we all take turns showering and getting ready for bed. After a day in the sun and dirt nothing feels better than a hot shower.
I brush my teeth, get into my pajamas and say goodnight. I climb up the spiral staircase, jump into the big brass bed. The light from downstairs streaming through the crack in the door. I fall asleep to the sound of my parents and grandparents again playing Rook. I can hear my dad laugh as Grandfather makes another ridiculous bid. It was the perfect day. Tomorrow another just like it will happen. Every day at the ranch is the perfect day. My grandparents made it that way.
I don't know if Grandfather remembers all this now. I don't know if he can remember the sound of the wind through the leaves. If he can remember his orchard. If he can remember his stories. His memory fades more and more every day. Mine remains strong. I'll remember for you Grandfather. It's due to you that I have these memories. I'll hold on to them for you, we all will, forever.

Small and Simple Things...

It's been a while. I've noticed that when I'm in the midst of dating someone I don't really post, because everything is so current that I worry about the guy stumbling across the blog and freaking out. That being said, I have no fear of that at the moment.

This post is dedicated to the little things in dating. The things that can usually go undone and be fine, but when they are done they leave an impact.

The first one that comes to mind is simply asking me to dinner. I mentioned that to a friend and her response was, "How do guys usually ask you out?" When I thought about why I liked being asked to dinner I realized that it really doesn't happen that often. Yes, we more often than not GO to dinner, but the asking is usually something along the lines of, "Yeah we should hang out sometime..." or, "Oh you like to do that too, we should do that together sometime..." or, "A group of us are doing this you should come along." In all of those options and many similar, it's the guy suggesting it, but not actually asking. Your reaction to any of those is what will determine whether or not he follows through to actually ask you, therefore taking some of the pressure off himself. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that is a bad thing, it's perfectly fine, BUT to have a guy call me, somewhat unexpectedly and say, "I'd like to take you to dinner" or even saying, "I'd like to take you out" denotes a sense of chivalry, courage, and respect that he will get bonus points for. When I pointed this out to my friend and my roommates, they all agreed, as I think most women would.

The second is doing the classic textbook dating things. Opening my door, pulling out my chair, standing on the outside when walking on the sidewalk. I had a guy do that once, I didn't even realize it was something I cared about and prior to this I didn't, but we were walking on a sidewalk and I was walking on the side next to the street, he subtly grabbed me and moved me over and took my spot and we just kept walking, totally surprised me, and I felt totally protected when I was with him. That is one thing that has made it to my list. Feeling safe with the guy. That showed me he would protect me.

Along with that list, is one that I think we all find really awkward, but I've learned it is a must. Walking the girl to the door at the end of the date.
I recently went on a date, that was great. The whole night was great. We totally hit it off. The conversation flowed so easily, we had so much to talk about. It was originally just going to be dinner (he was one guy that asked if he could take me to dinner... bonus points). Afterward we were driving back and he asked if I needed to get back right away, I didn't so we kept hanging out. Everything was textbook with a few surprises and bonus points for him. At the end of the night we finished our conversation in his car, and he says, "Well thanks for coming out with me..." I thanked him back and got out of the car. He didn't get out of the car. Didn't hug me goodbye. I get that we all hate the doorstep scene, especially on a first date, but I learned it's CRUCIAL! He didn't do it and it totally left me wondering where I went wrong. The rest of the date was AWESOME, I thought. I asked some of my guy friends if they would ever not walk a girl to the door and all of them said NEVER! Something so easy, something SO textbook. Something so small can ruin things if you don't do it.
In response I didn't send the post-date text...

Small and simple things can sometimes mean the most, good OR bad!